Quite a while back I wrote a post called “My Husband Hates Me… at least it feels that way.”

You can find the original post here – “My husband hates me… at least it seems that way.”

That post has gotten more comments than any post I’ve written. I’m sure that’s in part because of the felt-need nature of the post.

Recently I got another comment on the post from a woman who calls herself “Frustrated.” Her situation is all too common.

Before I share here question and my reply, let me say this…

There is nothing more delicate than trying to give advice to a hurting wife. Emotions are already high and the risk of additional hurt being done through the advice is high as well. My desire is to help. But to really help, truth has to be spoken. It’s seldom easy to hear, especially when you’re already in the throes of a difficult or hurtful situation. But it’s the only thing that will provide the kind of wisdom that is truly needed.

Here’s what “Frustrated” wrote to me…

The passage that comes to mind most readily for you is 1 Peter 2: 21-23

For to this you have been called, because Christ also suffered for you, leaving you an example, so that you might follow in His steps. He committed no sin, neither was deceit found in His mouth. When He was reviled, He did not revile in return; when He suffered, He did not threaten, but continued entrusting Himself to Him who judgest justly.

If I may, let me unpack it a bit for you…

You and I have been called to follow the example of Christ. That is primary to our lives, not just this situation. We get to follow in His steps. It’s an honor, a privilege to do so.
Part of His example is in how He suffered. His suffering was like no other because He was truly innocent! Talk about unjust treatment!
So how did Jesus handle the unjust treatment He received? (1) – He did not revile in return. So in your situation, you are not to respond in kind to your husband. I know it hurts, but like Jesus, you have the honor of responding with love, not hate. You can show your husband love through your humble responses. I know it’s hard, but God gives us the power to do what He calls us to do. (2) He continued entrusting Himself to the Father, who He knew would judge justly. Amazing… that Jesus relied on the Father like that. What an example for us! What Peter is telling us is that Jesus trusted that God the Father was allowing everything He experienced for His good purposes, and that in His good time, the Father would do what was right in His situation. Those who maligned and mistreated Him will be judged rightly. The injustice will be called to account.

My dear sister, the same is true in your case. As you walk humbly before God and respond in love to your husband, you can trust God to use even the pain and discomfort of your situation for good (Romans 8:28). You can also trust Him to make all things right. He will deal with your husband for his mistreatment of you. It’s an issue God takes very seriously (1 Peter 3:7). You can trust Him to do what is right and to care for you as His daughter even in the difficult situation you face.

I am praying for you and for your husband… that God will grab His heart and redeem it, making him into a man like Jesus.

What matters most for a hurting wife or a hurting husband is not the comfort God may bring, or the assurance He might give.

What matters most is that they, as the victim of injustice, entrust themselves to God, who will judge rightly. It’s one of the hardest steps of trust that anyone has to take, but it’s essential to reflect Christ and to walk in His ways.

It’s hard because our emotions cry out for deliverance and justice – and they should. But the real healing comes in knowing that our powerful God can be trusted to appropriately deal with the abuser and rightly care for the abused.

We can rest in Him, and trust His timing and judgment.

Here’s a song that ministered to my soul once, long ago, when I felt that the pain was too great.

Listen carefully. Let the truths of this song by Leslie Phillips soothe your heart.

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Archive for domestic violence

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My husband hates me – part 2

Quite a while back I wrote a post called “My Husband Hates Me… at least it feels that way.”