Your wife needs you to say it to her.
Don’t assume she knows.
Never assume.
Make sure that the things you value about her are spoken… clearly and often.
When you say it, you will help her beyond what you can imagine.
She’s got deep seated insecurities about herself as a woman. She wonders if she’s woman enough, pretty enough, satisfying enough…
And the enemy assails her with lies about those things every day.
And YOU, her HUSBAND are the only one who can dispel those lies. You’re the only one who can help her know the truth about herself.
Your wife needs you to say it to her.
What is it she needs to hear you say?
Here’s a starter list, but you need to come up with one of your own based on your experience together, based on what is true of your wife and your knowledge of her.
Guys, take this seriously.
You don’t know how much it could do for your wife, if you’d only say it to her.
- I’d marry you all over again.
- You make me happy.
- I can’t get enough of you.
- I want to spend more time with you.
- You are beautiful.
- Divorce is never an option.
- You are all woman.
- Let’s plan a weekend getaway just for the two of us.
- I long for more of you.
- Your emotions are never a bother to me.
- I love caring for you.
- I’d give my life to save yours.
- I’m in this with you.
- I’m glad you’re the mother of my children.
- You make me feel like a man.
- After Christ, You are God’s greatest blessing to me.
- I’m glad I married you.
- What you feel matters to me.
- I’ll never leave you.
- When can I have some alone time with you?
- You are enough.
- Do you know that I’d never trade you for anyone else?
- I love your ___________________ (laugh, smile, face, eyes, etc.).
- I value you more than anything.
- You are a gift to me.
- My heart is fully yours.
- You don’t have to worry about me being faithful to you, because I am and always will be.
- You satisfy me.
- How is your heart?
- I enjoy learning more about you.
- I’m proud of you.
- I see Jesus in you in this way…
- I never get tired of you.
- Would you like to go on a date with me?
- I missed you today.
- Do you know how much I love you?
- I’m captivated by you.
- I’m glad we can walk through the difficulties of life together.
- I love you more today than I did yesterday.
- There’s no person more important to me than you.
- I care about what you feel.
- I want to understand you more and more.
- I love your heart.
Say it to her
Husbands, don’t just read this list and nod your head.
Don’t just think of it as a good idea.
Take action. Call her. Go to her.
Now.
Tell her how you really feel.
Say it to her.
Then… say it again. Every day.
Tell her over and over and over.
In time, she’ll come to believe it.
But she never will if you don’t say it to her.
What if you can’t say it to her?
This will sound harsh – but you need to repent.
You’ve allowed your eyes or mind or heart to be drawn away from the wonderful gift the LORD gave you.
I know there may be hurts that have caused it. I know she may deserve your rejection.
But I also know that you are called by God to lover her like Jesus loves His church (Ephesians 5:25). And I know that God has given you His Holy Spirit to enable you to do it.
That’s a calling of self-sacrifice, not self-defense. It’s a calling to be the most noble example of manhood that exists; a self-giving, lay-down-your-life-for-her manliness that our world hardly sees anymore.
You can do it because Jesus is in you. He desires to do it through you.
So repent and start making things right with your wife.
Apologize for your part in the pain. Tell her that you want more, that you want God’s best for your marriage.
Don’t let pride or hurt or humiliation or fear keep you from acting.
Be a man. Be a man of God and watch God to the work of restoration.
Here’s a love song that stirs my heart every time I hear it.
Listen to the devotion and depth of emotion in the voice of the man who sings this.
Imagine what he must feel for his dear wife.
And let it move you. Let it motivate you to love your wife well.
Then, go say what you need to say.
This song is from Jenny and Tyler. It’s called, “As Long as Our Hearts are Beating.”
by 
I love this, Carey – and I especially love your words to husbands who are not “feeling it” at the moment. It’s easy to pour out love when everything is wonderful in our marriages, but these are tough words to swallow when things aren’t so good. I think it takes a lot of wisdom, though – because although we’re called to love our wives like Christ loves the church, I don’t think that means that we are necessarily to pour out praise for her. The most loving thing is ultimately what is best for her, the relationship, and Christ – not necessarily what would make her feel the best.
I completely agree Loren (good to hear from you again, BTW), HOWEVER I’ve found that sometimes we have to wade through the feelings before they are ready to hear “what is best.” It doesn’t mean you placate them, but that you understand them (1 Peter 3). When they feel understood, they’re more open to hearing the other stuff.