OK, I’m on a soapbox here… and I know it.
This situation makes me mad (righteously so, I believe)
It makes me mad at the guys, who are foisting a stupid, woman-destroying idea on young women. The guys will tell you all kinds of rationale for why you should consent to living together…
- Living together will enable us to “try out” the relationship first, to make sure it’s a good idea.
- It will help us grow a stronger marriage.
- It will make things easier on our relationship because we’ll be able to share finances and expenses.
All of these sound reasonable on the surface, but the stats don’t show them to be true at all. Here’s just SOME of those stats:
- Those who live together before marriage abuse each other more often and more severely than dating couples or married couples.
- Those who live together before marriage suffer from greater depression and anxiety.
- Those living together before marriage are not as happy.
- Those who live together before marriage have unhappier marriages.
- Those who live together before marriage have higher separation and divorce rates.
- Those who are sexually active before marriage are much more likely to divorce.
- Those who have had premarital sex are more likely to have extramarital affairs as well.
- Those who have “trial” marriages do not have better marriages.
- And 26 other significant findings.
That’s just the guys’ side of it. I’m mad at the young women too…
It makes me mad at the young women, who are silly enough to let a guy do this to them. Do you have no common sense at all? Can you not see how lopsided the arrangement is? When he wants to live with you, but not marry you, he’s saying some very clear, very loud things about himself, about you, and about how he truly views the relationship…
What is it he’s really saying to you, when he’s willing to live together, but won’t marry you?
1. I want your body for my own selfish pleasure, and don’t care about your emotional/relational needs.
He’s treating you like a THING, not like a person. Don’t you get that? He’s willing to TAKE from you, but he won’t GIVE you the security of a marriage commitment. Something is seriously wrong with that picture. Do you really want to get involved with a guy who is THAT selfish?
2. I want what you to provide me the benefits of living together, but I am not willing to make any kind of commitment to you.
Again, can’t you see what he’s doing? He’s using you, plain and simple. He gets all kinds of things from you (sex? cooking? housekeeping? money?) and you get… what exactly?
3. You are not really THAT important to me… even though I say you are.
He’ll TELL you all kinds of things… sweet nothings to make you feel good. But look at his actions. They aren’t consistent with his words.
- If he really wanted to spend the rest of his life with you, he’d be perfectly willing to marry you.
- If he really thought you were the greatest, he’d be happy to marry you.
- If he really loved you, he’d prove it to you by giving you his deepest commitment (through marriage).
The most important reason living together is a bad idea…
God expects your man to care for you along the same line that Jesus cared for His church. He’s supposed to give his life for you (Ephesians 5:25). But you’re willing to hook up with a guy who won’t even marry you, much less give his life for you. Really?
- That is dishonoring to God.
- That is a perversion of what God wants male/female relationships to be.
- That is an abuse of you, as a woman.
- That is a selfish little boy in a man’s body, deceiving you into fulfilling his immature desires.