Archive for Parenting

106 - To build a christ centered home - site

To build a Christ-centered home, you go first (Episode 106]

Posted by Carey

· Tuesday, March 20th, 2018

This is the last of the “chapters” in my Family Foundations series, aimed at helping you create a Christ-centered home. In case you haven’t noticed I want to draw two important things to your attention.

#1: So far I’ve said very little about many of the things typically addressed in a series about a Christ-centered home and family.

For example, I’ve hardly mentioned…

Marriage
Parenting
Home life
Finances
Family standards
Discipline of children
Communication
and the list could go on…

Of course, I’ve deliberately neglected those topics, and here’s why:

Those areas are not where you should begin when considering what it means to have a Christ-centered home.

They are the areas of home and family life that will demonstrate the fruit of a Christ-centered home, but not the sources of the fruit. Christ Himself is the source of Christ-centered fruit, and you MUST remember that as you begin thinking about what it will take for you to have a Christ-centered home.

Why is it so important to remember? It goes back to the issue of foundations, as Jesus taught in Matthew 7:24-29. In the final verses (28-29) you can see that the people of His day noticed something different about His teaching.

And when Jesus finished these sayings, the crowds were astonished at his teaching, for he was teaching them as one who had authority, and not as their scribes.

Jesus’ teaching doesn’t just carry authority, His teaching IS authority. It is the very word of God, along with the rest of the Bible… and the life that is built on His teaching is a life that is well-founded, built on the strongest of foundations. Jesus’ way and teaching is the only solid thing that your home or family can be built on, so you must start there. THAT is the beginning of a Christ-centered home.

#2: In this series, so far I’ve focused primarily on YOU, as an individual, not on your family as a group.

Each of us is first of all, responsible for ourselves before we truly can be responsible for others. Your own life is your primary area of stewardship out of which all the others flow. If you are not the best you Christ intends you to be, then the family you are to lead, influence, or contribute to will not be the family Christ intends it to be. In other words, a Christ-centered home is not possible if those who lead it are not Christ-centered themselves.

The word order in the name of this website reflects this truth:

Christian comes first. Before all else you must be a Christian – a Christ-follower, a Christ-like one, a disciple of the King of Kings and LORD of Lords. This is more than a religious title you pin on, it is your identity. Everything else should flow out of who you are in Christ. Stay with me on the blog, and we’ll explore that issue a TON more.

Home comes second. The relationships within your home, beginning with the marriage relationship (with the exception of a single-parent home), are some of the largest stones at the bottom of the walls of your Christ-centered home. The stability of relationship that exists between those leading the home is fundamental to the home’s stability. Don’t get these first two switched around… a home centered on a marriage instead of on Christ, is a home focused on an idol.

and Family comes last (but is often where we begin in thinking about these issues). Your family as a whole can and should be Christ-centered, in how it functions, how it communicates, how it expresses Christ for the world to see, etc. But it can’t and won’t if you get the order of focus switched around. Put Christ first in your life… and then you’ll see more clearly to help the others in your family put Him first in their lives.

Christian – Home – Family. That’s the order. It’s where I began with this series (and this website), and that’s where I end – because it’s the truth that guides and establishes the foundations of a Christ-centered home.

Q: What will you do with what you’ve learned so far?

Q: How will you begin ensuring that Christ is central to your life?

Categories : Marriage, Parenting, Spirit Health

Tags : Christ-centered family, family foundations, family life, healthy family

105 - Why our kids don't date and how we accomplished it - site

Teen Dating: Why our kids do not date (and how we accomplished it)

Posted by Carey

· Thursday, February 15th, 2018

Teen dating seems to be the norm… but we’ve decided that our kids will not date until they are 18.

This post is not about dating VS courtship… so you can relax.

This post is about the wisdom (or lack of wisdom) that is inherent in the cultural practice of dating… and what can be done about it in YOUR family.

When my oldest son was very small, my wife and I prayerfully decided that when they reached the teen years, our children would not “date” in the typical sense of the word. Our experiences with dating had not been all that great and we knew there had to be a better way for a Christ-centered family to go about it.

Before I tell you how we accomplished that in a way that all our children have willingly and even joyfully adopted it… let me tell you WHY we made that decision.

OR – just listen to me explain it on the player below. 🙂

Reasons we didn’t want our teens to date

#1 – “Pairing up” as couples is for the purpose of heading toward marriage

We really believe that.

Think it through with me for a minute… at what age is a young man or young woman actually READY to be seriously heading toward marriage? Twelve? Sixteen? Eighteen? What do YOU think?

You absolutely MUST answer that question well if you are going to think about this issue well.

When we allow eleven or twelve year olds… or fifteen and sixteen year olds for that matter, to pair up – it’s premature.

They are not yet of marrying age, so why would we allow them into a context where everything is heading toward marriage? They aren’t ready for it… so it’s foolish to allow it.

We can talk about it in ways that prepare them for what’s ahead… and we should. But we don’t have to thrown them into dating in order for them to learn about it.

There’s no other reason for a young man and young woman to pair up.

Yes, they learn a lot by dating.

Yes, they are forced to handle things like misunderstanding, hurt, etc.

Yes, dating enables teens to be affirmed and encouraged.

BUT… to us those are minor benefits that come in a context of a WHOLE LOT of problems – problems that are not yet ready to handle.

#2 – Romantic relationships require a tremendous amount of maturity and emotional self-control in order to be healthy

Teen dating is often a huge waste of time because the teens in question simply aren’t mature enough to handle it or learn from it well.

Even adults have a hard time handling the emotions that come with a committed relationship.

There are vital, mature skills needed in order to make a one-on-one relationship like dating work – things like deep communication, consideration of others, insight into human nature, commitment to high moral standards, etc.

How many pre-teen or teen-aged kids do you know who have those skills? How many adults?

Why would we put our children/teens into a relationship for which they are not prepared? When we do, failure is the only logical outcome… as well as pain that doesn’t need to happen.

Instead of putting them in the dating meat-grinder, why don’t we use the time to build good character into them?

Why don’t we help them learn how to think biblically and maturely about marriage, relationships, and family?

I think that goes a lot farther than the dating alternative.

#3 Dating places far too much sexual temptation on the soul of a child who is not ready to bear it.

Our culture sexualizes everything… dating most of all.

From the moment a couple pairs up the pressure is on to hold hands, get physically close, kiss, touch each other’s bodies, and everything that naturally follows.

We believe it’s unhealthy and unwise to put children in that context. Yes, even teenagers.

Here are some questions for you to consider:

Is this child ready for the responsibility of their own child?
Is this couple ready for the responsibility of a family?

If not… dating is a bad idea. Teens aren’t ready for it yet.

#4 – Dating encourages emotionalism that can easily cloud sound, godly judgment.

Every Christian parent wants their child to marry a person who loves Jesus.

Every Christian parent wants that “other person’s” personal walk with Christ to be a positive influence on their child.

But how many times does that happen in the normal teen dating scene? Very seldom.

Here’s an example of what happens instead:

A young lady is allowed to get involved with a young man who is not all that the parents hope.
He’s probably not even all the the young lady hoped… but he’s paying attention to her, saying sweet nothings, making her feel special… and it’s hard for her to think about all the things he’s not.
She feels too many warm fuzzies being around him to let herself consider such logical matters.

This scene could happen with a young man just as easily as a young woman. I’ve seen it in counseling and pastoral ministry countless times.

What has happened? There isn’t enough spiritual and emotional maturity developed yet… they don’t have a chance of stepping back, considering reality, and making a godly decision… especially in a culture that tells them relationships of this type are all about the feelings.

Dating sets that up for teens… makes it the most likely outcome.

That’s dangerous, and we don’t want any part of it.

Those are some of the more vital reasons we decided that our children would not date as teens.

To us, it seemed like inviting a hungry lion into our sheepfold… and we wanted our little lambs to live to see the day they had the opportunity to raise their own little flock.

How did we accomplish our children happily not dating?

It’s not as hard as you might think… unless you’ve waited too long to get started.

#1 – We started young

When our children were old enough to understand that there were such things as girls and boys, we began talking about the wonderful differences God created in male and female.

We began explaining the way a man and woman come together in marriage to create a family. We began telling them how much the LORD loves marriage.

Then we began talking about how a man and woman come to be in love, how they have to be mature, healthy, and grown-up enough to love and take care of the needs of another person.

We’d even talk about how far our children were from being ready for that responsibility.

That’s not criticizing our kids or giving them a reason to feel insecure. It’s teaching them humility and a right perspective of their need for God.

Without fail, they saw it as clearly as we did and had no desire to have a boyfriend or girlfriend, no matter how “cute” it might be at a young age.

#2 – We continued the conversation

When our kids were eight, nine, ten, and eleven, we began talking about dating itself… mostly through discussing what we observed going on around them.

We pointed out teen couples and asked our children what they thought.

We asked them if they thought it was wise for a couple who is not old enough or mature enough to get married, to pair up like that.

Without hesitation, they said, “No.”

They saw for themselves that teen dating is a silly thing.

But go back to point #1 – that’s where those opinions were formed.

#3 – We introduced our plan

Before we started talking about dating-alternatives, we first talked about what it takes to be a good companion.

Maturity, selflessness, wisdom, self-control, willingness to serve, desire to care for another person.

We helped our children see that before they’d be ready to pair up, they’d need to be well on their way in those and other areas.

From there, we told them that we did not think it was wise for them to date at all until they were of an age that they could “do something about it” (get married) if they wanted to and the right person was on the scene.

They saw it the same way and agreed to it, no problem.

But again… Step #1 was the groundwork for those decisions. Our kids didn’t come to those conclusions overnight.

#4 – We watched carefully and continued to talk

All of our discussion and planning didn’t prevent crushes and puppy-love from showing up in our home.

It wasn’t long before one of our kids got asked out or was invited to be somebody’s girlfriend or boyfriend.

Let me pause here to say this… if you’ve not been consistently pursuing your children with good communication up until this point, this is where they may try to hide things from you.

If so, you’re in for it. Just know that. Be humble. Love them well. Work to show them how much you are FOR THEM.

For those who haven’t reached that point yet, understand this:

The early years of your relationship with your children establish healthy groundwork for the teen years. You have GOT to work at developing closeness with your children all the way along.

Don’t wait until the teen years and then expect that you’re going to be able to pull off a healthy dating policy. You’ll get serious push-back.

So, back to my description…

We didn’t allow the crushes and invitations from potential significant others to go underground. We talked about them.

We asked the child what they liked about the person. We asked if they felt warm inside or happy inside when they were with them. We wanted our kids to know that we understood what they were feeling.

But we also asked them again if they were ready for marriage. We asked them if they were ready to love that other person the way that a committed relationship requires.

This helped them see that what they were feeling was only feelings… not a true gauge of their readiness.

Then we’d remind them… “This is why we decided that you wouldn’t date… remember?” They did… and we’d move ahead in unity.

And we continued to talk, almost daily, as long as we knew the feelings of attraction were still there.

Typically it wasn’t long until the feelings went away and they were once again happily non-dating teens.

It was kind of funny… by the time our kids were fourteen or fifteen, they were saying to us and others (with great conviction) the very things we’d said to them about dating.

What happened when they were old enough to date?

The story has been told many times already about what happened when my oldest son met his future wife.

He was 19 at the time, and had been going to a weekly western dance at a camp near where we live because one of his friend’s dads ran the thing. One Thursday evening when he and his sister (two years younger) were getting ready, she said, in our hearing, “Aaron, did you tell Mom and Dad about Hannah?”

You’d better believe we stepped through that door…

He told us about this cute red-head he’d met the week before, but he didn’t seem as excited as I expected. So I asked him, “Do you like her? Do you think she might be a person you would marry?”

He said, “Yeah, maybe.”

That’s when I said the infamous phrase he’s repeated many times…

“What are you going to do about it?”

He said that’s when he realized that I thought he was ready. It mattered to him that I thought he was mature enough to pursue a loving relationship with a young woman… and that he’d do well at it.

And he has.

Categories : Parenting, Podcast

Tags : dating, marriage, why my kids don't date

How a commitment to personal freedom is gutting Christian parenting [Ep 103]

Posted by Carey

· Thursday, December 21st, 2017

How a commitment to personal freedom is gutting Christian parenting…

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A while back my wife and I were talking about absolutes…

As we sat over coffee at our favorite local hangout (my favorite drink is a “Honey Badger,” with a little extra “badger” – you should try one), we were trying to soak in the blessings God has poured out on our lives. We both teared up at times (which happens when you realize how much you don’t deserve all the goodness you get from God).

We were wondering at the fact that so many in the new generation of parents seem to be put off by absolutes.

We hear it often in statements like these…

I want to parent in a way that encourages my child to take charge of their life.

I don’t want to require things of my kids, I want them to discover it for themselves.

I want my kids to be free to chose their own path.

On the surface all of these statements have some elements of truth to them. I have no problem there.

But stated in those ways, each of them communicates what I believe is an underlying belief system – that personal freedom is of the utmost value. And that’s a poisonous contention that is quickly gutting Christian parenting of its effectiveness.

Freedom is a great blessing God has given to us as humans… but it has its limits.

In my years as a pastor I was often asked what I thought about the issue of “free will.” It’s a sort of hotbed issue for many who enjoy the intellectual challenge of understanding deep things.

My answer was seldom satisfactory for most people who asked, but it’s one I’ve come to over many years of watching the impact both sides of the debate have had on the real lives of people.

My response to the question?

I believe people have “free will,” but only within the limits of what they are as creatures.

Simply, that means that God remains God. He gets to choose everything that happens, and He does. Our freedom operates within that, underneath that, never outside it.

So, are we responsible for the choices we make? Absolutely. But over and above that choice is God, working all things together for our good and His glory.

How does this gut Christian parenting of its effectiveness?

When parents put emphasis on teaching their children that they are free to choose, to act, to determine their own destiny, they are doing a good thing. Those are important realizations for anyone to come to.

But if they do so to a greater degree than they focus on the fact that the child is deeply loved by and answerable to the living God, that child is being deprived of the most central reality of the universe: God Himself as an active part of life.

What’s the most important thing you could teach them from an early age?

He is life.

THAT is the truth that governs all that is. It’s the sovereign fact that trumps the child’s personal freedom every, single time.

Knowing that God is real, alive, and personally active in their life is what will activate and grow the child’s godly conscience. It’s what will make them care whether their actions and attitudes are rebellious and self absorbed, or appropriately submissive and others-centered.

This morning as we sat over our drinks, my wife recalled a memory from when our oldest son was very small, perhaps 7 or 8 months old. He sat in his bouncy seat on the kitchen table while she put away the dishes.

She told him about Jesus. She told him that her smile was a Jesus’ smile, that Jesus was happy about Aaron (our son’s name).

Those kinds of interactions have been a regular part of how my wife parents.

Did Aaron understand what she was saying?

At that age, not intellectually. But his young soul was sponge-like, soaking up truth as it was being spoken.

As those truths were added to over the years and lived out by the most influential people in his life (his parents), they shaped him from the inside out, orienting him toward God-as-King rather than self-determination.

5 children later, we’ve seen the fruit of those faithful and genuine actions 5 times over.

I say none of this to impress you, but to impress something upon you…

When we favor personal freedom over personal responsibility to the God who is here, now, actively interacting with us, we set up ourselves as the most important consideration.

We push God out of awareness. We make self-determination the highest value. And God becomes an impersonal concept, subject to our individual beliefs about Him.

It’s a pattern for self-deception and soul-destruction.

Seek the Lord and live, lest He break out like fire in the house of Joseph, and it devour, with none to quench it for Bethel, O you who turn justice to wormwood and cast down righteousness to the earth! He who made the Pleiades and Orion, and turns deep darkness into the morning and darkens the day into night, who calls for the waters of the sea and pours them out on the surface of the earth, the Lord is his name; who makes destruction flash forth against the strong, so that destruction comes upon the fortress. They hate Him who reproves in the gate, and they abhor Him who speaks the truth. ~ Amos 6:6-10

Though originally spoken to a culture very far removed from our own, the lesson Amos declares rings true for us today.
When we seek the LORD, we will live.
When we “hate Him who reproves” and “abhor Him who speaks the truth,” we set ourselves up as objects of His wrath.
The central reality of the universe: Our God reigns.Let’s not gut our parenting of the most important reality of the universe.
Let’s not handicap our children long term through well-meaning but misguided notions of self-determination.
Instead, let’s hold forth the central sovereignty of our God and portray Him as the primary “Other” in our children’s lives, the One who cares for them like no other, who guides them in His ways for their good and for His glory.
And let’s demonstrate it ourselves, in how we live, what we say, in the faith we express moment after moment as we guide our children through life.

Categories : Parenting, Soul Health

The KEY to raising godly children (OR: God-fearing children and the parents who raise them ) [Ep 102]

Posted by Carey

· Thursday, December 14th, 2017

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Why would I throw in my thoughts on such a popular and written-to-death sort of subject? Because what I consider to be the KEY to raising godly children has not been said enough, or loudly enough.

The key to raising godly children is to first be a godly parent.

Don’t hear me saying you have to be perfect. Don’t hear me saying you have to make no mistakes.

DO hear me saying,

your relationship with Jesus had better be authentic, not just something that you do on Sundays.
It had better be something more than religious actions.
It had better be more than moralistic teaching and corresponding rules.
It must be an ongoing, vibrant, up-and-down-but-always-headed-upward RELATIONSHIP with Jesus.

Anything less will smell of hypocrisy, and it will absolutely stink in the nostrils of your children. You can’t fool them. They will know if you are a fake, and they will know if you really mean and live what you say.

Your kids want and need the real thing… Jesus. The best way you can give them Jesus is to give Jesus all of yourself.

The LORD has shown me this personally. I’ve seen the teachable, eager hearts of my children in response to my own honest struggles to know the LORD. And I’ve seen disinterested, doubtful responses when the churchy words coming out of my mouth don’t match the attitude of my heart.

What does it look like?

Your children need to hear you talk about Jesus as if He is real to you… in the day to day circumstances of life.
Your children need to hear you pray in a way that shows that you truly KNOW the Person you are talking with.
Your children need to see your love for Jesus carried out in obvious ways – commitment to a local church, genuine worship, and a desire to honor Him in all you do.
Your children need to know by your own devotion that prayer and Bible reading are not just “things you do,” but the lifeblood of your existence.
Your children need to see you so absorbed by Jesus that they want to take part in something that is so obviously wonderful.

How to raise godly children

Begin with the last half of this post title. Start by considering the spiritual health of the pare nt(s) who raise your children. Here are some questions to help you begin…

Do YOU love Jesus (the LORD your God) with all YOUR heart, all YOUR soul, all YOUR mind, and all YOUR strength? (Mark 12:30) Or is there something else (spouse, work, hobbies, money, etc.) that you love more?
Do YOU love your neighbor (irritating co-worker, demanding boss, pesky neighbor, weird relative) as you love yourself? (Mark 12:31)
Do YOU seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness? (Matthew 6:33) Or are you more concerned with bank accounts, life-insurance, retirement funds, and upward mobility?
Do YOU set apart Christ as LORD in YOUR own heart? (1 Peter 3:15)

Start there. Go on by asking the Spirit of God to help you begin moving more diligently toward Him. Ask Him to GIVE you a heart that seeks Him first and foremost. He delights to answer those types of prayers.

Don’t even think about raising godly children if you are not first and genuinely seeking to be a godly parent.

Q: What do YOU need to do in order to move closer to Christ as a parent?

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Categories : Parenting, Spirit Health

Tags : Christian parenting, godly children, godly parents, spiritual health

100 - reality parenting - parenting from the bible

Parenting from the Bible, the Death of Fluffy, and Dealing With Reality [Ep 100]

Posted by Carey

· Thursday, November 30th, 2017

I hope it’s your desire to learn everything you need to know about parenting from the Bible.

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I say that because, in my experience, the Bible is all we need.

Psychology has its place, as do good books from Christian authors. But in the end, the truth expressed in scripture about how we live our lives as Christ-followers applies across the board.

That means that how the Bible instructs us to behave as Christians can and should be applied to the way we lead, teach, and discipline our children. In short: parenting from the Bible is the best way to go.

On this episode of the podcast I wanted to share a parenting mindset with you…

It’s really nothing new, but perhaps I’m going to say it in a way you haven’t heard before.

It’s a way of thinking about the act of parenting that my wife have adopted – and we feel it would benefit anyone who takes the time to understand it and apply it in their parenting.

Yes, it’s what I’ve just described, taking everything we need to know about parenting from the Bible – but I’m doing so in a way that I hope is fresh, clear, and concise – so you can cut through the fog of the parenting philosophies out there and see the common sense truth of what God has to say to us.

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Here’s a rough outline of this episode about REALITY PARENTING

[0:59] The difficult job of being a parent and the confusion parents face today
[2:52] As parents we should be discussing reality with our children
[3:39] The death of Fluffy: an illustration of NOT applying reality perspective
[7:52] What the Bible reveals as your job as a parent
[11:25] How a lack of reality parenting handicaps your kids
[13:06] A better way to handle the death of Fluffy
[18:12] How reality parenting can encourage genuine faith in our kids

So, reality parenting – what IS it?

My wife and I have come to refer to the way we parent as “reality parenting” because it seems to best describe the way we approach parenting, with simplicity.

It’s teaching your kids to handle life according to reality.

We don’t shade the truth.
We don’t hide difficult things from them.
We don’t sanitize things to protect their little ears. (Yes, there are age-appropriate issues to consider, but I don’t really address that on this episode).

And when I say “according to reality” I mean that in a handful of ways…

First, the reality of what happens in the world – in their world – as harsh as it might be.

Second, I mean the reality of God being present IN those things – and the impact that can have for them even at a very young age.

Third, I mean the reality that whatever circumstances may come their way, God is the one who has brought it into their life.

And talking about it in those ways requires lots of discussion, on their level, with absolute honesty and a compassionate, listening ear.

Like I say at the beginning of this episode – parenting is probably the hardest job in the world.

I believe THAT is parenting from the Bible, the way the Bible teaches

Granted, the Bible never uses the phrase “reality parenting.”

But it does tell us to speak the truth in love (Ephesians 4:15).

It does tell us to walk by faith, not by sight (2 Corinthians 5:7).

And there’s lots more – but I think you get my point.

Our job as parents is to apply those things to our own life, then to help our kids learn how to live them out as well, where they are in life at the moment difficulties arise.

What about the REALLY hard stuff that could damage our children?

I know there are difficult things children shouldn’t have to deal with.

But generally speaking (GENERALLY SPEAKING, please know there are exceptions to this in my mind) that’s simply the way things are in a fallen world.

Our job – OUR JOB as parents is to help our children navigate what IS, not what we WISH was the case.

And more than helping them navigate it, we are to help them hold onto unwavering faith in the sovereign God of the universe while they navigate it.

That’s how we build a legacy of faith that can last generations. It’s hard work. Very hard work.

It won’t happen by soft-selling life, coddling our kids’ emotions, or preventing anything difficult or uncomfortable from entering their world.

That sets them up for true disappointment when everything they THOUGHT about God and life proves to be untrue – because their well-intentioned parents withheld the truth from them.

No thanks.

You think it’s hard to parent kids the “reality parenting” way – just try to pick up the pieces from THAT kind of disappointment.

In this audio you’ll hear my overview of what I’m calling “reality parenting,” from the Bible 🙂

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Categories : Parenting, Podcast

A prayer for my grandchildren from the parable of the sower [Ep. 93]

Posted by Carey

· Monday, April 24th, 2017

On becoming “Grand-Pop”

This is a picture of my son Aaron, with his son (my grandson), Wyatt. Don’t you love the matching flannel shirts? His daddy dressed them both that day… and those Carhartt(c) overalls are amazingly cute!

Wyatt was born on June 4th, 2013 – which made him a wondeful birthday present for my youngest daughter Faith, who celebrates her birth on that day. He’s my first grandchild, born to my oldest son, who has only been married for just over 1 1/2 years at the time of this writing.

As I’ve been considering the implications of the birth of this second generation that has sprung from me, I’ve been sobered. Though Wyatt’s upbringing falls mainly on my son and his sweet wife, Hannah, I have a deep conviction in my soul that I am responsible in some very important ways as well. Here are some of the things that come to mind:

For now, they live in the same town as we do, so I have the opportunity to invest the seeds of what God has done in my life, into his life personally – through my interaction with his parents and by building my very own relationship with him (I’m “Grand-Pop,” by the way).

When/if they move away (I’ll hate that day when/if it comes), I’ll have to be intentional about those things long-distance. I’ll have to write letters, send e-mails, make phone calls, do video calls… whatever it takes to make sure that I’m adding to Wyatt’s life what the LORD would have me add.

I can always pray for him… and I’m learning not to take that lightly. I believe that as James says, the prayers of a righteous man avail much (James 5:16). Through Christ I have the opportunity to capitalize on the righteousness He has given to me, on Wyatt’s behalf. I can pray for him confidently, powerfully, and according to the truth of God and EXPECT to see good come of it. I’m just learning to do that as I begin my Grand-Pop journey.

A great pattern for prayer

Though I’ve been a believer in Christ for many years, and have practiced prayer for all that time, I feel like I’m JUST NOW beginning to learn how to pray. I’m just now devoting significant blocks of time to the practice, just now beginning to understand some of what Jesus taught about it, and just now really beginning to apply the head knowledge I’ve had all these years.

When it comes to prayer, I’m sorrowful it’s taken me so long to learn… but grateful for the LORD’s patience, mercy, and grace to get me where I need to be.

Just yesterday, as I was going through my prayer list, I came upon Wyatt’s name. The gravity of my responsibility as his “Grand-Pop” almost crushed me. I realized that my prayers for him matter greatly. I wanted to do my utmost to call down the blessing of heaven on his new, but significant life.

As I thought about his infant soul (he’s just turned 5 months old) I quickly realized that his main need at this point in life is for the LORD to become his… and for him to become the LORD’s. Wyatt, though an “innocent” child, is not innocent at all. He’s born a sinner and therefore needs the Savior. I want redemption for him. I want forgiveness for him. I want the new life in Christ that the scriptures promise for all who will believe. I want Wyatt to believe.

So I began to pray… and found myself praying according to the pattern of the “parable of the sower” Matthew 13:3-9. There, Jesus describes a farmer who is planting seed, a symbol of the truth of God. He also describes 4 different soils, symbols for the human soul, where the farmer plants the seed. Different things result in each case. Here’s how Jesus describes it and defines it:

VS 3-4: A sower went out to sow.And as he sowed, some seeds fell along the path, and the birds came and devoured them.

Jesus’ interpretation – VS 19: When anyone hears the word of the kingdom and does not understand it, the evil one comes and snatches away what has been sown in his heart. This is what was sown along the path.

I don’t want Wyatt’s soul to be the kind that is confused or unable to grasp the truth of the word of God’s kingdom. I want him to be able to understand. If he’s not able to understand, our enemy, the devil, will come and snatch away the seeds his parents and others are planting in his soul. So I pray for Wyatt to be open, receptive, and given understanding to grasp the word of God.

VS 5-6: Other seeds fell on rocky ground, where they did not have much soil, and immediately they sprang up, since they had no depth of soil, but when the sun rose they were scorched. And since they had no root, they withered away.

Jesus’ interpretation – VS 20-21: As for what was sown on rocky ground, this is the one who hears the word and immediately receives it with joy, yet he has no root in himself, but endures for a while, and when tribulation or persecution arises on account of the word, immediately he falls away.

I don’t want the good work Wyatt’s parents are doing in teaching him the ways of the LORD to be something that stays on the surface. I want to see him take it in, deeply, and grow from it. So I pray that the cares of the world and the hardships of life would not be able to quench the joy he can have from a true knowledge of the LORD.

VS 7: Other seeds fell among thorns, and the thorns grew up and choked them.

Jesus’ interpretation – VS 22: As for what was sown among thorns, this is the one who hears the word, but the cares of the world and the deceitfulness of riches choke the word, and it proves unfruitful.

It would break my heart to see Wyatt raised in a home that honors and teaches the word of God faithfully, yet somehow, the deceitfulness of prosperity and the cares of life in a fallen world are able to make him so self-centered and self-protective that he rejects the word for the sake of gaining other, temporary, lesser things. So I pray for Wyatt to have a delight in the word of God… to see it for the treasure that it truly is. I ask the LORD to do this over and over and over in his life each day.

VS 8: Other seeds fell on good soil and produced grain, some a hundredfold, some sixty, some thirty.

Jesus’ interpretation – VS 23: As for what was sown on good soil, this is the one who hears the word and understands it. He indeed bears fruit and yields, in one case a hundredfold, in another sixty, and in another thirty.

THIS is the kind of life I want for Wyatt, the kind of soul I want the LORD to create in him. I pray that the LORD will make Wyatt’s soul into “good soil,” able to receive the word of God in all its fullness and power. I want him to understand it, to understand his own need for it, and for that understanding to bear the fruit of a godly, overcoming, God-honoring life.

A prayer for my grandson

Here’s the actual prayer I prayed that day… straight from my journal:

Wyatt is in great need of Your redemption dear LORD. He is yet to see his own sin, much less be able to repent of it. Father, prepare the soil of his soul for the seed of Your word. Make it good soil – free of the rocks that prohibit growth and free of the bent toward worries that would cloud his view and fill his heart with fear or self interest. Do not allow the thorns and cares of the world to choke out the seed of truth, the life of Jesus that can set him free. LORD Jesus, make Wyatt into good soil, ready to receive Your word at the appointed time, ready to produce the hundredfold fruit and blessings You have in store for his lifetime.

Why I wrote this post

I don’t recount this story to brag or make you think highly of me or my family. I am what I am by the grace of God, and for no other reason (1 Corinthians 15:10).

I write this post to spark your thinking about how YOU can pray for those under your care or in your family line…

Your spouse
Your children
Your grandchildren
Your great grandchildren
Your parents
Your siblings
Your distant relatives
And the list goes on…

Who could you be praying for, along the lines of Jesus’ parable? Who needs YOUR interceding prayer? Will you rise to the challenge and take on warfare for the sake of their soul?

Categories : Parenting, Podcast

The legalization of gay marriage – what it means for Christian parents [EPICLY LONG POST]

Posted by Carey

· Wednesday, July 8th, 2015

There is no way I expect this post to completely cover the topic of gay marriage and the impact it has on Christian parenting.

I hope you’re not expecting that.

What I am hoping is that my comments here can open up a very candid conversation between you and me and the LORD.

It’s a conversation between CHRISTIAN PEOPLE. Please understand that. I’m speaking to fellow Christ-followers here.

[tweetthis]How does the #gaymarriage decision impact #Christianparenting? Do you even know?[/tweetthis]

In this post I want to challenge you as a Christian parent: Take the time to deeply consider how the recent SCOTUS ruling regarding gay marriage impacts the future – and the way you need to go about parenting in light of that fast-approaching future.

What I’ve found in over 40 years as a Christ-follower…

Is that we Christians can be a bit simplistic at times.

Granted, we have the simple truth of the gospel, a truth that enables us to blow away all the chaff and see what’s really important. That’s a very good thing indeed.

But I want to use this gay marriage ruling as an example of how we Christians can be TOO simplistic in the way we approach cultural issues.

Our tendency is to say (to ourselves and others)…

God said homosexuality and gay marriage are wrong, so that settles it.

There are a handful of problems when we take such a simplistic approach to the gay marriage issue:

1We live in a culture where such a statement, though true, does not settle the issue. The recent Supreme Court ruling is proof of that sad fact. Those being led astray by this and other ungodly beliefs, push and push to get their “relaxed” version of morality imposed on the rest of the society. In this case, they have succeeded with this recent ruling on gay marriage.

Our “God said it, that settles it” mindset will not help us deal with that fact in any way that helps the culture or improves the situation. If anything, it will tend to make us combative when we should be compassionate.

2In the months and years to come society as a whole will come to see homosexuality and gay marriage as a “normal” thing, because it’s been legitimized by the law of the land. Think through what that means for the days ahead. It will soon be commonplace to see two men or two women walking hand in hand, kissing in public, acting as if they are a legitimate couple – and society as a whole will accept that they are.

A “God said it, that settles it” attitude does not equip us in any way to deal with that reality. If we remain there, we’ll live in the coming world with scorn in our eyes and contempt etched on our brows. And “those people” (homosexuals) will see it, and feel very justified in their demonization of us, our Savior, and our faith.

3The “God said it, that settles it” attitude makes us think we have the issue settled and there’s nothing more to say about the matter. While we may have it settled in terms of personal conviction, it’s not at all settled in terms of practical action based on that conviction.

How are we to live in light of God’s truth and in light of the fact that we rub shoulders every day with people who blatantly reject His truth in such an obvious, public way? How are we to parent our children in light of the fact that our children will grow up in this “new world” where evil is called good, and good is called evil?

Do you see what I mean? The gay marriage issue has complicated implications that our simplistic approach is not equipped to address.

As you can tell from the title of this post, it’s the last line of point #3 where I want to focus our attention, because one of the most important responsibilities we have been given as Christ-followers is the responsibility to raise up the next generation to fear the LORD and obey His word.

And that doesn’t happen by sending them to Awanas and Sunday School and Youth Group (though those are great things to do). It happens when parents take their role seriously enough that they are willing to spend the time to build Christ-centered relationships with their children – relationships strong enough to support the burden of weighty, significant, life-giving conversations about life-in-Christ and the culture we live in.

It’s called “Godly parenting.”

Or you could call it “discipleship.”

And it’s your highest priority as a parent.

So that leaves us with a few questions to ponder in light of the gay marriage issue we’re facing

Are you aware of the fact that this gay marriage ruling MUST be addressed in your parenting?

Your kids NEED your intervention, your wise counsel, your guidance in order to know what this ruling means for them as a Christ-follower. You can’t assume they will naturally get it. You can’t assume they’ll figure it out. They won’t.
[tweetthis]UR #Christian kids will live in a world where same-gender sex is normal. Have U prepared them?[/tweetthis]

It’s your responsibility to guide your kids through the thinking process, building Godly maturity into them through how you teach them to think about this issue. You’ve got to demonstrate, and talk about, and teach how to respond to such culture-changing events.

The gay marriage issue is exactly the kind of situation where you must act for the sake of raising kids who are steadfast in godly convictions in the face of a quickly-changing world.

What are the possible outcomes if you don’t address the gay marriage issue with your children on an ongoing basis?

Think this one through.

Don’t leave your kids adrift in the hurricane of cultural change.

If you don’t take the initiative to begin consistently addressing this kind of cultural development, your children will grow up IN that culture without any significant godly direction. They will be like a ship adrift in a hurricane. The natural result is that they will be pushed wherever the cultural storm takes them.

As a result, your children will likely come to accept gay marriage as “good” just like the world they live in. At the very least they will see gay marriage as “not quite as bad as all that.” As a result, they will hold God’s word in less regard than they should.

That will have massive impact on the entire spectrum of their lives. Don’t underestimate the significance of this point.

How will you prepare your children to think and act as the light of Christ in an increasingly dark world?

The HOW is often the hardest part because it varies depending on the child, their maturity, their age, and the situations your family is exposed to.

But you can count on one thing: by the time your children are grown, gay marriage WILL be the norm and they WILL have to contend with it.

As parent, you have to do something to prepare them for that future.

Following are my suggestions for a handful of situations. Like I said at the beginning, there’s no way I can address every aspect of this issue.

For Babies and Toddlers

You may be quite surprised that I’m actually bringing up the baby and toddler stage related to an issue like gay marriage. After all, children at this stage aren’t even aware of issues like sexuality.

But that doesn’t mean that there aren’t foundational steps that can be taken to move toward the time of life when they WILL be aware of those issues.

Here are my thoughts on what you can and should do with children at this stage:

Pray over them – that God will protect them from the deception of the gay and lesbian mindset. Ask God to preserve them as His own in a culture that is growing increasingly dark.
Utilize scripture-based music – there are many, many resources available for this. Make use of them. Begin engraining God’s truth on their pliable minds and open hearts by singing to them, learning the songs together, and playing the music when they go down for naps or bedtime.
Speak often of Jesus’ love for them – Begin building a personal concept of Jesus into their young souls. Teach them that it is natural for Jesus to love them deeply and that following His ways is the best thing they can do.
Encourage biblical gender roles indirectly through good examples – Use a same-gender parent or relative as an example to help set gender expectations in your child’s heart and mind: “Daddy likes to work in the garage because he’s a boy, like you. You’re like Daddy.”
Give gender-appropriate gifts to your children – Some of you may think I’m going off the ultra-conservative fundamental deep-end on this one, but that’s OK. Desperate times call for desperate measures. In my thinking we should intentionally buy “gender enhancing” toys for our children – blocks and trucks and balls for boys, baby-dolls, princess dresses, tea party sets, etc. for girls. I’m not saying that children can’t or shouldn’t play with what we think of as “opposite gender toys,” I’m just saying that as a parent you should do your part to help your children act out the proper roles the LORD has given them AS male or female.
Build a relationship of trust with them – This is truly the foundational piece of every stage of parenting. When your children are young they naturally trust you, depend on you, and look to you for everything. God intends parents to take full advantage of that fact (He built us that way). As much as you are able, demonstrate to your children that you are trustworthy, reliable, loving, and FOR them. Give them no reason to mistrust you so that they will see you as being “in their corner” for the long haul. It begins at this baby/toddler stage of life.

Early elementary and Elementary age children

Everything I mentioned in the previous category applies here as well. You should KEEP ON DOING THOSE THINGS.

You’re involved in an ongoing process of belief-building and character-shaping that requires repetition over years.

And don’t make the mistake of thinking any of this is a “check the boxes and it’s done” solution. You’ll be disappointed and your kids won’t be well served.

As you move into the elementary years your children are much more communicative, can grasp more complex concepts, and are able to interact through questions, etc. This is where you begin verbally addressing issues like gay marriage, keeping it on their level.

The following points should help you sort out what I mean…

Speak about your marriage / relationships in biblical, godly terms – Say things like, “I love Daddy so much! God wants mommies and daddies to love each other like He loves us. ” In doing that you’re painting the biblical image of the purpose of marriage for your children.
Take the initiative to define marriage for your children in biblical terms – To your child: “Did you know that God wants men to marry women and women to marry men? That’s what He told us in the Bible. When we obey what God says, our lives will be happier and He will be happy with us.”
When you see a cultural departure from biblical marriage, address it openly – Don’t become timid at this point. Be bold to call wrong, “wrong” and right, “right.” Your children need that clarity, especially as the culture begins to encourage the opposite. For example: “Do you see those men over there, the ones holding hands at that table? What do you think God thinks about what they’re doing?” Let the child answer. “The Bible tells us that God doesn’t like men to try to marry men or women to try to marry women. It’s sad that people do things God doesn’t like, isn’t it? We should pray for those men and people like them, that they will learn to obey what God wants.” That last part is to help your child maintain a sense of humility and compassion instead of developing a spirit of criticism. You could also add comments like, “Do you ever do things God doesn’t like? I do. I’m thankful God can help us obey Him, just like He can help those men to obey Him.”
If the gay marriage issue touches your circle of friends or family, address it – It will happen. I guarantee it. What will you do then? Speak to it very similarly to the bullet point above, clearly guiding your kids to think of the issue as God does but maintaining an attitude of compassion. Watch for a judgmental spirit growing in your children and address it with humility any time it appears.
Refer to gay couples in biblical terms, not cultural terms – Help your children understand that the culture’s ways and laws are not God’s ways and laws. Teach them how the culture will often say things are “OK” that God says are wrong. Never refer to a gay couple as “married.” Instead, explain that they think they are married because some bad laws allowed them to get a marriage license, but in God’s eyes they are not married. If there are gay couples in your family, do not refer to the relative’s gay partner as “aunt” or “uncle” or whatever. Use those circumstances as opportunities to clarify the issues with your children again.

Jr. High and High School age children

Again, everything in both sections above apply to this stage of development as well – only in age appropriate ways (music, conversations, etc.).

Don’t forget the relational foundation in all of this. It’s even more important when you reach this stage. The “teen” years are times where the natural tendencies of the sin-soaked human nature begin to come out in resistance to parental authority, disrespect, and outright rebellion. The relationship you build in the earlier years cannot be allowed to wane at this point. It’s hard, sometimes excruciating work, but work well worth doing for the sake of your child and their future.

Be a bold parent. Engage with your teens regularly.

Don’t let their resistance dictate what you do.

You are the parent and you know best (by God’s grace). Lead them in the way they should go.

By this time you should have already had “the talk” about sex and sexuality – In fact, it should become an ongoing topic of conversation that you’re comfortable speaking about together. Work toward that end.
Talk openly about the gay-related issues that are happening in society – Don’t be afraid to bring up the issue. Your kids are probably better connected than you (technologically speaking), so you can be sure they know about the issues happening in the world. Address them calmly, biblically, with a heart of compassion toward those involved. You’ll be demonstrating the heart of Christ toward people He loves deeply and your children will notice. Be sure to ask your kids what they are thinking about the issues around them. Listen for the signs that Christ has a firm grasp on their heart and mind so you can encourage it. Or listen for signs that they are straying into the “acceptance” mode the culture is promoting – and respond calmly but with God’s truth.
Ask about gay issues going on around your teens (school, work, etc.) – You can bet on the fact that your teens will know people who are gay; other teens in their classrooms, on their athletic teams, or in their work environments. Talk with them about those people, amplifying God’s heart of compassion toward them in spite of their sin. Help your kids see that they can make a difference in the lives of those gay kids through their love and bold but compassionate witness to God’s truth.
Monitor and talk about the media influences that are promoting the gay lifestyle (TV, music, etc.) – You know how influential media is – on you and on your children. Engage with your kids on that level. Get into their world and show interest in their musical and entertainment choices. Help them understand and biblically dissect the media they hear and see. Teach them how to apply God’s wisdom to those areas of life so they are in control of what influences them instead of being gullible sheep, led to the slaughter.

Adult children

It feels a bit awkward for me to address this area because at the point of this writing I’m just now getting into this stage. But I trust the wisdom of God to guide me as I have all along and I know He will not fail.

What I’ve discovered so far about this stage of parenting is that the relationship my wife and I have developed with our kids over the years is what makes ongoing “parenting” of adult children possible at all.

It doesn’t look the same as the years when they were still living at home, obviously, but the godly respect and care we’ve expressed for them over the years is now returning in the form of them seeking our counsel, and respecting us AS wise counsel they can depend on.

Here are my thoughts about this stage:

Continue the conversations – Don’t let the very appropriate concern to let your kids “spread their wings” as adults keep you from raising topics about these difficult cultural issues like gay marriage. If they are adults right now, they’re learning how to think about these issues right alongside you, so take advantage of that learning-mode and strike up the conversations. Maybe begin by sharing what you’ve been learning or thinking about the issue, then see where they are in their thinking.
Ask about their plans to teach the grandkids about these issues – Any parent can easily bring up an issue of concern in a gentle, careful way. “I’ve been thinking a lot about this ‘gay marriage’ stuff going on in our country. It’s going to have serious consequences for our world, the world your kids are going to be growing up in. What have you thought about how you need to guide them when it comes to that issue?” Enter in to the conversation that follows. Ask lots of questions. Use scripture to stimulate further thinking.
Keep praying – Through all these steps, lift your children (grown or not) to the throne of God. He is faithful and desires to have their hearts more than you desire for Him to to have their hearts. Pray, pray, pray – with confidence and peace, because God can be trusted even when it comes to world-shaking changes like the gay marriage decision.

What is your plan? How will you engage in proactive parenting relating to the gay marriage issue?

As I said at the beginning of this post, my hope is to open a very candid conversation about this issue, for all of our benefit.

Would you mind sharing your response in the comments below? I’d love to hear from you.

Categories : Parenting

Tags : gay marriage, homosexuality, SCOTUS, supreme court

How would you have me become a better father? – What one reader would ask God…

Posted by Carey

· Wednesday, May 27th, 2015

How to be a good father…

It’s not an easy question to answer.

A while back I asked readers of this blog to answer this question:

If you could get a direct answer from God about any question related to marriage, the family, and parenting – what would it be?

I got some very good responses.

One Dad asked,

“How would You have me become a better father?”

It’s a question worth asking.

I hesitate to answer FOR God on any question, but I feel pretty safe offering these thoughts because they come directly from His word:

First let me say that I don’t know the exact circumstances or spiritual condition of the man who asked, so this list will be general in nature.

And know this too: these points come from the heart of man who wants to be a good Dad too, and is still very much in process.

How God would have you be a better Dad:

Be humble – that means admitting your failures to your kids when needed and asking for their forgiveness
Be honest – Don’t hide your own insecurities and fears. Your kids need to know how to deal with their own and your example will serve them well.
Love God – It should go without saying but it doesn’t. Your kids need to know that your devotion to God is deeper than words.
Love their mom – Your kids will learn about marriage most from the example you set. Set an example of self-sacrifice for the sake of your bride.
Treat them as people, not slaves – Show them how to consider others by the way you consider and care for them.
Value their ideas and input – God will teach you through your children and build them up at the same time. Let Him.
Teach them God’s word – Do it in a way that shows that you honor what is being said. Give them examples of how you’ve applied it in your life. Teach them what its application looks like in their life.
Hold them accountable – If you set godly rules for your home, enforce them. Children become insecure when there are not consistent, loving boundaries.
Discipline them as needed – The scriptures say that you really hate your child if you don’t discipline them. They need it. Boundaries are the issue here, too.
Be kind – Harshness is one of the main ways to exasperate your child. Even when they are wrong or sinful, they need your kindness. You’re prone to sin, too. Don’t forget that.
Control your anger – The anger of God does not accomplish the plans of God. Take this seriously. If you have anger issues, get help. Now.

What would you add to the list? What scriptures can you cite to support your thoughts?

Categories : Parenting

Tags : better Dad, father, parenting

I love God, you love God – but not enough

Posted by Carey

· Thursday, May 21st, 2015

I love God. I really do.

In spite of how I fail.

And in spite of how passages like this make me feel…

I’m often the ornery one, truly loving God but not acting like it.

If anyone loves me, he will keep my word, and my Father will love him, and we will come to him and make our home with him. Whoever does not love me does not keep my words. And the word that you hear is not mine but the Father’s who sent me. – John 14:23-24

Jesus’ words make sense. Love must be translated into action if it is going to be real in the real world.

For God so loved, He gave... is our prime example of the very real need for action-love.

But that understanding doesn’t help me much when I’m down on myself for NOT keeping Jesus’ word.

His word is a HUGE standard to keep. A standard I really CAN’T keep.

[tweetthis hidden_hashtags=”#ilovegod”]So, I love God, but not enough.[/tweetthis]

Not enough to consistently obey Him.

Not enough to follow through on my good intentions.

Not enough to live out the perfection His holiness requires.

And that’s where it doesn’t matter if I love God – but whether He loves me

And He does.

I love God for hating what my sin is doing to me.

His love for me doesn’t ignore my sins and failings and inability. That would be unjust (and He cannot be unjust).

He looks directly at my sin, and hates it completely.

He hates that I don’t love Him, that I don’t obey Him, and that I don’t have it in me to do either one.

He hates my sin (in action and in being) because it offends His holiness.

He hates it because it has twisted me into a hideous representation of what He first created, a perversion, a grotesque exaggeration that obscures His image in me.

[tweetthis hidden_hashtags=”#ilovegod”]God’s hate fuels His love. The result is redemption.[/tweetthis]

Mine and yours… if we will receive it.

THAT is love. God’s love.

It’s the love that we need to revisit daily to remind us Who has redeemed us.

It’s the love we need to marinate in regularly to restore and regain the idea of what we were originally intended to be.

It’s the love that can heal our insecurities, remove our soul-sickness, and restore us into vessels that carry His image to the world.

Then and only then I am able to say, “I love God,” and be confident that it’s true.

Because God Himself has made it true.

Do your children love God?

The question’s not so simple anymore, is it?

It’s not a matter of sentiment, or feeling, or good intentions, or naive childish imitation.

It’s not about Sunday school attendance or how many worship songs they can sing (in their oh-so-cute way).

It’s about redemption. Your children need redemption.

Unless their soul is transformed by the power of God’s redemption, they will become self-deluded by their church attendance and memorized Bible verses.

How do you lead them there?

1. Through your example of genuine, redemption-fueled love for God.

2. Through regularly telling them your redemption story (I was blind but now I see).

3. Through consistently teaching them about God’s great love for them.

That’s it.

Anything beyond that is God’s turf.

[tweetthis hidden_hashtags=”#ilovegod”]You lead your kids TO redemption and prayerfully wait for God to open their eyes to it.[/tweetthis]

God can be trusted to care for our little ones, far beyond what we can do!

God can be trusted with your precious ones.

He is full of compassion and mercy.

He hates their sin.

He hates what it’s doing to them.

He will do what is good – in every case.

Categories : Parenting

child-discipline-is-raising-their-sights

Child discipline = raising their sights

Posted by Carey

· Monday, May 11th, 2015

Child discipline wasn’t something I appreciated when I was a child

But I knew it had to be done.

Once, my Dad had told me I was going to get a spanking and then seemed to forget about it.

My young soul was tormented. When was I going to get it?

Days passed and I was in agony.

[tweetthis hidden_hashtags=”#childdiscipline #parenting”]Finally I went to my Dad and asked him for the spanking he’d promised.[/tweetthis]

He was befuddled and told me that I didn’t need it anymore.

My older brother told me I was stupid.

Maybe I was, but I couldn’t stand knowing that I was to receive discipline but not knowing when.

Now that I’m a Dad 5 times over, child discipline looks very different

And the difference is more than being on the other side of the spanking.

The discipline I apply for the sake of my children has a mindset behind it, a philosophy of sorts.

Child discipline is not about punishment.

It’s not about whether my kids were “bad” or “good.”

It’s especially not about my anger being expressed.

[tweetthis hidden_hashtags=”#childdiscipline #parenting”]Child discipline is about raising my child’s sights. [/tweetthis]

I want the discipline I apply to my children to help them examine themselves.

To help them see that they are falling below what they are capable of and what God desires for them.

I want to raise their sights to something better, something greater, something more fulfilling for them and of greater value to the world.

Raising our children’s sights is part of every parent’s job.

We’ve got to help our children see that they are more than their sin.

And that they are no longer enslaved to their failures because of the gift of Jesus.

Loving discipline raises our children’s sights in powerful ways

It points out the gravity and danger of sin.
It shows that the child is not the center of the universe.
It demonstrates that we, the ones who love them the most, are willing to take drastic steps to help them move away from disobedience.
It reveals that behind the discipline is the loving heart of their heavenly father.

He cares about them so much that He gave them parents to guide them, to teach them, to enforce the boundaries when needed.

He has given them parents to help them raise their sights from the childish, inconsequential things to eternal things.

And He has given their parents the authority to wisely discipline them for the sake of those things.

Discipline is often the missing piece of parenting

It’s sad to me every time I see it… and it seems I’m seeing it more and more.

In stores, restaurants, on sports fields, and even in church services.

A parent too merciful, too timid, too compassionate for their child’s good.

They won’t correct out of fear of being too mean.

They’ve bought the lie that firmness with their child is inappropriate.

They don’t understand that the discipline they fear to employ is the very thing their rebellious, self-absorbed child needs.

The willing disregard of child discipline is tragic, for the parents and for the child, because every child – every person for that matter – needs boundaries.

[tweetthis]Boundaries tell us we’re safe. Boundaries tell us we’re loved. God gives boundaries. So do good parents.[/tweetthis]

But discipline with good boundaries isn’t enough. The boundaries have to be enforced.

You’ll never hear me advocating abuse, though my stance on spanking has been called that in the past.

What I advocate is (in this order):

Parents who are radically in love with Jesus…
building healthy, open relationships with their children…
and teaching them to love Him and His ways…
employing a loving hand of discipline when needed…
and following up with loving kindness and further instruction as appropriate.

There’s no abuse in that. Anywhere.

It’s a demonstration of the parent’s belief that God gives wise counsel when He tells us how to discipline our children.

They trust Him to know what He’s talking about, so they apply His instruction.

They do it in love.

They do it with compassion.

They do it consistently.

But most of all, they do it.

Whoever spares the rod hates his son, but he who loves him is diligent to discipline him. – Proverbs 13:24

Why would God say that you hate your son (or daughter) if you refuse to discipline him when he needs it?

Because you are NOT raising his sights.

You’re allowing him to learn and therefore believe that:

He isn’t capable of better
His foolish behavior and thinking is OK
You don’t care enough about him to help him curb his foolishness

That’s pretty strong language. And it’s God’s language.

[tweetthis hidden_hashtags=”#parenting #childdiscipline”]Disciplining your children is not abusive. It’s not mean. It’s raising their sights.[/tweetthis]

Categories : Parenting

10 things I learned from my mom – by Melinda Green – Happy Mother’s Day

Posted by Carey

· Friday, May 8th, 2015

10 Things I’m so Thankful I Learned from My Mom

This is a post my oldest daughter wrote for the site a few years ago… and every Mother’s Day I have to pull it out again. It still brings tears to my eyes…

#1 The Truth of My Identity in Christ

Ever since I was little my mom has been teaching me about who I am because of Jesus and His work in me. I am a new creation.

No matter how I fall short and mess up I know that I am pure and holy because of Christ. Because of this knowledge I can live life confident in God and who He is making me to be.

When insecurities and doubts rise up to make life difficult, I can fight them and live according to the truth because I know the truth about who I am. I am in Christ and He is in me.

#2 Not to be Controlled by My Emotions

Emotions are powerful things, and it’s easy to live life and make decisions based on how we feel. Without even knowing it we let our feelings dictate our thoughts and actions.

As long as I can remember my mom has shown me the difference between living according to emotion and living according to reality and God’s truth. Because of this, I have learned over time how to push aside my emotions when they don’t line up with reality and strive to obey God, not only when I feel like it, but especially when I don’t.

#3 The Importance of Communication

Throughout my life I have seen the relationships in my family thrive. I realize that this would not be the case if God had not given my mom the wisdom to initiate good communication in our home.

The example she has set: talking about everything, always asking us kids how we feel about things, telling us if there is something bothering her or some way that we hurt her, asking us if there is something bothering us… those kinds of questions have enabled us to “keep the slate clean” between one another and learn to love each other on a deeper level.

[tweetthis hidden_hashtags=”#Christianfamily #Christianparenting”]This habit of communicating has enabled us to become unified as a family.[/tweetthis]

Now that I am an adult I see that there is no way to have a good relationship without open communication about EVERYTHING. I pray that I will one day be able to continue this legacy of good communication in my home and family.

#4 The Importance of Living an Organized Life

God has enabled my mom to live an orderly life and run an orderly home in reflection of who He is – an orderly God.

She has taught me how to live my life in the same way, keeping things simple and organized. This has enabled me to keep my life relatively stress free and peaceful.

I also believe that learning to live an organized life has enabled me honor God by being a good steward of the life He’s given me.

#5 To Strive for God’s Best in All of Life

My mom wants her life to be “more than fine.” She wants to live in obedience to God in every area of life and she can’t stand it when something in her life doesn’t measure up to God’s best.

Seeing her example in this area has really helped me fight my complacency in many areas of life, and to desire God’s best in order to be pleasing to Him.

#6 The Importance of Wisdom

[tweetthis hidden_hashtags=”#mothersday #Christianfamily”]My mom has taught me the value of wisdom in every area of life.[/tweetthis]

She has shown me the importance of asking God what He thinks about things and to live accordingly. She has encouraged me to read Proverbs and ask God for His wisdom daily.

I see God’s wisdom in her life everyday and desire to become more like her; the wisest person I know.

#7 The Value of a Personal Relationship with God

Ever since I was little my mom has encouraged me to spend time with God, reading my Bible, and praying. She has stressed that the most important thing in my life is my relationship with Him.

As I’ve grown, I’ve seen how this diligence to seek God has deepened my relationship with Him and has grown me to become more like Him.

I am so thankful for the example that my mom has been of seeking God diligently and putting her relationship of Him first in all of life.

#8 The Value of Being a Home-Maker

My mom is a stay-at-home-mom, a wife and mother, a home-maker. My whole life she has made a cozy, peaceful home for us to live in.

[tweetthis]Mom taken the time to teach her kids about God & life, and has never been too busy with work or other pursuits.[/tweetthis]

I have come to realize that her dedication to her home and family has been the main thing that has enabled our family to thrive.

Through her example I see that her job as wife and mother is crucial to the health of our family. Thanks to her I am excited to one day follow in her steps and be a home-maker in my own home.

#9 The Value of Being a “Helper”

When I say “helper”, I am referring to the wife’s role as “helper” to her husband.

My mom has taught me that the wife’s job in marriage is to be the “crown of her husband,” to help her husband grow and become all that God desires for him to be.

God has graciously enabled my mom to be a wonderful helper to my dad and I am excited to one day be the same for my future husband.

#10 The Importance of Fearing God

Last, but definitely not least, I would say that my mom has taught me to fear God and surrender my will to Him in all things.

I have seen my mom surrender her will to God’s will time and time again. She has suffered through much pain and hard times but she has always chosen to cling to God and obey Him.

Her fear of God, and her desire to glorify Him even when it causes her pain has enabled her to have a deeper, more meaningful relationship with God than many Christians experience.

Her life has shown me the benefits of fearing God above all else and I desire for my life to be characterized by the same humble attitude of fear and surrender.

Categories : Parenting

Tags : learned from my mom, mother's day, tribute to mom

Anchored to the family

Posted by Carey

· Wednesday, May 6th, 2015

The anchor to my Dad’s boat always fascinated me.

It was kind of heavy to a little kid like me, but it didn’t seem that big.

It wasn’t all THAT impressive.

But it could hold our boat relatively still in spite of wind and waves.

That was what fascinated me.

An anchor is a pretty functional and cool thing.

Your family can be an anchor to your kids

The way you teach them.

The way you love them.

The way you pray with them.

The degree to which you are open, honest, and instructive about the way the world works… and how God thinks about it.

The godly wisdom you faithfully impart to them as they grow up in your home.

All those things and thousands more can make your home a place where your children feel anchored, secure, safe.

That kind of anchoring is healthy for kids as they grow up in a volatile, sinful world

It gives them a safe place to try out new things, get feedback, and grow.

It provides a context in which they can learn about themselves without fear of condemnation or ridicule.

[tweetthis hidden_hashtags=”#parenting #christianparenting”]It demonstrates to our kids that God is their true anchor.[/tweetthis]

That He’ll never leave them or forsake them, that their soul is permanently anchored in Him.

That’s a security every child needs and every good parent wants to provide.

It’s my prayer that you’re doing your utmost to provide that kind of environment in your family.

But there comes a time when a child shouldn’t be anchored to their home

The “rock star” photo with their little sis and crazy cousin!

When is that?

It’s the season I find myself in right now.

I’ve got two grown daughters – one almost 19, the other 21. They’re headed out into life.

Maybe for the final time.

They’ll be working at different camps for the summer. One of them already has plans for school after that. The other has already been on a trip across the world (Zambia).

It’s an exciting time. But also a scary time (for them and for us).

The temptation for them could be to stay anchored to our home. After all, it’s been one of their main sources of security for most of their life.

That would be natural and healthy if they were 5, or 8, or 15 years old.

But they’re not.

They’re adults and need to go out and face the life God has planned for them.

The don’t need to be anchored at home anymore. They need to pick up the anchor we’ve given them and take it with them.

It’s that anchor of Godly wisdom.

Their own faith, genuine and real.

The security that comes from the truth, rightly taught and applied to their lives, over years of their growing up in our home.

[tweetthis hidden_hashtags=”#christianparenting #parenting”]I’m seeing that the real anchor for my kids is not our home.[/tweetthis]

It’s the relationship with Jesus they’ve developed while they lived in our home.

Now it’s time for a new chapter.

It’s time for them to be “shot from the bow” – sent out into the world.

It’s a beautiful thing. And I’m happy for it.

Categories : Parenting

Praying parents that rock their kids’ world

Posted by Carey

· Tuesday, April 14th, 2015

Prayers offered up by parents are not magical mantras

They are heart-felt, scriptural cries to our God, who cares for our children more than we do.

When I first became a parent, I didn’t know how to pray for my kids. What should I say? What do they really need? What words should I use?

But I discovered… it’s not all that hard.

I just needed to relax, think about what God Himself wants for all of us, and ask Him for those things in the hearts and minds and lives of my kids.

That made it a lot simpler for the prayers of this parent to become more meaningful.

So how do I pray?

Nothing fancy.

In fact, my prayers for my kids have become shorter and more to the point the older they’ve gotten.

I think that’s partly because I remember my teens and twenties better than I do my childhood. And that’s where my kids are at now.

I remember the struggle with:

peer pressure
self identity
respectfulness
pride
insecurity
emotions, and more.

I’m able to enter in to their lives and the struggles they are having through my own memories…

and those memories inform and fuel my prayers.

Some examples of what I pray

The following prayers are straight from my morning journal… things I’ve written out as prayers on behalf of my kids.

The prayers of parents are so vital… don’t let busy-ness and responsibility keep you from that simple duty.

There’s nothing magical in them. Nothing super spiritual.

Just the caring heart of a Daddy asking his Daddy to care for his kids.

Protect and enrich Mel today. Give her joy. Give her Yourself. (Mel was in Zambia when I prayed this)

Caleb‘s right in the midst of those crazy teen years. Make him into a man whose heart is fully Yours. Captivate him by giving him a deep, full recognition of Your greatness and glory. Stir up tremendous desire for Yourself in him. Cause him to see Your wonders and to love all he sees.

Fill up our dear Faith with security from Your indwelling presence. Enable her to see more of You in her, and less of her. Give her joy, and peace, and deep, lasting confidence that sustains her. Replace “self” with You – entirely. (Faith is 11 years old)

Aaron and Hannah have their hands full with the responsibilities of young married life. Two boys under the age of two, and the financial and life-direction issues so typical of that time of life. LORD, give them wisdom. Give them You. Enable them to rest in You even in the midst of crying babies, inconsistent schedules, and insecure living arrangements. You are their security. Please be that for them.

Maddi is full of excitement about life and the future. Ground her in the reality of each present moment, that she will be rooted personally to You, the”I AM” of the now. (Maddi is 18 years old)

My prayers for my kids are nothing fancy

Just heart-felt… and aligned as well as I can manage with the things I know God wants for my kids.

What ways, mindsets, or methods have you found helpful as you’ve learned to pray for YOUR kids?

Categories : Parenting

Clarity, Certainty, Confidence – life changing benefits of scripture

Posted by Carey

· Friday, September 26th, 2014

Life changing. It’s an over-used word in our day and age.

Everyone from business gurus to doctors are touting the “life changing” effects of their system, program, or method.

It’s enough to make you a skeptic for life.

But don’t go there just yet. There truly are some life changing things in the world, and scripture is one of them.

I want to quickly outline 3 things that come from a right knowledge of the scriptures that are truly life changing.

1 Clarity

Yes, there are parts of the Bible that are less than clear. I know that. I get that.

But overall, the Bible is God’s revelation to us about things we wouldn’t know otherwise.

Think that one through for a minute: God who knows everything has “revealed” things to us through the scriptures. That’s an incredible gift.

Sure, it takes the hard work we call “study” to truly understand it sometimes, but what do you expect when God-sized truths need to be understood by human-sized minds?

The scriptures are intended to provide “clarity” to us about things that are beyond us. Things like…

How to be made right with God.
What God thinks about us.
What God has done for us (way beyond our salvation).
How we are to live in the world (both in terms of proper behavior and in terms of what resources to use to do it).

I want clarity on those things. Do you?

If so, scripture is the only place you’ll find it.

2 Certainty

How many things in life are you truly certain of?

That your children will not rebel and go off the deep end?
That your spouse will remain faithful?
That your income is secure?
That your health is guaranteed?

But…

3 Confidence

There’s a progression happening here that you may not have noticed.

Clarity or understanding brings certainty. Certainty brings confidence.

When we are able to understand, know, and rely on what God has said to us, we can live in a way that baffles the world and brings great stability to us, no matter what challenges or obstacles may come our way.

That’s because we’re able to move out, proactively, into the storms and trials of life with an underlying peace that supports us through everything.

We don’t have to be timid.

We don’t have to be afraid.

We don’t have to wish upon a star, or rub a rabbit’s foot, or say any kind of mantra or magic spell.

We have confidence based on what the God of all the universe has said.

Let me say it another way…

Understanding + Trust = Active faith.

And it comes through time spent reading, studying, and internalizing God’s word.

My encouragement to you… no, my challenge to you is to become more intentional, more aggressive about getting God’s revealed truth into your mind and heart, and to take your family with you.

There are many ways you can go about it, but here are a couple that I’ve found helpful.

Find scripture put to music – it’s a powerful way to use the catchy nature of music to embed scripture in your soul.
Use scripture flash cards to learn Bible verses together at dinner time or breakfast.
Include scripture in your family devotional times.

Finally, here’s a motivational video from John Piper. In 8 simple statements he outlines the benefits of memorizing scripture.

Don’t skip the video. Take the time to watch it.

Now.

How are you going to act? What are you going to do to provide life changing clarity, certainty, and confidence to your family?

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Categories : Parenting, Spirit Health

Tags : bible study, life change, life changing, scripture memory, value of scripture

Monday Mindset: Compassion

Posted by Carey

· Monday, September 22nd, 2014

I have to admit that I’ve come to see the value and need for compassion toward others far later in life than I should have.

I’m typically a “suck it up and get to work” kind of person when it comes to how I view others. But I’m coming to see that though that may be a very “American” attitude (rugged and individualistic), it’s not a very Christ-like one.

So, I’ve been intentionally working on seeing others through the eyes of compassion.

Here are some thoughts that have helped me as I’ve considered the issue:

When I understand and embrace the golden rule, compassion is a natural result (Matthew 7:12).

Think of this this way…

I struggle with sin in a variety of areas. I hate it. I fight it. I want other people to cut me some slack in those areas because I’m really, really, really trying to overcome those areas of sin.
Other people have the same kind of struggle, and want the same kind of mercy.
Compassion recognizes that and gives it to them.

If I take the time to understand where people are coming from, compassion comes more easily.

None of us has become who we are in a vacuum. We’ve been dramatically impacted and shaped by things like…

The sins of our parents, which could include things like neglect or abuse.
Tragedies we’ve experienced.
Disappointments we’ve had to accept.
Fears that have come true.

Stop and think about YOUR personality quirks and personal sins. How has your past fed and formed them?

Now consider this: Every person you lock eyes with has the same kind of baggage from their past, their hurts, their experiences, and their fears.

How does that impact your ability to have compassion on them?

We are all victims

Hear me out on this one.

I’m not saying we bear no responsibility for the state of our lives and souls.

I am saying we’ve all been deceived, mistreated, and attacked repeatedly by the enemy of our souls, satan.

We are all victims of his trickery and evil on one level or another, to varying degrees.

The state we are in is in large measure due to his influence.

So when another person acts like a sin-soaked bone head, it helps me to remember that they’ve been under attack by an enemy far stronger than them.

That reminder helps me have compassion. It helps me pray for them instead of wish them away or become irritated.

Helping your family have compassion

Here are some ideas for the kinds of conversations that will help your children develop hearts of compassion.

Discuss the terrible conditions of the world, from starving children to oppressed people groups. Talk with your family about what it must be like to be in those people’s shoes. Pray for them together.

Voice of the martyrs (http://www.persecution.org) is a very helpful resource to focus your discussion on those being persecuted because they are Christians. Their resources include a podcast, books, posters, and lots of other stuff. One of their websites is designed specifically for children (http://www.kidsofcourage.com/)

Think together about the people you know. Talk about what they’re going through – divorce, abuse, job loss, etc. Try to imagine what life might be like for them. Decide together how you can be a blessing to them.

Discuss why compassion toward others is important. Here are some passages to help you keep your conversation biblically centered.

Matthew 7:12
Luke 10:30-35
Galatians 6:2
Ephesians 4:32
1 Thessalonians 5:11-14
James 2:14-17
1 Peter 4:10
1 John 4:7-21

Take the time to determine that you WILL encourage compassion in your family this week.

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Categories : Family Foundations, Parenting, Spirit Health

Tags : compassion, compassionate, love for others

Monday Mindset: Worship

Posted by Carey

· Monday, September 15th, 2014

I once heard Chuck Swindoll say that we worship God for 4 basic things.

His PERSON

His PLANS

His WORD

and

His WORKS.

I tend to agree with Him.

Worship is a response to God. It’s a response to what He’s done in one of those 4 areas.

In this “Monday mindset” I’m encouraging you to talk with your family about worship. Here is a list of starter questions to get you going:

What does the word “worship” mean?
Is worship only about singing or music?
Why do you think worship is important for us? What does it do in us or for us?
Give me some examples of how we can worship God for who He is (PERSON)?
What are some ways we might worship God for what He’s done (PLANS)?
Can you think of ways we could worship God for the things He’s said to us (WORD)?
Are there ways we can worship God for what He’s done (WORKS)?
Do you think we can worship God throughout the day as we go about our normal routine?

To wrap up… here are some ideas for how you can follow up on the topic of worship throughout the week:

Each morning, give your family members the assignment of watching for reasons to worship as they go through the day.
Spend some time around the supper table each evening worshipping God for things your family members have noticed.
Be sure to share your own observations. Your kids will learn a ton by hearing the kinds of things you noticed.
Pick out some good videos or songs that your family can sing in worship and do it one evening.

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In my opinion, Chris Tomlin is a modern-day hymn writer. His songs are filled with deep doctrines from the word of God. This song highlights that God created us to be worshippers. Enjoy.

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Categories : Parenting, Spirit Health

Tags : family worship, worship, worship God

Monday Mindset: Peace of mind

Posted by Carey

· Monday, September 8th, 2014

Many people say that they have great “peace of mind.”

They say it when things are going well, when they’ve been able to overcome a great obstacle, or are content with where they are in life.

But they really don’t have “peace of mind.”

What they have is “peace of feel.”

What?

Everything FEELS good to them. It has nothing to do with their mind (typically).

Peace of mind is not a feeling.

Let me say that again… and take a few seconds to let what I’m saying sink into your mind and heart.

Peace of mind is NOT a feeling.

Feelings fluctuate based on the circumstance. Feelings can change due to hormonal or chemical reasons.

Peace based on feelings is not dependable.

True peace of mind is a “knowing,” not a feeling.

The kind of peace of mind all of us need is based entirely on truth, not on what we feel.

Truth is reliable, unchanging, dependable. You can count on it to be the same yesterday, today, and tomorrow.

As long as you know and hang on to truth, you can have true peace of mind. Let’s look at a scriptural example of how this works…

And let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, to which indeed you were called in one body. And be thankful. Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly, teaching and admonishing one another in all wisdom, singing psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, with thankfulness in your hearts to God. – Colossians 3:15-16

We are to LET the peace of Christ rule in our hearts. Can you think of a better source of peace?
We are called to that kind of peace. It’s normal, expected for believers in Christ to have that kind of peace. Thankfulness is a natural result.
We are to LET the word of Christ dwell in us richly. I believe this is where true peace comes from. We know the promises of God and the reality of what He’s done for us through Jesus and from that knowledge flows a “knowing,” a confidence, a peace.
We grow in that rich peace through teaching, admonishment, and worship with other believers. The church is important to us having and keeping true peace.

Do you see that true peace of mind is really faith in action?

You hear and receive God’s truth.
You believe it.
You rest confidently in it (that’s true peace).

Teaching your family how to have true peace of mind

There are so many practical ways you can teach and model genuine peace of mind. Here are just a few…

Reading and memorizing scriptural promises together. This is where you get the truth inside you.
Discuss those truths on a real-life, practical level.
Share situations you experience where God proves those truths in your life.
Express how God has taught you to trust Him more.
Talk about what it could be like to rest confidently in the promises of God.

The following song is an example of the peace of mind that God’s truth can bring to our lives.

Watch the lyrics carefully. Notice the reality with which the writer knows the pains of life. He’s not a stranger to disappointment, suffering, or pain.

But he has confidence, nonetheless. He has confidence because of the truth of what God has said.

That is peace of mind. The kind you want. The kind I want. The kind our children need.

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Categories : Parenting, Spirit Health

Tags : peace in my heart, peace of feel, peace of mind, peaceful, personal peace

How to pray for your non-Christian family members

Posted by Carey

· Friday, September 5th, 2014

Praying for non-Christians is an important habit to develop as a family.

It demonstrates for everyone (parents and kids alike), some of the most important character traits that Christ wants to grow in us:

consideration
love
compassion
faith in God
and the list goes on…

As you develop habits of prayer as a family, you’ll begin to see God’s answers, which encourages your faith all the more!

Whether it’s family members, friends, neighbors, or co-workers, you want to make sure you’re praying in a way that is aligned with God’s will.

One of the most powerful ways to pray is by using scripture to guide your prayers. I’ve written about this in my book, “Recharge” and on blog posts in the past.

Specifically, here’s a passage that my mother-in-love pointed out to me that is powerfully helpful in setting your family’s mindset on what is actually needed and happening when you pray for unsaved people. It’s Jesus’ words to Paul when he was being told what his role as an Apostle would be about…

But rise and stand upon your feet, for I have appeared to you for this purpose, to appoint you as a servant and witness to the things in which you have seen me and to those in which I will appear to you,
delivering you from your people and from the Gentiles—to whom I am sending you to open their eyes, so that they may turn from darkness to light and from the power of Satan to God, that they may receive forgiveness of sins and a place among those who are sanctified by faith in me. – Acts 26:16-18

There are 3 primary things we need to understand as we pray for non-believing people:

1 Their eyes need to be opened.

Every person is blind, blind, blind to their need for Christ. We need to pray that their eyes will be opened. We need to pray specifically that God will open their eyes – to their need and to His sufficiency as their Savior. If this doesn’t happen, salvation is not possible.

2 They need to be turned from darkness to light.

The allure of the dark world in which we live is powerful. Unsaved people are not only blind and lost, they don’t realize they are blind or lost. They enjoy the darkness. They feel like it’s best, right, and good. We need to be praying that God will turn people away form darkness, that He’ll dispel the illusion, that He’ll spoil the fantasy it offers.

3 They need to be turned from the power of Satan to the power of God.

The problem is not only that people are blind. And it’s not only that they love darkness. People are also held captive by the power of Satan. We need to ask God to release them from his grip. It’s what Jesus came to do (1 John 3:8).

Praying in this way will strengthen your family’s faith.

A biblically-informed prayer of this kind takes the focus off of our inability to change people. It shows us that God is the only one who can do what is needed to save a human soul.

This kind of prayer helps us see the all-sufficient power of Jesus’ death on the cross and gives us hope that those lost family members or friends can be set free.

Our job is to pray.

Our job is to keep praying.

And our job as parents is to teach our children that our God delights to save people. He delights to make Himself glorious in doing so. And He delights to increase our faith by answering our prayers for the salvation of our family and friends.

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Here’s a great song by Jill Paquette (I’d love to see her in concert). This song is about a lost friend, “Katie Lynn,” and the struggle that happens when we care so much about a friend or family member and don’t know what to do… and still don’t take the time to pray.

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Categories : Parenting, Spirit Health

Tags : non-Christian, non-Christian husband, non-Christian wife, praying for family, unbelieving husband, unbelieving wife

Monday Mindset: The power of a Bible verse

Posted by Carey

· Monday, September 1st, 2014

Don’t ever underestimate the power of a Bible verse

Even more importantly, don’t underestimate the power of the God who spoke it.

One of the primary means God uses to do work in our lives is through those Bible verses we take so much for granted.

And if you’re raising your children in a way that includes regular church attendance (you are, aren’t you?), then you run the risk of scripture becoming too familiar.

Yes, too familiar.

Scripture only has power when it has meaning to the person reading it. Its truth has to soak in to the soul, transform the mind, and make a difference in how the person thinks and lives.

That’s when the power of a bible verse is seen most clearly.

Help your family understand the power of a Bible verse this week:

Use the following Bible verse(s) to lead your family into a deeper understanding of the valuable, life-changing resource the scriptures can be for them.

All Scripture is breathed out by God and profitable for teaching, for reproof, for correction, and for training in righteousness, that the man of God may be complete, equipped for every good work. – 1 Timothy 3:16-17

DISCUSSION QUESTIONS:

What do you think it means that the Bible is “breathed out by God?”
What does it mean if something is “profitable?”
So how is the Bible profitable to us?
What kind of people need teaching? How important is it that the person teaching knows what they are talking about?
What kind of teacher do you think God is?
What is reproof and correction?
Do you like to be corrected? Why or why not?
Why is correction good for us?
What does it mean to be trained for righteousness?
How do you think God uses the Bible to train us for righteousness?
What is God’s purpose for giving us the Bible? (look at the end of the verse)

Categories : Parenting, Spirit Health

Tags : bible study, bible verse, bible verses, scripture

Podcast 86- I can’t do this anymore! True or False?

Posted by Carey

· Wednesday, August 20th, 2014

I Can’t Do This Anymore! True or False?

Or if you are using a “podcatcher” here is the feed address: https://christianhomeandfamily.com/feed/podcast/

I CAN’T DO THIS ANYMORE – TRUE OR FALSE?

In this episode of the podcast we’ll be considering a very common statement I hear from people who have lived for many years in a painful or hurtful circumstance. “I can’t do this anymore.” I know how you feel, but is it true? Well, yes and no.

I can’t count the number of times I’ve either heard someone say, or have said myself, “I can’t do this anymore.” We say it after a prolonged time of endurance, when the difficulty, frustration, we’ve been hoping will go away, hasn’t. In that moment, when the same old, wearisome thing is happening for the thousandth time, it’s natural to give in to the frustration and hurt and say, “I can’t do this anymore.”

But as a believer in Christ, is that a true statement? Yes, and no.

On the one hand, it is true. You are not God, which means you have limits to your capacity for pain and your ability to endure hardship. You have emotional limits, places where you simply can’t endure another hurtful word or neglectful act. You get to the end of your rope because you are human.

So it’s true, there are times in life when you can truthfully say, “I can’t do this anymore.”

Scripture even bears it out. John 15:5 says,

“I am the vine; you are the branches. Whoever abides in me and I in him, he it is that bears much fruit, for apart from me you can do nothing.”

Think about the picture Jesus is painting. He is like a vine; rooted, strong, supplying all the nutrients and water that the rest of the plant needs. We are the branches, entirely dependent on what He provides. Apart from Him (the vine), we cannot produce fruit or even survive. That’s the place where we can’t endure the hard things of life.

It’s when we are operating in our own limited strength and according to our own limited resources. The hardships and pain become too much and we scream the words, “I can’t do this anymore!”

But there’s another side to to what Jesus said, isn’t there?

It’s the side that makes our cry of frustration untrue.

Jesus’ main point is that even though your situation is hard and even though your resources are limited, you don’t have to give up. You can not only endure, but you can produce good godly fruit in that difficult situation. You do it by abiding in Christ.

But that’s a church-word, what does it really mean?

My understanding is that abiding in Christ means that you stay close to Him relationally. You get to know Him on a personal level. You learn to relate to Him on a deeply spiritual level, where His Holy Spirit becomes your strength and guide. Naturally, that’s going to require dedicated time in the scriptures. It’s going to take a commitment to prayer. It’s going to demand that you get into relationships with people who can and will help you develop a deeper interaction with Jesus.

All that to say, when prolonged difficulties tempt you to abandon your resolve and give up hope in the situation, you have the ability, through Jesus, to not only endure, but to thrive. But you have to believe that deep down because God says it is true. HE is the one who says that if you rely on His strength, He will accomplish much more in and through you than you ever thought possible.

Practically, that means that if you feel the situation is too much to bear and that you should get out, you need to stop and check in with the LORD. What is HE telling you? What would HE have you do?

Looking at biblical examples of those who we call “heroes of the faith” I find many of them who God kept right in the middle of their difficult circumstances, and brought about amazing things as a result. The example that sticks in my mind the most is Joseph. The majority of his story is one of suffering and mistreatment. He was betrayed by his own brothers and sold into slavery. He was wrongly accused by his slave master’s wife and thrown in prison. He stayed in that prison for over 2 years. Yet in every stage of those injustices, God turned the difficulty into a path of blessing, for Joseph and for others.

Folks, we are FAR too short-sighted to know what is going to come of the hardship or pain we are enduring at any given moment…

and we surely don’t know what the LORD is doing through it. In times like that, when the pain is the most intense we have got to take our focus off the situation and onto the LORD. We’ve got to look beyond the discomfort of the moment so that we can submit ourselves to the will of God in the situation.

So, if you are in a difficult marriage, or if you are enduring hardship with your children right now, or you’re carrying a long-standing burden of another kind, you need to take your eyes off the issues you’re experiencing and put your focus on the LORD’s will for you. Don’t let the pain cause you to convince yourself that God’s will is to “get out.”

Hebrews 10:36 tells us that we have need of endurance, so that when we have done the will of God we may receive what is promised. There is more at stake in this than your present comfort. God has bigger things in mind… for you, and for your family.

RADICAL FAITH FOR GENERATIONS IS WHAT CHRISTIAN HOME AND FAMILY IS AIMING AT. I’D LOVE TO HELP YOU HEAD TOWARD THAT GOAL FOR YOUR FAMILY. PLEASE CONTACT ME AT CHRISTIANHOMEANDFAMILY.COM/CONTACT

Categories : Parenting, Podcast, Spirit Health

Tags : abiding in Christ, endurance, family life, flexibility, i can't do this anymore

Monday mindset: Consideration

Posted by Carey

· Monday, August 18th, 2014

A Consideration assignment for your family

If you’ve been following along with these Monday Mindsets each week, you probably realize by now that the assignments center around two things:

A clear belief that anything and everything you attempt in terms of spiritual or family growth, must be empowered by the Holy Spirit. So start there. Before you begin the first conversation, begin with a prayer of dependence that the Holy Spirit will empower and enable every idea you have and effort you make.
The power of significant conversations within your family. Talking about truth together is powerful, for understanding, life change, and healthy relationships. Joining together in discussion of the truth of God is one of the greatest ways to build unity and common understanding in your family.

This week’s discussion questions:

What does the word “consideration” mean? Can you give me an example of consideration?
In the fruit of the Spirit list (Galatians 5:22-23), where do you see consideration?
Even though the actual word isn’t there, do you see the idea?
What are some reasons that consideration is important in a family?
How is consideration a reflection of Jesus’ presence in our lives? (see Philippians 2:3-5)
Pray together that Jesus will express HIS consideration through each of you, to each of you.

I’d love to hear your ideas about how consideration in the family can be fostered with the Spirit’s help.

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Below is a fantastic little video I found that doesn’t really use the word “consideration” but does strike right at the heart of where consideration comes from. Use it with your family to discuss the way that consideration/love could benefit your family life if you were to practice it more in the power of the Spirit.

Categories : Parenting, Spirit Health

Tags : consider others, consideration, have this attitude in yourselves, Philippians 2:3-5

The power and purpose of consideration in the family

Posted by Carey

· Friday, August 15th, 2014

Consideration is not a spontaneous attitude of the human heart.

You can’t manufacture it, or fake it, or require it. You can’t grit your teeth and make it happen.

Consideration is shaped and produced by the Spirit of God who lives in you.

In Galatians 5:22-23 Paul gives us a list of “fruit” that the Spirit produces when He has his way in the human heart. Look at the list carefully…

love
joy
peace
patience
kindness
goodness
gentleness
faithfulness
self control

Consideration is the Spirit’s combining of those qualities into an attitude of the heart that says “others first.” It guides our speech (Ephesians 4:29), the use of any gifts the Spirit gives us (1 Corinthians 14:12), and moves us to think deeply about how we can contribute to the good and growth of others (Hebrews 10:24).

It’s an attitude that is more like Jesus than any I know.

Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others. Have this mind among yourselves, which is yours in Christ Jesus… – Philippians 2:3-5

The power of consideration in the family

It’s in the family that we are often at our worst. Irritable. Impatient. Demanding. Selfish.

The people we should be closest to and most careful with are the ones who bear the brunt of our sinful ways.

And we know it shouldn’t be that way. That’s why hurts received within the family are the longest lasting and most debilitating.

So… stop for a moment to imagine a different outcome… what would it be like if your family could break that mould? What if bickering was replaced with blessing? What if jealousy and strife were replaced with affirmation and unity? What if, when others thought of your family, your peaceful, gracious, loving attitudes toward one another came immediately to mind?

It humbles me to say it, but that’s exactly what the LORD has done in my family. I don’t say it to brag or lift us up… just to give you some hope that it’s possible for the LORD to do some amazing things when we submit ourselves to His work. The mindset of consideration, based on love for each other, is a significant part of what has enabled my wife and I to grow in marriage intimacy, our kids to treat each other with respect and love and honor us as their parents, and make our home a place of peace instead of conflict.

Consideration causes…

love to be expressed.
needs to be noticed & met.
selfishness to diminish.
pride to die.
conflicts to cease.
the peace of Christ to reign.

Consideration happens through humble dependence on the Spirit

It’s always difficult to explain the “how” of something like this, because the way of the LORD doesn’t allow for a formulaic approach. I can’t give you a 1-2-3 process to follow that will enable the members of your family to have consideration toward each other.

Don’t misunderstand, we have a part to play, but it’s the Spirit of God who equips and empowers us to understand and implement our part.

But…

Here’s how I see it…

the Spirit of God/Christ comes to live in you when you are born again (Romans 10:9)

Resist the tendency to think that the Spirit’s presence in your life is is an ethereal, unreal thing, or that the idea is only figurative. I assure you, the Person of the Holy Spirit is as real as the air you breathe… and much more significant. The scripture clearly tells us that if you have placed your faith in Jesus Christ, He has given you His Spirit, both as a guarantee of your salvation (Ephesians 1:14) and as your source of guidance and power for daily living (Galatians 5:16).

Do whatever you need to do to help you truly believe this. You will never experience the reality of the Spirit of God in your life if you don’t believe He’s truly in you.

His presence in your life becomes your only resource for living (2 Timothy 1:7)

You and I are very used to living in our own strength. We have developed all kinds of strategies, emotional responses, and ways of thinking to enable us to handle the difficulties and challenges of life. Call them bad habits, call them flesh patterns, call then sinful tendencies. Whatever you call them they mean that the way you handle life is not the Spirit’s way, it’s your way. It’s independence instead of dependence.

Learning to depend on the Spirit for guidance and power for every situation is a real challenge, because everything you’ve done to make it in the world is designed to enable you to handle things on your own. Dependence on Him is exactly what you need, and the hardest thing to have. Ask Him to help you give up your own ways in deference to His.

Rather than seeking “steps” to implement on our own, we need to be seeking a relationship with the Spirit (John 16:13 / John 14:17)

Relationship is key, here. You don’t need strategies or principles. You need to live your life under the power and leading of the Holy Spirit. You need to learn to “hear” His still, small voice in your daily life. One caution here… the devil will try to take advantage of your openness. He’ll try to insert thoughts and feelings of his making and convince you that it’s the Spirit talking to you. How do you know the difference?

You take everything that comes to you to the word of God (the Bible). If anything in the scriptures is contrary to what you thought the Spirit was telling you, then it’s not the Spirit. Stick to the word of God. Always. As you do that, pursue deep relationship with Jesus through the Spirit.

It is this relationship that produces the fruit in our lives that combines to become consideration (Galatians 5:22-23)

The temptation is to use the “fruit of the spirit” as a checklist of things we need to be working on. While I appreciate the intentionality of that approach, it’s a bit off. Paul’s point in giving us the list is not to give us a series of checkboxes we are to make sure we’re doing. He’s describing what it looks like when the Spirit of God, who lives inside us, is doing His work in and through us. It’s a list of the kinds of things we will see naturally coming out of us (or should I say, “supernaturally”) when we are submitted fully to the work of the Spirit of God within us.

Look at the entire chapter of Galatians 5 again. Let the Spirit show you that it is HIS work through you that matters.

From there, you have GOT to be talking about these things with your family… from day one.

The Christian life is one of expressing the life of Christ. Jesus in us, living through us… that’s the point. If we as Christian parents are not aiming for that goal in ourselves and in our kids, we might as well hang it up now.

But as I said at the beginning of this post, consideration doesn’t come naturally. It’s like exercise, or healthy eating. It takes conviction and hard work. Every person in your family has to become convinced of the value and necessity of it… and that happens through conversation about the real situations of life.

But before you go there, you have to have some scriptural foundation. Passages that focus on love for one another, our obligation to be kind and compassionate — those are topics your family has to be intimately familiar with because you talk about them so much. You have to be continually holding it out as a vision for your family. Then you can address the real-life contexts where consideration is needed:

conflicts over possessions
disagreements about curfew or household chores
disciplinary times
doing “extra” work for the sake of others
not leaving clothes or other items strewn all over the house

These and thousands more are opportunities to talk about the ongoing need to love through consideration. They are “rubber meets the road” situations where Jesus can come on-line to empower even the youngest member of the family to do His work in the present moment.

Where to go from here: Questions to ask yourself

What kind of example of consideration am I being in the primary relationships I have (marriage, with kids, etc.)?
Am I willing to submit this area to the leadership of the Spirit? What will it take for me to do that?
How committed am I to developing an atmosphere of consideration in my family?
Am I willing to have ongoing conversations about the subject, even when it seems monotonous or wearisome?

You can do this… because the Spirit of God lives in you.

He wants to lead you to lead your family into His joy as you learn to make consideration a powerful part of your home. Take some time to work through the questions above in your own soul. Ask the Spirit to guide you to the place of knowing how to make change in your life and family.

The video below bemoans the world we live in on one hand, but gives us hope that WE can make a difference in it through the way we live toward others on the other hand. The chorus says,

“Is this the world you want? Is this the world you want? You’re making it every day you’re alive. You change the world everyday you’re alive. You start to look like you believe…”

It’s my challenge to you to take your life more seriously. Take your responsibility for your family more seriously. Begin to believe that radical faith for generations is what God wants for you and your family. Begin to believe that He just might do what He says He will.

If YOU can’t change the path and attitude of your family in the power of the Spirit, who can?

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Categories : Parenting, Spirit Health

Tags : consideration, consideration in the family, love in the family, love one another, loving family

Podcast 85 – Flexibility in family life

Posted by Carey

· Wednesday, August 13th, 2014

Flexibility in Family Life

Or if you are using a “podcatcher” here is the feed address: https://christianhomeandfamily.com/feed/podcast/

Life gets crazy. Work demands, soccer games, home repairs, shopping trips, relationships to maintain, and important, ongoing conversations to have. It’s enough to make you the most inflexible person alive!

On top of all that is the heart-cry we all have to discover and do what God is calling us to. I don’t know about you, but I’m in THAT place almost all the time… wondering what the LORD wants me to do when I grow up.

My family is in that place right now, prayerfully trying to determine what the LORD is leading us to and how we are to get there. It’s a confusing, unclear time… but one where we’re learning some very valuable lessons.

Most of all, we’re learning the family life requires a great deal of flexibility, because we are not God. We get our plans in place, work toward them, but many times find that our plans were not God’s plans. Sound familiar to anyone?

This episode covers a very helpful truth I’ve discovered that’s helping to take the pressure off by increasing my faith. Family life has never been so good when I’m able to keep the truth in mind!

Categories : Family Foundations, Parenting, Podcast, Spirit Health

Tags : family life, flexibility

Monday mindset: Purity

Posted by Carey

· Monday, August 11th, 2014

Purity. The only time we hear that word nowadays is in reference to water…

and that’s a great illustration of how you need to think of purity in regards to your family, and this week’s Monday mindset.

By definition, purity is an extreme word. It communicates an extreme level of quality. Water is either pure or it’s not. Even the smallest impurity makes the water… well, impure.

You could say that “purity” is a radical word… and that’s exactly how I want it to sound to you, because radical is what I’m aiming at.

Every blog post I write…
Every podcast I record…
Every resource I create (most are free, by the way)…

Is aimed at helping you develop radical faith for generations… the kind of faith that will endure throughout the lives of your children, and their children, and their children.

So when I bring up a radical word like purity, don’t let yourself water it down (no pun intended). If you’re going to see radical faith for generations begin in your family, you need to realize that you’re considering an extreme thing.

Jesus wants the fruit of His Spirit to be evident in you and your family, and He provide you everything you need in order to see it happen. That is one of the most amazing realities of the Christian life.

This week’s assignments: Purity in the family

As you begin the week, think about opportunities where you can talk with your family about the issue of purity. Here are some questions and bible passages to help you lead your family in discussions about purity:

What is “purity?”

How can we demonstrate purity in the way we live?

1 John 1:5

What do you think it means that there is no darkness at all in God?
What difference does that fact make to the way we are to live as His children?

Psalm 24:3-4

According to this passage, why does purity matter so much?
What are the benefits we gain from being pure?

Matthew 5:8

What did Jesus say is the benefit of having a pure heart?
Do you think that means now or in the future?
Could it mean both?

Are there any ways you can think of that our family needs to practice purity more?

Are there any things we do that you think are not pure?

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These could be some very enlightening conversations. They could also be very difficult if you are led to purge some impure things from your lives.

But in every bit of it you need to lean on the Spirit of God to guide you into a greater place of purity.

It’s part of building radical faith for generations.

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The video below expresses the reality of a radical faith, the heart-cry of one who is captivated by the glory of the eternal God. It’s that kind of heart, that kind of obsession with the purity of God Himself that leads us into a pure life of our own, empowered by the Spirit, submitted to His ways.

I encourage you to do more than listen to this song… make it an aspiration, something you want your heart to be able to cry out. There’s nothing that compares to the greatness of knowing our God. Nothing on earth can equal the joy we will receive from walking in His purity and light.

I’d love to interact with you more about this issue of purity. Please leave me a comment below…

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Categories : Family Foundations, Parenting, Spirit Health

Tags : family purity, holiness, purity

Podcast 84 – How radical faith for generations happens

Posted by Carey

· Wednesday, August 6th, 2014

How radical faith for generations happens

Or if you are using a “podcatcher” here is the feed address: https://christianhomeandfamily.com/feed/podcast/

OK parents, it’s time to get real.

Life is too short for us to spend it in the aimless pursuit of status, stuff, or personal satisfaction. There’s too much at stake.

God has given us one of the most wonderful AND most daunting responsibilities we could ever have and it’s one that is intended to change the course of history. We’re not just living, we’re not just raising kids, we’re building a foundation of radical Christian faith that can last for generations.You and I are responsible before almighty God for the eternal destiny, not only of ourselves and our immediate families, but also for the generations to come. Just like your grandkids and great grandkids will be able to trace their blood ancestry through you, they will be able to trace their spiritual heritage through you as well. Your children’s children, and their children, and their children, though unborn, are depending on YOU to build the spiritual foundations that will enable them to know Christ personally, to live their lives by the power of His Spirit, and to lead THEIR families into an authentic, radical faith that endures.Imagine generation after generation of your family, knowing, living, and passing on the powerful legacy of genuine Christian faith. Imagine the impact they could have on the world. Imagine the day when your life is over and you land in the presence of God. What would it be like to realize on that day, that hundreds, even thousands of years of your descendants have walked faithfully in the ways of the Savior because of your radical faith in Christ, begun years before?

That’s not an impossible dream… if you will do one thing.

Make sure that YOUR life is one of deep relationship with Jesus Christ, today.

Then do the same thing tomorrow and the day after that.

Don’t let a day pass when you are not pursuing your relationship with Jesus more than the day before. Commit yourself to knowing Jesus as deeply and powerfully as you can, so that His life becomes manifest in yours.

The results of that kind of daily faithfulness will be a ripple of radical Christian faith that transforms the generations of your family. It starts small, in the changes Christ makes in you personally. The work He begins in you will spill over into your marriage relationship, bringing about changes you never thought possible. And as your children witness the transforming power of Christ in you and in your marriage, they will be irresistably drawn to the radical faith that makes that kind of transformation possible.

As they come to faith in Christ, the ripple will continue as you teach and model what it looks like to walk with Jesus day by day, to depend on Jesus for every need, to humble yourself under His leadership, and to make every decision and take every step with the aim to bring Him glory and honor. Your kids will see His peace, and power, and blessing that are yours because of your radical faith, they’ll see it multiplied in your family, and they’ll begin to experience the fruit of it in their own lives. Until finally, they leave your home filled with the fruit of a family that experienced the reality of Christ day after day. They will be determined to see the fruit of that radical faith expressed in their own lives.

As wonderful as that dream is, it’s much too small. There are generations of children still to come, your descendants, who will be affected by the radical faith you begin nurturing now. Jesus likened it to a tiny seed that grows until it becomes a mighty tree, and I’m telling you that what may seem to you to be a tiny seed of faith in your heart right now, can grow in the power of God’s Spirit into a mighty family tree that demonstrates God’s transforming power.

All that begins with you parents, today, right now. It begins with your commitment to pursue Jesus with all that you are. You have to be the authentic, growing, humble CHRISTIAN example your children need to see before they will believe that Jesus is real and the He is able to transform and use even the weakest and most humble person.

So where do you start?

1) On your knees.

Stop everything and turn to Jesus in utter dependence. Rid yourself of every attempt to be strong in yourself and ask Him to fill you with His desires for you and your family. Affirm your desire to pursue Him in everything. Ask Him to help you, to transform you, to give you the strength you need to chase after Him for the rest of your life.

2) Talk with your family about what’s happened in your heart.

Begin to paint the vision of what Jesus can do in the generations of your family. Tell them that you are going first, you’re taking the lead to let Jesus make YOU into all you need to be to lead the family into that place of greatest blessing. Ask them to pray for you, to encourage you, to hold you accountable.

3) Connect with others who are committed to the same glorious goal.

Ideally that would be in your local church, but if you can’t find people there, look further. I’ve created an on-line community for that purpose, if you’d like to find out more, click the link shown in the video or go to www.ChristianHomeandFamily.com/community to find out more.

4) Establish daily habits to fuel the fire.

You need daily time with Jesus. He is your life (Galatians 2:20) To help you get started, I’ve created many resources to help you grow in your relationship with Jesus. Everything one of them has a free version so that nothing stands in the way of you getting started right away. You can find those resources by clicking the link in the video or by going to www.ChristianHomeandFamily.com/store

Parents, it’s time to get real. There’s too much at stake for you and I to waste another precious minute of life. The generational faithfulness of your family depends on the work God does in YOUR life, starting today. What are you going to do ? It’s my prayer that you will take your responsibility seriously and begin nurturing a radical Christian faith of your own… for the sake of seeing radical faith for generations in YOUR family.

Categories : Family Foundations, Parenting, Podcast, Spirit Health

Tags : christian discipleship, generational faithfulness, passion for Christ, radical faith for generations

Monday Mindset: Contentment

Posted by Carey

· Monday, August 4th, 2014

Contentment is a very hard thing, especially in a wealthy culture.

You don’t think you’re wealthy? Plug your income into this quick calculator and you’ll see just how rich you are compared to the rest of the world.

My income, which seems meager to me, turned out to be among the top one half of one percent in the entire world. That’s sobering… especially given the fact that I often don’t feel satisfied with what I have.

We all know the feeling on some level.

The newest model smart-phone.
A new set of wheels.
An upgraded laptop (or better yet, switch to a Mac).
The flat screen TV you’ve always wanted.
That new gadget that will make your hobby so much more fun.

You know the drill… just a little more and we’ll be content.

John D. Rockefeller, one of the most successful and wealthy American businessmen ever was once asked, “How much money is enough?”

His answer? “Just a little bit more.”

As followers of Jesus living in a wealthy society, how do we guide our families down the road of contentment rather than allow the culture to suck them into materialism and the discontent that comes with it?

There are two passages of scripture which I’ve found to be particularly helpful, for me and for my family. In the two of them we find 3 things that will lead us into discontent.

Hebrews 13:5-6

Keep your life free from love of money, and be content with what you have, for he has said, “I will never leave you nor forsake you.” So we can confidently say, “The Lord is my helper; I will not fear; what can man do to me?”

1 Misplaced love

If we love money we’ll become just like John D. Rockefeller… we’ll never have enough. We have to guard our hearts and examine our motives constantly to ensure that our only true love is Jesus Himself.

Share your love for Jesus with your spouse and children. Tell them how much you love Him and why. Nothing is more appealing than the zeal of one who is truly in love.
Make a list together of all the reasons Jesus is worthy of your highest love. (Examples: His love for us – 1 John 4:19, the changes He’s made in your life, the blessings He’s provided, etc.)
Discuss the things that compete for His place as your most beloved. Bring it down to the level of every member of your family so they can see the issue clearly.

2 Fear

Notice the reason for being content with what we have: Jesus will never leave us and is on our side.

We don’t need more stuff or power or position in order to be secure. Jesus is our security and He’s promised that He always will be.

Discuss the things that frighten you. Parents, lead the way by being honest with your kids.
Compare those things to the care, power, and might of Jesus. Talk about which is greater.
Read the last phrase of the verse together, “The Lord is my helper; I will not fear.” Talk about the choice not to fear because of the security Jesus gives.

Here’s the other passage, Philippians 4:10-13

I rejoiced in the Lord greatly that now at length you have revived your concern for me. You were indeed concerned for me, but you had no opportunity. Not that I am speaking of being in need, for I have learned in whatever situation I am to be content. I know how to be brought low, and I know how to abound. In any and every circumstance, I have learned the secret of facing plenty and hunger, abundance and need. I can do all things through him who strengthens me.

3 Forgetting that Jesus is your strength

Paul knew what he was talking about. The man had experienced things we only read about.

Hunger. Beatings. Stonings. Shipwreck. Imprisonment.

He was chosen by God to suffer for the sake of Jesus’ name, and suffer he did (Acts 9:15-16, 2 Corinthians 11:24-28).

Talk with your family about the reality of Jesus. He’s really alive. He’s truly living inside them if they’ve placed their faith in Him.
Brainstorm all the differences those truths make in your lives. Be sure to apply it to every person’s age and place in life.
Describe together what a typical day would look like if you truly counted on Christ being your strength in every situation.

Pray as a family for contentment

Jesus desires for your family to find their contentment in Him even more than you want it. Ask Him to partner with you, to help you guide your family into that place of true peace. He’ll be faithful to do it.

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One of my favorite bands is Switchfoot. If you’re around our house for any length of time, you’ll probably hear one of their tunes blasting. Everyone in the house loves their music because they continually produce songs that are artistically excellent and have meaningful, deep, challenging lyrics.

The video below is one of their lesser-known songs, but in my opinion, one of the more powerful.

It’s a prayer to the Holy Spirit, asking Him to come into the singer’s life to “be my song, fill my lungs. I won’t need anything but You. I found all that I want, all that I long for in You.”

Will you dare to make that your prayer?

For yourself? For your family?

hat is one prayer Jesus will never leave unanswered.

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Categories : Parenting, Spirit Health

Tags : contentment, how to be content, more content, satisfaction, satisfied

Podcast 83 – How to use scripture in your family devotions

Posted by Carey

· Wednesday, July 30th, 2014

How to make use of scripture in your family devotions

Or if you are using a “podcatcher” here is the feed address: https://christianhomeandfamily.com/feed/podcast/

USING SCRIPTURE IN FAMILY DEVOTIONS

HOW DO YOU ACTUALLY DO A FAMILY DEVOTIONAL TIME?

For my family it consists of three parts: Song, Scripture, Prayer
We covered the song part last week – www.ChristianHomeandFamily.com/82
This week we’ll talk about how to include scripture in your family devotional time.

Here’s an example of how I’d go about it… let’s use this passage…

Bless the LORD, O my soul, and all that is within me, bless his holy name! Bless the LORD, O my soul, and forget not all his benefits, who forgives all your iniquity, who heals all your diseases, who redeems your life from the pit, who crowns you with steadfast love and mercy, who satisfies you with good so that your youth is renewed like the eagle’s. – Psalm 103:1-5

TAKE IT SLOW

Make sure words like “bless”, “soul”, “benefits”, and “iniquity” are understood… remember podcast 81?
Explore the meanings through discussion (you don’t have to give all the answers).
There’s going to be no meaning and no impact if the passage is not understood.
Depending on the age / spiritual maturity you may only take 1 verse at a time – that’s OK.

ASK QUESTIONS (that require more than “yes / no” answers) – here are some examples:

What are some reasons the LORD wants us to bless Him?
What do you think it means that God’s name is “holy?”
What is forgiveness? How has God forgiven you?
What impression does this passage give you of God?

TELL STORIES FROM YOUR OWN LIFE THAT ARE APPLICABLE

Your kids need to hear about God’s work in your life.
It gives them real-life examples.
It demonstrates a pattern of how God deals with people.
It shows them how sinful people can relate to God.

END WITH PERSONAL APPLICATION – here’s some examples I might ask based on this passage…

Let’s list all the benefits the LORD has given to our family, or to us as individuals.
What ideas do you have of how WE can bless the LORD for all He’s done?

Carey does speaking on this and other topics. You can find out more here.

Music used by permission of Adam Rey at www.HeyReyGuitar.com

Categories : Parenting, Podcast, Spirit Health

Tags : family devotions, family worship, how to do family devotions, scripture in family devotions, scripture in family worship

Monday Mindset: Joy

Posted by Carey

· Monday, July 28th, 2014

Joy is not something we humans come by easily…

It’ sad, but very true fact.

But such a thing should NEVER be said of a believer in Jesus Christ. Not only do we have have an infinite number of reasons to be joyful, joy is a natural (supernatural) by-product of the Spirit of God who lives in us (Galatians 5:22).

For this week’s “Monday mindset” I want to ask you very simply… How can you help your children and spouse focus on the joy of the LORD this week?

Instead of my typical rambling about the topic, I’m giving you an assignment. Take some of the “discussion starters” below as fuel for your creative fire and create opportunities to interact with your family about the place of joy in the Christian life.

Here’s my list of discussion starters to help you uncover reasons for joy:

Use any or all of these questions to start a conversation surrounding the subject of joy. Feel free to come back here and share what comes of your conversation (in the comments below).

How great is God’s love for you? Try to describe it for me…
Let’s try to list every blessing God has given us…
What are the things God has forgiven you of for which you are most thanful?
What do you think would have happened to you if Jesus hadn’t saved you?
What are the greatest things Jesus has done in your life?
What things in the created world do you enjoy the most? How do you think God feels, knowing that you enjoy His creation so much?
What’s the greatest prayer the LORD has ever answered for you?
Describe the hope that Jesus gives to you.
How does it feel to know that God’s wrath is forever turned away from you because of Jesus?
How does it feel to know that you’ll one day stand in heaven, in the presence of God, totally accepted, forever?

To go on top of that, here’s a list of scriptures to read and discuss together…

Take time each morning before everyone jets out to work or school or summer activities to read and discuss one of these passages. Again, I’d love to hear about the conversations that you have (in the comments below).

Psalm 30:5
Psalm 4:7
James 1:2
Galatians 5:22
Romans 15:13
John 16:24
Proverbs 17:22
Colossians 1:11
Psalm 16:11

Now that you have these joy-thoughts banging around in your head, what will you do with them?

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Below is a testimony from former agnostic Dr Carolyn Weber. She was a feminist and literary studies major at Oxford University when she came upon a group of Christians who she describes this way: “They were warm, and they invited me in, and it was entirely different from what I anticipated and it knocked me off balance, but also the speaker talked about joy being the Christian’s… secret weapon.” Her eventual conversion to Christianity is detailed in the new book ‘Surprised by Oxford.’

This is just one of the many testimonies of what true Christian joy can do in the world… in the lives of real people. Enjoy! 🙂

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Categories : Parenting, Spirit Health

Tags : joy in Christ, joy in Jesus, joy in the LORD, joy of the LORD

Podcast 82 – Integrating music into your family devotions

Posted by Carey

· Wednesday, July 23rd, 2014

How to integrate music into your family devotions

Or if you are using a “podcatcher” here is the feed address: https://christianhomeandfamily.com/feed/podcast/

USING MUSIC IN FAMILY DEVOTIONS

Including music for the sake of worship is not an easy task for most people

If you’re not musically inclined, what do you do? Before we get into the “how” part of including music in your family worship, there’s one other step we need to take first…

Talk with your family about the “WHY” behind singing…

Why do we sing to God in the first place?
It’s not only that it’s fun (though it is), it’s one way that we worship God. And remember, younger children may need an explanation of worship. See podcast 81 for details on how to go about that.
In singing we are speaking truths about God and to God
When we sing ABOUT God, it’s for our sake – to increase our faith and remind us of the truths we believe.
When we sing TO God, it’s in worship, for all that He is and does, to show our love and appreciation.
Come, let us sing for joy to the LORD; let us shout aloud to the Rock of our salvation. Let us come before him with thanksgiving and extol him with music and song. (Ps. 95:1-2)

The easiest way I’ve found to use music is to make use of “sing along songs”

These are songs that you may have on a CD, mp3, or other source that is professionally produced… and your family just sings along!
You have a professional leading you, so the pressure’s off. You don’t have to be musical at all.
No instruments are needed, though you could include them if you like.
Everyone will be able to follow along
Most of the time, kids love it.
Find this kind of music on YouTube, internet apps like Spotify or your own collection.

A method that’s a bit harder is to use a Hymnal or song book

You have to know the songs well in order to do this one, and someone needs to be able to sing moderately well to start the tunes.
You can sing a cappella (no instruments) if you know the songs well.
Another option is to use songs the kids know from Sunday school (Jesus loves me, This little light of mine, etc.)

What if they won’t sing?

When a person won’t sing, it’s usually a heart issue, not a singing issue.
Find out what’s going on.
Is there some embarrassment? Bitterness? Something painful that needs to be explored?
Your job is not to get them sing, but to find out why they won’t.
Patient, loving inquiries will get you there in time.

Next week – Using scripture in Family devotions Carey does speaking on this and other topics. You can find out more here. Music used by permission of Adam Rey at www.HeyReyGuitar.com

Categories : Parenting, Podcast, Spirit Health

Tags : family devotions, family worship, how to do family devotions, music in family devotions, music in family worship

Monday Mindset: Thankfulness

Posted by Carey

· Monday, July 21st, 2014

Jesus expects His followers to be thankful people.

The scriptures are very, VERY clear. There are no exceptions. There are no qualifiers. Take this passage for instance…

…giving thanks always and for everything to God the Father in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ… – Ephesians 5:20

Take a minute to notice the extremities of this passage. We Christ-followers are to be thankful…

ALWAYS.

Really? Doesn’t the LORD understand the kind of life we live down here? Isn’t there some kind of loophole that makes room for grumbling or complaining or “venting” when things aren’t going well? Nope. You can’t find it in scripture. Christians are to give thanks ALWAYS.

FOR EVERYTHING.

Now wait a minute! There are some horrendous things that happen to us on this planet. Death. Job loss. Diseases. Abuses. Injustice. Are we really expected to be thankful in the midst of those kinds of circumstances? Yep. Every one of them.

Sound impossible? It is.

Did you get that? Without Him we can do nothing (John 15:5).

When the LORD gives commands that are impossible for us to fulfill, He doesn’t expect us to grit our teeth and try anyway. He expects us to humbly admit our inability. He wants us to fulfill every one of His impossible commands by relying on the strength His Holy Spirit provides. John 15:5 comes right in the middle of an illustration where Jesus is comparing our relationship to Him to a branches relationship to its vine. The nutrients, strength, and life all come from the vine, not the branches. The branches get everything they need from the vine. Jesus is the vine. We are the branches. That truth holds the key to how we can be thankful in ALL CIRCUMSTANCES and at ALL TIMES.

The first step toward living out thankfulness

So how does the Jesus do it? How does He give us that “vine-life” that enables us to be thankful for everything all the time? Does He zap us with superpowers that spring to life when needed? No… what He does is to cause us to understand and embrace what He says is true. That’s called belief…

Therefore, as you received Christ Jesus the Lord, so walk in him… – Colossians 2:6

We received Christ Jesus as Lord, how? By faith. We are to “walk” or live in Him the same way… by faith. That means that we are to live this life by trusting that what He says is true, no matter how we feel about it, no matter what we think about it from a human perspective. So the first step toward living out thankfulness in all things and at all times is to believe that if Jesus says we should do it, then He will provide the means for us to do it.

The second step toward living out thankfulness

Once we’ve committed to live out what Jesus says, we can move on to apply what He says, to the practical circumstances of life. That’s where the truth of Jesus and thankfulness intersect. Here’s how…

And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good for those who are called according to his purpose. – Romans 8:28

As a committed follower of Christ, one who loves Him and takes Him at his word, we have to avoid the temptation to read this passage and say, “Yes, but…” There is no “but.” This verse contains the word of our trustworthy Savior. It’s His promise to us. He’s put it in black and white to assure us that in every situation He is not only present, He’s active in it for good. That means that in…

Unemployment
Sickness
Financial difficulty
Death
Abuse & mistreatment

…and thousands more situations, Jesus is actively using what is happening for His glory and your good. Because of that amazing fact, we can be thankful… in all things, at all times.

It’s essential that our families know this truth, because the world says the exact opposite.

Everything about being thankful in the midst of terrible circumstances is contrary to the modern way of thinking. For that reason, we’ve got to… 1) Teach our families the truth of Jesus’ good work in terrible circumstances, and… 2) Prepare them to withstand the worldly resistance they’ll be sure to face. Here’s some conversation starters you can use this week to get your family started on that journey…

Questions for family discussion:

What are the hardest things you face in life?
Do you find it easy or hard to be thankful in those times?
READ ROMANS 8:28 & EPHESIANS 5:20.
God says that He’s working in every situation for our good. Do you really believe that?
What comfort or assurance does it give you to know that Jesus is powerful enough to bring good out of bad situations?
Do you think any differently about the hard situations of life, knowing that Jesus is in them, at work for good?
In light of what we read in Romans 8:28, how do you think it’s possible for us to be thankful in every circumstance that happens?
What are some reasons you can be thankful the next time a hard situation comes?

Start there… and let the Spirit guide your conversation. He’ll be faithful to open the door to a greater understanding and application of these truths.

Review often…

Like any Sunday school lesson or sermon, the truth your family learns about this issue will slip away if you don’t serve up reminders for them. So review this idea often. Use hard times to remind yourself and your family that God is good, all the time, and He is working for good in your lives. Say prayers of thanksgiving for the hard times, together, before they come… so that all of you will be thinking about the need for thankfulness ahead of time. And when the hard times hit, remind each other of the LORD’s plan to work it out for His glory and your good. And focusing on that truth, encourage thankfulness in all things.

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Categories : Parenting, Spirit Health

Tags : appreciation, attitude of gratitude, gratitude, thankfulness, thanksgiving

The problem with teen idols…

Posted by Carey

· Friday, July 18th, 2014

When I was in high school, my girlfriend’s sister was an absolute maniac about Rick Springfield.

You remember him, don’t you? Soap opera star turned rock singer? Jessie’s girl?

<<<====== This guy?

I wasn’t very nice about it back then. I told her the blunt truth.

You are NEVER going to even get a chance to meet Rick Springfield, so why don’t you just give it up!?

But despite my best efforts, the 14 year old girl continued her infatuation with good old Rick.

In my thinking, it’s a sad situation when a person is elevated so high in another’s mind.

It get’s crazy. Common sense is thrown out the window. Emotion takes over.

And I don’t think Christian parents think about the influence of teen idols enough…

It’s not that I’m advocating that you restrict your children from knowing about, seeing, hearing the music, or watching the movies of any of “those” people.

But I would say that you need to take a long, hard, thoughtful look at the issue through a biblical lens.

The problem with teen idols is that they are idols, and…

1 Idols are very, very hard to remove once they are in place.

The longer your child “idolizes” that person, the more they will be driven to idolize them. It’s like a kiddie drug addiction, only it’s about celebrity, fame, status, and “cool-ness,” none of which is eternally lasting or edifying to their soul.

2 Idols have an inordinate amount of influence on those who revere them.

It’s unavoidable that kids seek to become like those they respect. It doesn’t matter if it’s a pop diva or a sports hero. That means your kids are going to want to look like them, dress like them, act like them, talk like them. Is that what you want?

3 Idols have the power to numb the senses of their followers.

When kids have an idolatrous fixation on the latest Disney channel star, they are going to have a very hard time making the choice to abandon their devotion when that Disney princess goes off the rails. The teen idol can do no wrong in their mind, so they’ll have a hard time saying that they’ve taken a wrong turn.

4 Whether gold, silver, stone, or flesh and blood, idols take the place of the only true God.

Very simply put, God alone deserves the degree of devotion that is given to idols. He’s the only one worthy of it. To give that kind of devotion to anyone else is equal to adultery. That’s how the LORD Himself illustrates it time and again (see this post).

I know it hurts to hear it said that way, and I don’t say it to be mean or harsh.

I say it so bluntly because you have to see the reality of what’s happened if you have any hope of making a course correction.

Let my confrontation serve you like a map for a person who is lost. Take the time to look at the reality of where you are and to reorient yourself to God’s way of looking at this issue.

How to you help your child avoid the teen idol trap

1 Teach your children to value and adore God from a very early age. Their hearts need to be so full of Him, there’s no room for anyone else. It’s got to be true of you first, and then you’ll be ready to do the daily work required to lead your children there. Jesus has to become more than a name you tack on at the end of a prayer, He has to become the life-source and center of your home.

2 Continually talk about the godly characteristics the LORD wants to produce in people. You want your kids’ minds to be saturated with what God says is valuable so that when they are older, they are able to spot the things about a teen star or other celebrity that are not pleasing to God.

3 Keep up with what they are watching, listening to, etc., so that you can have conversations about the people involved. You want to have open communication with your kids. Ask them what they think about “So-and-So Music Star.” Guide them in the conversation to see the person the way God does. By doing this you’ll be modeling and teaching discernment to them. Some parents fear that they’ll be teaching their kids to become little critics, but if you emphasize humility and Christ-like compassion, you can avoid that.

If your kids are already neck deep in this problem…

Admit your part in it.
Begin with a prayer of repentance.
Confess your neglect as a parent and turn to God who is willing and powerful to help you straighten things out.

Once you have that taken care of you an turn again to your children.

Confess how you’ve failed to your kids. Let them know how sorry you are for the way you’ve let them go down the wrong path.
Clarify the standards God expects of His people and implore them to join you in seeking after Him anew.
Begin conversations about their heroes, music, etc. Begin dialogue with them, comparing their heroes to God’s standards. Take your time. Help them walk through the process of letting go.
Expect resistance and difficulty.

But don’t give up. Our God is able to topple the teen idols.

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Categories : Parenting, Spirit Health

Tags : teen idols

Podcast 81 – Family devotions with small kids in the mix

Posted by Carey

· Wednesday, July 16th, 2014

Family Devotions with small children in the mix

Or if you are using a “podcatcher” here is the feed address: https://christianhomeandfamily.com/feed/podcast/

FAMILY DEVOTIONS WITH YOUNG KIDS IN THE MIX

Before we begin to talk about the “how to” portion of family devotions with younger kids involved, let’s remind ourselves of the purpose of family devotions…

PURPOSE OF FAMILY DEVOTIONS: Facilitate heart-level connection between your family members and the God of the universe.

That kind of connection IS possible in the hearts and minds of younger kids. Don’t underestimate their capacity to make very real connections with the living God.

The challenges with YOUNGER CHILDREN:

Attention span
Understanding
Mixture of ages (How can you engage the younger children without losing the older ones – or vice versa?)

SUGGESTIONS FOR DEVOTIONS WITH YOUNGER KIDS

1. Think like a child…

Don’t assume too much
God, Jesus, sin, cross – all of these are words they may not understand.

2. Take it slow…

Ask questions to gauge comprehension
Don’t move ahead if they don’t get it
Make deeper topics a project, over time

3. Keep it simple…

One simple point is enough.
No need for a 3 point sermon or loads of illustrations.
Once they “get it,” you’re good.

4. Apply it in a relevant way… relevant to the child, that is.

They know “love” in the context of family and friends, so give illustrations related to those contexts.
If you want to illustrate the concept of “mercy”, go back to the last time they were disciplined and talk about what it would have been like if they’d received mercy… and why they didn’t.
Always emphasize God’s desire to help them obey His truth. That’s called “grace” and it’s why Jesus came to die.

5. If older kids are involved too… dismiss the younger kids, give an activity while you continue the conversation Next week – Using music in family devotions Carey does speaking on this and other topics. You can find out more here. Music used by permission of Adam Rey at www.HeyReyGuitar.com

Categories : Parenting, Podcast, Spirit Health

Tags : family devotions, family devotions with small children, family worship, how to do family devotions, small kids, variety of ages in family worship

Monday Mindset: Encouragement in Christ

Posted by Carey

· Monday, July 14th, 2014

New Feature: Monday Mindset

Monday mindset is a new feature of the blog aimed at helping you set your mind for the week to come. Each Monday I’ll focus in on one area that can make an eternal difference for your family. At the end of each post I’ll include “Action Steps” to help you apply the weekly concept in a practical way. I hope you enjoy this weekly mindset adjustment. And I pray that as you implement them, you’ll see the LORD do some wonderful things in your family.

Encouragement in Christ is something we all need…

because none of us is wired to go it alone. From the very beginning God has designed us to live in community, with others alongside. He did so because we need relationships (Genesis 2:18). It is not good for us to be alone. We need support. We need affirmation. We need encouragement.

In His amazing wisdom God has given us a built-in context to receive that encouragement. It’s called a family.

I know, I know, for many people the word “family” only has negative connotations. It was a place of neglect, abuse, or harsh words. It was a place of legalism, harsh demands, or unrealistic expectations.

If that’s you, please know this: What you experienced is not what God created or planned. The power of sin in the world has taken its toll on families as much as it has anything, and because the family is so vital to our health as human beings, damage that happens in a messed up family is particularly painful. The effects of those experiences linger deep in your soul, all the way into the present.

But those chains of dysfunction can be broken… if you will submit them and yourself to the Spirit of God.

Your family can become a place of encouragement. Your family can build positive, godly habits that transform the generations to come. Your family can be a place where the truth of this scripture is lived out day by day…

But encourage one another daily, as long as it is called “today,” that none of you may be hardened by the deceitfulness of sin. – Hebrews 3:13

I can’t overstate the power of this kind of encouragement. I can’ stress enough how vital it is to the eternal health of your family.

Notice what the passage says:

Encouragement needs to happen daily. It’s that important.
Encouragement given yesterday is not adequate for today. Every “today” needs its own dose.
Encouragement can prevent sin from hardening people.

That’s some powerful stuff, especially that last point.

But keep reading, or else you might make a tragic mistake!

This passage is not talking about just any kind of encouragement. It’s truly Christian encouragement that matters. Statements like the following won’t have the kind of impact you’re looking for…

“Your hair sure looks nice today.”
“I like the way you did that.”
“You are a very nice person.”

Those are all kind, maybe even loving things to say, but they’re not the kind of encouragement that prevents a hardened heart.

This passage is talking about Christian encouragement, encouragement in Christ.

What does encouragement in Christ look like?

The kind of encouragement your family needs is deeply rooted in the truth of scripture. It takes the form of reminders about the promises of God. It’s found in exhortations toward Spirit-empowered living. It’s a type of encouragement that raises your family’s sights far above the “normal” way of living in this world.

Here’s a few examples:

Today at work, don’t forget that Jesus lives in you. He is ready to empower you for that difficult meeting and to give you confidence in His work through you.
When you go to school today, remember to listen for the leading of the Spirit so that you can live out His best for you.
I’m so encouraged to see what Jesus is doing in your life. I see Him more every day through the patience and kindness you’re showing.

Do you see the difference in these two types of encouragement?

The first kind of encouragement is simply nice. It might make your family members feel good about themselves for a while, but it doesn’t have much eternal value.

The second kind of encouragement is powerful, because it points to eternal truths that feed the soul. It’s truly Christian encouragement… that your family needs.

You can find many, many more examples of this in episode number 39 of the Christian Home and Family podcast, when I had a conversation with Pastor Sam Crabtree about the power of this kind of interaction in the home. Sam has written a wonderful book teaching all about it. It’s called “Practicing Affirmation.” (affiliate link)

Why truly Christian encouragement makes such a difference…

The kind of encouragement that builds up the soul is so vital because day after day your family is assaulted by ungodly ideas and temptations. They need a fresh dose of God’s perspective every single day.

With it, they have a fighting chance. Without it, they are sure to fall prey to the hardening effect of sin.

Don’t leave that to chance… especially when you can do something about it.

Get proactive.

Get intentional.

Stick with it.

The eternal health of your family members is at stake. The generational faith of your lineage could rest on your consistency in providing encouragement in Christ to your family members.

And most of all, God will honor your obedience and faithfulness.

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Below is a video interview featuring Pastor Sam Crabtree. He does a wonderful job of explaining this concept of true Christian encouragement. Grab a cup of coffee, get your pencil and paper and take some notes. You’re about to learn some wonderful stuff that can make an eternal difference in your family!

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Categories : Parenting, Spirit Health

Tags : Christian encouragement, family encouragement, healthy family, positive family life

Podcast 80 – Getting started with family devotions

Posted by Carey

· Wednesday, July 9th, 2014

HOW TO START FAMILY DEVOTIONS

Or if you are using a “podcatcher” here is the feed address: https://christianhomeandfamily.com/feed/podcast/

How to begin your own family devotions

UNDERSTAND YOUR PURPOSE

Family devotions are intended to facilitate heart-level spiritual growth. They are not just about getting more knowledge into your head (or the heads of your kids). So your goal in devotions should never be to teach your kids to be perfect little theologians, having all the answers to every questoion, or applying religious formulas for a happy day/life.

Family devotions are about relationship – between each member of your family and God. Your family devotionals are for the purpose of pointing every one of you, every day, toward God and His purpose for your lives.

That can be done at breakfast, before bed, after dinner – or all of the above. You pick and be consistent.

SOME FOUNDATIONAL PRINCIPLES FOR PARENTS

1. Be real

From your real-life experience (no fakers allowed). You need to demonstrate what an authentic relationship with God looks like, warts, mistakes, and all.
Be who you are. Don’t get over enthused about family devotions just because you want your kids to be excited. Be who you are and let God lead you in the enthusiasm part.

2. Use your Bible

When you pick up the scriptures, your demonstrating that there’s something of value between the covers of that book.
Makes the scriptures an authority to your kids, not just an irrelevant old book.

3. Be flexible

Stuff will happen. Phones will ring, burps will happen in the midst of prayers, readers will mispronounce words as they read the scriptures. Roll with it. God is sovereign over all those things and will use them
Relax.

4. Trust God to use every effort.

Remember that God is in control, and He wants your family close to Him, more than you want them close to Him. He’ll handle it. You need to let Him lead.

Next podcast – Doing family devotions when small children are in the mix

Carey does speaking on this and other topics. You can find out more here.

Music used by permission of Adam Rey at www.HeyReyGuitar.com

Categories : Parenting, Podcast, Spirit Health

Tags : family devotions, family worship, how to do family devotions

21st century parenthood demands more discernment than ever before

Posted by Carey

· Monday, July 7th, 2014

I know, every generation thinks the task of parenthood they face is more challenging than their parent’s generation faced…

But I truly believe 21st century parent face some incredibly difficult issues; issues that previous generations never imagined. Here’s just ONE example…

Keaton or Keat? Gender identity is going mainstream in very young children.

Sexual identity issues

It’s becoming more and more common for children to change their gender identity. Yes, children. Consider the cases of Coy, and Keaton/Keat, 6 and 7 year old boys whose parents say have identified with the female gender from an early age and have now been allowed to switch to a female identity instead.

They wear girl’s clothing, use girl’s bathrooms at school, and are represented to the world as a girl.

Both families say that in a few years, their child will begin to take medication to suppress their body’s natural adolescent hormones, and eventually undergo sex change surgery.

Along the same lines but with a different twist are parents who are choosing not to identify their child by any gender (even though their gender is obvious from a biological standpoint) so that their child can one day “choose” their gender identity.

To the typical Christian parent, these issues sound like something obscure that the’ll never have to deal with. But you’d be foolish to think so. It’s going to become more and more mainstream in a very short time. Legislation is already being passed in a number of States to “protect” such decisions against discrimination. You and your children will no doubt come in contact with it sooner or later.

And this is only one of many issues. Homosexuality, abortion, infidelity, cohabitation, pornography, and many others are very real present-day challenges that you have got to think about as a parent.

21st century parenthood is not an easy task.

My purpose in bringing up this issue (and the many others it represents) is not to cast stones or criticize. I want to ask you, Christian parent, how are you preparing your child for these realities?

Some principles to keep at the front of your mind (and your child’s mind):

1 God’s word has more authority than public opinion or personal feelings.

No matter how clever the arguments, the Bible is very clear about these and other issues. As believers in Christ, we must accept and encourage what He says is true and right. We can’t allow popular opinion, no matter how popular, to dictate what we believe or how we live. And be ready: holding firmly to a biblical stance will earn you and your kids all kinds of labels – “homophobe,” “bigot,” “hateful,” and many others. It’s an emotionally difficult place to be because none of us likes to be disliked. But we’re in good company. Jesus was killed for similar reasons.

2 Most of the people involved in these issues are not the enemy. They are victims of the enemy.

For example: The parents and children involved in the gender confusion issues I mentioned are not to be hated, called names, or ostracized. They are deceived. They have been tricked into thinking that lies are actually truth. Satan has fooled them, to their peril, and possibly their destruction. Our job is not to push them away, but to draw them close in the love of Christ. We should be praying for them, meeting their needs when possible, and living out a radically real faith before their eyes. As parents, we have got to teach our children what that looks like and how to do it.

One exception bears mentioning. There are some people involved in these issue who are truly enemies. They are the ones who aggressively promote these issues, attack believers, and wage their own culture war against biblical values and the gospel of Jesus Christ. While it’s true that they too are victims of the enemy (deceived), they’ve gone a step further in becoming militant. How should we respond to those people?

We respond in much the same way:

We love them
We pray for them
We live out a radically real faith in front of them
But we also watch out for them, being wise to the fact that our enemy is using them to destroy the very things our God loves, and that we could become their targets.

3 The church community becomes more and more important to us as the culture makes these monstrous shifts

We are taught in scripture that we are to…

…consider how to stir up one another to love and good works, not neglecting to meet together, as is the habit of some, but encouraging one another, and all the more as you see the Day drawing near. – Hebrews 10:24-25

Notice three clear and powerful things:

We are to intentionally “stir up” love and good deeds in each other’s hearts.
We are not to neglect meeting together.
We are to do so even more as the day of judgment/end of the world approaches.

Why are these things so important?

We will forget to love and do good toward those who are “against” our beliefs, and instead become angry, hateful people who do not represent Christ… unless we receive Godly encouragement from other believers.
We will be swayed by our culture if we are Lone Ranger Christians. We need the support and encouragement of others to help us maintain a clear biblical perspective in a world that is shifting so radically away from Christ.
The harder it gets to maintain biblical viewpoints and convictions, the more we need the encouragement of fellow believers. If you think it’s crazy hard now, believe me, it’s going to get even harder. Our children are going to face it worse than we have it. We have got to serve them well by teaching them how to think (according to scripture) and how to respond (with compassion). But we’ve also got to teach them how to lean on the strength of the body of Christ… and we’ve got to do that by teaching and by example.

4 If you let your own discomfort or confusion about these issues keep you from talking with your children about them… you will lose your kids to the world.

I know that’s a very strong statement and that there could be exceptions, by the grace of God. But never forget that one of the primary means God uses to preserve the faith of your children, is you, their parent.

Your intentional, active, well-informed conversations with your children about these issues will be used of the Spirit to guide their thoughts and shape their attitudes. Please, please PLEASE do not allow your own awkwardness about these crazy issues cause you to neglect these conversations with your children. As Solomon did his own son, you need to plead with your children to hear God’s wisdom and apply it to their own lives (Proverbs 1:8-19).

These are only a few of my thoughts about the challenges of Christian parenthood in the 21st century.

There is so much I could say, but mostly I simply want to urge parents to be intentional and agressive in passing on their faith and instilling a true love for Christ in their children.

We parents have got to become proactive instead of reactive.

We’ve got to initiate these deep, issue-based conversations with our children. If we don’t our children are going to be swayed by the culture… and the hope we have of a generational legacy of faith will die on the vine.

There’s nothing more important you could do with your life… nothing.

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Categories : Parenting, Spirit Health

Podast 79 – How to destroy the ones you love

Posted by Carey

· Wednesday, July 2nd, 2014

If you’re not careful, you will destroy the ones you love, without even knowing it. Here’s how to find out if you are, and what you can do about it.

Or if you are using a “podcatcher” here is the feed address: https://christianhomeandfamily.com/feed/podcast/

LEAVE FEEDBACK AND A REVIEW ON I-TUNES

This episode is brought to you by… DRAGON SLAYER: BEGINNINGS – Book 1 in my Christian fantasy series. The reviews I’m receiving on this book are both encouraging and incredible. Believe it or not, lives are being changed by this work of fiction. You can get your copy at htttp://www.DragonSlayerBook.com Now, on with the podcast…

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OK, I agree, the title of this episode is a bit weird. I mean, who really WANTS to destroy the people they love?

But the sad fact is that all of us do thing, say things, and neglect things that wind up being hurtful to the people we love the most – our families. And the way that I see people destroy their loved ones more than anything else is not what you might expect.

It’s not through physical violence.
It’s not by neglect.
It’s not by harmful teaching or education.
It’s with words.

When I was a kid there was a taunt we said to each other in an attempt to console ourselves when harsh words came our way. It was, “Sticks and stones can break my bones, but names can never hurt me.” It was and still is, a lie. Words can do at least as much lasting damage as any stick or stone. I still remember hurtful, untrue, vengeful things that have been said to me. Even trial things come to mind sometimes and give me reason to doubt myself, become discouraged, want to give up. I’m sure you have some similar experiences.

Words are powerful, powerful tools for both good and evil.

The Bible says,

Death and life are in the power of the tongue, and those who love it will eat its fruits. (Proverbs 18:21)

Death and life – those are two extremes, two different points on a continuum. One is what we all want, the other is what we all fear. And words have the power to produce both.

So here’s a point I want you to ponder, as a spouse and as a parent.

DO YOU REALIZE THAT YOUR WORDS HAVE THAT KIND OF POWER? Do you recognize that your spouse and your children can be given life by your words, or that they can be destroyed by your words? That’s a lot of power, for good or for evil. Let me ask you a follow-up question: WHAT KIND OF EFFECT ARE YOUR WORDS HAVING? Would the people in your home, your spouse and your kids, say that the typical type of words that come from your mouth are life-giving? Or would they say that what typically comes out of your mouth is destructive? Are the kinds of words you typically use words of encouragement, affirmation, or equipping? Or are they typically critical, negative, and pessimistic. Look at yourself, right now. Look at the relationships in your life. I’m not pushing this so hard because I want you to feel badly about yourself. I’m pushing this because every one of us is prone to self-deception. We don’t see ourselves realistically. We don’t really see how we truly effect others. I want you to step outside the bubble of self-deception and see yourself realistically.

There are two reasons I’m encouraging you toward this kind of clarity about yourself…

#1 – You’ll be able to see yourself realistically SO THAT you can go to God in true sorrow over what you’ve done and what you’ve become. I know, that’s a pretty heavy thing to say. But I say it that way for a reason. The Apostle Paul says it this way,

For godly grief produces a repentance that leads to salvation without regret, whereas worldly grief produces death. (2 Corinthians 7:10)

Sorrow, or grief over what you’ve done and who you’ve become, is the first step toward change. It’s where you have truly come to grips with your own sin and the damage it has done. Once you are there, you are ready to go on to the next step… #2 – You’ll be able to go to God in repentance. Godly repentance is where you take your sorrow to God, asking for forgiveness and the power to change. It’s where God takes your broken and contrite heart and begins to work His miracle of transformation in you as a person. So, here’s the real question…

HOW DO YOU FIND OUT THE EFFECT YOUR WORDS ARE HAVING?

You have to ask the people who are most affected by your words. You’ve got to be brave enough to ask your family members for their honest, nothing-held-back assessment of your words. If you do, and if they’re honest, you’ll see a real picture of how your words are impacting them. When you do, make sure you respond well. You asked for the honest assessment and they were brave enough to give it, so make sure you use it to truly move toward godly sorrow and true repentance. Use their loving criticism to move toward becoming a source of life for them.

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If you’d like to engage with me directly about this topic, please feel free to do so in the comments below. The Christian Home and Family ministry is aimed at helping you develop a legacy of faith in your family that lasts for generations to come. If I can help you toward that end in any way, please contact me. I also invite you to join the CHAF facebook community. Finally, if you would take a few minutes to help spread the word about Christian Home and Family, I believe God would be honored. Go to here to find all the ways you can help.

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Categories : Marriage, Parenting, Podcast

Tags : Christian parenting, destroy your family, taming the tongue, the power of words

When you’re dead and gone…

Posted by Carey

· Monday, June 30th, 2014

This past Sunday our church family celebrated a week-long Vacation Bible School program.

It included songs from the week, video presentations, and testimonies about what happened in the lives of children and volunteers during the week. One of the group leaders named Bobbi, shared this powerful story… (my rendition of her words below)

That's the song my dad sang, before...

When VBS started, there was a little boy in my group of 6 year olds who was entirely disengaged. He was more than shy; he was withdrawn. That first day we started our worship time and everyone stood. This little boy stood also but he didn’t participate in the songs or motions at all. Toward the end of the singing, we began a rendition of “Jesus loves me.” After singing through the first verse and chorus, the little boy, who was still standing quietly beside me looked up and patted me on the leg. “That’s the song my Daddy sang to me all the time, before he died.” I discovered later, from his grandmother who had brought him to VBS, that his Dad had passed away just two months earlier.

What struck me most about Bobbi’s story was that one of the main things the little boy remembered about his Daddy was a series of repeated moments when his Dad had invested in him spiritually. Who knows if the Dad realized the significance of what he was doing, or if he was just singing a children’s song to his child because it seemed a good thing to do. But after the fact, seeing how the memory of his Daddy singing “Jesus loves me” to him jarred a little boy out of the pain of his still-grieving heart, I realized anew that every moment and every engagement we make with our children on a spiritual level, counts.

In the same worship service,

our Pastor shared an update on his wife’s cousin, who was diagnosed just 3 weeks prior with stage 3 cancer. She had passed away within the last week and from all accounts had left a great legacy of her own. She was 39 years old and left a husband and three children behind.

I don’t want to forget the importance of building a legacy of faith in my children because there’s much more than the lives of my immediate family at stake. Their children and their children, for generations will be impacted by my faithfulness (or lack of faithfulness) now. I don’t want to stand before the LORD ashamed because my lack of diligence and caring concern for the spiritual well being of my family caused generations of my descendants to be strangers to the grace of God.

What about you?

What needs to change in your life today to enable you to make a lasting spiritual impact on your family?

Do you need to find a new job that allows you the time to be present and invest in your family?
Do you need to jettison some hobbies or fun that has been taking up way too much time?
Do you need to set a better example by getting your own spiritual life on track?
Do you need to better demonstrate that what you preach is what you practice, so that your children are drawn to a genuine faith that fuels your life?

Or it might be something else. But the fact is that every person reading this can and should be making a lasting spiritual impact on their family, and as we do, the generations to come will be effected.

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Below is one of my favorite songs on this issue…

I want you to hear it because life is short and it HAS to count. I appreciate Nicole’s perspective that “In the end I’d like to hang my hat on more besides the temporary trappings of this world. I want to leave a legacy.”

Categories : Family Foundations, Parenting, Spirit Health

Tags : dead and gone, end of life, legacy of faith, what you leave behind

Your family needs to know what a failure you are

Posted by Carey

· Friday, June 27th, 2014

Our gut-level human instinct tells us not to admit our failures, especially to our spouse or kids.

For some stupid reason we feel that we have to be able to have it all together in front of those we’re setting the rules for, in front of those we’re leading. Maybe we think we’ll be seen as hypocrites if we fail in front of them, or that they’ll lose respect for us. I guess that could be true on some levels, but I’ve actually discovered an amazing thing…

My wife and kids respect me more when I admit my failures.

Really, it’s true. And I don’t think my family is a group of weirdos who get a kick out of watching me crash and burn.

There are some HUGE benefits to that kind of transparency, for me and for them:

1 I grow in humility.

It’s not possible to overstate how important humility is in the Christian life. I recently read a book on the subject that has changed my life.** I don’t think I’ve ever said that about a book other than the Bible before. Because of a new understanding the LORD is giving me about who I am in light of who He is, I’m seeing day after day how proud I am and how much I need humility. I’m seeing that the more humble I am, the more like Jesus I become. I’m seeing that as a creature before my Creator, I can be nothing but humble. Admitting my failures is an exercise in humility, a setting where I am forced to be honest about who I am before God and in the eyes of my family. I’m beginning to see the opportunity to confess my failures as a wonderful thing, because it grows me in humility and makes me more like my Savior.

2 My wife’s trust in me grows.

When I can be humble enough to admit my mistakes, failures, and sins (and there are many), my wife begins to see me the change that’s happening in me. She starts to see a man who is willing to take a long, hard look at himself, warts and all. She sees a husband who can be trusted with knowing her deepest hurts, fears, and needs. She begins to believe that I’ll care for her more than I care about myself (Ephesians 5:25). That matters to me immensely because it’s something I want to be true of me one day – that I love my wife like Christ loves His church. She needs that kind of husband and I want to be that for her.

3 My children see a real Christian life modeled.

The Christian life is not about becoming more and more perfect, it’s about becoming more and more dependent on our God, Who is perfect. Our walk as Christians is a never-ending exercise of taking our neediness to our LORD’s sufficiency and finding ourselves satisfied in it alone. As we learn to admit our failures – again and again – we find ourselves able to run to the Savior, Who waits with open arms. That is where we find strength, grace, and help in our time of need (Isaiah 40:31 , Hebrews 4:16), and oh, how we need it. When my kids are watching that kind of humble, failure-admitting living take place day after day, they are seeing the Christian life at its most basic level.

They see a Dad who’s honest with himself about himself.
They see a Dad who’s honest about himself before the LORD.
They see a Dad who is able to admit his need and turn to the LORD and others for help.
They see a Dad who is able to ask for forgiveness when he hurts them, which is an incredible relational balm, by the way.
They see a Dad who is NOT in fact a hypocrite, but a real person they can relate to, because they are failures too, remember?.

That is the kind of man my wife and kids need leading our home. A failure who knows he’s a failure, and knows what to do about it.

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Here’s a song about being a failure, a loser, a no-account in human terms, but something much more in God’s sight.

When we can take on the attitude that is prescribed for us in scripture, one that takes pleasure and glory in our own weaknesses, that’s when we will “win.” That’s when God’s power will be able to work to its fullest in our times of weakness.

Categories : Marriage, Parenting, Spirit Health

Tags : Christian humility, christians and failure, failure, family dynamics, grow in humility, how to deal with failure, learn humility, overcome failure, relational health

Podast 78 – Self perception is a fog, and what to do about it

Posted by Carey

· Wednesday, June 25th, 2014

Neither you, nor your kids, see yourselves rightly. Here’s God’s promise to help you see your way clear and bring greater glory to Him…

Or if you are using a “podcatcher” here is the feed address: https://christianhomeandfamily.com/feed/podcast/

LEAVE FEEDBACK AND A REVIEW ON I-TUNES

Now, on with the podcast…

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The more days of life I log on this planet, the more I come to realize that the way we humans perceive ourselves is foggy at best.

There are all kinds of ways it happens, from over-confidence, to lack of confidence, and everything in between. Another example is that we tend toward being unable to see our sin and the consequences of it with any sort of clarity. We excuse things we shouldn’t and condemn things in ourselves that God put there for His divine purposes.

Living in a fog is no fun.

And here’s the sobering thing: Our kids live in the same fog of self-perception. Just like us, they don’t see themselves rightly. They struggle with doubt, condemnation, pride, and a host of other things just like we do. We BOTH need the clarity that only the wisdom of God can provide… and that’s where we are incredibly blessed.

God Himself has promised that if we lack wisdom, there’s an incredible resource at our disposal. Here’s how the Bible states it…

If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask God, who gives generously to all without reproach, and it will be given him. (James 1:5)

Do you realize how incredible that verse is, for you and your children?

In my mind, it’s one of the most amazing promises evergiven to us. Let’s walk through it…

1 – GOD GIVES WISDOM.

That is truly amazing. We don’t have to stumble along in the fog of what we think and feel and believe. We have access to a wisdom that can cut through the fog.

2 – GOD GIVES WISDOM GENEROUSLY

God is not stingy when handing out His wisdom. He gives it freely, generously, abundantly, to anyone who wants it.

3 – GOD GIVE WISDOM WITHOUT REPROACH

When we go to God for wisdom, God is not going to chide us for not being smarter or for not having things figured out. He’s simply going to give us what we ask for.

4 – ALL WE HAVE TO DO IS ASK FOR IT

There’s no outrageous pricetag on the wisdom of God. He WANTS His children to be wise (like He is). So He freely gives wisdom to us when we ask Him for it.

SO HOW DO WE APPLY THIS INCREDIBLE PROMISE?

1 – Memorize James 1:5 as a family. Talk it over. Make sure everyone understands the amazing gift that God offers.

2 – Encourage everyone in the family to ask God for wisdom daily. Hold each other accountable. Make it a project you work on together.

3 – Follow up. Ask everyone how they’re seeing God’s wisdom come on line in their lives. Share your stories to give your kids examples of what it might look like.

4 – Don’t let it die. Continue to talk about the importance of wisdom. Continue to pray for it as a family. Continue to trust God for the wisdom each of you need to see yourselves and God rightly, as you walk through life.

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If you’d like to engage with me directly about this topic, please feel free to do so in the comments below.

The Christian Home and Family ministry is aimed at helping you develop a legacy of faith in your family that lasts for generations to come. If I can help you toward that end in any way, please contact me.

I also invite you to join the CHAF facebook community.

Finally, if you would take a few minutes to help spread the word about Christian Home and Family, I believe God would be honored. Go to here to find all the ways you can help.

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Categories : Marriage, Parenting, Podcast

Tags : Christian parenting, godly kids, if any of you lacks wisdom, self perception

Christianese will poison your kids, unless…

Posted by Carey

· Monday, June 23rd, 2014

Christianese is:

the terms and jargon used within Christian circles. It is characterized by the use of certain catchphrases in ways that may only be understood within Christian circles.

Growing up in church, and pastoring churches for over 20 years, it’s become easy for me to speak Christianese without a second thought. But I can also spot it a mile away. That’s because Christianese is valuable in communicating between believers, but can also be a very dangerous thing – especially for children.

In fact, I’ve found that if I’m not diligent as a parent, Christianese can easily poison my kids.

What I mean is this: it’s easy to learn how to speak the verbiage, and therefore feel a “part of the club,” without it making any difference in your life.

So, if your kids are going to avoid being poisoned by Christianese, it’s going to take YOU, a diligent parent, helping them know the reality underneath the words…

So, for this post I want to list some Christianese words and phrases that your kids need to UNDERSTAND, not just know how to speak.

Christian

We might as well start with the most common, but possibly the most misunderstood. Do you kids truly KNOW what it means to be a Christian? It’s not about going to church, being born in America, or doing good stuff. It’s about being called by God’s grace into the family of God. If you need some clarity on that, don’t read any further before you check out this presentation.

Believer

This one’s closely related to the first one, but clarity is a good thing, right? Do your kids know what a person must believe in order to be a “believer?”

Grace

Do your kids know what grace truly is? Commonly confused with “mercy,” grace is anything God does to help you as a sinful human being. It runs the spectrum from the grace you receive that leads you to faith in Christ, to the grace you receive to take your next breath or enjoy your next heartbeat. So, there are literally TONS of conversations you can have with your children about the meaning and bounty of God’s grace in their lives.

Mercy

I’m sure you saw this one coming… Do your children understand what “mercy” is? Mercy is when you truly deserve God’s punishment (always), but He chooses not to punish you or punishes someone else in your place (like Jesus). Another way to say it is, “not getting what you deserve.” Can you think of a good conversation you could have with your family over the breakfast table about a time when you received God’s mercy?

Faith

What is faith, really? Do your children know? Faith is not just hoping that things turn out O.K. It’s not wishful thinking. Faith always, Always, ALWAYS has an object (something or someone you are having faith IN). To “have faith” in a Christian sense means you are trusting in God for your eternal well being. It means that you have placed your entire life and eternal destiny into His hands. How can you better explain that specific meaning of “faith” to your children?

Salvation or Saved

Do your children know what it means, personally, to “be saved” or to “receive salvation?” It’s not something that happens only by walking down an aisle or raising your hand at the end of a church service. Being saved means you have accepted the fact that Jesus took the penalty and punishment that you deserve as a sinner when He died on the cross. By trusting in Him alone, you are “saved” from the eternal wrath of God the Father because of your sin. That’s some heavy stuff. Do your kids get it? How can you begin discussing the fact that they are sinners and need Jesus to save them from the righteous wrath of God? Maybe start by telling them your story.

Spirit-led

Do your kids know what it means to truly be led by the Spirit of God? There’s surely some controversy surrounding this one, but passages like Galatians 5:16 make it pretty clear, we are to live our lives under the leadership and in the power of the Holy Spirit. None of us can live the Christian life. It takes the Christ, through the Person of the Holy Spirit, expressing Himself through us. That is how the Christian life is to be lived. So, how about if you read Galatians 5:16 to your kids over dinner, and begin discussion what that kind of a life might look like?

Christianese is a double-edged sword.

It’s great to have some common language that we can all use to express the important aspects of our faith and the life of faith we live together. But it can also lull us into thinking we are more mature than we are. Very few of us live up to what we know… and James says that’s not a good place to be (James 1:22). So, work on it… for yourself and with your kids alongside. Don’t let Christianese poison your kids.

I can tell I’m going to have to do a follow up post (or two or three) to this one… there’s so many words we need to make sure our kids are getting right.

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Here’s a hilarious video about Christianese, a good natured mocking of some of the things we say as believers in Christ. I hope it gives you a chuckle and that you can have the humility to laugh at yourself in it.

Categories : Parenting, Spirit Health

Tags : Christianese, doctrine, protect your kids

When will you stop following Jesus?

Posted by Carey

· Friday, June 20th, 2014

I’m asking the question seriously. When will you stop following Jesus?

You are probably shocked that I’d even ask. Or you might be wondering what sort of trick I’m trying to play on you.

No tricks. No gimmicks. I’m asking seriously.

Is there anything that could happen that would cause you to quit following Jesus Christ?

Don’t be so quick to say, “Of course not!” I’d like to ask you to take off your sanctimonious robes of piety for a moment.

What if…

Someone close to you was brutally murdered?
Your business or investment ventures went bottom up tomorrow?
Your child was abducted, raped, and killed?
You came down with a rare disease that resulted in you languishing away in a sick bed the rest of your days?
A loved one, maybe even your own child, turned on you viciously?

let yourself walk through the varied emotions that would come with each of those scenarios…

You’d feel…

Anger
Dismay
Confusion
Betrayal
Helplessness
Disappointment
and a thousand other things

and they’d be directed at God, others, and the situation itself.

Would you be tempted to conclude something like this?

If this is how Jesus treats those who have given their lives to Him, then ‘No thanks,’ I don’t need that kind of friend.

What will keep you from coming to that kind of conclusion when tragedy strikes your life?

Jesus is NOT

a genie who makes your wishes come true
a faith-activated formula to give you what you want
a vending machine to meet your needs

Jesus Christ is your LORD, and sovereign over the universe!

There is much, much more to Him than we can comprehend. He is worthy of our praise and devotion, no matter what happens.

In our efforts to better KNOW our Lord Jesus, my family and I have come upon three things about Him that work together to bring great confidence and comfort.

1 He’s all powerful

2 He is all wise.

3 He is entirely good.

Jesus is working all things together for the good of those who love Him and are called according to His purpose (Romans 8:28). That’s you and me. So, even the horrendous, unthinkable things that could come into our lives, are part of His good plan for us.

Nothing got past Him.

Nothing was outside His control.

Our good, wise, all powerful Savior is still in control of everything, even when life seems to be falling apart.

Whatever comes into your life (from tragedy to inconvenience) is part of God’s good, wise, powerful plan for you.

You need to grow/develop the kind of faith that can not only accept those truths, but can even delight in them. Your kids need to develop that kind of faith, too.

My family and I are discovering that the more we truly BELIEVE these things about God, the more COMFORTING it becomes, no matter the circumstances.

How do you do it?

Saturate your mind(s) with these truths.

Find verses on these topics and make them memory projects.
Make these areas topics of discussion during family times.
Ponder them in your personal quiet time.
As a parent, you might even assign these concepts as topics of consideration and contemplation for your children’s quiet times (follow up with discussion).

Let go of the insistence to see God how you want Him to be.

Let the scriptures guide you in developing your view of God.
Ask Him to give you the desire to see Him as He really is.
Ask God to weaken your grip where you are holding on to an improper view of Him.
Ask Him to replace your wrong view with the right view.

Ponder the significance of these truths together, in practical situations.

Fashion real-life “what if” questions, like I did at the beginning of this post, and consider how these truths would benefit you in those situations.
Raise the difficult questions for your spouse and children to consider. Guide them in applying the truth of God to the situation.
Pray together about these situations, asking the LORD to give you the faith and strength you will need for such times of trial.

Praise God for these attributes, together.

Spend time as a family focusing on God’s attributes of power, wisdom, and goodness – and thank Him for being all of those FOR you.
Take turns sharing why you love God’s (blank – goodness, wisdom, power, etc.).
Write songs, make posters, create poems that focus on these areas of God’s character.

And in all of these things… be patient, especially with each other.

To wrap up… here’s a video from a young woman named Ginny Owens. Ginny is blind, and is an incredible example of faith in the face of unexplainable circumstances. Her song, “If you want me to” is a powerful testament of the kind of faith I’m eager to see you build in your family over the generations.

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Categories : Parenting, Spirit Health

Tags : faith in Christ, faith in hard times, radical faith

Podcast 77 – Bad habits start early, but so do good ones

Posted by Carey

· Wednesday, June 18th, 2014

You can take advantage of the power of good habits to set your children on a path toward godliness… it’s in this episode of the podcast.

Or if you are using a “podcatcher” here is the feed address: https://christianhomeandfamily.com/feed/podcast/

LEAVE FEEDBACK AND A REVIEW ON I-TUNES

Now, on with the podcast…

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When I was a kid, I had a terrible habit. I bit my fingernails. It doesn’t sound like such a bad habit, but it wasn’t just the nails themselves, I bit the skin surrounding my finger nails. I even nibbled the skin on the tips of my fingers. My fingers looked like trees after a beaver had gotten a hold of them, little tooth marks everywhere.

I remember trying to break that habit. It was extremely hard. Why? Because it was long-standing. I had begun my finger nibbling, probably around the time I was six years old, but I didn’t try to break it until I was in my mid to late teen years. I was fighting ten years of physical repitition, psychological conditioning, absent-mindedness about the habit, and it wasn’t easy.

I tell you that story to illustrate the power of a habit. But you probably didn’t need the illustration at all. Every one of us has been challenged by the need to kick a habit of one kind or another. Smoking, drugs, cursing, anger, criticism, pride… the list goes on and on, doesn’t it?

When we think of habits, we tend to think of the negative side of the subject, but I want to suggest to you that just like a bad habit starts young and becomes incredibly hard to break – a good habit can be built early, in the life of your children, and can serve them positively for their entire lives.

SO WHAT KIND OF GOOD HABITS WOULD YOU LIKE TO SEE YOUR KIDS (or yourself) DEVELOP? HERE’S TWO THAT I CONSIDER MOST IMPORTANT

#1 – DAILY TIME WITH GOD

Our family has been blessed by God to have the determination to build this habit into the lives of our kids, from the start. I see the fruit of our efforts in their lives. At the time of this recording, my three oldest children are young adults, one of them already married and a father (that makes ME Grand-pop!). The LORD led us to integrate daily time with the LORD into their lives from the time they were able to hold a book. The results have been nothing short of amazing. Today, each of them engages in their own relational time with the LORD in a genuine, life-giving way. It happens at least in part, because they started the habit of setting aside the time to be with the LORD, early in life.

If you’d like to hear more about that, from their own lips, you can at ChristianHomeandFamily.com/73

#2 – GODLY ATTITUDES

The scriptures are full of attitudes that are supposed to be true of believers in Christ. From generosity, to kindness, to humility, the scriptures make it clear that all of us are fully dependent on the Spirit of God to produce those things deep down in our souls. But as parents, we can have a significant impact on our children’s growth in those areas from before the time they are born.

Yes, I said from before the time they are born. So the first thing you should do is begin praying for God to fill them with His Spirit, so that they can then demonstrate the fruit of the Spirit. We began praying for each of our children the moment we knew my wife was pregnant. Once we knew if they were boy or girl (yes, we did find out), we gave them a name and began praying for them by name… all before they sucked in their first breath of oxygen. I believe it had a significant impact on who they are and God’s work in their lives.

Once they were born, we did a number of things to encourage godly attitudes.

First, we made sure that we, the parents, were working on improving those attitudes in our own lives. If you preach one thing and do another, you’ll find rebellion rising up in the heart of your kids. For more on that, see episode 70 of this podcast, at ChristianHomeandFamily.com/70.

Next, we worked hard not to underestimate our kids’ capacity for absorbing the truth of God. We read scripture to them, found scripture-filled children’s music for them, and talked about what the songs and stories were saying. Parent’s, don’t underestimate the Spirit’s power through the word of God. He is able to drench your child with Himself from an early age. John the Baptist was filled with the Spirit in his mother’s womb (Luke 1:15). Why couldn’t your child be significantly shaped by the Spirit from an early age too?

Once our kids were old enough to carry on a conversation, no matter how elementary, we started practicing a number of additional things…

We talked about desirable godly attitudes in positive terms.
We pointed out people who were doing a good job at allowing the Spirit to produce His fruit.
We read them stories of admirable Christians who could serve as role models.
We discussed desired traits repeatedly, covering why the trait in question was so important and what God thought about the issue.
We worked as a family to memorize scriptures that taught about the godly traits we were encouraging.
Once they were old enough to understand the word “no” and what it meant (around 1 year old), we began requiring them to behave in godly ways, even applying discipline when needed, as the scriptures encourage parents to do.

Now don’t misunderstand, we weren’t heavy-handed or stern with our kids. Everything was drenched in love and acceptance, and taught in a spirit of dependence on God to help them do what they were expected to do.

All of this was based on the belief that God will use our efforts as parents as some of the means by which He develops them into the people He wants them to be. My belief is that part of the effectiveness comes from getting our kids started down a path of thinking rightly about godly attitudes and actions, early in life. We’re helping them, guiding them, with the help of the Spirit of God, to develop their own godly habits in the areas of thinking and behavior.

Parents, take this issue seriously. Just like my nail-biting, your kids are GOING TO DEVELOP HABITS. Why wouldn’t you want to proactively help them develop powerfully good ones?

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If you’d like to engage with me directly about this topic, please feel free to do so in the comments below.

I also invite you to join the CHAF facebook community.

Finally, if you would take a few minutes to help spread the word about Christian Home and Family, I believe God would be honored. Go to here to find all the ways you can help.

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Categories : Marriage, Parenting, Podcast

Tags : Christian parenting, godly behavior, godly children, godly kids, good habits

Why do you follow Jesus?

Posted by Carey

· Monday, June 9th, 2014

Why do you follow Jesus?

Really, I’m curious.

The REASON you follow Jesus will tell you a lot about the depth and genuine-ness of your faith in Him.

And it will speaks volumes to your children – both negatively and positively.

So really, why do you follow Jesus?

Do you follow Jesus because…

you think He’s a “blessing machine” that doles out rewards for good/religious behavior?
you have a misconstrued belief that He prevents all harm from coming to His followers?
your own parents taught you to follow Him and you’ve fallen into step behind them?
you want to have some sort of spiritual beliefs, and Jesus is the flavor you like most?
you don’t like the alternatives?

Biblically speaking, NONE of those are good reasons. Each one is a twisted motivation that actually leads AWAY from true devotion to Christ.

And if your kids get a whiff of those kinds of motives in you (and I guarantee you, they will), THEY will be led away from genuine faith in Christ too.

Good reasons for following Jesus are pretty simple.

Jesus is it.

He’s the beginning and the end (Revelation 22:13).

He’s the central theme and focus of all creation (Colossians 1:17).

He’s the one around whom all history revolves (Luke 24:27).

He’s the Creator God, who created YOU for His own purpose (Colossians 1:16).

That’s the kind of “following” that makes a difference.

Lead your kids down the same path

It’s that kind of enthralled devotion to the PERSON of Jesus that provokes the same kind of devotion in our children. They begin to fall in love with a Person, not a set of beliefs, or a list of benefits, or a religious system.

Faith becomes real to them.

Faith comes alive in their hearts.

How do you do it practically?

Your children need to know that you follow Jesus because of who He is. Tell them. Talk about it. Share your heart with them.
They need to hear you talk about how awesome He is. Marvel over Jesus with your children. Help them see His grandeur, His splendor, His amazing power and wisdom and grace.
They need to see that you are delighted with the amazing grace He’s shown in making you one of His own. Tell them your testimony of salvation. Tell them how He’s carried you when you’ve failed. Show them how patient, and kind, and compassionate He’s been toward you.

Below is a bit of inspiration… in the form of a song. Take the following 4 minutes and 32 seconds to remind yourself of the amazing, indescribable nature of your Savior, so that you can step away from the computer and draw your kids into the wonder of who He is. Watch, listen, then go and provoke your kids toward worship.

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Categories : Parenting, Spirit Health

Tags : children's spirituality, family discipleship, family spirituality, follow Jesus, godly children, godly family

Praise and worship are really, really hard

Posted by Carey

· Friday, June 6th, 2014

Praise and worship – it’s harder than it should be.

Sadly so.

Worship itself is a response. It’s a reaction to the greatness of God.

When the heart sees, with the eyes of faith,who God is and all that He’s done, worship is the natural response.

But we don’t easily see God in that way.

Sadly, the King and Creator of the universe is obscured from His creatures by an ever-widening range of trivial things.

possessions
ambitions
desires
toys
gimmicks
false securities

… and the list goes on. That’s why true praise and genuine worship are so hard.

But there’s another reason praise and worship are so difficult…

We get used to it.

We can too easily become accustomed to worship as an activity we do, during a worship service, with other people.

It can become synonymous with music, singing, liturgies, and body postures, rather than being what it truly is; a grateful response of a heart that has seen true glory.

Genuine praise and true worship are hard because fallen people like us are prone to getting the blinds drawn between us and the glory of our Gods. We’re distracted and drawn away from an intentional, ongoing focus on Him, by lesser things. In fact, we come to prefer the lesser things over the God who has given them to us.

So what’s a Christian parent to do? How do you learn how to genuinely worship, and then pass it on to your children?

Here’s my quick-list of tips – things you have to commit yourself to working on daily.

1 Work hard to keep the glory of God clear in your own mind.

You can never expect your children to see the glory of God if you, their parent, don’t demonstrate the importance of seeing it, in your own life. They need to see you pouring over the scriptures, and hearing why you do it. You need to repeatedly tell your kids, “I read the Bible because it shows me more and more of the wonders of God.”

But you can’t do it with no heart. You’ve got to mean it.

You’ve got to be searching the scriptures for yourself, like you’re searching for a treasure – because you are (Matthew 13:45-46). And you’ve got to be sharing that treasure with your children, every time you find it.

2 Encourage your kids to seek after the treasure for themselves.

It’s one thing to hear about a treasure somebody else has found. It’s quite another to find it yourself. Your kids need to see the glory of God personally.

They need you to help them find it.

Point out His glory in the sunset, and in the puppy, and in the fun of a good joke.
Draw out His provision and care in every blessing you share as a family.
Tell them how He’s held you up in your hardest times.
Explain to them why you will never turn away from Him.

You need to be the one who pulls up the blinds for them, to let the glory of God shine through.

3 Prepare your kids for times of corporate worship.

When your family will be joining with others for a time of worship (Sunday morning worship services, Sunday school, youth group, etc.), make sure you do some preemptive preparation.

Remind them why the activity is important. Point out how hard it can be to stay focused on God in the presence of distractions they might encounter (everything from a friend across the room to the Pastor’s unique quirks). Challenge them to seek God like treasure – in the music, in the spoken word, in the prayers, and in what He may be doing in their own hearts. Tell them you’re going to ask about their experience when it’s all over.

Then do it.

And emphasize that their experience of worship may or may not be emotional. What matters is that they work to express their apprehension or understanding of the worth of God, back to Him.

Genuine praise and worship are really, really hard…

for you and for your kids.

Make sure you do your part to help them become the true kind of worshipers the Father seeks (John 4:24).

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Below is one of my favorite songs (for now) that focuses on the greatness, awesome power, and majesty of our God. It reminds me of the kinds of things that are true of God, and nobody else. It reminds me why He is worthy of my worship and why I need to recommit myself, every day, to the hard work it takes to make sure that I AM truly worshiping Him daily.

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Categories : Parenting, Spirit Health

Tags : family worship, generational faithfulness, praise and worship

God used a family to…

Posted by Carey

· Monday, June 2nd, 2014

How might the LORD want to use YOUR family?

What do you need to do in order to be in the context where He could?

What kind of leadership would it take, on your part, to position your family for it?

How could you improve the environment of your home/family, to make it more sensitive to the leading of His Spirit?

What key elements are missing in your spiritual health as a family?

What practical steps will you take to move in a God-ward direction?

Categories : Parenting, Spirit Health

Tags : God used a family, God uses

How healthy habits can impact generations

Posted by Carey

· Friday, May 30th, 2014

You can develop healthy habits (of thinking, feeling, communication, etc.) that impact your family for generations.

About a week ago, my oldest daughter (20 years old at the time of this writing) and my wife were talking, and my daughter said something along this line…

Mom, I’m so thankful you didn’t let me fall into the habit of letting my feelings control me. They would have, but you had the wisdom to make me respond according to what is true instead. At first it was hard, and I resented it. But as it became a habit, it transformed my life.

It’s hard to express what a blessing it was to overhear those words coming from that particular daughter. Why? Because when she was young (around 2 or 3 years old), she was a very moody child. We found ourselves in a constant battle with her emotions. In the years that followed, we had to consistently guide her out of those moody spells when they came around again. But look at how she views it now. She calls herself “transformed.”

There are 2 POWERFUL points she made…

1 Her parents didn’t allow her emotions to control her.

The way I phrased that is important. Her parents DIDN’T ALLOW it. Many parents believe a flawed kind of logic that goes something like this…

“I can’t control how my children feel. So, I have to try to understand them, empathize with what they’re feeling, and ride out the storm.”

As happened in my daughter’s case, the feelings will lose their power as they live according to the truth. In our experience, moodiness was nothing more than the power of sin seeking to dominate her… and we weren’t going to allow it to happen that way.

An example:

Often, when that daughter woke from naps, she was “mad at the world.” Her eyebrows hung low over her eyes and you could feel the negative vibes emanating from her little body. Her responses to others during that “waking up” stage were snappy and even rude.

We determined that such behavior was unloving, did not bring glory to Christ, and would therefore, not be allowed. So, we talked with her about the issue, explaining what we saw, what it was (sinful), and that we would not allow it. We even told her what the consequences would be if she treated others that way again.

Then, we went to war. Literally, the three of us went to war against the tyranny of her emotions. For us parents, consistency and determination were key. We were not going to allow our daughter to grow up into an emotionally controlled young woman.

And from her own mouth, we hear that she feels her life is changed, for the better, because we didn’t allow it.

2 She was made to respond according to what was true

An example:

Every time our dear daughter woke and came out of her room with a bad attitude, we’d remind her what we’d talked about, and require her to go back to her room, ask Jesus for help to love people as she should, and try again. Sometimes she needed our help in knowing how to do those things (especially when she was young). Eventually, she’d do it on her own, and might even be in her room a long while before she was ready to come out again.

But finally, with lots of time and consistency, she began to gain the victory over the power of sinful emotions. The moody attitude when first coming from her room after a nap decreased in frequency, until finally, she was relatively free of it.

This was all just the “training ground” for when she finally placed her faith in Christ. Then the Holy Spirit came online and she really began to make progress.

Healthy habits have a long term (even eternal) impact

There are quite a few ways I see that our daughter’s freedom from the dominance of emotion will carry into the future…

She will be (and is) less emotionally controlled in the face of fear, danger, or doubt.
She is able to assess and live out her relationships according to God’s wisdom much more easily than she would have been.