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Parenting magazine is anything BUT expert advice

Posted by Carey

· Friday, August 31st, 2012

Why would I say Parenting magazine is anything but expert advice? – It could be because of a recent article published in the magazine entitled “20 things Moms should never feel guilty about.” (and many others they publish along the same line)

The list starts out somewhat OK, but once it rolls past #10, it gets really, uhhhh, twisted… here are some examples:

You should never feel guilty about…

12. Telling your partner you’re going to the doctor for a checkup when you’re actually going for a massage, pedicure, or to have your hair highlighted (it’s not like he’s going to notice anyway).

13. Paying cash for your massage/pedicure/highlights so he won’t discover the credit card charge.

14. Refusing another mom’s invitation to a playdate because you can’t stand it that she can leave crystal on her coffee table and toilet paper on the rollers and her baby doesn’t bother any of it.

15. Feeling a twinge of delight when the above mom’s baby still isn’t saying any words and yours has a vocabulary of six!

16. Putting on the Baby Einstein DVD for the third time before lunch so you can apply some makeup because that cute landscaping guy is due to come by and cut your grass sometime this afternoon.

So let me get this straight…

This is a magazine that endeavors to help parents be better parents. Is that right? Yet it is encouraging parents to be the kind of people they would NEVER want their child to be.

My translation of the points above…

You should never feel guilty even though you…

12. Lie to your spouse so that you can go out and do what you want to do without him knowing.

13. Practice deception to cover up your lie.

14. Be unsociable toward someone of whom you are jealous so that you don’t have to face your jealousy.

15. Take delight in the developmental delays of a BABY because of your own jealousy toward the baby’s mother.

16. Indulge in lust and fantasy… even though you have a baby lying in the next room.

See what I mean?

Parenting magazine is anything but expert advice because it misses one of THE fundamentals of good parenting… the power and importance of a good example. That is what parents are first and foremost.

Categories : Parenting

Tags : bad parenting, Christian family, Christian home, Christian marriage, Christian parenting, godly parenting, parenting, parenting advice, parenting counsel, parenting help, parenting magazine, parenting tips

Pressing on – in life, marriage, and parenting

Posted by Carey

· Monday, August 13th, 2012

Pressing on in life marriage, and parenting

A few weeks back 3 of the kids and I went on a group hike up Mt. Elbert, the highest peak in Colorado and the 2nd highest peak in the contiguous United States. We rose at 3:30 A.M. so we could reach the trail head by 5 A.M. We were trying to avoid afternoon rain showers.

It was a beautiful day and we enjoyed the time with friends and the gorgeous creation of our LORD. By 9 A.M. we were close to tree line, and by 11 A.M. we were well up the shoulder of the mountain. But for us (me) who had never done this sort of thing, it was a hard climb. Really hard (even though Elbert is not one of the more difficult mountains). At one point, we climbed a section of rock that was so steep I could hold my arm straight out in front of me and touch the trail I was ascending. We worked our way up, step by step, until we reached the summit. But it was a false summit. The GPS on my Droid showed that we still had over 580 vertical feet to go… so we kept pressing on.

Many things went through my mind that day as my legs ached and my back complained (I was carrying the backpack with survival gear for the 4 of us). One of the most frequent was that I didn’t really need to make it all the way to the top… it wasn’t really THAT important. Probably true, but I felt a catch in my spirit about stopping. Melinda (almost 19) was ahead with a group of her friends. Faith (9 years old) was with her… her hunter orange hat making her easy to spot. And Caleb (my 12 year old son) was right behind me. I considered the lessons they’d learn about perseverance, pushing through pain and emotion, and having the opportunity to accomplish something that many others never do. Those wouldn’t be learned as well if Dad bailed out before the end. So I kept pressing on.

We made it all 14,433 feet to the top. It was great. After 40 minutes for lunch and a few photos we headed down.

Down.

Did you know that you use an entirely different set of muscles descending than you do ascending? It hurts. My toes were constantly sliding down to the front of my shoes (blisters). I rediscovered a knee injury from 20 years ago. I seriously stubbed my toe on a tree stump sticking out of the path. But there was no other choice, I kept pressing on.

It was a great and miserable experience, all at the same time. One I probably won’t do again. But it served me well as a modern parable.

What lessons did I learn?

Life (parenting, marriage, work) requires perseverance, even when difficulty is present or on the horizon (James 1:12).
There are others counting on you and looking to you, even if you don’t think so.
Being intentional as a leader (parent, head of the household) requires you to think through the impact your decisions will have on those you lead.
In God’s sovereign plan, sometimes you don’t have a choice but to keep pressing on – and in such cases, we must learn to trust that He knows what He’s doing.
Often, after the hard work of perseverance is completed, the view is worth it all.

Categories : Marriage, Parenting

Tags : Christian family, Christian home, Christian marriage, Christian parenting, godly parenting, lessons for kids, life goals, life lessons, marriage, parenting help, perseverance in marriage, pressing on in life, teaching your children

Christian Parenting: a chip off the oldest block

Posted by Carey

· Tuesday, August 7th, 2012

How God has “parented” His people throughout history

photo taken by flickr user http://www.flickr.com/photos/maveric2003/

The Bible is divided into two sections – Old Testament and New Testament.

One aspect of the Old Testament is that it is a record of how God the Father dealt with His children in the earlier stages of mankind’s spiritual development. There are plentiful examples of His mercy and grace in the Old Testament (the ark God instructed Noah to build, His calling of Abram, His sparing of Lot from the destruction of Sodom, His forgiving of David, etc.). But it is also clear that in that “stage” of His parenting, the “law” played a major role. Practically, He gave lots of instruction about what was right and wrong, and commanded obedience from His children.

God’s focus on rules and obedience at that stage of history wasn’t His “Plan A” that had to get Him by until He could get around to His “Plan B” (Jesus). Nope. His focus on law was intentional. It was designed to show that He is holy and we are sinners, and we need His help.

Paul says exactly this in Romans 7…

I was once alive apart from the law, but when the commandment came, sin came alive and I died. The very commandment that promised life proved to be death to me. For sin, seizing an opportunity through the commandment, deceived me and through it killed me. So the law is holy, and the commandment is holy and righteous and good. Did that which is good, then, bring death to me? By no means! It was sin, producing death in me through what is good, in order that sin might be shown to be sin, and through the commandment might become sinful beyond measure. For we know that the law is spiritual, but I am of the flesh, sold under sin.

In a nutshell, Paul said the law shows us 2 things:

The holiness of God
Our own sinfulness

What does that have to do with Christian parenting today?

Many get confused at how rules fit into “Christian” parenting. To some it seems that since we Christians are “under grace” we should not have a bunch of rules for our kids. I agree there should not be a “bunch” of rules, but there clearly should be rules. While our children are young, before they come to faith in Jesus, they not only need boundaries, they also need spiritual tutoring. That is what the rules do.

Let’s consider it through the parable of the sower (Matthew 13:1-9). Jesus describes 4 different kinds of soil (which represented types of “hearts” in people). Three of the soils were not able to receive the seed (the word of God). The parable is not about the power of the word of God but about the condition of people’s hearts.

In Christian parenting the loving rules we set for our kids serve as cultivation of their hearts. Through rules they hear and understand right and wrong from God’s perspective, and they begin to see the sinful condition of their own hearts. It’s at that point their hearts are ready to receive the seed of the gospel. The rules are part of what God uses to prepare them for His grace.

So don’t abandon rules in your desire to “give grace” to your children. Like you and me, they can’t see their need of a Savior if they don’t first see that they are sinners.

Categories : Parenting

Tags : bible on parenting, Christian family, Christian home, Christian marriage, Christian parenting, God as a parent, God as our father, godly parenting, parenting help

Poisonous parenting – from “Parenting” Magazine

Posted by Carey

· Wednesday, July 18th, 2012

Poisonous parenting – from “Parenting” Magazine

Interestingly, my wife and I don’t subscribe to “Parenting” magazine, yet it shows up in our mailbox every month. When it does, I usually toss it (you’ll know why in a minute) but this time I felt that it might be useful since I write about parenting. Was I ever right!

In its pages I found example after example of truly poisonous parenting advice. One such list was an article entitled, “Con Artists,” based on a book entitled, “How to Con Your Kids: Scams for Mealtime, Bedtime, Bathtime – Anytime!” The premise of the article (and apparently the entire book) is that when your kids show resistance to your authority, you can trick them into obeying. Some examples from their list:

DILEMMA: Your child runs from the sunscreen.
CON: Turn it into an art project.

DILEMMA: Your child refuses to take a bath.
CON: Make it into a day at the beach, flippers, goggles and all.

DILEMMA: Your daughter won’t get dressed.
CON: Try singing “The Clothes-y Pokey” (to the tune of “The Hokey Pokey”… Get it? Right arm in, left arm in, etc.)

Do you see anything wrong here? As a Christian parent, you should. Not only does it subtly teach your kids that life is supposed to be fun and games, it also ignores a much more important issue…

The problem in every one of these situations is that our children (like us) have rebellious hearts… also known as “sinful” hearts. “Parenting” magazine isn’t about to say that… so they never address the sin of rebellion against God-ordained parental authority. Instead, sin is coddled and downplayed and made into a game. It’s poisonous parenting, and it’s 180 degrees away from being Christian.

Reality Parenting

Mindi and I have long joked about how we handle things like this, calling our approach “Reality Parenting.” It’s the belief that our children need to learn to live in the world as it is. In this example that means we don’t avoid talking about the sin that lives inside them. Why? They need to see and understand their own sinful hearts, so they can come to see and desire their need for the Savior.

Avoiding poisonous parenting

So, if we don’t sing “The Clothes-y Pokey” when our kids refuse to put on their clothes, what dowe do? In our home, there would be:

A loving but firm parental reaction to their rebellion. It might be a firm swat on the behind, accompanied by a stern verbal warning.
A very clear, loving explanation of their dishonoring response to our instructions.
What God thinks is always the focus of the conversation. (Ephesians 5:10)
We not only point out their sin, we point out the eternal remedy for it (and all others) – Jesus Christ.
We teach them how to genuinely confess their sin and receive God’s cleansing through Jesus (1 John 1:9).
For children who have already placed their faith in Christ, we teach about their need to depend on Him day by day (John 15:5).
We teach them that Christ is their life (Galatians 2:20) and will live through them as they submit to His lead.

All of this takes diligent, difficult, but eternally rewarding work. That’s what Christian parents do for their children.

“Conning” your kids is a poisonous and non-Christian way to parent.

Categories : Parenting

Tags : bad parenting, foolish parenting, godly parenting, poisonous parenting