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Archive for honor your father and mother

bad parenting case study

Podcast 71 – A “bad parenting” case study

Posted by Carey 
· Wednesday, May 7th, 2014 

In this episode of the podcast, I’m going to tell you a story about a “bad parenting” experience I had and walk through what would have turned it into a “good parenting” situation…

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We’ve seen bad parenting before…

It was in a restaurant, at a ball game, or in the store. A parent was being held hostage by a 3 year old, or a ten year old, or a seventeen year old. The tantrums, moody attitudes, screams when the parent tries to do something for the child’s good, and overall disrespectful attitudes showed to everyone who was unfortunate enough to have to witness the event, that the child AND the parent were out of control. We were the one unfortunate enough to be witnessing a scenario just like that once, long ago, when my oldest son was just 3 years old. It was at Chili’s and a few tables away, a 5 year old boy was dominating his parents something terrible. The fits, food throwing, and disrespect was so thick you could feel it. My son sat in his high chair, saliva dripping out of his open mouth, right onto his chicken nuggets. He was only 3, but even he knew something wasn’t right. With eyes wide he turned to us and said, “That boy need a panking.” So, what are we to think of this case study? Let’s consider what the scriptures have to say. Did you know that the Bible only gives 2 commands that are specifically directed at children? The first is found in both Colossians 6:12 and Ephesians 3:20. It says… Children, obey your parents in everything, for this pleases the Lord.

Obedience.

It’s HUGE. And it’s the part of a child’s responsibility toward their parents that most parents focus on. WE work hard to make sure our kids are doing what they’re told, that they are following our household rules and standards, that they are doing their chore chart and not hitting their little sister. Obedience is important, and we should focus on it as parents. BUT, if it’s all we’re focusing on, we run the risk of being the parent in the scenario we just described. The second command directly given to children was initially given in Exodus 20:12 and is reiterated 7 more times in the scriptures, and 6 of those in the New Testament. Here it is… Honor your father and your mother, that your days may be long in the land that the LORD your God is giving you.

Honor.

What exactly IS honor as it applies to parents? It’s not that our children need to bow down every time we enter the room. It’s not that they are to serve us like a slave. It’s not that our word is next to the word of God in significance and they have no room to question it. As parents, we are fallen, fallible human beings, just like our children are, and it’s good for us to keep that in mind. What honor means for a child is this: They are to understand and humbly submit to this fact: Parents are God’s appointed authority over their children. They represent God’s authority and guidance and wisdom over the child. So, when a child rebels against his or her parents, they are rebelling against the authority God Himself has established for their good. Dishonor toward parents is dishonor toward God. Honor is manifested through respect. It’s about attitude. It’s about valuing the provision, protection, and guidance that God Himself has put over them, through their parents. THAT is the child’s responsibility, and it’s not one that comes naturally. That means that parents are responsible to teach their children about honor. That’s where it gets tough for some of us. Parents often wonder, “How can I teach my child to honor me, without sounding like a self-serving jerk?” It’s a good question, and it deserves a solid answer.

FIRST, make sure you start early, teaching your kids from a very early age what God says about their responsibility toward you, as their parent. Here’s the key: Lean on God’s authority. Show your children that God says it is right for them to honor you, and that it pleases Him when they do.

SECOND, Make sure they know what “honor” means, in practical terms. They could memorize the Bible verse, “Honor your father and mother,” but if they don’t understand what it MEANS to honor you, they won’t be able to do it. So… as a parent, do YOU know what “honor” means, in practical terms? It might be easier to consider from the standpoint of what dishonor looks like. Dishonor is seen primarily in attitudes, and attitudes are often revealed in things like…

Facial expressions – rolling the eyes, looks of disinterest

Audible sounds – heavy sighs, sounds of indignation, whining, screaming, telling you “no”

Body language – stomping the foot, tantrums,

These and a thousand other things communicate disrespect, dishonor toward you as a parent. You cannot allow those things. The child should be disciplined for those things just as much as if they directly disobeyed you. Some parents have a hard time with that, because it can be much less tangible of a thing to detect. But you have to learn to discern bad attitudes and discipline your children for them. If you don’t, they will learn that they are allowed to disrespect you, which will perpetuate disrespectful attitudes all the more.

So, some scenarios:

1 You’re trying to put your child’s coat on and they scream in rebellion. That’s dishonor. You should not allow it.

2 You tell the child they cannot go to their friend’s house. They whine and beg and plead… they might even threaten. That is dishonor. You should not allow it.

3  You insist on your teenager being home at a reasonable hour, and they stomp their foot, loudly insist that you’re unfair, and roll their eyes. That’s dishonor. You should not allow it.

Hear me out parents.

Disrespect and the rebellion that flows from it are serious matters. You wouldn’t allow your child to get into witchcraft, or spiritism, or divination, would you? Then why would you allow them to harbor a rebellious attitude? The scriptures equate those two things: 1 Samuel 15:23 – For rebellion is as the sin of divination

Allowing your children to disrespect you is allowing them to do something that is BAD FOR THEM. It’s letting them wander into a danger zone, where nothing but harm can come from it.

Parents, for your children’s sake… teach them not only to obey you, but also to honor you.

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I’m available for speaking on this and other topics. Find out more at http://www.ChristianHomeandFamily.com/speaking

I also provide life coaching, spiritual coaching services. Find out more at http://www.ChristianHomeandFamily.com/coaching

Find products from Christian Home and Family at http://www.ChristianHomeandFamily.com/store

Christian Home and Family subscribe on Stitcher! Miro Video Player listen on player.fm

Or if you are using a “podcatcher” here is the feed address: https://christianhomeandfamily.com/feed/podcast/

 LEAVE FEEDBACK AND A REVIEW ON I-TUNES

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Categories : Parenting, Podcast, Spirit Health
Tags : bad parenting, dishonor of parents, honor your father and mother
respect for parents is important

Respect for parents is important… and whether your kids have it or not depends on you.

Posted by Carey 
· Monday, December 17th, 2012 

Respect for parents is important… and whether your kids have it or not depends on you.

As I write, it’s the Christmas season and our house is uncharacteristically full of all kinds of treats.

A few days ago our youngest son asked my wife if he could have an extra sweet treat, even though he’d already had his for the day.

My wife replied that she would think about it and get back to him.

He said,

That’s fine. I just thought I’d ask because I know you love to give good gifts to your children.

A statement like that could be taken as…

  • A genuine, complimentary thing toward his mother, OR
  • A manipulative ploy to butter up mom so he could get more treats.
My wife didn’t think it was manipulation at all. It seemed very genuine.

respect for parents is important

That got me thinking about respect for parents…

I wonder as our children are leaving the house (one son is already married and expecting his first child), what they will think of me in years to come…

Q: Will they look at my life and see one that is consistent, or

Q: Will they see one that is hypocritical?

[dropshadowbox align=”right” effect=”lifted-both” width=”250px” height=”” background_color=”#f9f676″ border_width=”1″ border_color=”#dddddd” ]If my children are going to respect me, I have to life a life worth respecting. – TWEET THIS[/dropshadowbox]My constant prayer is that the LORD will guide me in the way of humility and truth.

I want to always be willing to make adjustments so that I can live consistent with what I talk.

If my children are going to respect me, I have to live a life that is worthy of respect… and that requires a vibrant relationship with Christ.

How are you doing in YOUR RELATIONSHIP with Christ?

I’m not asking you if you are reading a certain amount of scripture every day.

I’m not asking you how many minutes of prayer you are logging.

I’m asking you whether or not you are engaging in RELATIONSHIP with Jesus, your LORD.

It likely will include time in the scriptures.

It should include time in prayer.

But those alone don’t indicate whether the RELATIONSHIP is good or not.

Your relationship with Christ will only be good if you devote time to drawing close to Him. Like any other relationship, you have to work hard at it.

respect for parentsYour commitment to a regular, intimate relationship with Jesus is what will fuel the kind of life your kids need to see. What are your struggles… and how can I pray for you?

 

 

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Categories : Parenting
Tags : Christian parenting, honor your father and mother, parenting help, respect for parents
children and responsibility

Podcast 7: The Apostle Paul’s Prescription for Parenting

Posted by Carey 
· Monday, October 1st, 2012 

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EPISODE #7

The Apostle Paul’s Prescription for Parenting

Presenting the message:

CAREY GREEN
founder Christian Home and Family

SUMMARY OF TODAY’S PODCAST

A sermon presented at Community Church of Leadville, Colorado – the church where Carey serves as Pastor (as of this posting).

This message was presented as part of a Expository series of messages through the Epistle to the Ephesians. The series was entitled “IF/THEN” – referring to the reality that IF a person is a believer in Jesus Christ, THEN they have been transformed and certain changes should happen in the way they live. This message came in the “THEN” portion of the study, Ephesians 6:1-4. The message covers some of the New Testament teaching on roles and responsibilities of Christian children and their parents.

children and responsibilityChart from the message:

During this presentation I used a chart, illustrating the process by which parents relinquish control to their children over time. It’s on the right… click on it for the full-size version!

Links mentioned in this podcast:

  • Community Church of Leadville, CO
  • My contact page (to support Christian Home and Family through purchases you already make).

A brief reminder:

I’d love to do some future episodes that are “Q & A” in nature, regarding anything related to living as a Christian family. Please submit YOUR questions to me in any of these ways.

 

Meat & Potatoes by Adam ReyThe music track used in the Christian Home and Family Podcast is entitled, “Midian” and is from Adam Rey’s instrumental album Meat & Potatoes –  Adam has generously given me permission to use his music, so please, support his generosity by checking out and purchasing his music at www.heyreyguitar.com – (no affiliate relationship, Adam’s just my friend.)

 

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Categories : Parenting, Podcast
Tags : children obey your parents, Christian marriage, Christian parenting, do not exasperate your children, do not provoke your children to anger, honor your father and mother
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