The purpose in a man’s heart is like deep water, but a man of understanding will draw it out. – Proverbs 20:13
Healthy relationships = erasing the relational slate regularly. What does that mean?
I can explain it best by telling you how it happens in my house – and my wife is the pro at it. She introduced me to the idea, and is the one who helps me remember to do it to this day.
HERE’S HOW IT LOOKS:
Pretty regularly, Mindi has intentional, personal conversations with the members of our family, where she asks some or all of the following questions:
- How are you feeling about our relationship?
- Have I done anything lately that has made you feel (pick one) – hurt? – frustrated? – angry? – like I am upset with you? – that I don’t approve of you? – that I don’t love you?
- Have you been feeling any sense of condemnation from me lately?
- How can I act toward you that will make you feel more loved?
- How can I pray for you?
Do you get the idea?
When you truly care about the people in your home, those are the kinds of things you need to be asking.
Why? Because the answers you receive will tell you how you can love them better.
It takes humility and true concern for your family members if you are going to ask questions like these.
But it has to be done.
Conversations like this enable you to clean slate, getting to a place where healthy relationships can thrive.
Nothing is hidden.
Nothing is unknown.
You are honest with each other and able to respond in love to the true needs your loved ones have.
Healthy relationships to target in your home
- Spouse
- Kids (if they can talk… you can ask some version of these questions)
- Parents
CALL TO ACTION:
- CHOOSE a “target” loved one.
- MAKE your own list of questions (steal some of mine if you want).
- DECIDE WHEN you are going to have the conversation.
- ASK the questions.
- APOLOGIZE where needed.
- REASSURE them of the truth where needed.
Have you ever had this kind of conversation with your loved ones? Do you mind sharing your story?














I think scheduling these types of conversations is such a wise thing to do – especially between spouses as our lives get increasingly busy.
@Loren Pinilis – yep, the pace of life makes it tough on everyone. If it isn’t planned it tends not to happen.
Wonderful idea…thanks for sharing Carey!
@Hmadsen You’re welcome! And thanks for your contribution to the podcast next week… it’s going to be great!
Hi Carey. I’ve nominated you for the 2012 Blog of the Year Award – although I feel that this site is much more than a blog. Families are precious. In this day and age, they are in dire need of help so I really appreciate what you do here. I don’t really know much about these bloggie awards. I was nominated for this one so now I get to nominate others. For more info, go to my December 12th post.
@Lisa B I don’t know what to say… very sweet and thoughtful of you! I’m not sure I’m going to have the time to continue the chain/circle on my end, but I DO appreciate your consideration Lisa!