Archive for Christian parenting

The KEY to raising godly children (OR: God-fearing children and the parents who raise them ) [Ep 102]

Posted by Carey

· Thursday, December 14th, 2017

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Why would I throw in my thoughts on such a popular and written-to-death sort of subject? Because what I consider to be the KEY to raising godly children has not been said enough, or loudly enough.

The key to raising godly children is to first be a godly parent.

Don’t hear me saying you have to be perfect. Don’t hear me saying you have to make no mistakes.

DO hear me saying,

your relationship with Jesus had better be authentic, not just something that you do on Sundays.
It had better be something more than religious actions.
It had better be more than moralistic teaching and corresponding rules.
It must be an ongoing, vibrant, up-and-down-but-always-headed-upward RELATIONSHIP with Jesus.

Anything less will smell of hypocrisy, and it will absolutely stink in the nostrils of your children. You can’t fool them. They will know if you are a fake, and they will know if you really mean and live what you say.

Your kids want and need the real thing… Jesus. The best way you can give them Jesus is to give Jesus all of yourself.

The LORD has shown me this personally. I’ve seen the teachable, eager hearts of my children in response to my own honest struggles to know the LORD. And I’ve seen disinterested, doubtful responses when the churchy words coming out of my mouth don’t match the attitude of my heart.

What does it look like?

Your children need to hear you talk about Jesus as if He is real to you… in the day to day circumstances of life.
Your children need to hear you pray in a way that shows that you truly KNOW the Person you are talking with.
Your children need to see your love for Jesus carried out in obvious ways – commitment to a local church, genuine worship, and a desire to honor Him in all you do.
Your children need to know by your own devotion that prayer and Bible reading are not just “things you do,” but the lifeblood of your existence.
Your children need to see you so absorbed by Jesus that they want to take part in something that is so obviously wonderful.

How to raise godly children

Begin with the last half of this post title. Start by considering the spiritual health of the pare nt(s) who raise your children. Here are some questions to help you begin…

Do YOU love Jesus (the LORD your God) with all YOUR heart, all YOUR soul, all YOUR mind, and all YOUR strength? (Mark 12:30) Or is there something else (spouse, work, hobbies, money, etc.) that you love more?
Do YOU love your neighbor (irritating co-worker, demanding boss, pesky neighbor, weird relative) as you love yourself? (Mark 12:31)
Do YOU seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness? (Matthew 6:33) Or are you more concerned with bank accounts, life-insurance, retirement funds, and upward mobility?
Do YOU set apart Christ as LORD in YOUR own heart? (1 Peter 3:15)

Start there. Go on by asking the Spirit of God to help you begin moving more diligently toward Him. Ask Him to GIVE you a heart that seeks Him first and foremost. He delights to answer those types of prayers.

Don’t even think about raising godly children if you are not first and genuinely seeking to be a godly parent.

Q: What do YOU need to do in order to move closer to Christ as a parent?

PIN THIS!

Categories : Parenting, Spirit Health

Tags : Christian parenting, godly children, godly parents, spiritual health

Spiritual training for your children doesn’t have to be hard, even if you’re starting late

Posted by Carey

· Friday, August 29th, 2014

SPIRITUAL TRAINING FOR YOUR KIDS DOESN’T HAVE TO BE HARD…

I’ve heard the story, many times. By God’s grace, a parent has come to faith in Christ later in life.

They change course mid-stream so to speak, in their own life and in their family. There’s a new mind-set and new way of living that they’re trying to implement in their household. In many cases, they are doing it after years of heading in the opposite direction.

Many parents who are in that boat feel that they don’t have much to offer their children, spiritually speaking. They don’t know how to lead their children spiritually because they are still learning, themselves. Sound familiar?

What do you do?

How can you teach them when you’re still very much in growth mode yourself?

All it takes is for you to stay at least a few steps ahead of them. I’ve been learning this lesson in a different context, lately. Maybe my situation will help you get what I’m talking about.

Much of what I do to provide income for my family, (with this website and and with some of my other endeavors) is teaching-related. I teach people how to do a variety of of things. In some cases, as I’m developing my teaching resources, I realize that I don’t know the process or information as well as I should.

So what do I do, give up and say I can’t teach it?

Nope. I learn it.

Then I teach it.

We all know there is value to the kind of teaching that comes from years of experience, but it’s not always necessary.

The way I see it, is this: If I’m truly learning the information or skill, on a heart level, I think it could even be more effective for me, a “newbie” to teach it, because I see first-time-learner issues much more clearly than the seasoned veteran. As a result, I’m able to speak a “language” that first-time-learners can grab hold of more easily.

SPIRITUAL TRAINING FOR YOUR CHILDREN CAN HAPPEN THE SAME WAY

As you learn something new in your spiritual walk you are able to honestly share it with your kids, struggles and all.

They see the genuine nature of your growth and relationship with the LORD, and it gives them a model to follow. It shows them how to handle confusion and difficulty and it demonstrates how to apply the new truths God has to teach you (and them).

You’re being an example, a model, and therefore a guide. Isn’t that what you’re wanting in the first place?

If that’s where you find yourself, here’s what I suggest:

Make sure YOU are on track with the LORD, first. I have a couple of different resources (here) that can help you build a regular habit of time with Him.

Talk about what the LORD is teaching you. Your kids need to see that your spiritual walk is genuine and that it matters to you. They need to see the change that’s happened in “real life.”

Share your struggles and your victories. Your children don’t need a sterling example. They need to see how a real person walks out a life of faith in our very fallen world. They need to see what humility looks like, how a teachable spirit is formed, and how God can do His work in a flawed human being. You’re the perfect candidate to teach them those things.

Talk openly about their spiritual condition. Use the experiences you share from your own life as spring-boards to ask about their lives. Younger children may need help understanding what you’re asking. Older kids may need gentle prodding, especially if you’ve not talked on a spiritual level much in the past. But as you are consistent in showing them that spiritual topics matter to you, they’ll begin to be curious.

Pray for God to continue guiding you, as you guide them. The more you depend on the LORD, the more you will see His strength come through in your weaknesses. Trust Him to do His work in you, for the sake of your kids.

Spiritual training for your kids doesn’t have to be hard. All you need to do is to continue faithfully walking with the LORD, and out of genuine concern for your children, share the process with them.

The video below may not be your preferred style of music, but the message is powerful on this point. We only have one life, given to us by God. As His redeemed children we are expected to make it count. Your children need you to make sure that your life counts for their sake, to lead them into radical faith for generations.

Don’t Waste Your Life (lyrics below the video).

I know a lot of people out there scared they’re gonna die
A couple of them thinking they’ll be livin’ in the sky
But while I’m here livin’ man I gotta ask why, what am here fo’ I gotta figure out
Waste my life
No I gotta make it count
If Christ is real then what am I gonna do about
Everything in Luke 12: 15 down to 21
You’ve really gotta go and check it out
Paul said if Christ ain’t resurrected we’ve wasted our lives
Well that implies that our life’s built around Jesus being alive
Everyday I’m living tryin’ to show the world why
Christ is more than everything you’ll ever try
Better than pretty women and sinning and living to get a minute of any women and men that you admire
It ain’t no lie

We’re created for Him
Outta the dust he made us for Him
Elects us and he saves us for Him
Jesus comes and he raises for Him
Magnify the Father why bother with something lesser
He made us so we could bless Him
To the world we confess Him
Resurrects Him
So I know I got life
Matter fact better man I know I got Christ
If you don’t see His ways in my days and nights
You can hit my brakes you can stop my life
Then I lost my rights
I lost my life
Forget the money cars and toss that ice
The cost is Christ
And they could never offer me anything on the planet that would cost that price.

Armed and dangerous
So the devil just can’t hang with us
Christian youth them will stand with us
Living and driven
Given a vision
Fullfillin’ the commission he handed us
London to Los Angeles
The rap evangelist
My daddy wouldn’t abandon us
I gotta backpack full of tracts and I keep it on the Johnny mac
So are you ready to jam with us
So let’s go, give me the word an let’s go
Persecution let’s go
Tribulation let’s go
Across the nation let’s go
Procrastination let’s go
Hung on the cross in the cold
Died for the young and the old
Can’t say you never know
Heaven knows how many souls are going to hell or to heaven so we gotta go in to get them

Suffer?
Yeah, do it for Christ!
You’re trying to figure what to do with your life
If you make a lot of money hope you’re doing it right
Because the money is God’s you better steward it right
And stay focused
You ain’t got no ride
Your life ain’t wrapped up in what you drive
The clothes you wear, the job you work
The color your skin naw you’re a Christian first
People get to living for a job
Make a little money start living for a car
Get ’em a wife a house kids and a dog
Then they retire they’re living high on the hog
But guess what they didn’t ever really live at all
To live is Christ and that’s Paul I recall
To die is gain so for Christ we give it all
He’s the treasure you’ll never find in a mall
Your money your singleness marriage talent your time
They were loaned to you to show the world that Christ is Divine
That’s why it’s Christ in my rhymes
That’s why it’s Christ all the time
See my whole world is built around Him He’s the life in my lines
I refused to waste my life
He’s too true to chase that ice
Here’s my gifts and time
‘Cause I’m constantly trying to be used to praise the Christ
If he’s truly raised to life
Then this news should change your life
And by his grace you can put your faith in place that rules your days and nights.

Categories : Spirit Health

Tags : children, Christian parenting, don't waste your life, LeCrae, parenting, spiritual training

Podast 79 – How to destroy the ones you love

Posted by Carey

· Wednesday, July 2nd, 2014

If you’re not careful, you will destroy the ones you love, without even knowing it. Here’s how to find out if you are, and what you can do about it.

Or if you are using a “podcatcher” here is the feed address: https://christianhomeandfamily.com/feed/podcast/

LEAVE FEEDBACK AND A REVIEW ON I-TUNES

This episode is brought to you by… DRAGON SLAYER: BEGINNINGS – Book 1 in my Christian fantasy series. The reviews I’m receiving on this book are both encouraging and incredible. Believe it or not, lives are being changed by this work of fiction. You can get your copy at htttp://www.DragonSlayerBook.com Now, on with the podcast…

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OK, I agree, the title of this episode is a bit weird. I mean, who really WANTS to destroy the people they love?

But the sad fact is that all of us do thing, say things, and neglect things that wind up being hurtful to the people we love the most – our families. And the way that I see people destroy their loved ones more than anything else is not what you might expect.

It’s not through physical violence.
It’s not by neglect.
It’s not by harmful teaching or education.
It’s with words.

When I was a kid there was a taunt we said to each other in an attempt to console ourselves when harsh words came our way. It was, “Sticks and stones can break my bones, but names can never hurt me.” It was and still is, a lie. Words can do at least as much lasting damage as any stick or stone. I still remember hurtful, untrue, vengeful things that have been said to me. Even trial things come to mind sometimes and give me reason to doubt myself, become discouraged, want to give up. I’m sure you have some similar experiences.

Words are powerful, powerful tools for both good and evil.

The Bible says,

Death and life are in the power of the tongue, and those who love it will eat its fruits. (Proverbs 18:21)

Death and life – those are two extremes, two different points on a continuum. One is what we all want, the other is what we all fear. And words have the power to produce both.

So here’s a point I want you to ponder, as a spouse and as a parent.

DO YOU REALIZE THAT YOUR WORDS HAVE THAT KIND OF POWER? Do you recognize that your spouse and your children can be given life by your words, or that they can be destroyed by your words? That’s a lot of power, for good or for evil. Let me ask you a follow-up question: WHAT KIND OF EFFECT ARE YOUR WORDS HAVING? Would the people in your home, your spouse and your kids, say that the typical type of words that come from your mouth are life-giving? Or would they say that what typically comes out of your mouth is destructive? Are the kinds of words you typically use words of encouragement, affirmation, or equipping? Or are they typically critical, negative, and pessimistic. Look at yourself, right now. Look at the relationships in your life. I’m not pushing this so hard because I want you to feel badly about yourself. I’m pushing this because every one of us is prone to self-deception. We don’t see ourselves realistically. We don’t really see how we truly effect others. I want you to step outside the bubble of self-deception and see yourself realistically.

There are two reasons I’m encouraging you toward this kind of clarity about yourself…

#1 – You’ll be able to see yourself realistically SO THAT you can go to God in true sorrow over what you’ve done and what you’ve become. I know, that’s a pretty heavy thing to say. But I say it that way for a reason. The Apostle Paul says it this way,

For godly grief produces a repentance that leads to salvation without regret, whereas worldly grief produces death. (2 Corinthians 7:10)

Sorrow, or grief over what you’ve done and who you’ve become, is the first step toward change. It’s where you have truly come to grips with your own sin and the damage it has done. Once you are there, you are ready to go on to the next step… #2 – You’ll be able to go to God in repentance. Godly repentance is where you take your sorrow to God, asking for forgiveness and the power to change. It’s where God takes your broken and contrite heart and begins to work His miracle of transformation in you as a person. So, here’s the real question…

HOW DO YOU FIND OUT THE EFFECT YOUR WORDS ARE HAVING?

You have to ask the people who are most affected by your words. You’ve got to be brave enough to ask your family members for their honest, nothing-held-back assessment of your words. If you do, and if they’re honest, you’ll see a real picture of how your words are impacting them. When you do, make sure you respond well. You asked for the honest assessment and they were brave enough to give it, so make sure you use it to truly move toward godly sorrow and true repentance. Use their loving criticism to move toward becoming a source of life for them.

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If you’d like to engage with me directly about this topic, please feel free to do so in the comments below. The Christian Home and Family ministry is aimed at helping you develop a legacy of faith in your family that lasts for generations to come. If I can help you toward that end in any way, please contact me. I also invite you to join the CHAF facebook community. Finally, if you would take a few minutes to help spread the word about Christian Home and Family, I believe God would be honored. Go to here to find all the ways you can help.

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Categories : Marriage, Parenting, Podcast

Tags : Christian parenting, destroy your family, taming the tongue, the power of words

Podast 78 – Self perception is a fog, and what to do about it

Posted by Carey

· Wednesday, June 25th, 2014

Neither you, nor your kids, see yourselves rightly. Here’s God’s promise to help you see your way clear and bring greater glory to Him…

Or if you are using a “podcatcher” here is the feed address: https://christianhomeandfamily.com/feed/podcast/

LEAVE FEEDBACK AND A REVIEW ON I-TUNES

Now, on with the podcast…

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The more days of life I log on this planet, the more I come to realize that the way we humans perceive ourselves is foggy at best.

There are all kinds of ways it happens, from over-confidence, to lack of confidence, and everything in between. Another example is that we tend toward being unable to see our sin and the consequences of it with any sort of clarity. We excuse things we shouldn’t and condemn things in ourselves that God put there for His divine purposes.

Living in a fog is no fun.

And here’s the sobering thing: Our kids live in the same fog of self-perception. Just like us, they don’t see themselves rightly. They struggle with doubt, condemnation, pride, and a host of other things just like we do. We BOTH need the clarity that only the wisdom of God can provide… and that’s where we are incredibly blessed.

God Himself has promised that if we lack wisdom, there’s an incredible resource at our disposal. Here’s how the Bible states it…

If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask God, who gives generously to all without reproach, and it will be given him. (James 1:5)

Do you realize how incredible that verse is, for you and your children?

In my mind, it’s one of the most amazing promises evergiven to us. Let’s walk through it…

1 – GOD GIVES WISDOM.

That is truly amazing. We don’t have to stumble along in the fog of what we think and feel and believe. We have access to a wisdom that can cut through the fog.

2 – GOD GIVES WISDOM GENEROUSLY

God is not stingy when handing out His wisdom. He gives it freely, generously, abundantly, to anyone who wants it.

3 – GOD GIVE WISDOM WITHOUT REPROACH

When we go to God for wisdom, God is not going to chide us for not being smarter or for not having things figured out. He’s simply going to give us what we ask for.

4 – ALL WE HAVE TO DO IS ASK FOR IT

There’s no outrageous pricetag on the wisdom of God. He WANTS His children to be wise (like He is). So He freely gives wisdom to us when we ask Him for it.

SO HOW DO WE APPLY THIS INCREDIBLE PROMISE?

1 – Memorize James 1:5 as a family. Talk it over. Make sure everyone understands the amazing gift that God offers.

2 – Encourage everyone in the family to ask God for wisdom daily. Hold each other accountable. Make it a project you work on together.

3 – Follow up. Ask everyone how they’re seeing God’s wisdom come on line in their lives. Share your stories to give your kids examples of what it might look like.

4 – Don’t let it die. Continue to talk about the importance of wisdom. Continue to pray for it as a family. Continue to trust God for the wisdom each of you need to see yourselves and God rightly, as you walk through life.

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If you’d like to engage with me directly about this topic, please feel free to do so in the comments below.

The Christian Home and Family ministry is aimed at helping you develop a legacy of faith in your family that lasts for generations to come. If I can help you toward that end in any way, please contact me.

I also invite you to join the CHAF facebook community.

Finally, if you would take a few minutes to help spread the word about Christian Home and Family, I believe God would be honored. Go to here to find all the ways you can help.

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Categories : Marriage, Parenting, Podcast

Tags : Christian parenting, godly kids, if any of you lacks wisdom, self perception

Podcast 77 – Bad habits start early, but so do good ones

Posted by Carey

· Wednesday, June 18th, 2014

You can take advantage of the power of good habits to set your children on a path toward godliness… it’s in this episode of the podcast.

Or if you are using a “podcatcher” here is the feed address: https://christianhomeandfamily.com/feed/podcast/

LEAVE FEEDBACK AND A REVIEW ON I-TUNES

Now, on with the podcast…

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When I was a kid, I had a terrible habit. I bit my fingernails. It doesn’t sound like such a bad habit, but it wasn’t just the nails themselves, I bit the skin surrounding my finger nails. I even nibbled the skin on the tips of my fingers. My fingers looked like trees after a beaver had gotten a hold of them, little tooth marks everywhere.

I remember trying to break that habit. It was extremely hard. Why? Because it was long-standing. I had begun my finger nibbling, probably around the time I was six years old, but I didn’t try to break it until I was in my mid to late teen years. I was fighting ten years of physical repitition, psychological conditioning, absent-mindedness about the habit, and it wasn’t easy.

I tell you that story to illustrate the power of a habit. But you probably didn’t need the illustration at all. Every one of us has been challenged by the need to kick a habit of one kind or another. Smoking, drugs, cursing, anger, criticism, pride… the list goes on and on, doesn’t it?

When we think of habits, we tend to think of the negative side of the subject, but I want to suggest to you that just like a bad habit starts young and becomes incredibly hard to break – a good habit can be built early, in the life of your children, and can serve them positively for their entire lives.

SO WHAT KIND OF GOOD HABITS WOULD YOU LIKE TO SEE YOUR KIDS (or yourself) DEVELOP? HERE’S TWO THAT I CONSIDER MOST IMPORTANT

#1 – DAILY TIME WITH GOD

Our family has been blessed by God to have the determination to build this habit into the lives of our kids, from the start. I see the fruit of our efforts in their lives. At the time of this recording, my three oldest children are young adults, one of them already married and a father (that makes ME Grand-pop!). The LORD led us to integrate daily time with the LORD into their lives from the time they were able to hold a book. The results have been nothing short of amazing. Today, each of them engages in their own relational time with the LORD in a genuine, life-giving way. It happens at least in part, because they started the habit of setting aside the time to be with the LORD, early in life.

If you’d like to hear more about that, from their own lips, you can at ChristianHomeandFamily.com/73

#2 – GODLY ATTITUDES

The scriptures are full of attitudes that are supposed to be true of believers in Christ. From generosity, to kindness, to humility, the scriptures make it clear that all of us are fully dependent on the Spirit of God to produce those things deep down in our souls. But as parents, we can have a significant impact on our children’s growth in those areas from before the time they are born.

Yes, I said from before the time they are born. So the first thing you should do is begin praying for God to fill them with His Spirit, so that they can then demonstrate the fruit of the Spirit. We began praying for each of our children the moment we knew my wife was pregnant. Once we knew if they were boy or girl (yes, we did find out), we gave them a name and began praying for them by name… all before they sucked in their first breath of oxygen. I believe it had a significant impact on who they are and God’s work in their lives.

Once they were born, we did a number of things to encourage godly attitudes.

First, we made sure that we, the parents, were working on improving those attitudes in our own lives. If you preach one thing and do another, you’ll find rebellion rising up in the heart of your kids. For more on that, see episode 70 of this podcast, at ChristianHomeandFamily.com/70.

Next, we worked hard not to underestimate our kids’ capacity for absorbing the truth of God. We read scripture to them, found scripture-filled children’s music for them, and talked about what the songs and stories were saying. Parent’s, don’t underestimate the Spirit’s power through the word of God. He is able to drench your child with Himself from an early age. John the Baptist was filled with the Spirit in his mother’s womb (Luke 1:15). Why couldn’t your child be significantly shaped by the Spirit from an early age too?

Once our kids were old enough to carry on a conversation, no matter how elementary, we started practicing a number of additional things…

We talked about desirable godly attitudes in positive terms.
We pointed out people who were doing a good job at allowing the Spirit to produce His fruit.
We read them stories of admirable Christians who could serve as role models.
We discussed desired traits repeatedly, covering why the trait in question was so important and what God thought about the issue.
We worked as a family to memorize scriptures that taught about the godly traits we were encouraging.
Once they were old enough to understand the word “no” and what it meant (around 1 year old), we began requiring them to behave in godly ways, even applying discipline when needed, as the scriptures encourage parents to do.

Now don’t misunderstand, we weren’t heavy-handed or stern with our kids. Everything was drenched in love and acceptance, and taught in a spirit of dependence on God to help them do what they were expected to do.

All of this was based on the belief that God will use our efforts as parents as some of the means by which He develops them into the people He wants them to be. My belief is that part of the effectiveness comes from getting our kids started down a path of thinking rightly about godly attitudes and actions, early in life. We’re helping them, guiding them, with the help of the Spirit of God, to develop their own godly habits in the areas of thinking and behavior.

Parents, take this issue seriously. Just like my nail-biting, your kids are GOING TO DEVELOP HABITS. Why wouldn’t you want to proactively help them develop powerfully good ones?

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If you’d like to engage with me directly about this topic, please feel free to do so in the comments below.

I also invite you to join the CHAF facebook community.

Finally, if you would take a few minutes to help spread the word about Christian Home and Family, I believe God would be honored. Go to here to find all the ways you can help.

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Categories : Marriage, Parenting, Podcast

Tags : Christian parenting, godly behavior, godly children, godly kids, good habits

You can teach your kids to have the mind of Christ

Posted by Carey

· Monday, May 5th, 2014

…we have the mind of Christ.

It’s pretty mysterious, isn’t it… that the divinely inspired Apostle would say so matter of factly that WE, human beings who still struggle with sin so often, actually HAVE the mind of Christ?

It blows my mind… when I take the time to ponder what it truly means.

What does it mean that I have the mind of Christ?

Imagine the following three scenarios (it shouldn’t be too hard):

SCENARIO #1: A death in the family has occurred. It was sudden. It is very, very hard to bear.

SCENARIO #2: A conflict is happening at work. It’s hard to tell who is telling the truth, and who is in the right.

SCENARIO #3: Your past is coming back to haunt you, circumstancially and emotionally. You’re beginning to believe the doubts that are banging against your soul.

To have the mind of Christ means that in every one of these situations, you have an unlimited resource at your disposal.

You can interact with Jesus. You can think His thoughts about that specific circumstance. You can know His will, because His Spirit, Who lives in you, is present to help you.

THAT is AMAZING… and it’s an itty-bitty but VITAL part of the amazing grace that is ours in Christ.

But too many of us Christ-followers (adults and believing children) don’t know how to avail ourselves of this wonderful gift.

Here’s how I think of it:

1 Learn what God says is true of you, in regard to the mind of Christ in you.

Here are some passages that are helpful to ponder, memorize, and place around your house through pictures or sticky notes. The more you get these into your soul, the more readily you’ll be able to act on them when the time comes. Feel free to download the memory cards of these verses in the section to the right.

DOWNLOAD these Mind of Christ memory cards.

Proverbs 16:20
Isaiah 26:3
Isaiah 55:8-9
Matthew 22:37
Romans 8:6-7
Romans 12:2
1 Corinthians 2:16
2 Corinthians 10:5
Philippians 2:5 and following
Philippians 4:8
Colossians 3:2-3
James 1:5-8

Spend time with these passages. Memorize them. Work to understand them. Teach them to your children (not just memorizing, but understanding). Make them part of how you THINK of yourself and teach your children to do the same.

2 Begin to ACT according to the TRUTH in those verses.

This is the hard part… truly.

Emotions will get in the way… emotions like fear, doubt, uncertainty, and condemnation.

Old habits will get in the way… the desire for comfort, ease, and safety.

But you have to fight them, believing that through the struggle to act in obedience, the power of the Spirit of God will be yours (Galatians 5:16).

When you walk in obedience, trusting that the LORD will work in and through you to accomplish His will.

You are living according to the mind of Christ. You are living out the will of God in that situation.

Take your children with you as you learn to apply these things. Teach them right alongside you.

Your kids don’t need you to have it all figured out… they need you to be serious about the application of the truth you know. You can demonstrate that attitude and approach as you teach them what you’re learning.

Memorize the passages together.

Talk about applications of the truth together.

Make it a project you do together.

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You may not like rap… it’s not exactly my favorite style of music either.

But the words and attitudes behind this video are powerful. I trust it will bless you as it has blessed me.

Categories : Parenting, Spirit Health

Tags : Christian parenting, mind of Christ, teach kids wisdom, wise kids

Podcast 66 – Learn how to engage in purposeful parenting

Posted by Carey

· Wednesday, April 2nd, 2014

TODAY’S PODCAST

Podcast 66 – Learn how to engage in purposeful parenting

Parenting is not easy. It takes a lot of hard work if you’re going to do it in an effective, God-honoring way. In this episode of the podcast Carey is going share with you about a concept he calls “purposeful parenting” – it’s a way of viewing your relationship in a proactive way rather than floating through your parenting role, dealing with things as they come up. Using the approach of purposeful parenting, you can get into your kids’ hearts and find out what issues they are struggling with before they erupt into something more.

Music used by permission of Adam Rey – http://www.HeyReyGuitar.com

Leave a rating and review on iTunes – http://www.ChristianHomeandFamily.com/itunes

Connect with Carey at http://www.ChristianHomeandFamily.com/contact

Find products from Christian Home and Family at http://www.ChristianHomeandFamily.com/store

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The main music track used in the Christian Home and Family Podcast is entitled, “Midian” and is from Adam Rey’s instrumental album Meat & Potatoes – Adam has generously given me permission to use his music, so please, support his generosity by checking out and purchasing his music at www.heyreyguitar.com – (no affiliate relationship, Adam’s just my friend.) ** these are affiliate links

Categories : Parenting, Podcast

Tags : children and emotions, Christian parenting, purposeful parenting, raising healthy kids

The only acceptable mindset for Christian parents. Is it yours?

Posted by Carey

· Friday, February 14th, 2014

Do you have the only truly acceptable mindset for a Christian parent to have?

The main word in that sentence is the word CHRISTIAN. It dictates everything else about the sentence.

As a CHRISTIAN, you are:

a student of the teachings of CHRIST.
committed to putting them into practice in your life (and the lives of family members under your care).
eager to be pleasing to CHRIST in every way you can.

All of those things are important about you, as a person. They guide the way you think and the way you live.

“CHRISTIAN” is the most important, eternally significant description that anyone could ever apply to you.

So how does a CHRISTIAN go about the task of parenting?

Is CHRISTIAN PARENTING defined by the types of things you value in your home?

Is it defined by the standards you hold to?

Those are good things, but they are not the MAIN thing.

Being a CHRISTIAN, and therefore, a CHRISTIAN PARENT is entirely about IDENTITY.

You are a new creation (2 Corinthians 5:17)
Your very life is now intimately connected to the life of Jesus (Colossians 3:1-3)
As a result, the WAY that you live (and the way that you PARENT), FLOWS OUT OF THE FACT OF WHO YOU ARE!

Let me say it another way: You don’t DO good things “X, Y, & Z” in order to “be a good Christian.”

You DO good things “X, Y, & Z” because as a CHRISTIAN, it is IN YOUR NATURE to do them.

The fruit of the Spirit (Who lives inside you and has made you a new creation) is:

love
joy
peace
patience
kindness
goodness
faithfulness
gentleness
self-control
and a host of other things…

In Galatians 5:22-23, Paul isn’t giving a prescription for your behavior, he’s giving a DESCRIPTION OF YOUR NEW NATURE.

Do you see the difference?

How the issue of identity in Christ impacts CHRISTIAN PARENTING

Part of parenting is establishing boundaries, rules, and guidelines that our growing children are required to follow. We establish those rules and boundaries for their good. We enforce them for their good. Every good parent does that, even non-believing parents.

But here is the difference: The WAY you go about doing it as a CHRISTIAN PARENT, is much, much different than the way your non-believing counterpart would go about it.

YOU are not going to stop with the rule.

YOU are not going to enforce the rule and move on.

YOU are going to talk about the REASON behind the rule (the child’s identity in Christ).

What you’re doing is training your child how to THINK about themselves, as new creations in Christ. You want them to learn, as they grow up, that their behavior should ALWAYS be consistent with their identity. The more you talk about who Jesus has created them to be, the more they will be governed by their own hearts, to live consistently with that identity.

What if your child is not a believer yet?

If your child has not expressed their own personal trust in Jesus yet, you’ll do much of the same…

Require right behavior according to Godly standards
Enforce that behavior with loving discipline
Bring God into the conversation every time, revealing what HE thinks about the situation
Discuss their wrong behavior in terms of sin, that comes from a sinful heart
Encourage them to accept Jesus’ offer to make them a new creation

Faith is not something you can or should force on your child. But as they see your earnest convictions and see them lovingly enforced, the Holy Spirit will do His work of transformation in their hearts over time.

Categories : Parenting

Tags : Christiaan child discipline, Christian behavior, Christian parenting, Christian parents, identity in Christ

Break’s over! Christian Home and Family is moving forward

Posted by Carey

· Friday, February 7th, 2014

Some time ago (almost 4 months ago , can you believe it?) I told you that I was going to be taking a break from blogging, podcasting – the whole nine yards. I told you that I needed to take a break to make sure that I was keeping my priorities straight.

Thanks for your patience.

I’m writing to today to let you know that my rest break is over and the CHAF min istry will be moving forward in the weeks to come…

It was a great break, and the LORD used it to help me rethink my understanding of His purpose for this ministry. The main thing that is on my heart is this…

My ultimate goal is to equip you, in any way I can, to build a legacy of lasting faith in your family, for generations to come.

I’m passionate about that for you, because I’m passionate about it for my own family.

I now bear the title, “Grand-pop.” Our first grandson, Wyatt, was born in June of 2013. The reality of what generational faithfulness means, is coming home to me in a big way. I desperately want to see genuine Christian faith passed along in my own family. From me and my wife, to our children, to their children, and on, and on. It’s vital. It’s the the main way that God intends faith to be passed along. I want it for my family, and I want it for yours.

But its’ an overwhelming goal in many ways. It’s like trying to eat an elephant. How can it possibly be done, and where should I begin? Those are very real questions, but the LORD has been faithful. He’s given me a perspective on how to approach it. I’m narrowing my focus to aim at 3 very distinct and specific areas. Here’s the three areas, and what they mean to me…

CHRISTIAN

I firmly believe that healthy homes begin with healthy individuals, and it’s the parents’ health that matters most. Parents, you have to be radically, passionately, forever-sold-out to Jesus if you expect your kids to be that way in years to come. They need to see the authenticity of your faith before it’s going to be appealing to them. I see that challenge in my own family. It’s a singular area of focus that I have to be conscious of daily.

With that in mind, I’m going to be focusing my efforts on helping you parents walk alongside me, as we get our spiritual lives on track and thriving. Toward that end, I’m going to be ramping up my production of resources to help you get on track. The first resource is already completed – my book “RECHARGE.” (ebook and paperback) It’s a short but powerful book aimed at helping you develop methods and mindsets that will take you to a place of intimacy with the LORD, and stay there.

Don’t take your relationship with the LORD lightly, parents. Too much is riding on it. Take the challenge to get off your duff and walk closely to the LORD. He’s promised, if you seek Him, you will find Him (Jeremiah 29:13).

HOME

After you, the parents, are on track in your relationship with the LORD, comes your home… and the foundational relationship within your home is your marriage. If your marriage is not modeled after God’s pattern for the marriage relationship, you are going to have a very hard time creating an atmosphere in your home that honors Christ. That’s because your relationship with each other is supposed to mirror God’s relationship with His people (Ephesians 5:22-32). It’s a symbol, an image of the kind of interaction and love God desires to have with His own.

Toward that end, I’m working to provide resources to help you take your marriage relationship to a new, Christ-filled level. I’ve already produced my Marriage Improvement Project book, (ebook & paperback) and also do marriage intensive counseling for those in need. But in weeks and months to come I’ll be rolling out some more articles on the blog, and additional resources to help you improve your marriage. I am hoping that some of those resources will be unique events, designed for couples who are eager to see their marriage become the best example of Christ’s love for his bride that it can be. I’m already hosting the “Understanding Way Weekend” for Christian husbands. You can find out more about that event here.

FAMILY

Here’s where we get to the main concern on many parents’ hearts – their children. Most Christian parents want to see their children walking faithfully through life in a way that honors and exalts Jesus Christ. But that kind of legacy is built upon the efforts of the two previous areas. So, if you’re looking for parenting help, I am providing it bit at a time, but you need to know that your first order of business is to get the previous two areas on track.

That doesn’t mean I’m not working on resources in this area. My plan at this point is to continue blog articles aimed at parents, to help you develop the mindset and methods that can help you raise your children in a practical, Christ-honoring way. In time, I’ll be producing a book on the subject of Christian parenting, with my wife’s tremendous input. You can pray for us, that we’ll be sensitive to the LORD’s lead on that project and know better how to proceed.

One other idea we’ve had, which is an item of prayer, are practical events for Christian parents, aimed at helping them apply the wisdom of God’s word directly to the parenting situations they face. For now, we are referring to these as “Christian parenting intensives,” which could be done 2 on 2, or in a group context. We’re also considering day-long seminars where 8 to 10 couples come together to learn God’s principles for life and parenting with integrated discussions regarding how those principles relate to the real-life situations parents face in our world.

HOW IT’S GOING TO HAPPEN

In terms of how I’m going to go about all this, here are my current thoughts:

The podcast will be back on the air soon… but with a slightly different format on many of the episodes. I’m expecting to do video recordings, to post on the blog, and take the audio from those videos to publish as the podcast. Most of the time, these will be in bite-sized chunks, tips and powerful truths from the scriptures you can meditate on and consume quickly. But there will also be occasions where I feature a guest interview or do some extended teaching as I have in the past.
The blog is resuming, with articles expected at least twice a week (in addition to the podcast episodes). I’ll continue to cover the three topics mentioned above, with a stronger focus on how the three areas fit together to create a lasting legacy of faithfulness to Christ in the family.
Videos are part of my strategy toward the future. More and more people are turning to video for the information they need, and I want to be there to help those who are looking for Christian family oriented resources. I’ll be posting more often to YouTube as well as featuring those videos here on the website. In time, I’ll be able to compile many of those resources into products that families or church groups can use in a concentrated way. You can pray for me as I begin learning the technological things need to make the videos helpful, good quality, and effective.
More books are on the way. The LORD has impressed on my heart that I’m to maximize my teaching and writing gifts in the calling He’s given me to equip you for a lasting legacy of faith. So I’ll be formatting some of my teaching from years gone by into books, and creating new ones to help you navigate family life in the crazy world in which we live. I’ve already completed one work of Christian fiction, soon to be released. It’s a novel for young adults and adults, aimed at using the power of story to communicate timeless, Christ-centered truths about faith and life.

And, I’m sure, the LORD will lead me into additional things…

to help you maximize His calling on your life and the work His Spirit desires to complete in you. I’d love to get your feedback… and to know how I can help you. You matter to me, because God’s work through you and your family matter.

Have you caught the vision?

Do you realize that God’s ideal is for your family to honor Him for generations?
Do you recognize that nothing short of a radical commitment to His truth, applied in your life, is going to make that possible?
Do you know, that His Spirit will empower you to make it happen as you are faithful to live in obedience to Him, one step at a time?

So much is at stake, and you and I have the great honor to partner with the LORD in seeing it come about. He will do it through us, as we do our part to draw near to Him and work alongside Him.

I’d love to know how this idea strikes you.

Are you in? Are you ready to move passionately toward the LORD for the sake of your family, for the sake of generations?

Categories : General Announcements, Marriage, Parenting, Spirit Health

Tags : Christian Home and Family, Christian marriage, Christian parenting

Tips for parents – attitude and approach matter (your attitude and approach)

Posted by Carey

· Friday, July 12th, 2013

One of the biggest tips for parents I can give has to do with attitude and approach…

and just because I’m writing about it doesn’t mean I’ve got this one all buttoned down. Nope… just the opposite. I’m working on this area daily.

I find myself vacillating back and forth between two types of parenting styles, two different approaches which flow directly out of the attitude I have at any given moment. so, depending on circumstances, my mood, my fatigue level, and many other things, my kids may get one or the other… and honestly, it’s not very easy on them for me to be that kind of a multiple-personality Dad.

Most of us parents want the same things for/from our kids: We want them to learn how to work with excellence, obey with a right heart attitude, be productive, have a good attitude, respect us and others, achieve things for the sake of the kingdom of God, etc. In short, we want to see the fruit of the Spirit being produced in their lives.

Amen?

But this is where the two personalities or approaches come into play… I can try to accomplish that in one of two ways:

aI can demand that my child do the very best job in those areas by:

Sternly pointing out their failure when they don’t achieve it on the first attempt.
Making much of the fact that I put a roof over their head and food on the table for them.
Reminding them that I am the source of their allowance and priviledges.
Talking loudly about the many hours of work I put in to provide all those things.
Highlighting that I am their Dad… PERIOD.

…or

I can…

Seek to understand them first, through intentional conversations.
Learn to nurture the gifts and personality that I discover.
Become their main source of encouragement.
Point out how God has wired them and highlight their unique purpose in God’s plan.
Help them identify God’s vision and expectations and support them as they strive to to get over it.
Walk beside them as they seek to understand their own sin and areas of weakness and teach them how to conquer it through Christ instead of feeling condemned by it.
Work to identify their unique struggles and insecurities, and lead them into the scriptures to find the truth that will set them free.
Teach them, spur them on, and introduce them to people and opportunities that will do the same.

The first approach is the way businesses and many families have been run for years. It’s the way many of you were raised. It’s the old school “because I said so” mindset that insists on obedience and compliance because it can. Understand, children are to respect and obey their parents… but that cold fact is not what fuels genuine obedience. Genuine obedience and respect flow out of relationship, not rules. Rules alone breed rebellion. Relationship with rules breeds respect.

Sometimes kids raised in this pattern do O.K. – especially when their personality is one that sees things in a “black and white” way. But for those who are more sensitive, emotional, or expressive, it doesn’t typically turn out well.

The second approach is what the Bible calls “non-provoking.” (Ephesians 6:4, Colossians 3:21) It’s a way of parenting that transmits wisdom and instruction through relationship, not authority. We’ve all heard the phrase, “They don’t care how much you know until they know how much you care,” and it applies here in triplicate. Don’t assume your kids know your love for them… show them, tell them, explain it to them – from the time they are small. Open up your heart to them and encourage them to give you their hearts (Proverbs 23:26). Work alongside your kids as a fellow sinner… but one who’s been down the road ahead of them and can lovingly guide them in a better way.

Which kind of parent are you?

I have to admit that no parent is all one and never the other. As I said at the beginning, we tend to bounce back and forth between them for a number of reasons. But honestly, I’ve found that I tend toward the first. I don’t know what makes me think it’s the way to be toward my kids, because as I write down the characteristics of each, I see the second option is much, MUCH better. But, in my flesh, it’s the way my bent and personality lead me… and I am learning more and more to fight it with the Spirit’s help.

The choice is pretty clear…

None of us wants to be overbearing or discouraging to our children. But the sad truth is that we often are both. We have GOT to learn to give our children the kind of love and grace that Jesus so generously gives us. He is faithful and will help us as we endeavor to make these kinds of changes.

What changes to you need to make? Share them as a prayer request below… (I WILL pray for you)

Categories : Parenting

Tags : Christian parenting, how to each your children, how to guide children, how to guide kids, parenting skills, tips for parents, what type of parents are you

The Chisel – a parable for parents

Posted by Carey

· Friday, June 14th, 2013

A parable for parents.

There once was a chisel.

When the Carpenter was not using him, which was not very often, he could always be found in the top tray of the toolbox, under the apron, right next to the Carpenter’s pencil. You could be sure to find him there because he was one of the first and favorite tools the Carpenter reached for in most woodworking projects.

The chisel’s purpose was to remove the obvious, unneeded things from the wood that obscured its true identity and purpose. His effect on the wood was defining. If the wood was to be a spoon, the chisel would slice away the large, square corners until the spoon began to appear. If a peg needed to be fit into a hole the chisel would shape both hole and peg, sliver by sliver until the two fit together “just right.”

He took off rough edges.

He chipped away corners.

He whittled away splinters.

The chisel made rough, undefined wood into something recognizable and useful as only he could do.

With all this chipping and scraping and whittling you might think the chisel was unfeeling toward the wood. But you would be very mistaken.

The chisel loved the wood deeply. He loved its sweet fragrance and soft texture. He loved that it could be shaped but still retain its firm yet grainy character. He loved that it was usually receptive toward his efforts to make it into what it was meant to be. Some pieces were harder than others and required a firmer or more diligent touch, but he’d learned that his patient and loving perseverance with such pieces would produce great results in the end.

As the Carpenter’s hands moved him toward a fresh piece of wood he would often imagine what the wood could become, what it should be. Many times what he dreamed in the beginning actually did come true. He loved to see it happen. Over the years he had imagined and created canes and carvings, statues and stair rails, and many, many other beautiful things that brought a smile to the Carpenter’s face.

But the hardest thing for the chisel was when the Carpenter put him down. It always happened, eventually, and the chisel was never pleased when it did. He wanted to remain in the Carpenter’s hands, refining the wood, making it better, having some control and influence in its shaping. He wanted it both because of his love for the wood and because in every project he felt a sense of ownership, that the wood somehow belonged to him because he had been the one to define its shape and highlight its purpose. It was hard to let go, hard to see another tool being used on his wood, and he did not like it.

One day after the Carpenter had placed the chisel back into the top tray of the toolbox, right next to His pencil, the Carpenter, who was very discerning, noticed that the chisel was not happy. He knew what was bothering the chisel, nevertheless He asked him to explain his sadness. The chisel poured out his longings to the Carpenter.

With a sad smile and firm word the Carpenter spoke.

Yes, you are very important in the shaping of the wood. In fact, you are the tool I use the most and the longest. It is true that you have a great impact on what the wood will become and it is your sharp edge that determines much of the wood’s purpose.

But you must understand first of all that you are My tool. Your usefulness is utilized at My discretion and for My purposes. If I did not take you up, to channel My creativity and skill through you, you would be nothing. Though you are important, to Me and to the wood, you are still only a tool. Never forget that.

Secondly, you must realize your limitations. As important as you are, you are not designed to accomplish everything I have in mind for the wood. No matter how good a chisel you are, you cannot do the detail work, the fine sanding, the staining, the refining things that complete what you have begun. You simply are not capable of all that is needed to make the wood what I intend it to be. That too is something you must never forget.

Finally, you must accept that My plan for the wood is what matters in the end. Though you care deeply for the wood you must understand that I determine it’s design, purpose, and final use, and I determine how to best accomplish that. You must learn to trust that I alone know how to bring it about and that I will bring it about in My own time and own way. Such things are too great for you to fully understand. Chisel, don’t forget that.

Remember these three, chisel. It is only in My hand that you make a difference. The difference you do make is very important, but also very limited. And it is only according to My plan that the wood can fully become what I desire.

You must learn to trust Me.

With those words sounding loudly in his mind the chisel was nestled back into the top tray of the toolbox, next to the Carpenter’s pencil.

********************

How does your role as a parent compare to the role of the chisel? What lessons are you having to learn? Please share your story below.

Categories : Parenting

Tags : a parable for parents, Christian parenting, parenting, patience in parenting

Raising independent kids is not such a smart idea

Posted by Carey

· Friday, June 7th, 2013

Is it such a good idea to teach your children to be independent?

I can’t count the number of times I’ve heard well-meaning parents (Christian and non-Christian… it makes no difference) say that they want their kids to learn independence.

I get it. Really, I do.

I know that what they mean is that they want their kids to learn things like personal responsibility, how to be a self-starter, social skills, and confidence.

See, I do get it.

But if that’s one of the main things you think about when it comes to parenting you’re going to make some huge mistakes and you’re going to set your kids up for some serious struggles later in life.

According to the Bible, our kids need to learn DEPENDENCE, rather than INDEPENDENCE.

By the way, WE PARENTS need to learn the exact same thing.

What happens when “independent kids” is your parenting goal…

Whenever we buy the cultural lie that what our kids really need is to learn to be independent, we begin to parrot the party line that pushes us and our kids away from God.

When raising “independent kids” is a primary parenting goal you’ll do some silly things.

You will say foolish things to them like, “You can be/do anything you want to be/do.”

The problem with this one is that it’s not true. My son can’t be a daughter. My daughter may not be gifted to become a physicist. My son may want to play guitar like Phil Keaggy, but he may not have the physical dexterity, no matter how much he practices.

When we parrot this silly statement to our kids we are implying that they don’t have any limits or boundaries, when they really do.

You will give them more freedom than they are capable of handling wisely.

There’s nothing wrong with giving your children freedom, where appropriate. But if you give them freedom in areas where they should not have it they will begin to think that they are the center of their world and that there are few, if any, legitimate boundaries.

SOME EXAMPLES:

Young children don’t need the freedom to wander around the sanctuary during the singing time at church. They need to learn to sit/stand next to their parents respectfully, being considerate of the other people in the room. I’m amazed at parents who allow that sort of thing and are confused why their child won’t come (or runs the other direction) when they are called.

A toddler doesn’t need the freedom to choose what they are going to eat for lunch. It’s actually funny that parents will do this and then be shocked that their children are picky eaters.

What AM I talking about?

Consider how many times the word “trust” is used in the Bible (85 times in the ESV). Then consider what it means:

TRUST
noun
reliance on the integrity, strength, ability, surety, etc., of a person or thing; confidence.

Then consider that the overwhelming number of times the Bible encourages trust, it is telling us that we are to trust in God.

Not in other people.

Not in ourselves.

Not in circumstances.

Not in wishful thinking.

In God. Alone.

Our children need to learn proper, biblical, Christ-like humility – not independence.

They need to learn to

humble themselves under the LORD (1 Peter 5:6)
see themselves rightly according to who God has made them (Romans 12:3)
rely on the LORD, not on themselves (Proverbs 3:5)
consider the needs of others around them first (Philippians 2:4)
understand that their faithful efforts are overseen, prospered, and rewarded by God (Galatians 6:7-9)
depend on the strength Christ provides, because they can do nothing apart from Him (John 15:5)

Please DO teach your children things like personal responsibility, how to be a self-starter, social skills, and confidence.

But do it in the way the Bible teaches… not by going with the flow of the culture we live in.

Your kids will thank you. Your home will be more peaceful. Other people will find your kids to be a blessing, and you’ll find that God’s ways really ARE the best.

What ideas do you have for teaching your children to be more DEPENDENT? Leave your comments below!

Categories : Parenting

Tags : Christian parenting, dependence on God, independent kids, John 15:5, you can be anything, you can do anything

My greatest fear as a parent

Posted by Carey

· Monday, May 27th, 2013

My greatest fear as a parent is not

that my kids might have trouble with these issues:

drugs
premarital sex
peer pressure
marriage to the wrong person
foolish decisions
that they will turn away from the faith

My greatest fear as a parent echos the words of Psalm chapter 69, verse 6…

Let not those who hope in you be put to shame through me, O Lord GO

D of hosts; let not those who seek you be brought to dishonor through me, O God of Israel.

I fear that I might somehow lead my children astray…

By living a poor example of a Christ-follower.
By something I say that wounds them deeply.
By patterns in how I treat them that could foster bitterness in their heart.
By some failing in my life that brings shame to the family or the name of Christ.

And that kind of fear can be a good thing for a parent to have…

It’s one of the reasons that I have a personal time with the LORD each morning.

It’s one of the things that motivates me to work on my own defensiveness and impatience.

It’s one of the reasons I continually ask the Spirit of God to kill the pride in my life.

Not only is my relationship with the LORD precious enough that I want to make sure I’m not offending Him, I’m also aware, almost minute by minute, that I am one of the most influential people in the lives of my children.

Think about that for a minute.

If you are a parent, you are one of the most influential people in your child’s life.

That’s a heavy responsibility that SHOULD strike fear into your heart.

So I invite you to join me in praying this prayer in regard to your children everyday,

Let not those who hope in you be put to shame through me, O Lord GOD of hosts; let not those who seek you be brought to dishonor through me, O God of Israel.

Do you have any ideas about how the heavy responsibility we bear as parents can motivate us toward better things? Share it below!

Categories : Parenting

Tags : Christian parenting, dangers of teen years, greatest fear, parental worries

Change your life (and your child’s) forever

Posted by Carey

· Friday, May 17th, 2013

Knowing that Christ really lives in you can change your life forever

I wrote briefly about this as one biblical value to teach your children earlier.

It’s a HUGE and strange idea for “modern” people to hear. In a nutshell it’s this…

Jesus Christ literally LIVES WITHIN YOU (if you’ve trusted Him as Savior and LORD).

Not in a symbolic way…

Not in a “touchy-feely” sort of way…

But in a REAL way. Literally.

And what it PRACTICALLY MEANS for you and your children is enormous!

It will impact:

HOW you live life,
WHY you walk in obedience to God,
WHAT the scriptures mean to you,
and WHAT your life is intended to be.

Those are vital, life-altering questions that you and your children need to be able to answer with confidence and conviction, because they will change your life radically if you can answer them truthfully, according to God’s word.

What does it mean, “Christ in you?”

The New Testament refers to Christ being in us and us being in Him so many times I’m not sure we can actually count them. It’s woven intricately into almost every doctrinal passage.

It’s fundamental to what it means to be a Christian, in the deepest, truest sense of the word.

One of the most clear and oft-quoted passages on the subject is Galatians chapter 2, verse 20…

I have been crucified with Christ. It is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me. And the life I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me.

In the next post, I’m going to unpack this verse a bit and help you walk through what it looks like in a practical, day to day situation.

Take some time between now and then to think about the verse. Ponder it. Meditate on it. Let it sink deeply into your heart and mind. Consider how it might change your life if the things it is teaching really are true.

What are your initial thoughts about the significance of this verse? Share them below…

Categories : Parenting, Spirit Health

Tags : change your life, Christ in you, Christian growth, Christian parenting, exchanged life

Podcast 35: When adult children turn away, a conversation with Rob Rienow

Posted by Carey

· Wednesday, May 8th, 2013

When adult children turn away from the faith

Today’s Guest:

Rob Rienow

SUMMARY OF TODAY’S PODCAST
When adult children turn away from the faith

It’s a heart-breaking situation for Christian parents when their adult children turn away from the faith. It can be very tempting to give up hope, resigning yourself to the reality that your children are grown and have made their own choices. But does that mean there’s nothing you can do? Are there things that the LORD can do in your heart and through you that might make a difference? In this episode Rob Rienow discusses this issue with us, and reveals some powerful biblical principles to help us navigate this difficult topic.

Links & Resources mentioned in this podcast:

My Compass Weekend for Young Men
Visionary Family Ministries
“When They Turn Away” book
“Never Too Late” DVD curriculum (4 items down the page)

SUBSCRIBE TO THE CHRISTIAN HOME AND FAMILY PODCAST

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NEXT EPISODE: May 15, 2013 – Podcast 36- Jesus restores the original

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What are your thoughts about adult children turning away from the faith? Leave your comments below!

Categories : Marriage, Podcast

Tags : adult children, Christian parenting, parents of adult children, Rob Rienow, when adult children turn away

What IS family worship?

Posted by Carey

· Monday, April 22nd, 2013

Family worship is all of life

As I write this post, my family is away, gone to help my in-laws move into their new home.

Two weeks is a very long time.

Yesterday I went to a public worship service. I went alone. It was the first time I’ve been to a public worship service since resigning from the pastorate, and it felt strange not to have my family with me.

It didn’t feel strange simply because I was by myself, but also because the words “family” and “worship” have become interrelated in my mind, things that go together. It felt strange because I’ve come to see worship as much more than a public gathering. Worship has to do with relationships more than it does rituals.

Worship, even family worship, is a way of life.

Family worship is not ONLY gathering together to sing, read the Bible, and pray. Family worship is more, yet simpler.

For a family where Christ is central, family worship is not a weekly event or gathering. Family worship is all of life.

It happens in the attitudes, conversations, relationships, and responsibilities of daily living.

And it happens because Christ is loved, praised, honored and exalted in the lives of parents before anything else.

Don’t wait for a scheduled time or place to worship together as a family. Family worship begins when you wake each morning, when you do chores together, when you talk of the day’s events, when you tuck in your children at the end of the day.

Family worship happens as you honestly share your own struggles, and how you are rediscovering God’s grace in the midst of them. Family worship happens as you give yourself to the LORD, in full view of your kids, and they witness what He is doing in you and through you. Family worship happens as they begin to embrace the God you’ve embraced – for themselves, because of your example.

Family worship is life together, lived humbly in the presence and by the power of Christ, who is the LORD of every family member.

Categories : Family Foundations, Parenting, Spirit Health

Tags : Christian parenting, family worship

Are you a relational ostrich?

Posted by Carey

· Friday, April 19th, 2013

Are you a relational ostrich?

Communication is huge – in the family and in life.

But it won’t happen if you don’t have the courage to do what you KNOW needs to be done.

Don’t be a relational ostrich, sticking your head in the sand, hoping that the difficulties or awkward situations will go away.

Your family will only be damaged by your silence, because silence is a negative communicator.

If you don’t talk about the important things… your family members – who also know they are important – may conclude you simply don’t care.

They may decide that you don’t care about them.

You MUST communicate – no matter how difficult the issues may be.

Take the time to ask questions – listen – and respond with mercy and understanding.
Take the time to speak truth to your spouse or children as needed.
Don’t let fear rule your life. Don’t let awkwardness rule the day.

Pull your head out of the sand and lovingly address the issues that face you as a family.

You’ll find that God is right there with you, ready to help you with the wisdom and power of His word.

Ephesians 4:25 – Therefore, having put away falsehood, let each one of you speak the truth with his neighbor, for we are members one of another.

What are the hardest things for you to talk about with your family members? What have you found that helps? Share your thoughts below…

Categories : Marriage, Parenting

Tags : Christian marriage, Christian parenting, communication, realational, relationships

Being a mirror to your children – the heart of a mother

Posted by Carey

· Thursday, April 18th, 2013

Like a mirror, you can reflect your children’s behavior and character back to them

One of the biggest ways our children learn about themselves is by us being honest with them about what we see in them. It’ being a mirror to your children. We need to be alert and listening to our children daily, so that we can know their attitudes and where they are growing in the Lord.

Some real life examples

When we hear them speak unkindly to their brother, we need to get right on it, as soon as we can, to tell them what we just heard. We need to tell them that their tone for example, sounded angry, irritated or proud. Sometimes what they are wanting to say is fine, but it is how they say it that is the sin. It’s how they say it that shows their heart’s attitude.We need to encourage them to make it right with their brother, right then. If we don’t bring it to their attention (being a mirror), they will never know how unkind they are coming across or that their words were wrong to say. When we do this we are also giving them the opportunity to repent of their sin, which brings cleansing from all unrighteousness, (1 John 1:9).

We might hear our children forgiving a friend over the phone. Or we might see them serve their sister by bringing her something she needs. When we see these kinds of positive things, we need to get right on it, as soon as we can, to tell them what we see in their heart (being a mirror). They need to hear that we are so proud of them for forgiving their friend even though it was very hurtful. They need us to tell them that they were loving them just like Jesus would. Our children need to know that we saw how they served their sister, and that they were letting Jesus live through them at that moment.

A mirror reflects the truth

No matter the situation, our children need to hear the truth about themselves. If you do this from a very young age, you will also be helping your child to develop a humble heart. This is because you’ll help them to avoid going through life thinking one way when the truth is really another way. Your child is learning to have sober judgement about themselves, (Romans 12:3). They are knowing the truth of their own behavior.

Each time you talk with them, you have an opportunity to use what God thinks as your guideline, teaching them how to correct their wrong behavior or how to be encouraged in their right behavior.

You as a mother, are being a mirror to them, showing them what is really in their heart. As you depend on the Lord’s wisdom, you will be training up wise children who aren’t afraid to say they are wrong or to admit the work that the Lord is doing in their lives.

What are ways that you can see that parents can be a mirror to their children? Leave your comments below…

Categories : Parenting, The Heart of a Mother

Tags : Christian parenting, mirror to your children

Teach your kids to hear the voice of God through everyday things – Christian family quick tip video

Posted by Carey

· Friday, April 12th, 2013

Everyday things and events are great opportunities for you to teach your children how to hear the voice of God, see Him at work, and recognize His presence in their lives.

It’s vital that you do this for your children, because they need to see that God is personal to them, just like He is to you. (He IS personal to you, isn’t He?)

Brainstorm with me for a minute… what are some everyday things you can utilize to point out God’s work and presence to your children?

a sunset?
a baby’s cry?
the ocean?
a clear blue sky?
the new puppy?
a snowstorm?

If you simply take the time to look, and to remind yourself that every good gift comes from God (James 1:17), you’ll begin to notice Him at work all around you… and you can teach your children to look for it too.

Here’s quick tip video that I shot a few mornings back, in the midst of a spring snowstorm outside our front door. It was a great opportunity to couple the truth of scripture with the reality of life… and to use it as a lesson for myself and the kids.

Use it as an idea… to help spark your creativity, to open your eyes to the wonders and work of God all around you.

He is speaking. The voice of God is not hard to hear.

You just have to know how to listen.

What are some ways you’ve found that help you hear the voice of God? Share your comments below…

Categories : Parenting, Spirit Health

Tags : Christian family quick tip video, Christian parenting, hear God speak, voice of God

Shaping your child’s heart – Thoughts of a Mother

Posted by Carey

· Thursday, April 11th, 2013

As I think of what is most important about training your children, I can’t help but think that shaping their hearts is the most important thing a parent could do.

Why is this so important?

REMINDER FROM LAST WEEK’S POST: The only way we can shape our child’s heart is if we are learning the truth of God right alongside them. The main way we do that is through our own relationship with God and studying His word. Our relationship has to be active. We have to continue to seek the Lord each day so that He can teach us and then we can teach our children.

Because what is in our hearts comes from what we think; what we believe. And what we think/believe determines what we say, what we do and who we become. So as we teach our children the right way to think, we are shaping their hearts.

It begins with what they think about God

The most important thing about any human being is what they believe about God. God is THE REALITY of this world and every thing else falls into place under Him (Colossians 1:16-18).

So it seems a natural conclusion that from the very beginning of raising our children, we need to be teaching them the truth about God. He is the truth and therefore the only way to real life (John 14:6).

If we want them to have true love, joy and peace in their lives… if we want them to love God with their whole heart ( Matthew 22:37-38)… then there is no other way than to teach them who God is, what He thinks of them, and what He thinks about everything else in the world.

Examples from my own parenting journey

I started out teaching my children about God when they were very young. Here are some examples:

When we would see beautiful trees or other nature, I would tell the kids that God made what they were seeing.
I would also tell them all the different ways that God loves them.
I would teach them what He thinks of them when they obey or disobey, or when they are playing or working.

It is important that we ALWAYS make the truth of God personal to our kids. This will help them to see God as personal, and to know His thoughts, which reveals His heart.

I would also tell my children what God thought of the people that they saw on the street, or what he thought about their sister or their friends. In doing this, our children begin to develop a world view… the real world view, from God’s perspective.

Getting to your child’s heart means shaping their thoughts.

In teaching them God’s thoughts, you are giving your children a great advantage. They are learning to think like God and eventually, live as God would have them.

Our job as Christian parents is to teach our children truth so that they will come to believe truth. As they grow, they will know truth, speak truth, and live truth!

Guide your children in how to think and you will be guiding their hearts. Guide them to God, who is Truth, and that Truth will set them free!

John 8:32
“…and you will know the truth,
and the truth will set you free.”

Share your thoughts below… what are the most difficult aspects for you in shaping your child’s heart?

Categories : Parenting, The Heart of a Mother

Tags : Christian parenting, discipling your children, heart of a mother, your child's heart

You reap what you sow… in life, and in the family

Posted by Carey

· Monday, March 25th, 2013

You’ve probably heard the saying… “You reap what you sow…”

In modern language we’d say, “You harvest what you plant.”

If you plant corn, you will harvest corn. If you plant onions, you will harvest onions.

It’s a law of nature… and like many “laws,” God has made this one to apply in other realms as well.

The phrase was first spoken by the Apostle Paul… he wrote it in his letter to the Galatians, chapter 6, verse 7…

Do not be deceived: God is not mocked, for whatever one sows, that will he also reap.

As I grew up, it was used as a cattle prod, to keep us rowdy young children’s churchsters in line.

My young ears heard, “If you do bad stuff, bad stuff will happen to you.”

Well, isn’t it true?

As far as I can tell, it IS true… but it’s only HALF the point Paul was trying to make.

Read the next few verses…

For the one who sows to his own flesh will from the flesh reap corruption, but the one who sows to the Spirit will from the Spirit reap eternal life. And let us not grow weary of doing good, for in due season we will reap, if we do not give up.

You reap what you sow… in both directions…

So it is true that bad actions lead to bad results, but Paul is also seeking to motivate right action… He calls it sowing “to the Spirit.”

That means that good actions, done in the will and power of the Holy Spirit, produce good results…

That goes for life in general – areas like your work, your recreation, your friendship, and your family.

All of those and a hundred others are contexts where you will reap what you sow.

Consider the “positive” side of what Paul is saying…

If you plant diligence, you will reap fruit that corresponds to that hard work.
If you plant seeds of encouragement, your harvest will be of a similar nature.
If you plant faithfulness, joy, hope, and love… the outcome could be beyond what you can imagine.

How does the principle of sowing and reaping apply to…

Your marriage?

Are you investing quality time in your relationship with your spouse? If not, what do you suppose you’re going to reap?
Do you have and express a faithful commitment to your partner? If not, what kind of harvest is going to come of it?
Can you think of healthy, positive, godly things you can begin planting into your relationship? What sort of harvest has God promised will come of it if you do?

Your parenting?

What kind of words are you planting in the lives of your children? Encouragement? Pessimism? Hopefulness? Criticism? What are the harvests that correspond to what you’re planting?
How are you equipping your children to live in the world? What kind of example are you setting? Those are ways that you are planting “seeds” in their lives. What type of harvest will come of it?
Are you carrying out the command of Deuteronomy 6: 4-5 in the lives of your children? What are the outcomes you should expect as a result?

The atmosphere of your home?

Is your home a place of peace or a place of strife? Both are sowing seeds in your household. Take time to consider what’s going to come of each.
Is your home characterized by faith in God or worry about circumstances? What sort of harvest is reaped from each?

Do you see how important this principle of sowing and reaping can be?

What are you going to DO, in the power of the Spirit, to make a change?

Notice that I asked what you're going to do "in the power of the Spirit."

You can't do this on your own.

God doesn't want you to reform yourself. He wants to transform you through His Spirit.

CALL TO ACTION:

Identify areas where you need to begin planting seeds (encouragement, faith, godly conversation, etc.)
Prayerfully seek God's help in planning a way to begin planting.
Step out in faith (believing that God will empower you), and start planting.

You'll be amazed what obedient actions, accompanied by faith can do.

Leave a testimony of what God has done through you as you've stepped out in faith to plant positive seeds in your home!

Categories : Marriage, Parenting

Tags : Christian marriage, Christian parenting, reap what you sow

Podcast 25: The 4-14 Family Movement with Scott Turansky and Ed Miller

Posted by Carey

· Wednesday, February 27th, 2013

SUBSCRIBE TO THE CHRISTIAN HOME AND FAMILY PODCAST

Or if you are using a “podcatcher” here is the feed address: https://christianhomeandfamily.com/feed/podcast/

Today’s Guests:

Scott Turansky & Ed Miller
The National Center for Biblical Parenting

SUMMARY OF TODAY’S PODCAST
The 4-14 Family Movement

If you’ve been listening to the Christian Home and Family podcast for any length of time, you know that I’m eager to see parents pass their faith along to the next generation, and the one after that, and the one after that. That generational legacy if what I’m all about.

This epssode of the podcast strikes that familiar chord in a new way by introducing you to the 4-14 family movement. It’s a movement of like-minded people who are encouraging, equipping, and challenging parents to take up the mantel of passing along their faith, particularly to their children ages 4-14 (the time when most people come to faith in Christ). In this episode you’ll hear us talk about…

How Scott and Ed came to faith in Christ
What the 4-14 movement is
Resources the 4-14 movement is providing
How your family, church, or small group can benefit from the 4-14 movement.
How you can get involved in the 4-14 movement.

Links & Resources mentioned in this podcast:

My Compass Weekend for Young Men
Christian Home and Family Marriage Intensives
WIN THE BOOK – Organic Outreach for Families!
Take the family Challenge website
The National Center for Biblical Parenting

A couple of brief reminders:

The Compass Weekend for young men has undergone a date-change – June 20, 21, 22 of 2013, in Buena Vista, Colorado. I’m only allowing 8 young men at a time to be a part of this event, to keep the interaction genuine and relevant. If you are interested or want to pass the information along to someone you know, please check out the Compass page on the website.
My new spiritual growth curriculum for individuals or groups – NEW LIFE IS NO JOKE
My new couple’s marriage devotional – in 3 formats – THE MARRIAGE IMPROVEMENT PROJECT
You are invited to prayerfully consider partnering with Christian Home and Family.

NEXT EPISODE: March 6th, 2013 – Podcast 26 – Husbands|Love your wife like a broken record.

Also, the “resources” music track is from the www.musicrevoluation.com site.

SUBSCRIBE TO THE CHRISTIAN HOME AND FAMILY PODCAST

Or if you are using a “podcatcher” here is the feed address: https://christianhomeandfamily.com/feed/podcast/

LEAVE FEEDBACK AND A REVIEW ON I-TUNES

Leave your thoughts and comments about the 4-14 family movement!

Categories : Parenting, Podcast

Tags : Christian parenting, generational legacy, legacy of faith, parenting, the 4-14 family movement

Rob rienow - Visionary Family Ministries - family discipleship

Podcast 16: Family discipleship between your children

Posted by Carey

· Wednesday, December 19th, 2012

Podcast 16: Family discipleship as it relates to your children

Family discipleship is important… in this episode my friend Rob and I discuss what’s worked in our homes, and what we’ve seen the LORD do through it all!

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Today’s Guest:

Rob rienow - Visionary Family Ministries - family discipleship

Rob Rienow
www.VisionaryFam.com

SUMMARY OF TODAY’S PODCAST

Sibling rivalry. Arguments between your kids. Relational difficulties that last a lifetime. Any of these sound familiar? Every parent struggles to help their kids get along, love each other, and learn to be friends instead of jealous enemies. I think one of the key things that is missed is the purpose behind what God has done in putting a particular group of people together and calling it a “family.” He’s put us in a context where we are to learn to love, learn to cooperate, learn to exhort one another in Christ, and become more like Him in the process. You can help your children be friends in Christ, and carry out family discipleship in a way that their relationships with each other are a very key part in seeing that discipleship take place.In this episode, my guest Rob Rienow and I tackle this subject through a conversation we had about these and many other issues. I think you’ll find a ton of helpful things that we kicked around together. Enjoy!

Links & Resources mentioned in this podcast:

Covenant Eyes (affiliate link*)
Family time training (www.famtime.com)
Rob’s product page, including the resource he mentioned “Never Too Late” for empty-nest parents.
You are invited to prayerfully consider partnering with Christian Home and Family.
My speaking page

* These resources are affiliate links – you pay the same price, but part of your purchase goes to support the ministry of Christian Home and Family. Thanks!

A couple of brief reminders:

THERE WILL BE NO PODCAST THE WEEK OF CHRISTMAS – 2012. I pray you have a blessed and wonderful Christmas season!
I’d love to do some future episodes that are “Q & A” in nature, regarding anything related to living as a Christian family. Please submit YOUR questions to me in the comments below or in any of these ways.
Christian Home and Family is supported by generous donors like you. If you’d like to know more about how you can partner with me in this vital mission, see my partner page.
I am available for SPEAKING engagement at your next retreat, conference, or seminar series. Check out my speaking page to find out more.

NEXT EPISODE: January 2, 2013 – Podcast 17 – New Year, New Life: Christian Spiritual Growth – get on track in the new year!

Also, the “resources” music track is from the www.musicrevoluation.com site.

SUBSCRIBE TO THE CHRISTIAN HOME AND FAMILY PODCAST

LEAVE FEEDBACK AND A REVIEW ON I-TUNES

Leave your thoughts and comments about family discipleship as discussed in this episode below!

Categories : Parenting, Podcast

Tags : children as best friends, Christian parenting, family discipleship, sibling relationships, sibling rivalry

Respect for parents is important… and whether your kids have it or not depends on you.

Posted by Carey

· Monday, December 17th, 2012

Respect for parents is important… and whether your kids have it or not depends on you.

As I write, it’s the Christmas season and our house is uncharacteristically full of all kinds of treats.

A few days ago our youngest son asked my wife if he could have an extra sweet treat, even though he’d already had his for the day.

My wife replied that she would think about it and get back to him.

He said,

That’s fine. I just thought I’d ask because I know you love to give good gifts to your children.

A statement like that could be taken as…

A genuine, complimentary thing toward his mother, OR
A manipulative ploy to butter up mom so he could get more treats.

My wife didn’t think it was manipulation at all. It seemed very genuine.

That got me thinking about respect for parents…

I wonder as our children are leaving the house (one son is already married and expecting his first child), what they will think of me in years to come…

Q: Will they look at my life and see one that is consistent, or

Q: Will they see one that is hypocritical?

[dropshadowbox align=”right” effect=”lifted-both” width=”250px” height=”” background_color=”#f9f676″ border_width=”1″ border_color=”#dddddd” ]If my children are going to respect me, I have to life a life worth respecting. – TWEET THIS[/dropshadowbox]My constant prayer is that the LORD will guide me in the way of humility and truth.

I want to always be willing to make adjustments so that I can live consistent with what I talk.

If my children are going to respect me, I have to live a life that is worthy of respect… and that requires a vibrant relationship with Christ.

How are you doing in YOUR RELATIONSHIP with Christ?

I’m not asking you if you are reading a certain amount of scripture every day.

I’m not asking you how many minutes of prayer you are logging.

I’m asking you whether or not you are engaging in RELATIONSHIP with Jesus, your LORD.

It likely will include time in the scriptures.

It should include time in prayer.

But those alone don’t indicate whether the RELATIONSHIP is good or not.

Your relationship with Christ will only be good if you devote time to drawing close to Him. Like any other relationship, you have to work hard at it.

Your commitment to a regular, intimate relationship with Jesus is what will fuel the kind of life your kids need to see. What are your struggles… and how can I pray for you?

Categories : Parenting

Tags : Christian parenting, honor your father and mother, parenting help, respect for parents

emotional health by cleaning the emotinal slate regularly

Healthy relationships = erasing the relational slate regularly

Posted by Carey

· Friday, December 7th, 2012

The purpose in a man’s heart is like deep water, but a man of understanding will draw it out. – Proverbs 20:13

Healthy relationships = erasing the relational slate regularly. What does that mean?

I can explain it best by telling you how it happens in my house – and my wife is the pro at it. She introduced me to the idea, and is the one who helps me remember to do it to this day.

HERE’S HOW IT LOOKS:

Pretty regularly, Mindi has intentional, personal conversations with the members of our family, where she asks some or all of the following questions:

How are you feeling about our relationship?
Have I done anything lately that has made you feel (pick one) – hurt? – frustrated? – angry? – like I am upset with you? – that I don’t approve of you? – that I don’t love you?
Have you been feeling any sense of condemnation from me lately?
How can I act toward you that will make you feel more loved?
How can I pray for you?

Once she’s asked the questions, she really listens for the answers. If there is something she was unaware of for which she needs to apologize… she apologizes. If she discovers a misunderstanding about something she has said or done, she works to clarify it. No matter what she hears, she always works to reassure the person she’s speaking with, of her love for them.

[dropshadowbox align=”right” effect=”lifted-both” width=”250px” height=”” background_color=”#f5e71e” border_width=”1″ border_color=”#dddddd” ]Healthy relationships = erasing the relational slate regularly. – TWEET THIS[/dropshadowbox]

Do you get the idea?

When you truly care about the people in your home, those are the kinds of things you need to be asking.

Why? Because the answers you receive will tell you how you can love them better.

It takes humility and true concern for your family members if you are going to ask questions like these.

But it has to be done.

Conversations like this enable you to clean slate, getting to a place where healthy relationships can thrive.

Nothing is hidden.

Nothing is unknown.

You are honest with each other and able to respond in love to the true needs your loved ones have.

Healthy relationships to target in your home

Spouse
Kids (if they can talk… you can ask some version of these questions)
Parents

The answer you receive will serve your relationships and family well, if you are humble enough to respond well.

CALL TO ACTION:

CHOOSE a “target” loved one.
MAKE your own list of questions (steal some of mine if you want).
DECIDE WHEN you are going to have the conversation.
ASK the questions.
APOLOGIZE where needed.
REASSURE them of the truth where needed.

Have you ever had this kind of conversation with your loved ones? Do you mind sharing your story?

Categories : Marriage, Parenting

Tags : Christian marriage, Christian parenting, emotional health, good communication, healthy emotions, healthy relationships, relationship advice

Podcast 14: Family Worship Ideas for the Christian Home –

Posted by Carey

· Wednesday, December 5th, 2012

Podcast 14: Family Worship Ideas for the Christian Home

SUBSCRIBE TO THE CHRISTIAN HOME AND FAMILY PODCAST

EPISODE #14

Family Worship Ideas for the Christian Home: A conversation with Desire Miller

Today’s Guest:

Desire Miller
www.WhenYouRise.com

SUMMARY OF TODAY’S PODCAST

You’ve probably heard a lot about the topic of family worship or family devotions. But many, many parents don’t know where to begin to get that idea off the ground in their own Christian home. Thanks to people like my guest today, Desire Miller, you can find great, FREE resources to get you started. Desire is the owner of When You Rise, a website that provides a ton of truly helpful and valuable resources to help you bring the scriptures down to your child’s level, and work alongside them to help introduce and grow their Christian faith.In this episode of the podcast I talk with Desire about here site, the way she got started creating this kind of curriculum, and what she hopes will come of her efforts. It was a delightful conversation about family worship resources I think you’ll enjoy!

Links & Resources mentioned in this podcast:

Covenant Eyes (affiliate link*)
My upcoming episode of the podcast using YOUR Christmas traditions! – Submit yours
Redeemed Reader
My speaking page

* These resources are affiliate links – you pay the same price, but part of your purchase goes to support the ministry of Christian Home and Family. Thanks!

A couple of brief reminders:

I’d love to do some future episodes that are “Q & A” in nature, regarding anything related to living as a Christian family. Please submit YOUR questions to me in the comments below or in any of these ways.
Christian Home and Family is supported by generous donors like you. If you’d like to know more about how you can partner with me in this vital mission, see my partner page.
I am available for SPEAKING engagement at your next retreat, conference, or seminar series. Check out my speaking page to find out more.

NEXT EPISODE: Podcast 15 – Christian Siblings as Best Friends

The music track used in the Christian Home and Family Podcast is entitled, “Midian” and is from Adam Rey’s instrumental album Meat & Potatoes – Adam has generously given me permission to use his music, so please, support his generosity by checking out and purchasing his music at www.heyreyguitar.com – (no affiliate relationship, Adam’s just my friend.)

SUBSCRIBE TO THE CHRISTIAN HOME AND FAMILY PODCAST

LEAVE FEEDBACK AND A REVIEW ON I-TUNES

Categories : Parenting, Podcast

Tags : Christian family, Christian home, Christian Home and Family Podcast, Christian parenting, Christian worship, family devotions, family time, family worship, podcast

Train up a child: parenting toward wisdom one building block at a time

Posted by Carey

· Friday, November 23rd, 2012

Train up a child toward wisdom, one building block at a time…

You have great dreams for your child. You are eager to see them become all that God desires them to be. Me too.

But those dreams don’t just happen… they come about through intentionality and hard work on your part. They come through understanding that to train up a child it will be a process of intentionally forming their thoughts, beliefs, and outlook on life, one purposeful building block at a time.

Don’t misunderstand, you are to train your child in the way THEY should go, which accounts for their personality. Nevertheless, you are to train them in the way they SHOULD go, which means you are to determine the course (as the LORD leads you).

Imagine it this way: You have a dream, a desired end in mind for your child. You are parenting them toward where you prayerfully want to see them be in terms of character, love for the LORD, maturity, wisdom, etc. You get there through intentional training, like building blocks, that you put into place over time. As the blocks stack up, one by one over time, your child will be rising toward the dream you (and God) have in mind.

BUILDING BLOCKS TO TRAIN UP A CHILD

I want to give you 4 areas of focus that you HAVE to put in place in your home if you want to train up a child in regards to wisdom. And notice one thing… none of them are one-time events. They are ongoing, repeated, front-and-center priorities you must revisit day after day.

* A real-life example of a Jesus freak

All of us do better in attaining a goal if we know what it looks like. Your children are not different. They need to see you, their parent, passionate about Jesus. Not just in words, but in actions. The way you treat them needs to reflect Jesus. The way you treat their other parent needs to be an imitation of Him. The attitudes you express toward the world beyond your front door need to echo Jesus’ attitude. In short, you begin to train up your child by first training yourself to be a sold-out, devoted follower of Christ. If you try to skip this step, you’ll have a revolt on your hands later on.

* Scripture saturation & accompanying conversations

This is Deuteronomy 6:4-8. Your children need to hear you reading the word to them, hear you talking about the word with them, and having you lead them in conversations about the word of God. If they were prick you, you need to bleed Bible. And guess, what? In time, they will too. You need to saturate your home with it, and teach your children how to read and understand how it applies to their lives. That means you have to take it to a practical level, one that addresses the issues they face at their given age and stage of life. And you need to speak about how it penetrates to the heart level… which leads to the next building block…

* Heart-level conversations regarding outlook, motives, and desires

When you ask your child why she hit her sister, and she says, “I don’t know,” she’s telling the truth. She doesn’t know… her own heart or her own reasons for why she does what she does. She doesn’t understand things like fleshly behavior and the war between flesh and the Spirit. She doesn’t understand her need for Christ. You have to teacher her about those things. You have to engage in heart-level conversations with her about the depravity of her own heart and the wonderful grace of Christ to forgive, cleanse, and empower. In that process, you need to help her understand why she looks at situations the way she does, why she does what she does, and why she desires what she does. You’ll have to use words like “selfish” and “proud” and “inconsiderate” – and you should… all with a loving parent’s heart to help your child know themselves so that they can see their great need for Christ.

[dropshadowbox align=”right” effect=”lifted-both” width=”250px” height=”” background_color=”#f9e82a” border_width=”1″ border_color=”#000000″ ]There is no such thing as gossip when you are training your children. TWEET THIS[/dropshadowbox]

* Labels for things that need labels

A new friend of mine recently said, “There is no such thing as gossip when you are training your children.” What he meant was that as a parent, you MUST talk with your child about the reality of what happens between them and other people. You must point out wrong motives and wrong behavior, whether in your child or another person. You must use every situation as an example from which your child can learn and gain wisdom, under your guidance. When something that is done or said is sinful, you must label it as sin. When something that is done or said is pleasing to the LORD, you must label it as such. Your kids need to learn their definitions of things from you, as you are informed and guided by the scriptures and by the Spirit of God. And in all of this, you must continue to teach them that the people you are critiquing are loved by God and should be loved by the two of you as well. And you must teach them that there, but for the grace of God, go your children. If you’re not careful to do this last step, you’ll raise little Pharisees.

* Practical opportunities for them to grow, rather than excuses why they can’t

Your kids need to have opportunities in which to put their new-found skills into practice. They need the be able to fail and to learn from the failure. At the early stages this may mean teaching them boundaries about what they can touch and play with and what they can’t. Watch as they reach toward the electrical socket, and lovingly swat their hand and say, “NO.” Allow them practical opportunities in which to learn and embrace your wisely given boundaries instead of removing the temptations. Don’t child-proof your house. Instead teach your children about the protection and wisdom that boundaries and God-given authority bring.

Building Blocks that train up a child

Wisdom is not bestowed, it is learned. Your consistent, day by day training of your child in how he should think is essential. You do it through your own radical commitment to the LORD, a focus on the word of God, heart level conversations, a willingness to label and discuss the things that happen around you, and by allowing them practical opportunities to apply what they are being taught.

What ways have you found to train up a child in wisdom?

Categories : Parenting

Tags : Christian parenting, parenting, parenting help, parenting tips, train up a child

Christian parents – Deuteronomy 6 tells you how to parent

Posted by Carey

· Wednesday, October 31st, 2012

How to parent according to Deuteronomy 6

In this post I’m going to point out the most important thing about parenting that the Bible has to say…

TALK ABOUT GOD’S WORD WITH YOUR KIDS – INCESSANTLY

That may sound a bit “over the top” but it’s very obviously what the scriptures teach. Read it for yourself…

Hear, O Israel: The LORD our God, the LORD is one. You shall love the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your might. And these words that I command you today shall be on your heart. You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise. You shall bind them as a sign on your hand, and they shall be as frontlets between your eyes. You shall write them on the doorpo

Christian parents - how to parent from the scriptures

sts of your house and on your gates.

Notice a few very important things about the SEQUENCE of this passage…

A proper honor/respect of God, AS GOD must come first in YOUR heart (the parent).
YOU, the PARENT must FIRST love the LORD with all you are.
The Word of God must first be on YOUR heart, as the parent.
THEN AND ONLY THEN, will you be able to teach them to your children effectively.

Let’s walk through those… one at a time:

Respect of God, AS God

You need to know and honor God for who He is. You, the parent. You need to do that.

The world will try to foist all kinds of ideas about God on your kids. 99.9% of them will be wrong. Your knowledge and honor of God are the main corrective to those lies.

As their parent, you need to be able to set the record straight – tell them the truth – and do so out of a heart of deep, earnest conviction.

Love God with all YOU are

This one is really quite simple. If you don’t love God, why would you expect your kids to?

If you don’t love God, why would you expect your kids to?

CLICK TO TWEET THIS

I’ve beat this drum before, and it won’t be the last time.

It takes diligence and hard work. It takes intentional pursuit of the LORD, day after day.

But it is SO worth it. For you. For your kids.

The Word of God must first be on your heart

Do you see a pattern here? The role of the parent is one of example as much as it is one of guide.

Nobody likes a “do what I say, not what I do” example. We all want to see it, in the flesh, lived out for us to believe and be inspired by.

Your kids are EXACTLY like that.

They need (and want) to see YOU loving the word of God, reading the word of God, memorizing the word of God.

Then they will believe you when you say it’s important.

Then you should teach the word of God to your children

The examples given in the passage are “Old-testament” examples… things that fit the day in which the passage was written.

For us it could easily read, “Talk about God’s word with your kids around the dinner table, in the car, when you tuck your kids in, and when they wake up. Put God’s word all around you, on the walls of your home, make it unavoidable.”

There are many, many helpful resources available for families today…. to help you saturate your household with God’s word.

How to parent…

BE a godly example
TEACH your kids to follow your example

What ways have you discovered to put these principles into practice?

(this post includes affiliate links)

Categories : Parenting

Tags : Christian family, Christian home, Christian marriage, Christian parenting

Podcast 9: Christian Families in a Sexualized World

Posted by Carey

· Monday, October 29th, 2012

Podcast 9 – Christian Families in a Sexualized World

SUBSCRIBE TO THE CHRISTIAN HOME AND FAMILY PODCAST

EPISODE #9

Christian Families in a Sexualized World (Dealing with sexual temptations and family life)

Today’s guest:

PASTOR BRAD HAMRICK
Pastor of Counseling
Summit Church
Raleigh/Durham, NC

sexual temptations

This episode is “PG-13” rated… so I suggest that parents remove young children from the room who may overhear this episode. Thanks!

SUMMARY OF TODAY’S PODCAST

A conversation with Brad Hambrick, Pastor of Counseling at Summit Church in Raleigh/Durham, NC. We discuss the difficulties that Christian families face in our sexually charged culture, and the particular struggles that exist. Topics include seminars available through Summit Church (False Love / True Betrayal), how the sexual nature of our culture impacts Christian men, women, and children, How sexual tempation and sin threatens the development of a Christ-centered home, sexual hazards, Parents talking to their children about sexual things, the benefits and drawbacks of technological safeguards, and what to do if you are battling sexual temptation.

Links & Resources mentioned in this podcast:

Brad Hambrick’s website
Passport to Purity – by Family Life **
Teens and Sex: How Should We Teach Them? – by Paul Tripp **
Sex Is Not The Problem, Lust Is – by Joshua Harris **

** These resources are affiliate links – you pay the same price, but part of your purchase goes to support the ministry of Christian Home and Family. Thanks!

A brief reminder:

I’d love to do some future episodes that are “Q & A” in nature, regarding anything related to living as a Christian family. Please submit YOUR questions to me in any of these ways.

SUBSCRIBE TO THE CHRISTIAN HOME AND FAMILY PODCAST

LEAVE FEEDBACK AND A REVIEW ON I-TUNES

Categories : Podcast

Tags : Christian family, Christian parenting, families and sexuality, pornography addictions, sexual temptations, talk to your children about sex

Teach your children well, but make sure you are actually teaching

Posted by Carey

· Friday, October 19th, 2012

To teach your children well it’s about more than correction

A few days back Mindi and I had a conversation about an interaction I had with our son Caleb while we were eating dinner. After 15 minutes of muddling through our differing perceptions of what had happened, I discovered that while trying to teach Caleb something, I didn’t truly instruct him at all. Here’s the scenario… (time warp back to the dinner table)

I had just said the “Amen” to our dinner time prayer, and food was being passed around the table. Caleb was sitting next to me. When I finished dishing rice onto my plate, I turned to hand it to Caleb.

He was busy buttering his bread. When I looked over to see what was going on, I saw him there, bread in one hand, knife with butter in the other, carefully applying it to his bread. I didn’t think he noticed that I was holding out the rice bowl to him (and it was beginning to get a bit heavy).

Here’s what went through my mind…

Caleb isn’t being very considerate here… his bread-buttering should wait so that he can take the heavy bowl.

So with that nano-second of reasoning I somewhat sternly said, “Caleb. Take the rice!” Honestly, I wasn’t irritated or trying to be selfish. I was genuinely intending to instruct my son about consideration.

He took the rice bowl and we went on with our dinner conversation.

To teach your children well, let God teach you

The LORD used my conversation with Mindi to help me realize that in my own head, I was wanting Caleb to learn something about consideration, but I never communicated a word of that to him.

For all I know, he could have been thinking,

“Man, Dad is sure stressed about a bowl of rice.”

Or worse,

“Dad is always so short and bossy. I feel like he’s always irritated with me.”

That leads me to the most important thing I realized…

When no explanation is given for a stern, short, or intense remark, the person hearing it will take it negatively 99.9% of the time.

When it comes to kids, it’s probably 100%.

And because I’m “Dad,” it makes me less approachable in their minds, because I’m unreasonable.

Some lessons learned

If I felt Caleb needed to learn something, it needed to be explained.
More communication would have been very helpful (see the next heading).
There was no need to be tense or short. He wasn’t intentionally ignoring me.
I have GOT to be more careful with my tone. The last thing I want is for my kids to feel I’m unapproachable.

The follow-up conversation

At Mindi’s suggestion (she’s always been a great help to me in this way) I went to talk with Caleb about the situation. He remembered it. I told him that I was feeling concerned at the time that he assess the situation and do what seemed most considerate. I didn’t expect the response I got. Here’s what he said…

I did think about what seemed best, and I thought that since I had a knife full of butter and bread already in my hand, it would be O.K. for me to get that finished. I figured you’d just set the bowl down on the table until I was able to take it.

I learned a couple of things in that conversation too:

His reasoning about the situation was just as good as mine.
He was assuming maturity in me, while I was not assuming the best about him.
It could be that I was the one being inconsiderate.

I want to make sure that I’m opening up my child’s heart instead of locking it down. That’s what good communication, and good instruction does. – Click to tweet this

I want to make sure that I’m opening up my child’s heart instead of locking it down. That’s what good communication, and good instruction does. That is how you can teach your children well!

Tell me what you struggle with in this area… is enough communication happening?

Categories : Parenting

Tags : Christian marriage, Christian parenting, communication with children, correction, discipline, family communication, instructing kids, parenting tips, teach your children well, teaching children

You too can have stressed kids: 20 easy steps

Posted by Carey

· Wednesday, October 17th, 2012

20 steps to make sure your kids are stressed:

1. Make sure YOU are stressed. They learn to be stressed kids best by example.

2. Do your best to live without any personal boundaries. Again, example counts.

3. Get them involved in every sport, activity, and opportunity that is offered. You don’t want the other kids to outpace them.

4. Never allow for “time off.” That sabbath thing was on Old Testament deal anyway.

5. Push them to walk, talk, read, hit a baseball, etc. before any of the other kids their age. They need to learn to be a high achiever at an early age.

6. Focus on winning most of all. Being second only means they are the first loser.

7. Don’t organize the household or keep any kind of predictable schedule.

8. Never talk with them about their concerns, fears, or challenges. It’s a hard world and they need to learn to be tough.

9. Make sure that you and your spouse have lots of loud arguments, and make sure they can hear you.

10. Emphasize good grades… a lot.

11. Keep a serious tone in your household. Laughter is way overrated.

12. Insist on them performing for everyone who comes to visit. Piano, singing, ballet, art – whatever they do, make sure they do it for guests.

13. Don’t give them any boundaries. Limits are stifling.

14. Repeat these words of wisdom over and over – “Every minute counts.” / “If it’s worth doing, it’s worth doing right.”

15. Don’t have any kind of a regular bed-time.

16. Make sure they don’t get any alone time. You don’t want them to be a hermit, do you?

17. Let them watch horror movies.

18. Tell them that you are never stressed.

19. Never tell them you love them, are proud of them, or are thankful for them.

20. Feed them processed, sugary, low-nutrient foods. They need to keep up their energy levels.

Let your reasonableness be known to everyone. The Lord is at hand; do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

Philippians 4, verses 5-7

Categories : Parenting

Tags : Christian parenting, parenting, stressed kids

Podcast 8: Brain Health, Learning Disabilities, & the Christian Family

Posted by Carey

· Monday, October 15th, 2012

Podcast 8 – Brain Health, Learning Disabilities, & the Christian Family

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EPISODE #8

Brain Health, Learning Disabilities, & the Christian Family

Today’s guest:

DR. ALFRED N. “BUZZY” GREEN
founder of RhythmBee and RhythmBrain

SUMMARY OF TODAY’S PODCAST

A conversation with Dr. Alfred N. “Buzzy” Green about a variety of issues relating to rhythmic exercises, brain health, and learning disabilities. This is a fascinating conversation to help us understand the wonderful thing God has given us in our brains, and how we can be better stewards of them. Our conversation ranged all over the place – music education, musicianship, God’s wonderful gift of the brain, recent scientific studies regarding the function of the brain, and how rhythm may be helpful in overcoming learning disabilities.

Links mentioned in this podcast:

RhythmBee
My contact page (to support Christian Home and Family through purchases you already make).

A brief reminder:

I’d love to do some future episodes that are “Q & A” in nature, regarding anything related to living as a Christian family. Please submit YOUR questions to me in any of these ways.

SUBSCRIBE TO THE CHRISTIAN HOME AND FAMILY PODCAST

LEAVE FEEDBACK AND A REVIEW ON ITUNES

Categories : Parenting, Podcast

Tags : Christian parenting, Dr. Alfred N. "Buzzy" Green, learning disabilities, music education, rhythm education

Make the right choice

Posted by Carey

· Friday, October 12th, 2012

You can’t do it all.

That’s the honest truth. As much as our world tells you you can, you can’t.

So here’s the question you and I have to answer…

Since I only have so much time, energy, and ability – what things will I CHOOSE to do with the time, energy, and abilities I do have?

I’m talking about your priorities.

What matters most to you? What is most important? What will last for eternity?

Those are the things you should be doing.

Make the right choice.

Categories : Soul Health

Tags : Christian life coaching, Christian life plan, Christian marriage, Christian parenting

Emotional health: When did you last do an “emotional inventory?”

Posted by Carey

· Wednesday, October 10th, 2012

How do you become emotionally healthy?

When is the last time you saw a kid throw a tantrum? It’s not a pretty sight.

But do you know what’s even uglier?

When adults do the same thing.

Ok, they don’t fall on the floor and roll around (typically), but they do other equally immature things…

The silent treatment.
Say “nothing” when asked what is bothering them.
Mope around the house and refuse to talk about it.
Say they are not upset while secretly sabotaging another person.
Gossip / slander.

See what I mean?

Taking charge of your emotional health

Emotionally healthy people don’t do the things listed above. Why? Because they stay on top of what is going on inside their own souls, and deal with what they find in a healthy (godly) way.

One way to approach that process is through periodically taking an emotional inventory. Just like you’d assess your bank account every so often (I hope), or check the oil level in your car (I hope), you need to check your emotional condition.

How do you go about doing one of these emotional inventories?

You ask yourself questions, a TON of questions… and you work hard to be honest with yourself.

Here’s a sample list of the type of questions you should be asking… and please know these are not all the questions you could ask…

Is there anything in my life that I am…

Depressed by?
Angry about?
Fearful of?
Frustrated with?
Discouraged about?

Joyful about?
Optimistic about?
Encouraged by?
Excited about?
Peaceful about

Emotional health only comes through truth

What do you do with the answers you discover? You take them to the LORD (through His word), and let the light of His truth shine on them.

In other words, you need the LORD to show you what is true about what you are feeling and what is not true.

That’s the only way you’ll be able to know how you should be thinking and acting.

Emotions rightly handled will bring great peace and contentment.
Emotions wrongly handled will wreck your life, and the lives of those you love.

Lean heavily on God’s truth…

Feeling unloved? – remember that nothing can separate you from God’s love – Romans 8:38-39
Feeling condemned? – remind yourself that Christ has taken away all your condemnation – Romans 8:1
Feeling hopeless? – trust God to work all things for your good – Romans 8:28

Learn to use the truth of scripture to bring your unruly emotions into line… It won’t be easy, but it will be worth it.

Help your children be emotionally healthy too

A tantrum is evidence that kids don’t know how to handle emotions either. Too often parents don’t know what to do with a tantrum, or an emotional outburst… and so they do nothing.

Don’t do your kids such a disservice. Help them unpack what they are feeling. As their parent, it’s your job.

Talk with them about their emotions… sometimes multiple choice questions prove helpful.

“Johnny, what are you feeling? Is it…

Anger?
Frustration?
Fear?
Embarrassment?

Then teach them what to do with the answers they discover (sound familiar?). Teach them God’s truth about what they are feeling… just like you have to teach it to yourself.

Speak it, talk about it, explain it. Read the Bible with them. Your kids need the truth of the scriptures to illuminate their lives just like you do.

Some helpful resources for teaching your kids scripture…

Family Time Training
When You Rise (watch for an upcoming podcast episode relating to this website)
Impress your Kids
Seeds Family Worship – see a video of some of their music here – find their CDs here

What do you think about doing periodic “emotional inventories” for the sake of your emotional health?

What will you do to help your kids with their emotions?

Categories : Parenting, Soul Health

Tags : Christian marriage, Christian parenting, emotional health, god's truth

Child discipline – what’s going on under the surface

Posted by Carey

· Friday, October 5th, 2012

Child discipline – what’s going on under the surface

photo: by GerryT on Flickr

Do you know what’s going on under the surface when you are disciplining your child? If you don’t, you’ll probably miss the point of discipline altogether and more than likely hurt your child in ways you never intended. I’m not talking about losing control during a spanking or other form of discipline… though that would be cause for serious concern. I’m talking about hurting them on a deeper level, a soul level.

Child discipline is about more than:

correction of misguided actions
punishment for crimes (real or imagined)
rules that have to be kept
respect for authority
first-time obedience
or the like…

Under the surface, in every discipline situation and in all of life, your child is asking the following heart-level question of you, their parent:

Do you REALLY CARE about me?

Every human being lives in fear. We fear being rejected – of being unloved. We want and need to know that we are truly loved. Children are no different.

This is especially true when you need to discipline your child. They want to know (they NEED to know), that when they are at their very worst, you still care about THEM. Let’s think that through for a moment…

When your son is clearly in the wrong and punishment of some kind is entirely appropriate, he wants to know if you really care about him.
When your daughter made a bad mistake or foolish decision, she wants to know if you really care about her.
When they’ve brought home a bad grade on their report card, they want to know if you really care about them.
When he’s wrecked the car, he wants to know if you really care about him.

Think of it this way:

If you only focus on the rules (without understanding their heart) – you are communicating that rules are more important than the person you are dealing with (your child).
If you don’t take the time to understand what they were thinking and feeling that prompted them toward their decision, you are communicating that you don’t care about what they think and feel.
If you fixate on the damage they’ve done and not on what was going on inside them, you are communicating that the damage or loss is more important to you than they are.

If you do these kinds of things, you run the risk of embittering your children, of provoking them to anger. (Ephesians 6:4; Colossians 3:21) In fact, you probably will. Sadly, parents do this all the time and don’t realize it. Then they wonder why their 4 year old is stubborn and disobedient, or why their teenager is sullen and disrespectful. Could it be that the parent has not taken the time to add concern for their children to their discipline of their children?

Child discipline: a better approach

photo: flickr by city of Murietta, GA

Even in situations where your child is clearly in the wrong, you can still communicate that you care about them first and foremost. How do you do that?

1. Understand that it takes work and time – and be willing to put in the effort. You’ll have to ask questions, discover motives, listen to reasoning, and help them dissect it all with godly maturity and discernment. Making that effort communicates your deep concern for them.

2. Develop a desire to truly understand their heart, even when they’ve willfully done wrong. Your children will more readily accept your correction when they know it’s coming from a parent who desires to understand them.

3. Communicate God’s love for them in spite of their sin, as you demonstrate God’s love as their parent. Your children need to know, especially in a disciplinary situation that you (like God) still love them – warts, sin, rebellion, sassy mouth, disobedience – and all.

4. Respond with both compassion and justice. They need to know that you are upset at how their sin affects them (compassion), and that you care about them enough to help them overcome it through loving discipline (justice).

When you take the time to walk through these, and other caring steps, you will be shepherding their heart (there’s an excellent book by that title… I highly recommend it). You will be caring for the very core of who they are, which is exactly what they are wondering about.

What other steps would you add to this list?

this post contains affiliate links

Categories : Parenting

Tags : care for your children, child discipline, Christian parenting, parenting advice, parenting help, parenting tips, shepherding a child's heart

the mission of christian home and family

What is the purpose of your life? – If you’re a parent… here’s part of the answer.

Posted by Carey

· Wednesday, October 3rd, 2012

What is the purpose of your life?

Seriously, I want to know. But more importantly, I want YOU to know.

Too many of us float through life… and that’s NOT a good plan. Take this quick self-assessment… do you…

Feel like circumstances are determining your course of life?
Live day to day without much of a plan for what YOU are all about?
Feeling directionless?

If you answered “YES” to any or all of these, you are probably floating through life. I know because I did it for quite a while myself. If it weren’t for the LORD graciously giving me a wife who wouldn’t settle for it, I’d still be there. Maybe I can serve you in the same way she served me… by giving you a push in a more purposeful direction.

Nothing special about me

I’m no different than you. I wasn’t born knowing why I am here. I’ve struggled to answer the question for myself. But there are some very simple, easy-to-understand facts that the LORD has shown me over the years that have stoked my eagerness to find the purpose of my life. I’ll list them in a way that applies to you:

God makes no mistakes… and He put you on this planet.
God does not do random. That means you are here for a purpose – God’s purpose.
So it makes sense for you to spend some time figuring out His purpose for your life.

I can’t tell you God’s purpose for your life… at least not entirely. But I can tell you one thing I know for certain…

If you are a parent… part of God’s purpose for you is to be radically in love with Him, and to pass that faith along to your children.

Here’s the story of how God revealed that truth to me…

One of the only “words from the Lord” I’ve ever received

When Mindi and I first married, I knew that I wanted my life to matter for the sake of Jesus, but I didn’t know much about how to put that desire into action. But I had to do something, so I did. I pursued a youth ministry degree at Colorado Christian University. I graduated and immediately set about lo0king for a full time youth pastor gig. My assumption was that I’d settle down with my new bride, and that would be that. But God had another purpose for my life… and it had little to do with my career path. Through a series of painful disappointments I came to see that.

I’ll never forget the most difficult of those disappointments. I was in the final stages of interviewing with the very church where I’d served as part time Jr. High Director for 3 1/2 years. They were needing a full time Directory of Student Ministries and it was down to me and one other guy, a guy nobody in the church even knew. I was certain it was God’s plan for me to have the job. It seemed obvious.

I knew when the search team would be meeting for the final time to make their decision, and I was at home, eagerly awaiting their call that evening. I was with my wife, 2 1/2 year old son, and baby daughter. We were all eager to get the good news so that we could begin making plans.

Around 9:30 in the evening, the phone rang. It was the mother of one of my Jr. High students. She had served on the search team and was calling with the news. They chose the other guy.

I was devastated.

After the initial shock wore off, I left my wife crying in the living room as I went out for a walk in the dark. I didn’t understand why God would allow me to go through so many of these experiences (this was the 3rd situation where I was one of 2 final candidates). I was sure my heart was right, that I was pure in my motives, and yet this kept happening. How could the LORD do this?

I’m embarrassed to say it, but I threw a temper tantrum that night. Walking around the neighborhood I screamed and yelled – at God. My disappointment and pain were greater than I had ever experienced, and I didn’t know how to handle it. I don’t know how long it was before the chilly Colorado air began to numb my fingers, but that’s about when I ran out of steam and decided to head home. As I turned the corner toward our house, it happened. The LORD spoke to me – clearly – unmistakeably.

photo – tableatny on flickr

“It’s not about you. It’s about your son.”

Those words broke through my pain… and I clearly saw a reality I’d not seen before. As a Christian man, a Christian father, I bear an incredible weight of responsibility. I am the head of my home. On a very significant level I am responsible before God for the spiritual vitality of every person in my family. The purpose of my life is not about the job I have, or the car I drive, or the money in my bank account, or the success and praise I may achieve or receive. My purpose in life is to radically love and serve my Savior, and to establish a home where my children’s hearts are developed to do the same.

If you are a Christian parent, that’s your life’s purpose too (or at least part of it)

How can you increase your conviction about this mission in YOUR family?

How can I help you to be more successful at it?

Categories : Parenting

Tags : Christian marriage, Christian parenting, goals, marriage, mission, parenting, purpose of your life, tips, vision

Podcast 7: The Apostle Paul’s Prescription for Parenting

Posted by Carey

· Monday, October 1st, 2012

SUBSCRIBE TO THE CHRISTIAN HOME AND FAMILY PODCAST

EPISODE #7

The Apostle Paul’s Prescription for Parenting

Presenting the message:

CAREY GREEN
founder Christian Home and Family

SUMMARY OF TODAY’S PODCAST

A sermon presented at Community Church of Leadville, Colorado – the church where Carey serves as Pastor (as of this posting).

This message was presented as part of a Expository series of messages through the Epistle to the Ephesians. The series was entitled “IF/THEN” – referring to the reality that IF a person is a believer in Jesus Christ, THEN they have been transformed and certain changes should happen in the way they live. This message came in the “THEN” portion of the study, Ephesians 6:1-4. The message covers some of the New Testament teaching on roles and responsibilities of Christian children and their parents.

Chart from the message:

During this presentation I used a chart, illustrating the process by which parents relinquish control to their children over time. It’s on the right… click on it for the full-size version!

Links mentioned in this podcast:

Community Church of Leadville, CO
My contact page (to support Christian Home and Family through purchases you already make).

A brief reminder:

I’d love to do some future episodes that are “Q & A” in nature, regarding anything related to living as a Christian family. Please submit YOUR questions to me in any of these ways.

SUBSCRIBE TO THE CHRISTIAN HOME AND FAMILY PODCAST

Categories : Parenting, Podcast

Tags : children obey your parents, Christian marriage, Christian parenting, do not exasperate your children, do not provoke your children to anger, honor your father and mother

When is spanking of children abusive?

Posted by Carey

· Monday, September 24th, 2012

When is spanking of children abusive?

When I was a kid there was very little debate about whether spanking of children was abusive. From conversations I had with my friends I know their parents believed that spanking was an appropriate form of discipline. And mine did for sure. As kids we talked about it as if it was the normal, expected thing to get a spanking when we disobeyed. I don’t think my experience is anything unique. I’d venture a guess that most people reading this who are over the age of 40 had parents who believed in spanking too.

But we can all agree that just because people in the past did something doesn’t make it right. Just because a LOT of people in the past did it doesn’t make it right either. What makes a thing right or wrong is what God says about it… and the scriptures are pretty clear that spanking of children is not only allowed, but even prescribed (you can read about that in my last about the spanking of children).

But in any good thing, even things given to us by God, abuses can happen. Overeating, sexual promiscuity, workaholism, and a slew of other vices prove that point. Sad but true, the same is true of spanking. Please understand that I don’t want you to abuse your child, and I don’t want to abuse mine. We are to care for our children, not damage them. Because of that it can be very difficult to know what a “good” spanking is like and when it crosses the line into the realm of abuse. In order to help clarify the differences between the two, keep this in mind:

A spanking rightly done has a positive effect.

A spanking wrongly done has a harmful effect.

With that in mind, I’m going to give you some quick guidelines my wife and I have learned that help us stay aimed at the positive end of that continuum. Here we go…

Guidelines for the spanking of children

Make sure genuine love and concern for your child are at the heart of your discipline.

Motivation is everything, so ask yourself, “Why am I spanking in the first place”? There are good/right reasons, and there are bad/wrong reasons. Ask yourself some questions…

Is it because you are irritated with your child? (bad/wrong)

Is it because you feel personally put-out or inconvenienced? (bad/wrong)

Is it because they have deliberately disobeyed or disrespected you? (good/right)

Is it because they are engaged in behavior that, if left unchecked, will be detrimental to them? (good/right)

If you answer “yes” to the first two (be honest) then hold off on the spanking until you get your attitude straight. Loving motives for a spanking have to do with your desire to help your child curb potentially harmful or outright sinful patterns of behavior. You want to help them, guide them, enable them to move into the realm of self-control so that their urges and spontaneous desires don’t control them. That’s behavior that honors God. And that’s a good motive for physical discipline.

Take action sooner rather than later.

Don’t let too much time pass between the offense and the spanking, especially with smaller children. They need to be able to associate the spanking with the wrong that has occurred. the longer the clock ticks between the infraction and the discipline, the less they are going to make that connection. Another aspect of this is that the “shock value” of a swat or spanking that comes immediately after an offense will help to communicate the “no nonsense” attitude you have about what they’ve done. They know you mean business – and there’s nothing ambiguous about it. If you make sure to act sooner rather than later, you won’t become one of those parents who counts to 3, or makes empty threats.

Make sure the offense is clearly understood.

Depending on the age of the child you may have to clarify the offense in differing ways. With very small children, a firm “NO” when pointing to the electric outlet will do most of the time. If not, say the firm “NO” as you swat their hand, and again pointing to the outlet as you hold and comfort them. With older children, you will need to talk about things with them to make sure they understand. Let’s make sure you understand why this is so important…

If you spank your child but they are unclear on why they are being spanked, you’ve pushed them toward embitterment, not wisdom (Ephesians 6:4). What I suggest is that you talk BRIEFLY about the offense to lay the groundwork, then have the spanking, then talk more extensively about it afterward as you comfort/hold the child. Speak to the reality of the issue. Things like, “You did a bad thing…” aren’t sufficient. You need to say, “YOU hit your brother… that means YOU were not being loving to Him, and God wants YOU to love YOUR brother” (see how it’s personal?). Kids don’t always put 2 and 2 together, so we have to make sure they see the REALITY of what they actually did.

Spanking of children should always be controlled.

There is no excuse for a 200 pound man to be wailing away uncontrollably at a 65 pound kid! That’s abuse, not a spanking. You need to be in full control of yourself when you spank your child. And’ let’s not be naive and say that a parent should never be angry when they spank. The truth is, you can (and sometimes should) be hopping mad at your kid for a very legitimate reason when it comes time to spank. The question is, how do you avoid going overboard?

Do you decide “I just won’t spank when I’m angry”? I don’t think that’s healthy or right. Your children need to see your anger at their sin (not at them personally) in order to get a full-blown picture of the significance of the wrong they have done. God gets angry at sin (and He let people see it), so why shouldn’t we? Here’s what we do: We set a limit for ourselves. For us, a spanking consists of 3 firm swats. We hold each other accountable, we let our kids know it will be 3 swats, and we hold ourselves to it strictly. We understand that NONE of us is above beating our kid instead of spanking them… so we put a safeguard in place to help us not to do so.

Make sure it hurts.

Hear me out on this one before you call CPS. I’m not saying you should beat your kids black and blue. I'm not suggesting that you be sadistic about it.

I am saying that the spanking needs to smart enough to make them think a second time before committing that sin again. As with any "learn the hard way" scenario, the consequence has to be painful enough to serve as a deterrent. If it isn't we tend to repeat the same behavior in the future.

Sometimes a mom with a heart-the-size-of-Texas is so sad about having to spank her child that she’ll just give him a little “love tap” instead of a real spanking. I understand the sympathy – but what she probably doesn’t understand is that she’s taking it easy for HER SAKE, not his. It’s actually doing damage to her child (Proverbs 13:24) by teaching him that the consequences for his wrong actions aren’t so bad that he should avoid doing the wrong behavior next time.

Always follow up with comfort and reassurance of your love.

Once the spanking of your child is over take her immediately into your lap or hug her (depending on size of the child). She needs to know that this offense has not permanently separated her from you. She needs to know your love in a tangible way she can easily recognize (even though the spanking is an act of love itself, she won’t immediately see it as such). Hold her close like this as you talk about the issue. Hold her as you reassure her of your love and your confidence that with God’s help, she can change this kind of behavior. Don’t downplay what she did – it is not “alright.” She sinned. But she is repenting and can move on with the help of God and you, her loving parent.

Require effective apologies.

When the offense was committed against another person, have the guilty child apologize. Don’t allow them to say, “I’m sorry…” with their eyes turned down and a sullen or timid voice. Chances are that they really aren’t sorry if that’s the case. Have them look the other person in the eye and say SPECIFICALLY what they are sorry for. “I’m sorry that I hit you.”

In order to get to this point and have it be genuine, you'll have to engage in a significant amount of conversation with the child during the discipline process (see the 3rd point). Some feel that a requirement like this is too humiliating for the child, but it’s actually an essential part of repentance. The formula looks like this:

sin + conviction + confession/apology = repentance.

It's making things right with those who were hurt. Once this is done, you'll have the equally challenging task of helping the offended child learn to forgive from the heart.

Please hear me again – there’s no sense in which I am advocating abuse. Children have a right to be treated justly. But a loving spanking administered the right way is not abuse. It is a motivator toward right attitudes and behavior that will serve the child for the rest of their life.

Categories : Parenting

Tags : abuse, Christian family, Christian home, Christian marriage, Christian parenting, discipline, parenting, spanking children, wplongform

Created to be his helpmeet – why it’s NOT a negative thing

Posted by Carey

· Wednesday, September 19th, 2012

Created to be his helpmeet?

Our daughter, Maddi, just got a new puppy. She saved up her paychecks all summer, did the research, picked the breed, and purchased all the supplies she would need.We’ve been very impressed at the way she went about the whole thing – and as a result “Little Man” is now asleep in the next room in his kennel.

During the research process, on more than one occasion, Maddi asked me to help her find some information on the internet. So, I helped her. You could truthfully say that I was her “helper” in the puppy research project she was doing. I could take offense at being referred to as her “helper,” (Oh, I see… I’m just the “helper”…..), but it would be silly to do so. Yet, that’s what many wives do when they are taught from the Bible that in relation to their husbands they are created to be his helpmeet or helper.

The vital question:

Wives, if you have been created to be his helpmeet, you need to find out the answer to this question if you want it to make sense:

I’m created to be his helpmeet in WHAT?

In other words, what are you to help him WITH? Here’s the bullet list of what I understand the biblical teaching to be:

God created Adam first, alone, without Eve (the one created to be HIS helpmeet). – Genesis 2:7-23
This “created first” status was God’s way of designating Adam as the leader of the soon-to-be relationship. – 1 Timothy 2:12-13; 1 Corinthians 11:13; Ephesians 5:23
God gave Adam (and Eve, as his helper) the mission of filling the earth with a righteous, godly race of people, and managing the created world for the glory of God. – Genesis 1:28

That is the answer to the question. Wives are created to be his helpmeet in carrying out God’s initial command to the first-ever parents.

THAT COMMAND IS: To build a legacy of believing, faithful people (their children, grandchildren, great-grandchildren) who can rightly lead in and care for the created world, so that God gets the glory.

A simple question to all those created to be his helpmeet

image: godserv on flickr

Is that a mission you can get on board with? I know very few women who would say, “No.”

The idea of being your husband’s helper in no way implies that you are inferior, less-than, incompetent, or lacking in value. In fact, it’s just the opposite. Let’s go back to the puppy for a minute…

Maddi asked me to help because I spend a good deal of time every week on the internet – working on this website and studying for my weekly sermons. The fact that she asked me indicates that I had some knowledge or skill that she needed in order to get her task completed.

The same is true in the husband wife roles. The husband has been appointed by God as the leader, but that doesn’t make him infallible or ultra-capable. It only makes him responsible. He needs help if he’s going to fulfill the mission he’s been given. In fact, the very nature of the mission makes it impossible for him to do it alone. He needs the help of his wife – the one created to be his helpmeet – because God wired her with things uniquely suited to the task of helping him lead out in their God-given mission.

I see this plainly in my own marriage and parenting:

Mindi is much more intuitive about parenting than I am.
Mindi is much more tuned in to the kids’ needs.
Mindi is better able to draw them out, nurture them, and care for their hearts.
In many ways, Mindi is better at applying the truths of scripture to the relational issues of life than I am.
Mindi is the EXACT helper I need to carry out God’s mission.

None of that means that I’m off the hook to parent in a tuned-in, proactive, nurturing way. It only means that I must humbly work together with my wife as she helps me lead the family well.

The mission carried out

As my new friend Rob Rienow says, “Families are the discipleship centers” of the world. We parents are responsible before God to:

Develop our own vibrant, intimate Christian walk with the LORD.
Grow and nurture a marriage which forms the basis for a Christ-centered home.
Pass that along in vital, every-day ways to our family.

Did you notice that process? – Christian – Home – Family (sounds like a website I heard about). It’s the way God planned it, and it starts with a right understanding of husband wife roles.

How does knowing God’s mission for the family help YOU better understand your role?

Categories : Marriage, Parenting

Tags : Christian family, Christian home, Christian marriage, Christian parenting, created to be his helpmeet, ezer, family mission, family purpose, headship, helper, man is the head of the wife, submission

Podcast 6: The Bible blueprint for marriage

Posted by Carey

· Monday, September 17th, 2012

SUBSCRIBE TO THE CHRISTIAN HOME AND FAMILY PODCAST

EPISODE #6

The Bible Blueprint for a biblical Marriage

Presenting the message:

CAREY GREEN
founder Christian Home and Family

SUMMARY OF TODAY’S PODCAST

A sermon presented at Community Church of Leadville, Colorado – the church where Carey serves as Pastor (as of this posting).

This message was presented as part of a Expository series of messages through the Epistle to the Ephesians. The series was entitled “IF/THEN” – referring to the reality that IF a person is a believer in Jesus Christ, THEN they have been transformed and certain changes should happen in the way they live. This message came in the “THEN” portion of the study, Ephesians 5:21-33. The message covers some of the New Testament teaching on roles and responsibilities of Christian husbands and wives, that will enable them to build a biblical marriage.

Links mentioned in this podcast:

Community Church of Leadville, CO
My contact page (to support Christian Home and Family through purchases you already make).

SUBSCRIBE TO THE CHRISTIAN HOME AND FAMILY PODCAST

Categories : Marriage, Podcast

Tags : Christian family, Christian home, Christian marriage, Christian parenting, ephesians 5:21-33, marriage, marriage counseling, marriage help, podcast, sermon, teaching on marriage

Effective Communication: Ask, don’t guess

Posted by Carey

· Wednesday, September 12th, 2012

Effective Communication: Ask, don’t guess

I have two questions for you.

How well do you REALLY understand what your spouse or kids think or feel?
Is the answer you just gave based on clear, effective communication, or is it a guess based on past experience?

Take some time to deeply consider that last question. Maybe it would help if I asked it a different way: Do you truly know those closest to you because you’ve taken the time to investigate what is going on inside them (through questions)?

That’s the only way we get to know a person. Their thoughts and feelings are their own private, inner world, UNTIL they express them through words (verbal or written).

So if you want to REALLY know your spouse or your kids, you have to become a pro at communication. And much of effective communication comes through questions.

Becoming a pro at effective communication

Here’s a checklist of qualities that you’ll notice about people who practice effective communication:

They don’t make assumptions… they ask questions.
They aren’t content to guess what people are thinking for feeling… they ask questions.
They don’t base their understanding of a person solely on information from the past… they ask questions.

Did you see the common thread? – They learn to ask questions.

But make sure you don’t misunderstand. I’m not talking about interrogation-style questions. That approach will make people clam up even more because they don’t sense your concern or care for them.

What I AM talking about is the kind of questions that flow out of a genuine interest in the person, and a real desire to know and understand them. If you want to learn effective communication, you have to learn to ask good, interested questions.

Spouses can make huge mistakes in this

In my 20+ years of Pastoral counseling I’ve seen couple after couple learn this lesson the hard way. And sadly, many NEVER learn it (don’t be one of those couples, please!). Husbands and wives easily fall into a pattern of assuming they know what their spouse is thinking, instead of asking kind, thoughtful, interested questions.

When you fail to ask questions of your spouse you communicate some very damaging things:

that you don’t care what they think or feel.
that you are only interested in your own opinions and feelings.
that they don’t really matter to you.

Do you really want to be communicating those kinds of things to your spouse? If not, you have to learn to ask good questions.

Parents can be the worst at this

Too often we parents make assumptions about what our children feel or think about an issue. It’s true that we probably know our kids better than anyone else, but that doesn’t mean that we know them as well as we could, or should. And it definitely doesn’t mean we can accurately predict what they will think or feel about a certain issue or situation.

There are some very amazing things that happen as you begin to ask your kids good questions:

you show them that their perception of things matters to you (which shows them that you value them).
you get a privileged glimpse into their soul
you get to truly KNOW them, instead of just THINKING you know them.

Of course, you have to go about this differently with different ages of children… and you need to always be mindful of the need for instruction in the midst of your communication. You are the parent, who is called by God to guide your children in the way they should go (Proverbs 22:6) and in learning the ways of the LORD (Deuteronomy 6:7).

So your end goal is not just to know how they feel or what they think, but to know how they feel and think SO THAT you can guide them with greater wisdom and direction.

Effective communication requires that you learn to ask good questions.

Let's do a short exercise together (in the comments below). Answer the following questions in a way that fits your own situation...

Give some examples of questions you’ve found helpful in asking your spouse.
Give some examples of good questions you could ask your 3 to 5 year old.
Give some examples of good questions you could ask your 6 to 10 year old.
Give some examples of good questions you could ask your 11 to 14 year old.
Give some examples of good questions you could ask your 15 to 19 year old.

Categories : Marriage, Parenting

Tags : Christian family, Christian home, Christian marriage, Christian parenting, effective communication, how to communicate, learn to communicate

The marriage first principle

Posted by Carey

· Friday, September 7th, 2012

The Marriage First Principle

Priorities. Every one of us has any number of greater and lesser priorities in our lives. Marriage is one of those priorities. But where does it fall on the scale of importance? Should it be toward the top, the bottom, or somewhere in the middle?

Marriage came into being as one of the first acts of God’s plan for all of history. After creating the world and the animals, God created the first man, Adam. But, Adam was alone, and God said that was not a good thing (Genesis 2:18). To solve the problem, God created the first woman, Eve, and the first marriage was the result. In establishing marriage God created the first and most intimate human relationship, one which takes highest priority among all human relationships.

That idea is what I refer to as the “Marriage First” principle.

Genesis 2:24 – Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife.

One important point regarding the Marriage First principle.

Your marriage relationship

comes before

all other earthly relationships.

Did you notice that our verse instructs a man to leave his father and mother when he gets married? Why did God command something like this?

Consider this: The relationships that a person has with their mother and father are normally the closest relationships they’ve had prior to adulthood. In teaching us that a man is to “leave” his father and mother, God is saying that once a couple becomes married, they are moving into a new and different stage in life, where the close relationships of the past (with parents) are to take a lesser place of importance in view of the new relationship that has begun (marriage).

There are many applications of this, but it is important to understand that this is the basic idea behind the Marriage First principle. Let’s flesh the idea out a bit.

You have many relationships that fill your life:

extended family members
co-workers
neighbors
friends
children

and every one of them is important in it’s own way, and to varying degrees.

But what the Marriage First principle teaches us is that as important as those relationships may be, none of them is to rival your relationship with your spouse. Your spouse is to come first…in your thoughts and in your consideration.

Questions for Reflection

Are you willing to take the time to learn what it will take for your marriage to be that kind of priority?
Make a quick list of the major relationships in your life. After you’ve compiled your list, rank them in two ways. First, rank them in order of how important they are to you currently. Then go back and rank them in order of how you think God desires them to be.
Where was your marriage relationship in the first ranking? Where is it in the second ranking?

This post is taken in part from my couple’s devotional book, The Marriage Improvement Project. For more information on the MIP, including a sneak peek into the first chapter and table of contents, you can go to this page. The MIP is available in softcover paperback and e-book (pdf) formats.

Categories : Marriage

Tags : Christian family, Christian home, Christian marriage, Christian parenting, marriage counseling, marriage first, marriage health, marriage help, marriage intensive, priority of marriage

Should parents spank children? – what the Bible says

Posted by Carey

· Wednesday, September 5th, 2012

I recently began a series of posts about whether to spank children as a form of discipline. Here’s what the Bible actually says about spanking…

Let’s dive into the scriptures…

I’m going to start out with a few passages that refer to discipline/correction in general because they set the context for appropriate physical correction….

Proverbs 1:7 – The fear of the LORD is the beginning of knowledge, but fools despise wisdom and discipline.

This passage highlights the importance of healthy fear as it relates to God and the discipline process. We can’t hope to discipline properly if we, as parents, don’t have a proper fear of the Lord, and if we are not helping our children to gain the beginnings of that fear also.

Proverbs 3:11-12 – My son, do not despise the LORD’s discipline and do not resent his rebuke, because the LORD disciplines those he loves, as a father the son he delights in.

Discipline is to be an act of love – when from God or a parent. I have to confess there have been times when I’ve rushed to discipline with one of my kids because I was personally hurt/embarrased/inconvenienced, etc. It had more to do with what the outcome was on me (a punitive, selfish response) than it did with the wrong that was done. Be careful to know your own motives, parents…

A parent can delight in their child and be very attentive to discipline at the same time. We discipline our children because we care for them so much. We correct their wrong/unsocial/unkind/inconsiderate behavior because we delight in who they are and in who they are to become.

Proverbs 13:24 – He who spares the rod hates his son, but he who loves him is careful to discipline him.

Some would argue that this passage is speaking of discipline in general, not a spanking. Could be… but coupled with the rest of the passages that speak of the rod, it’s a bit simplistic to make such a wholesale assumption… as you’ll see. But some points here:

Not spanking is a form of neglect. Solomon says you hate your child if you withhold the rod of correction.

Parents who love their kids are “careful” to discipline them. It’s a thoughtful, controlled process.

Proverbs 22:15 – Folly is bound up in the heart of a child, but the rod of discipline will drive it far from him.

What is folly? Some translations call it “foolishness.” It’s a natural part of being a child to be foolish. Part of the parent’s job is to teach their children, through various means, how to curb that foolish tendency – because it can be very dangerous. Part of the way we parents are to do that is through the use of a spanking. Let me explain by way of an example…

Children get excited when they play. They lose all track of what’s going on around them. If you’ve ever tried to call your son to dinner when he’s playing Nintendo, you know what I mean.

Once, when my son was very small, he was absorbed in a game of “ball” we were playing in the front yard. We were having a great time. Then the ball went bouncing into the street. He went after it. Despite my calls and stern voice, he kept running – a look of joy on his cute little face! FOOLISHNESS!

I ran out, yanked him up, and spanked him – all the while telling him, “NO going out in the street! NO! You will get hurt…” Can you see that my application of a spanking was actually a response to his foolishness, and a loving action? I’d rather have his little bottom be sore for a bit, than for him to be broken and bleeding in the street.

Proverbs 23:13-14 – Do not withhold discipline from a child; if you punish him with the rod, he will not die. Punish him with the rod and save his soul from death.

I have to laugh each time I read this because it so perfectly answers the concern of many opponents of spanking – and with a little twist of sarcasm, no less! The verse is making the point that physical punishment is completely appropriate when administered properly. This kind of punishment is actually very instrumental in leading the child into the right paths. And by the way, this verse makes no sense at all if “rod” only means “discipline.”

Last verse…

Proverbs 29:15 – The rod of correction imparts wisdom, but a child left to himself disgraces his mother.

Wisdom is the opposite of foolishness – and we see that not only does it drive out foolishness when we properly spank, it also embeds wisdom into the hearts of our children in ways they will not forget. The physical intensity of a spanking is part of what it is that engrains the lesson in the mind of the child. It was the physical intensity of falling from a 30 ft. cliff when rock climbing one spring that engrained the importance of using proper equipment into my head. I’ll NEVER make that mistake again. And parents who love their children cannot wait for the natural consequences to happen – if they do, they will have a dead child (remember the car coming down the street)? Spanking, properly applied, does bring wisdom.

My motives

I don’t want to abuse my children, neither do you. I don’t want to see anyone else abuse their children. But spanking is not abuse. When rightly administered, it is a form of loving discipline that curbs foolishness and imparts wisdom. You could ask my grown children, and they’d tell you the same.

In future posts I’ll go into what makes the difference between an appropriate spanking and an abusive one.

Archive for Christian parenting

The key to raising godly children is to first be a godly parent.

What does it look like?

How to raise godly children

Q: What do YOU need to do in order to move closer to Christ as a parent?

PIN THIS!

SPIRITUAL TRAINING FOR YOUR CHILDREN CAN HAPPEN THE SAME WAY

Spiritual training for your kids doesn’t have to be hard. All you need to do is to continue faithfully walking with the LORD, and out of genuine concern for your children, share the process with them.

Don’t Waste Your Life (lyrics below the video).

If you’re not careful, you will destroy the ones you love, without even knowing it. Here’s how to find out if you are, and what you can do about it.

OK, I agree, the title of this episode is a bit weird. I mean, who really WANTS to destroy the people they love?

Words are powerful, powerful tools for both good and evil.

So here’s a point I want you to ponder, as a spouse and as a parent.

There are two reasons I’m encouraging you toward this kind of clarity about yourself…

HOW DO YOU FIND OUT THE EFFECT YOUR WORDS ARE HAVING?

Neither you, nor your kids, see yourselves rightly. Here’s God’s promise to help you see your way clear and bring greater glory to Him…

The more days of life I log on this planet, the more I come to realize that the way we humans perceive ourselves is foggy at best.

Do you realize how incredible that verse is, for you and your children?

SO HOW DO WE APPLY THIS INCREDIBLE PROMISE?

You can take advantage of the power of good habits to set your children on a path toward godliness… it’s in this episode of the podcast.

SO WHAT KIND OF GOOD HABITS WOULD YOU LIKE TO SEE YOUR KIDS (or yourself) DEVELOP? HERE’S TWO THAT I CONSIDER MOST IMPORTANT

#2 – GODLY ATTITUDES

Parents, take this issue seriously. Just like my nail-biting, your kids are GOING TO DEVELOP HABITS. Why wouldn’t you want to proactively help them develop powerfully good ones?

What does it mean that I have the mind of Christ?

To have the mind of Christ means that in every one of these situations, you have an unlimited resource at your disposal.

But too many of us Christ-followers (adults and believing children) don’t know how to avail ourselves of this wonderful gift.

Here’s how I think of it:

This is the hard part… truly.

Take your children with you as you learn to apply these things. Teach them right alongside you.

TODAY’S PODCAST

Podcast 66 – Learn how to engage in purposeful parenting

Do you have the only truly acceptable mindset for a Christian parent to have?

So how does a CHRISTIAN go about the task of parenting?

How the issue of identity in Christ impacts CHRISTIAN PARENTING

What if your child is not a believer yet?

I’m writing to today to let you know that my rest break is over and the CHAF min istry will be moving forward in the weeks to come…

CHRISTIAN

HOME

FAMILY

HOW IT’S GOING TO HAPPEN

Have you caught the vision?

Are you in? Are you ready to move passionately toward the LORD for the sake of your family, for the sake of generations?

One of the biggest tips for parents I can give has to do with attitude and approach…

Which kind of parent are you?

The choice is pretty clear…

What changes to you need to make? Share them as a prayer request below… (I WILL pray for you)

A parable for parents.

How does your role as a parent compare to the role of the chisel? What lessons are you having to learn? Please share your story below.

Is it such a good idea to teach your children to be independent?

What happens when “independent kids” is your parenting goal…

What AM I talking about?

In God. Alone.

What ideas do you have for teaching your children to be more DEPENDENT? Leave your comments below!

My greatest fear as a parent is not

I fear that I might somehow lead my children astray…

And that kind of fear can be a good thing for a parent to have…

If you are a parent, you are one of the most influential people in your child’s life.

Do you have any ideas about how the heavy responsibility we bear as parents can motivate us toward better things? Share it below!

Knowing that Christ really lives in you can change your life forever

And what it PRACTICALLY MEANS for you and your children is enormous!

What does it mean, “Christ in you?”

In the next post, I’m going to unpack this verse a bit and help you walk through what it looks like in a practical, day to day situation.

What are your initial thoughts about the significance of this verse? Share them below…

When adult children turn away from the faith

SUMMARY OF TODAY’S PODCAST When adult children turn away from the faith

NEXT EPISODE: May 15, 2013 – Podcast 36- Jesus restores the original

What are your thoughts about adult children turning away from the faith? Leave your comments below!

Family worship is all of life

Are you a relational ostrich?

What are the hardest things for you to talk about with your family members? What have you found that helps? Share your thoughts below…

Like a mirror, you can reflect your children’s behavior and character back to them

Some real life examples

A mirror reflects the truth

What are ways that you can see that parents can be a mirror to their children? Leave your comments below…

You just have to know how to listen.

What are some ways you’ve found that help you hear the voice of God? Share your comments below…

As I think of what is most important about training your children, I can’t help but think that shaping their hearts is the most important thing a parent could do.

It begins with what they think about God

Examples from my own parenting journey

Getting to your child’s heart means shaping their thoughts.

SUMMARY OF TODAY’S PODCAST
When adult children turn away from the faith

SUMMARY OF TODAY’S PODCAST
The 4-14 Family Movement