Archive for emotional health

emotional health by cleaning the emotinal slate regularly

Healthy relationships = erasing the relational slate regularly

Posted by Carey

· Friday, December 7th, 2012

The purpose in a man’s heart is like deep water, but a man of understanding will draw it out. – Proverbs 20:13

Healthy relationships = erasing the relational slate regularly. What does that mean?

I can explain it best by telling you how it happens in my house – and my wife is the pro at it. She introduced me to the idea, and is the one who helps me remember to do it to this day.

HERE’S HOW IT LOOKS:

Pretty regularly, Mindi has intentional, personal conversations with the members of our family, where she asks some or all of the following questions:

How are you feeling about our relationship?
Have I done anything lately that has made you feel (pick one) – hurt? – frustrated? – angry? – like I am upset with you? – that I don’t approve of you? – that I don’t love you?
Have you been feeling any sense of condemnation from me lately?
How can I act toward you that will make you feel more loved?
How can I pray for you?

Once she’s asked the questions, she really listens for the answers. If there is something she was unaware of for which she needs to apologize… she apologizes. If she discovers a misunderstanding about something she has said or done, she works to clarify it. No matter what she hears, she always works to reassure the person she’s speaking with, of her love for them.

[dropshadowbox align=”right” effect=”lifted-both” width=”250px” height=”” background_color=”#f5e71e” border_width=”1″ border_color=”#dddddd” ]Healthy relationships = erasing the relational slate regularly. – TWEET THIS[/dropshadowbox]

Do you get the idea?

When you truly care about the people in your home, those are the kinds of things you need to be asking.

Why? Because the answers you receive will tell you how you can love them better.

It takes humility and true concern for your family members if you are going to ask questions like these.

But it has to be done.

Conversations like this enable you to clean slate, getting to a place where healthy relationships can thrive.

Nothing is hidden.

Nothing is unknown.

You are honest with each other and able to respond in love to the true needs your loved ones have.

Healthy relationships to target in your home

Spouse
Kids (if they can talk… you can ask some version of these questions)
Parents

The answer you receive will serve your relationships and family well, if you are humble enough to respond well.

CALL TO ACTION:

CHOOSE a “target” loved one.
MAKE your own list of questions (steal some of mine if you want).
DECIDE WHEN you are going to have the conversation.
ASK the questions.
APOLOGIZE where needed.
REASSURE them of the truth where needed.

Have you ever had this kind of conversation with your loved ones? Do you mind sharing your story?

Categories : Marriage, Parenting

Tags : Christian marriage, Christian parenting, emotional health, good communication, healthy emotions, healthy relationships, relationship advice

Emotional health: When did you last do an “emotional inventory?”

Posted by Carey

· Wednesday, October 10th, 2012

How do you become emotionally healthy?

When is the last time you saw a kid throw a tantrum? It’s not a pretty sight.

But do you know what’s even uglier?

When adults do the same thing.

Ok, they don’t fall on the floor and roll around (typically), but they do other equally immature things…

The silent treatment.
Say “nothing” when asked what is bothering them.
Mope around the house and refuse to talk about it.
Say they are not upset while secretly sabotaging another person.
Gossip / slander.

See what I mean?

Taking charge of your emotional health

Emotionally healthy people don’t do the things listed above. Why? Because they stay on top of what is going on inside their own souls, and deal with what they find in a healthy (godly) way.

One way to approach that process is through periodically taking an emotional inventory. Just like you’d assess your bank account every so often (I hope), or check the oil level in your car (I hope), you need to check your emotional condition.

How do you go about doing one of these emotional inventories?

You ask yourself questions, a TON of questions… and you work hard to be honest with yourself.

Here’s a sample list of the type of questions you should be asking… and please know these are not all the questions you could ask…

Is there anything in my life that I am…

Depressed by?
Angry about?
Fearful of?
Frustrated with?
Discouraged about?

Joyful about?
Optimistic about?
Encouraged by?
Excited about?
Peaceful about

Emotional health only comes through truth

What do you do with the answers you discover? You take them to the LORD (through His word), and let the light of His truth shine on them.

In other words, you need the LORD to show you what is true about what you are feeling and what is not true.

That’s the only way you’ll be able to know how you should be thinking and acting.

Emotions rightly handled will bring great peace and contentment.
Emotions wrongly handled will wreck your life, and the lives of those you love.

Lean heavily on God’s truth…

Feeling unloved? – remember that nothing can separate you from God’s love – Romans 8:38-39
Feeling condemned? – remind yourself that Christ has taken away all your condemnation – Romans 8:1
Feeling hopeless? – trust God to work all things for your good – Romans 8:28

Learn to use the truth of scripture to bring your unruly emotions into line… It won’t be easy, but it will be worth it.

Help your children be emotionally healthy too

A tantrum is evidence that kids don’t know how to handle emotions either. Too often parents don’t know what to do with a tantrum, or an emotional outburst… and so they do nothing.

Don’t do your kids such a disservice. Help them unpack what they are feeling. As their parent, it’s your job.

Talk with them about their emotions… sometimes multiple choice questions prove helpful.

“Johnny, what are you feeling? Is it…

Anger?
Frustration?
Fear?
Embarrassment?

Then teach them what to do with the answers they discover (sound familiar?). Teach them God’s truth about what they are feeling… just like you have to teach it to yourself.

Speak it, talk about it, explain it. Read the Bible with them. Your kids need the truth of the scriptures to illuminate their lives just like you do.

Some helpful resources for teaching your kids scripture…

Family Time Training
When You Rise (watch for an upcoming podcast episode relating to this website)
Impress your Kids
Seeds Family Worship – see a video of some of their music here – find their CDs here

What do you think about doing periodic “emotional inventories” for the sake of your emotional health?

What will you do to help your kids with their emotions?

Categories : Parenting, Soul Health

Tags : Christian marriage, Christian parenting, emotional health, god's truth

Do your emotions rule your daily time with the LORD?

Posted by Carey

· Monday, July 16th, 2012

Do your emotions rule your daily time with the LORD?

I wouldn’t say I’m an overly emotional guy… but I did cry the first time I watched “Cinderella Man.” OK, I cry every time I watch it.

I tell you that so you will understand that I’m not one of those Christians who’s “anti-emotion.” I agree with Johnathan Edwards that the “affections” (emotions) can at times be a wonderful benefit to our Christian life. (affliate link)

BUT… I have come to recognize that emotions are responders – they react to to the stimulus they receive (through information, circumstance, or hormones). Because of that fact, they can’t always be trusted. That can become problematic when your emotions are too dominant in relation to your daily time with the LORD.

Truth VS Emotion

God’s word is truth (John 17:17)… and it’s important that you have that truth firmly rooted in the depths of your being. Why? Because your emotions won’t always line up with that truth.When they do, they can be an enriching blessing. When they don’t… you have a battle on our hands.

In order to be a consistent example and leader in your home, you must learn to base your beliefs and actions on the truth of the word of God, in spite of what you may feel to the contrary.

Emotional hurdles you might face

PROBLEM: You won’t wake up each morning enthused and excited about spending time with the Lord. Sometimes the bed will be more inviting, other times you’ll be eager to get started with work, jobs around the house… whatever. The point is, you’re just not feeling it. Does that mean you shouldn’t do it? If you say “yes” or “maybe” – your emotions are ruling.

SOLUTION: Learn to bring your emotions into submission to the Holy Spirit, who lives inside you (Galatians 5:16). HE will provide the self-control you need (Galatians 5:22-23).

PROBLEM: The time you devote to being with the LORD may sometimes feel pretty dry. Does that mean you didn’t spend quality time with God? Does it mean that something is wrong? Does it mean that you aren’t “doing it right?” Your emotions are likely to tell you a very loud, “Yes” to every one of those questions… and if you listen, then they are ruling.

SOLUTION: You must learn to rely on the truth of God’s word, that He IS drawing near to you as you draw near to Him (James 4:8) – despite what your emotions may be telling you.

PROBLEM: When you have sinned, your emotions will try to convince you that you are “too guilty” to go to God. Are you guilty? As sin. But does that mean God will reject you if you come to Him? If you think it does… then your emotions are ruling.

SOLUTION: The truth is that Jesus has already done everything needed to make it possible for you to be in intimate and confident relationship with God (Hebrews 4:16; Hebrews 10:22). Your sin, though serious, is more than covered by the gracious gift of Jesus’ death on the cross, and Jesus is your Advocate before the Father (1 John 2:1).

Emotions can be a great bonus to your relationship with the LORD – but be careful to let the truth of scripture serve as their guide.

Q: Do any of the scenarios above feel familiar?

Categories : Spirit Health

Tags : emotional bondge, emotional health, emotions, quiet time, time with the Lord