male leadership :: Christian Home and Family

Marriage is a tough road… for men and women.

Each of us are learning throughout the course of our marriages to live with and for the benefit of a person who is almost entirely different than us.

That’s a tall order for anyone because it’s next to impossible to get into the skin of someone else for the sake of truly understanding them.

Recently I heard a podcast from John Piper’s “Ask Pastor John” podcast where John was asked what he would tell the young John Piper if he were able to go back in time to counsel himself regarding marriage. Here’s the audio if you’d like to listen to it before you continue reading…

I found John’s counsel to himself to be counsel to me.

In particular, here’s the point he made the most impact on my soul…

…be done with the little boy need for pity… for mommy to kiss the owie and dote over you ’til you get better. Be done with that. Be done with pouting and sulking when you don’t get what you want, which is so immature and so built-in to your wiring. You will be regularly disappointed because you are an intense, perfectionistic wanter, and therefore your wants are not going to be satisfied as often as you would like. And so, instead of pouting and pitying yourself, draw down strength John Piper, draw down strength from Christ to stop being a reactor and instead be a strong initiative taker in hope. Bring hope to this family, bring strength to this family, don’t use this family and when they don’t meet your needs go pouting off into a corner. Come from the corner with Christ, back into the family, with strength and with hope. They need you to be a leader…

Is what John is describing, describing you, men?

Honestly, take stock of yourself.

Dig deep.

Be honest.

When I do that concerning my own heart, I know that there are times when the words John speaks are words I need to listen to.

There are too many times when I feel justified in my own self-pity, justified to lash out in anger or defensiveness, justified to insist on my needs being met because I’m tired or weary or misunderstood or because I had a rough day.

Not only is that immature as John says, it’s completely inconsistent with the calling we’ve received from our Savior. Look what Paul says our role is to be (Ephesians chapter 5, verse 25):

Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it;

MEN: when we pout and whine until our wives coddle us and encourage us and meet our little boy needs, we abdicate our role as leader and push our wives into a place of sacrifice and strength for our sake. That is backwards from what the Bible teaches.

Jesus is the example we are to follow. His is a pattern of self-sacrifice and strength. His is a pattern of endurance in the face of weariness, commitment to the good of others in the most painful times, strength for the sake of others.

But He is Jesus? How can we be expected to do the same?

By believing what the scripture says – that Christ lives in us and desires to live His life through us (Galatians 2:20).

The same power that fueled Christ’s obedience and self-sacrifice on our behalf, is available and present to fuel our obedience and self-sacrifice. [pullquote position=”right”]The power we need to be like Him, is Him.[/pullquote] He is present in us, eager and ready to live His life of self-sacrifice for the sake of our families through us.

MEN: Read Galatians 2:20. Memorize it. Meditate on it. Tattoo it on your heart. Make it your standard operating procedure for life… and watch as Jesus transforms you into a Godly leader who He can use to transform your home.

MEN: Will you join me in ridding yourself of the little boy need for pity? Will you rise to the courageous, valiant role you are meant to fill?

Jesus is in you, to enable you… and your family needs you!