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Archive for family life

106 - To build a christ centered home - site

To build a Christ-centered home, you go first (Episode 106]

Posted by Carey 
· Tuesday, March 20th, 2018 

This is the last of the “chapters” in my Family Foundations series, aimed at helping you create a Christ-centered home.  In case you haven’t noticed I want to draw two important things to your attention.

#1: So far I’ve said very little about many of the things typically addressed in a series about a Christ-centered home and family.

For example, I’ve hardly mentioned…

  • Marriage
  • Parenting
  • Home life
  • Finances
  • Family standards
  • Discipline of children
  • Communication
  • and the list could go on…

Of course, I’ve deliberately neglected those topics, and here’s why:

Those areas are not where you should begin when considering what it means to have a Christ-centered home.  

They are the areas of home and family life that will demonstrate the fruit of a Christ-centered home, but not the sources of the fruit.  Christ Himself is the source of Christ-centered fruit, and you MUST remember that as you begin thinking about what it will take for you to have a Christ-centered home.

Why is it so important to remember?  It goes back to the issue of foundations, as Jesus taught in Matthew 7:24-29.    In the final verses (28-29) you can see that the people of His day noticed something different about His teaching.
And when Jesus finished these sayings, the crowds were astonished at his teaching, for he was teaching them as one who had authority, and not as their scribes.
Jesus’ teaching doesn’t just carry authority, His teaching IS authority.  It is the very word of God, along with the rest of the Bible… and the life that is built on His teaching is a life that is well-founded, built on the strongest of foundations.  Jesus’ way and teaching is the only solid thing that your home or family can be built on, so you must start there.  THAT is the beginning of a Christ-centered home.

#2: In this series, so far I’ve focused primarily on YOU, as an individual, not on your family as a group.

Each of us is first of all, responsible for ourselves before we truly can be responsible for others.  Your own life is your primary area of stewardship out of which all the others flow.  If you are not the best you Christ intends you to be, then the family you are to lead, influence, or contribute to will not be the family Christ intends it to be.  In other words, a Christ-centered home is not possible if those who lead it are not Christ-centered themselves.

The word order in the name of this website reflects this truth:

Christian comes first.  Before all else you must be a Christian – a Christ-follower, a Christ-like one, a disciple of the King of Kings and LORD of Lords.  This is more than a religious title you pin on, it is your identity.  Everything else should flow out of who you are in Christ.  Stay with me on the blog, and we’ll explore that issue a TON more.

Home comes second.  The relationships within your home, beginning with the marriage relationship (with the exception of a single-parent home), are some of the largest stones at the bottom of the walls of your Christ-centered home.  The stability of relationship that exists between those leading the home is fundamental to the home’s stability.  Don’t get these first two switched around… a home centered on a marriage instead of on Christ, is a home focused on an idol.

and Family comes last (but is often where we begin in thinking about these issues).  Your family as a whole can and should be Christ-centered, in how it functions, how it communicates, how it expresses Christ for the world to see, etc.  But it can’t and won’t if you get the order of focus switched around.  Put Christ first in your life… and then you’ll see more clearly to help the others in your family put Him first in their lives.

Christian – Home – Family.  That’s the order.  It’s where I began with this series (and this website), and that’s where I end – because it’s the truth that guides and establishes the foundations of a Christ-centered home.

Q: What will you do with what you’ve learned so far?

Q: How will you begin ensuring that Christ is central to your life?

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Categories : Marriage, Parenting, Spirit Health
Tags : Christ-centered family, family foundations, family life, healthy family
I can't do this anymore

Podcast 86- I can’t do this anymore! True or False?

Posted by Carey 
· Wednesday, August 20th, 2014 

I Can’t Do This Anymore! True or False?

Christian Home and Family subscribe on Stitcher! Miro Video Player listen on player.fm

Or if you are using a “podcatcher” here is the feed address: https://christianhomeandfamily.com/feed/podcast/

I CAN’T DO THIS ANYMORE – TRUE OR FALSE?

In this episode of the podcast we’ll be considering a very common statement I hear from people who have lived for many years in a painful or hurtful circumstance. “I can’t do this anymore.” I know how you feel, but is it true? Well, yes and no.

I can’t count the number of times I’ve either heard someone say, or have said myself, “I can’t do this anymore.” We say it after a prolonged time of endurance, when the difficulty, frustration, we’ve been hoping will go away, hasn’t. In that moment, when the same old, wearisome thing is happening for the thousandth time, it’s natural to give in to the frustration and hurt and say, “I can’t do this anymore.”

But as a believer in Christ, is that a true statement? Yes, and no.

On the one hand, it is true. You are not God, which means you have limits to your capacity for pain and your ability to endure hardship. You have emotional limits, places where you simply can’t endure another hurtful word or neglectful act. You get to the end of your rope because you are human.

So it’s true, there are times in life when you can truthfully say, “I can’t do this anymore.”

I can't do this anymore - abide in the vineScripture even bears it out. John 15:5 says,

“I am the vine; you are the branches. Whoever abides in me and I in him, he it is that bears much fruit, for apart from me you can do nothing.”

Think about the picture Jesus is painting. He is like a vine; rooted, strong, supplying all the nutrients and water that the rest of the plant needs. We are the branches, entirely dependent on what He provides. Apart from Him (the vine), we cannot produce fruit or even survive. That’s the place where we can’t endure the hard things of life.

It’s when we are operating in our own limited strength and according to our own limited resources. The hardships and pain become too much and we scream the words, “I can’t do this anymore!”

But there’s another side to to what Jesus said, isn’t there?

It’s the side that makes our cry of frustration untrue.

Jesus’ main point is that even though your situation is hard and even though your resources are limited, you don’t have to give up. You can not only endure, but you can produce good godly fruit in that difficult situation. You do it by abiding in Christ.

But that’s a church-word, what does it really mean?

My understanding is that abiding in Christ means that you stay close to Him relationally. You get to know Him on a personal level. You learn to relate to Him on a deeply spiritual level, where His Holy Spirit becomes your strength and guide. Naturally, that’s going to require dedicated time in the scriptures. It’s going to take a commitment to prayer. It’s going to demand that you get into relationships with people who can and will help you develop a deeper interaction with Jesus.

All that to say, when prolonged difficulties tempt you to abandon your resolve and give up hope in the situation, you have the ability, through Jesus, to not only endure, but to thrive. But you have to believe that deep down because God says it is true. HE is the one who says that if you rely on His strength, He will accomplish much more in and through you than you ever thought possible.

Stop_sign - I can't do this anymorePractically, that means that if you feel the situation is too much to bear and that you should get out, you need to stop and check in with the LORD. What is HE telling you? What would HE have you do?

Looking at biblical examples of those who we call “heroes of the faith” I find many of them who God kept right in the middle of their difficult circumstances, and brought about amazing things as a result. The example that sticks in my mind the most is Joseph. The majority of his story is one of suffering and mistreatment. He was betrayed by his own brothers and sold into slavery. He was wrongly accused by his slave master’s wife and thrown in prison. He stayed in that prison for over 2 years. Yet in every stage of those injustices, God turned the difficulty into a path of blessing, for Joseph and for others.

Folks, we are FAR too short-sighted to know what is going to come of the hardship or pain we are enduring at any given moment…

and we surely don’t know what the LORD is doing through it. In times like that, when the pain is the most intense we have got to take our focus off the situation and onto the LORD. We’ve got to look beyond the discomfort of the moment so that we can submit ourselves to the will of God in the situation.

So, if you are in a difficult marriage, or if you are enduring hardship with your children right now, or you’re carrying a long-standing burden of another kind, you need to take your eyes off the issues you’re experiencing and put your focus on the LORD’s will for you. Don’t let the pain cause you to convince yourself that God’s will is to “get out.”

Hebrews 10:36 tells us that we have need of endurance, so that when we have done the will of God we may receive what is promised. There is more at stake in this than your present comfort. God has bigger things in mind… for you, and for your family.

RADICAL FAITH FOR GENERATIONS IS WHAT CHRISTIAN HOME AND FAMILY IS AIMING AT. I’D LOVE TO HELP YOU HEAD TOWARD THAT GOAL FOR YOUR FAMILY. PLEASE CONTACT ME AT CHRISTIANHOMEANDFAMILY.COM/CONTACT

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Categories : Parenting, Podcast, Spirit Health
Tags : abiding in Christ, endurance, family life, flexibility, i can't do this anymore
flexibility_in_family_life

Podcast 85 – Flexibility in family life

Posted by Carey 
· Wednesday, August 13th, 2014 

Flexibility in Family Life

Christian Home and Family subscribe on Stitcher! Miro Video Player listen on player.fm

Or if you are using a “podcatcher” here is the feed address: https://christianhomeandfamily.com/feed/podcast/

Life gets crazy. Work demands, soccer games, home repairs, shopping trips, relationships to maintain, and important, ongoing conversations to have. It’s enough to make you the most inflexible person alive!
On top of all that is the heart-cry we all have to discover and do what God is calling us to. I don’t know about you, but I’m in THAT place almost all the time… wondering what the LORD wants me to do when I grow up.
My family is in that place right now, prayerfully trying to determine what the LORD is leading us to and how we are to get there. It’s a confusing, unclear time… but one where we’re learning some very valuable lessons.
Most of all, we’re learning the family life requires a great deal of flexibility, because we are not God. We get our plans in place, work toward them, but many times find that our plans were not God’s plans. Sound familiar to anyone?
This episode covers a very helpful truth I’ve discovered that’s helping to take the pressure off by increasing my faith. Family life has never been so good when I’m able to keep the truth in mind!
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Categories : Family Foundations, Parenting, Podcast, Spirit Health
Tags : family life, flexibility
practice what I preach

I need to practice what I preach

Posted by Carey 
· Monday, October 28th, 2013 

How do I need to practice what I preach?

On this blog and podcast, I incessantly “preach” about the importance of the family in God’s plan for history.

I speak often about the importance of parents going first in setting the tone and example for the Christian household as they disciple their children in the ways of Jesus.

And I speak often about keeping those things as priorities, as things that are non-negotiable in the “to do” list of life.

Applying those truths during the transitions of life… is difficult at the very least…

I’m in a season of life right now where I’m needing to focus on many different, fundamental things.

  • Financial provision for the family.
  • The early adult years my oldest daughter has entered.
  • The “young man” phase my 14 year old son is entering.
  • The continuing need to nurture my marriage relationship through healthy, non-defensive communication.
  • and many, many others…

One of the things that makes it even more difficult is that I’m still getting established in my transition from full-time Pastor to self-employed ministry entrepreneur. There are many challenges in that realm alone that make my current commitments a challenge.

It’s a difficult time… especially as it relates to MY time as the leader, husband, and father in this family.

So… I’m having to prayerfully make some difficult decisions, for the family’s good, for this season of life.

Wisdom demands that I not be inflexible… that I allow room for the changes life brings, making adjustments to my schedule, my commitments, and my life as needed… so that I can keep the most important priorities of personal spiritual health, family, and work at the top of my list.

Here are some of the things I’ve decided to adjust:

  • I’m  going to back off on my commitment to write for this blog according to a schedule.

Up until this point, I’ve done my best to post some kind of teaching on Monday and Wednesday of every week. But I’m finding I can’t keep up that pace given my current life situation. I need to give myself a little breathing room. The desire to produce posts on a regular basis is still there, but for the sake of things that are a bit more important, I’m going to give myself permission to lessen that responsibility.

  • The podcast is going to publish a bit more infrequently.

Up until now, I’ve published a new episode of the podcast every Wednesday, and I’ve had tons of fun and have had a great response from doing it. But for the sake of greater priorities, I’m allowing myself to lessen that commitment as well. I’ll still be doing podcasts – but more on a “here and there” basis. The day may come (and I hope it does) that I’ll be able to resume with a weekly schedule. But for now… all I can do is all I can do. Until that day comes, there are 60-ish episodes already available for those who need them.

And there may be other adjustments I need to make as my life takes some turns that I didn’t know to plan for.

But that’s O.K. – life is about the responsibilities that are before us each day.

Like you, I’m responsible for what the LORD places before me each morning, the good works He’s prepared for me, for that day (Ephesians 2:10). I’m going to do my best to carry them out faithfully… carefully… and with wisdom.

I value your prayers as I make these adjustments. I’m doing my best to practice what I preach…

What difficult adjustments have you had to make in life?

 

 

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Categories : General Announcements
Tags : adjustments, family life, time management
pray for your children

The Power of a Good Example – or – Why you should listen to me

Posted by Carey 
· Monday, July 9th, 2012 

The power of a good example

The power of a good example

photo: wikimediacommons.com

Years back, my wife decided she needed some help getting into shape, so she struck up a conversation with a guy named Brian who attended our church. Brian was a personal trainer. Not only had we heard good things about him, we could tell from how he looked and from the kinds of things he ate, that he lived what he believed. When Mindi began workouts with Brian, she had no doubt about it!  He was merciless! Over the years, Brian is one of many people who has demonstrated to me the power of a good example.

A good example is important to me.  I don’t want to hire a personal trainer who weighs 350 pounds and eats monster cheeseburgers for breakfast!  I want someone who has credibility, who’s done what it is that I’m wanting to do.

Why is there power in a good example?  At least 3 reasons…

  • A good example shows us what is possible
  • A good example provides motivation
  • A good example encourages us

The power of a good example… in the Christian life?

the power of a good example

photo: wikimediacommons.com

For some reason when we move into the realm of spiritual things, this whole issue gets a bit fuzzy.  Christians are uncomfortable at the thought of actually having to be an example for somebody else.  Maybe they’re controlled more by a sense of failure and need than they are by the grace given to them in Christ.

But you will get an even stronger reaction from Christians if a fellow Christian actually DOES put themselves forward as an example.

Whoa!!!  Did he just SAY THAT?  Who does he think he is, Jesus?  Where does he get off thinking he’s so perfect?”  Etc., etc. etc.

People who say such things don’t realize that the scriptures not only speak about the power of a good example, but encourage Christians to be such examples.  One of the better known instances is Paul’s instruction to the Corinthians that they follow his example as he follows Christ (1 Corinthians 11:1).  But there’s a TON more…

  • IMITATION – 1 Corinthians 4:16; 1 Thessalonians 1:6; 1 Thessalonians 2:14; 2 Thessalonians 3:7; 2 Thessalonians 3:9; Hebrews 6:12; Hebrews 13:7
  • EXAMPLE – Philippians 3:17; 1 Thessalonians 1:7;  2 Thessalonians 3:9; 1 Timothy 1:16; 1 Timothy 4:12

Does it bother you to hear a fellow Christian hold themselves up as an example? Do you feel like they are being arrogant, proud, or boastful? If so, why weren’t the biblical writers being boastful in the passages cited above? I want to suggest to you, that if you’re bothered by those things, you’ve got a wrong understanding of what it means to be humble.

Humility is not a “poor-me-I’ve-got-nothing-to-offer-because-I’m-such-a-sinner” attitude.  Humility is seeing yourself rightly, as God does.  Practically, that means:

  • If He’s given you grace, you are not proud to say so.
  • If He has given you a particular set of gifts, you are not boasting to openly speak of them.
  • If He has provided you with wisdom, you are not being arrogant to confidently apply that wisdom to the situations you (or others) face.

I said all that to say this…

The LORD has graciously given my wife and I a good deal of insight into what it takes to make Christ the center of our home… and we can help you make Christ the center of your home.  The fruit of our home shows it to be true. That’s not bragging… it’s the humble testimony of what GOD has done in our lives and the repeated testimony of many other people. One of those people, a member of the church where we serve, gave that kind of testimony about us at a recent celebration our church had of its 25th anniversary.  

Eric… about the Green family. 
He served on the committee that was leading the church during the difficult 3 year period between Pastors.  In the audio to the right, you can hear his recollection of the process, and his experience of our family (used with his permission… thanks Eric!).

Like I said at the beginning… if someone is going to help you g0 someplace you’ve never gone, they need to have some credibility. We do.  Not because we are “all that,” but because the LORD is, and has done a very gracious and merciful work in our lives.

That is why you should listen to me.

the power of a good example 

 

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Categories : Marriage, Parenting
Tags : Christ-centered home, Christian example, family life, follow my example, marriage, parenting, power of a good example
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