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Grace based parenting may not be what you think

Posted by Carey 
· Monday, July 30th, 2012 

Grace based parenting may not be what you think

grace based parenting“Grace” has been a popular topic in the church over the last 20 years… and rightly so.  God’s amazing grace is what makes us able to be His children in the first place (Ephesians 2:8-9).

But some of the meanings that have been poured into the word “grace” are not exactly accurate…

  • Some believe that grace means their sin doesn’t matter (when the truth is that it mattered so much Christ gave His life to remove it).
  • Some believe that grace means they get a “pass” on their sinful behavior (when the Bible argues in exactly the opposite way – Romans 6:1-7)
  • Some believe that others have no right to “judge” them regarding their behavior (when in reality the Bible instructs Christians to exhort and admonish each other concerning sinful behavior).
  • Some believe grace removes “standards” of Christian behavior, and any attempts to uphold such standards is legalism (when most of the New Testament TEACHES standards of Christian behavior).

These false beliefs about grace

are carried over into the way many

Christian parents handle their children.

So what DOES “grace” mean? It means that God does for us what we cannot do for ourselves. He helps us.

He doesn’t remove the standards of holiness, or say that they no longer matter.  He fulfills them for us in Christ AND helps us attain them practically through the empowerment of His Holy Spirit.

What true Grace based parenting looks like

Grace based parenting doesn’t remove God’s holy rules, or lessen the consequences of sin. Grace based parenting “helps” the child by showing them 4 things:

  1. The problem of their own sin.
  2. That they are breaking God’s holy standards.
  3. The love and help offered through Jesus.
  4. The role obedience plays in receiving and applying the grace of God’s help.

A PRACTICAL EXAMPLE
5 year old Johnny doesn’t want to share his toys with his brother, and mommy overhears what’s happening.  She enters into the situation by saying something like this (as she takes him in her arms), “Johnny, you are not being loving to your brother.  Mommy and Daddy want you to love your brother by sharing your toys with him.  And, Jesus wants you to love your brother by sharing your toys with him too.  Jesus loves your brother, and Jesus loves you.  Jesus wants to help you love your brother.  So you need to obey Mommy and Daddy and share with your brother.  When you do that, Jesus is so happy!  He loves it when you share with your brother! And Mommy is happy too, because you are loving your brother like Jesus wants you to. (She helps him take the toy to his brother to share it with him.) When Johnny obeys, Mommy gives him a big hug and says, “Let’s thank Jesus for helping you obey Mommy!” (and they pray)

Notice how these 4 things were highlighted

THE PROBLEM IS IDENTIFIED: Johnny is sinning against his brother by not sharing.

THE STANDARD IS IDENTIFIED: Jesus (and mommy) expect him to love his brother by sharing.

GOD’S LOVE AND HELP IS PRESENTED: Jesus loves him and wants to help him love his brother (grace).

THE ROLE OBEDIENCE PLAYS: Jesus helps you when you obey Mommy and share.

In this case, the Mom is God’s tool to help the child obey. As he matures, Mom and Dad help him know how to obey on his own, relying on Jesus as his strength. But no matter the age, this pattern can be implemented. The sin is identified. God’s thoughts about the situation are revealed. God’s love for the child and desire to help him is clarified, and the action the child needs to take (with Jesus’ help) is explained.

Grace is God’s help to us. Grace based parenting is us helping our children to love and obey God.

grace based parenting

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Train up a child – from day one!

Posted by Carey 
· Friday, July 27th, 2012 

TRAIN UP A CHILD – FROM DAY ONE!

train up a childPerhaps the most popular Bible verse of all time in regard to parenting is this one…

Proverbs 22:6  – Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it.

I typically hear this verse quoted by well-meaning people who are trying to comfort the parent of a wayward teen or young adult… but that is a misuse of this verse.  This verse is not meant to ease our fears or soothe our guilty conscience once we are well down the parenting road.  It is meant to instruct us about how to approach parenting, before we even begin. This verse tells us…

  • Our children are to be trained intentionally.
  • Our children are to be trained according to the personality and gifting God has given them (the way HE should go).
  • Our children are to be trained with God’s ends/goals in mind (the way he SHOULD go).
  • The promise is that such training has benefits that extend into adulthood (not that rebels will be turned around once they become an adult)

You and I have a responsibility before God for the people our children become. We are to train up our children, with discernment about who God has called them to be, and to do so with clear direction and conviction from day one.

No more excuses

But we live in a day when parents (like most people) don’t like to be held accountable. Instead of taking responsibility for their lack of parental diligence, they make all kinds of excuses for it:

  • She’s tired
  • He’s hungry
  • He didn’t get his nap
  • Her friends are a bad influence
  • Boys will be boys
  • It’s the environment at her school
  • Video games have ruined his attention span
  • He has ADD or ADHD
  • Adolescent hormones have taken over
  • He’s 17, he’s going to do what he wants

Clearly, these are some of the struggles along the parenting road… but none of them are excuses.

Before any of these has the opportunity to surface, parents should be diligently on the job – beginning day one! They must have the mindset of a trainer.

  • A trainer thinks ahead.
  • He knows where his trainees should arrive.
  • And he relentlessly pursues that destination.

I’m not saying you need to be a drill sergeant parent, but you do need to take your responsibility TO parent seriously. If we are going to “train up a child” we must be committed to it.

Train up a child: a bit late

If you are just beginning to see the weight of your parenting responsibility, and you haven’t been diligent from day one, you may feel that it’s too late. But don’t despair my friend. Our LORD is able to do wonders through a humble parent who is willing to admit their mistakes to themselves and to their children.

Take the time to confess your failings to the LORD, receive His forgiveness, and ask for His empowerment for the days you have left with your children. He rose from the dead, He can breathe new life into your parenting (Romans 8:11).

train up a child

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