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Archive for biblical parenting

natural way to raise godly children

The natural way to raise Godly children

Posted by Carey 
· Friday, June 28th, 2013 

The natural way to raise children…

How did your children learn to talk?

Did you sit down with an alphabet chart and teach them phonics?

Did you grill them on vocabulary every day?

Did you work at it very hard at all?

Most of us taught our children to speak by speaking to them, reading to them, pointing at the cat and saying “CAT.”

We taught them to speak by example.

Did you know you could do such a complicated thing?

Really, think about it.

The English language, for example, has 44 sounds. (19 vowel sounds including 5 long vowels, 5 short vowels, 3 dipthongs, 2 ‘oo’ sounds, 4 ‘r’ controlled vowel sounds and 25 consonant sounds).

And don’t ask me what a “dipthong” is…

Through daily, repetitive, natural conversation with your little ones, you taught them to master every one of those sounds.

Beyond that is the issue of vocabulary (words and their meanings).

The average 5 year old has a vocabulary of 2100 to 2200 words. By the time your child is 12, they will be speaking almost 50,000 words!

And you taught them almost all of those words through simple, natural interaction and speech.

The natural way to raise Godly children

Raising godly children is not much more difficult. In fact, God tells us to do exactly the same thing…

Deuteronomy 6:7-9 You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise. You shall bind them as a sign on your hand, and they shall be as frontlets between your eyes. You shall write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates.

Look through the verse again to notice all the “natural” everyday things you are commanded by God to do with your children…

  • talk of God’s commands and ways when you sit down.
  • talk of God’s commands and ways when you walk around.
  • talk of God’s commands and ways when you lie down.
  • talk of God’s commands and ways when you get up.
  • make them a part of every moment of life (bind them on your hands).
  • make sure you see them everywhere (frontlets between your eyes).
  • put them around your house for you and your children to see.

It’s not rocket science. It’s life, lived in the presence of God. And THAT is the natural way to raise Godly children.

But it doesn’t begin there…

My Dad tells a story of one of his friends who he calls “a character.” This man, thinking he was being funny, taught his son to count, “1 – 2 – 3 – FOUR!” (with the number 4 about an octave higher in pitch). It was cute… until the kid went to school and was made fun of by the other kids and criticized by his teacher. This man knew the right way to count but for the sake of being funny taught his kid to do it the wrong way.

Raising your children to follow God’s ways is similar. You need to know God’s word and ways before you can rightly teach them to your children. Then you have to be diligent to see that you do it.

Deuteronomy 6:5-6 You shall love the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your might. And these words that I command you today shall be on your heart.

Before you try to go all “natural” on your kids… make sure it’s natural for you. You need to…

  • love the LORD yourself… with ALL your heart, ALL your soul, and ALL your might.
  • And God’s words have to be on YOUR heart.

If you need help getting on the right track, I have a free set of 19 spiritual growth lessons you can download right now.

Don’t let the role of being a spiritual mentor to your children be an intimidating thing. Love God. Learn His word. Teach it to your children naturally, like you taught them to speak.

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Categories : Parenting, Spirit Health
Tags : biblical child raising, biblical parenting, Deuteronomy 6, godly children, natural child raising, natural parenting, spiritual parenting, the natural way to raise children
provoke your children to anger

6 ways to provoke your children to anger

Posted by Carey 
· Wednesday, August 22nd, 2012 

1. Boss them around without first convincing them that you care for them

Set up a bunch of rules that are devoid of any real relationship between you and your kids. This is a sure-fire way to make sure that they don’t even get a hint that you are concerned about their well-being. You’re giving them rules to follow… isn’t that enough to show them that you care?

2. Treat them as if they are not important

Don’t listen to your kids… after all, they are kids. Don’t ask them about their lives, their interests, what the LORD is doing in their life… nothing. Basically, just ignore them altogether. You are the parent, you’re the one who matters most.

3. Don’t notice and affirm the good they are doing or have done

If you compliment or affirm them, they’ll get big heads. Why would you want to risk that? Withhold encouraging comments about their competence and abilities, and never let them know what you see the LORD doing in them. You don’t want them being one of those self-righteous religious kids who looks down on everyone else, do you?

4. Don’t allow them to apply new skills and abilities

Yeah, they are supposed to be growing up, but you know that if you want it done right, you’ll have to do it yourself. And don’t let them try things that may be risky. They might get hurt, or make a mistake, or fall into sin… or worse they might embarrass you. Play it safe… don’t let them try anything new.

5. Don’t discipline them, even when they need it

Discipline is highly overrated. You may go too far and damage their self-esteem. They’ll learn their own lessons in time if you’ll just leave them alone to figure out their mistakes and temptations on their own. What they really need is the freedom to discover themselves. Requiring them to toe the line morally or ethically will crush their individuality.

6. Don’t honor or care for the people your kids care about

The relationship your kids have with their other parent, or their siblings, has nothing to do with you. If you treat your kids’ loved ones unfairly, they won’t even notice. They aren’t mature enough to understand injustice or abuse.

provoke your children to anger

If you weren’t sure if I was serious or not, let me put your mind at ease. I wrote those 6 points as pure satire, to get you thinking.

Some of you were really bothered by the sarcastic tone, and that’s understandable. But the real tragedy is that some of you were more bothered by the sarcasm than you were with the possibility that you actually DO think along those lines some of the time.

The scriptures instruct parents in this way:

Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.

To make what I’m saying perfectly clear, I want to quickly run through those points again, only this time without the sarcasm.

1. Boss them around without first convincing them that you care for them

If you set up your household in a way that majors on rules but minors on genuine, caring relationship between the parents and children, you are setting up your children to become angry – with you.

I’m not saying you shouldn’t have rules (we have plenty of rules in our home), but your kids need to know that you CARE about them first. If they know that they are more important to you than the rules, they’ll typically submit to the rules – because they trust YOU. Remember this “3 R” principle:

provoke your children to anger

2. Treat them as if they are not important

If you disregard or ignore your kids they’ll become angry – with you.

You should do your best to treat them as valuable, important individuals in your household. They have their own life, just like you have yours.  And their life is important to them, just like yours is to you. Their concerns may not truly be of much importance in the long run, but you should care about those things because THEY cares about them. That doesn’t mean all you talk about is video games and cartoons… you still need to teach them how to communicate with wisdom and with consideration for others (who may not enjoy talking about those things). But you should communicate that they, and their thoughts and feelings are valuable to you, and to God.

3. Don’t notice and affirm the good they are doing or have done

It’s easy to fall into the mindset that if you aren’t telling them that they are doing something wrong, it means they are doing OK. But as a Christian parent you can’t let yourself go there. Your kids are constantly wondering if you approve of them, and your silence won’t answer the question. They need to know if they are doing well with the challenges life is throwing at them, if the LORD is at work in their lives at all. It’s your job to tell them what you see, and to spur them on to love and good deeds (Hebrews 10:24). If you neglect affirming them, they will become angry – at you.

4. Don’t allow them to apply new skills and abilities

As you raise your children wisely, they are to be growing in wisdom, maturity, and competence. They need opportunities to test their wings, to see for themselves that the work the LORD has been doing in them (through your parenting) is good. So don’t keep them out of sports because they might be hurt. Don’t do their science project for them because it might look like a kid did it. They may get hurt, and they may not make the coolest looking science project… but they will learn how to navigate life and apply Christ-like character through those experiences (with your help). If you shelter or coddle your kids in this way, they will become angry – at you.

5. Don’t discipline them, even when they need it

Your children need discipline. Not overbearing, unreasonable demands… but Godly, Spirit-directed, love-motivated discipline.

Discipline is course correction, instruction, loving redirection of their childish foolishness into better paths. Discipline is a boundary, inside which your children will feel secure and loved. You’ve seen the toddler wreaking havoc in the store, and his mom who did nothing about it. You may have been the mom. The scriptures tell us that a parent like that actually hates their child (Proverbs 13:24). You’re not doing them any favors by withholding appropriate, timely discipline. In fact, you are handicapping them. If you are lax when it comes to appropriate discipline, your kids will become angry – at you.

6. Don’t honor or care for the people your kids care about

If you are harsh, unfeeling, or abusive toward the people your children love (their siblings or other parent) they will become angry – at you. They may be too small at the moment to do anything about the injustices they witness, or to totally understand it in a way they could express. But you can be sure anger will rise within them because of it. Your short fuse, your ungracious tone, your hurtful words – all of these and more are the seeds that grow into future anger in your child. Learn to let the Spirit be in control and entirely different fruit will begin to flow out of you (Galatians 5:22-23).

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Categories : Parenting
Tags : biblical parenting, Christian family, Christian home, Christian marriage, Christian parenting, parenting, provoke your children to anger
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