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Archive for marriage counseling

marriage intensive retreat q&a

What is an intensive marriage counseling retreat, and why do they work so well?

Posted by Carey 
· Friday, September 6th, 2013 

You may not have heard about an intensive marriage counseling retreat before…

but it’s a tried and true way to put some focused attention on marriage issues you and your spouse may be facing, and do it alongside a couple who has a heart for your marriage, a vital knowledge of the scriptures, and a deep dependence on the LORD to be the true Counselor.

This post is going to answer some of the most common questions I get about our marriage counseling intensives. Alongside each point I’ve included sharing boxes (for Facebook and Twitter) so that you can make others aware of this powerful resource…

marriage intensive question 1

[pullquote position=”right”]What IS a marriage intensive?

[/pullquote]

The basic idea behind a marriage intensive is that you, as a couple, take some intentional, focused time to dig into the reasons behind your marriage issues so that you can discover the ways to change things for the better with the LORD’s help. It happens over the course of 2 1/2 to 4 days, depending on the need, and is not for the faint of heart. You’ll discover things you are longing to know and some other things that you probably won’t want to admit – about your past, yourself, each other, and your marriage. But the good news is that we approach it in such a way that God and His word are central to the entire process, so the help and comfort you need are ever present as you walk through the difficult spots.

marriage intensive question 2

 [pullquote position=”right”]Is a marriage intensive only for couples facing serious issues?

[/pullquote]

It’s true that marriage intensives can have a more noticeable difference in the lives of couples who are fighting some of the bigger issues… but I think that’s mainly because there’s a greater observable “before and after” effect. But that doesn’t mean that a Christian marriage intensive is only for couples facing huge issues. If your marriage is in need of any of improvement in any of the following areas, a marriage intensive will prove very beneficial…

  • Communication
  • Intimacy
  • Understanding each other
  • Resolving the past
  • Conflict resolution
  • Parenting differences
  • Emotional baggage

marriage intensive question 3

 [pullquote position=”right”]What happens in one of your marriage counseling retreats?[/pullquote]

This is one of the biggest questions I get, and it’s understandable. I hope I can dispel some of the “mystery” of what we do… but it may be a bit longer of an answer than the previous two.

The way we understand scripture, the Holy Spirit Himself is our Counselor (various versions of John 14:26 state it this way). Based on that truth we assume that…

  • He is the one who knows the baggage that each partner brings to the marriage, and how that baggage is impacting the present. So, we ask Him to show us those things.
  • He is the only one who can bring understanding, cleansing, or healing to those areas, so we trust Him to do that as we work through each issue together.

What that means practically is that we spend a lot of time on the front end digging into each partner’s life, guided by the Holy Spirit. Each participant, in turn, will spend time in prayer seeking the Spirit to reveal the issues that need to be revealed or addressed. During that time we’ll interact, ask questions, and listen (all in that same attitude of prayer) so that we can clarify the trouble spots and the things that are fueling them.

Typically these include areas of past or present sin that is unconfessed and unrepented of, areas of past or present hurt that are not being entrusted to the LORD, issues of bitterness or unforgiveness, or areas of spiritual bondage the person has put themselves under that need to be broken. There may be other issues that surface, and we’ll deal with them as we find them… but typically these are the main ones that arise.

After revealing the issues that are “behind the scenes” we’ll walk the individual through a handful of things…

  • Biblical repentance, where applicable.
  • Releasing of burdens or hurts to the LORD’s just and loving care.
  • Breaking of spiritual bonds, where needed.
  • The steps of biblical forgiveness.

These two steps usually amount to 2 to 4 sessions of our time and pave the way for the couple to build positively toward the future with a sense of freedom from the past.

Moving through these things can be some of the weightiest stuff we do. It can be painful, fearful, unsettling, insecure, emotional, and a host of other things. But we’ve never failed to see the Holy Spirit work powerfully in the hearts of those who are humble enough to face their past and themselves with a willingness to do whatever He reveals they need to do.

After this two-part time of prayer and healing we move toward the specific issues the couple is facing presently. Often it is necessary for the first two sections to dovetail into this section as there is often hurt, bitterness, unforgiveness, etc. that exists between the marriage partners. [pullquote position=”right”]Every couple needs to learn to deal with their disagreements, offenses, and hurts in a biblical way… according to what I call a “Gospel Pattern.”[/pullquote]

What is a gospel pattern of dealing with these things? It’s pretty simple: Confession – Repentance – Forgiveness

I call this a “gospel” pattern because the steps we take to be reconciled to one another are the exact same steps we go through when becoming reconciled to God. We confess our sins (1 John 1:9).We repent of our sins (Luke 15:7). God forgives our sins (2 Corinthians 7:10).

This whole process is a work of God, when it happens in salvation and when it happens in the reconciliation of a marriage. We rely on that. We trust God to bring it about in our counseling sessions.

This may require a good deal of teaching, to help the couple understand their standing before God because of Christ, and to apply it in a way that makes a difference in the everyday issues of life and marriage.

From there we move on to deal specifically with the details of their major issues or needs.

It’s a long process, and very intense (thus the name “marriage intensive”). But I’ve never seen a couple leave without being significantly impacted in a positive way.

Christian marriage intensive question 4[pullquote position=”right”]Are your marriage counseling retreats done in groups or with one couple at a time?[/pullquote]

I know there are counselors who do these in groups, but I still haven’t gotten my brain around how they get into such important, deep, personal issues in a group setting. So, we’ve opted for doing these with one couple at a time. You’ll have two-on-two attention from my wife and I in a relaxing, peaceful setting that lends itself to the kind of work we are going to be doing together.

Chritian marriage intensive question 5

[pullquote position=”right”]Where do you hold your Christian marriage intensives?[/pullquote]

We do all of our intensives in a retreat facility just outside the town where we live, Buena Vista, Colorado. Practically, that means if you live somewhere else, you’ll have to figure out the cost and logistics of getting here. But I think you’ll agree once you see the place, it’s well suited to doing the kind of work we do.

marriage intensive facility

 

The splendor and power of the LORD is manifest all around us. The cabin to the left is one of the places we hold our intensives.

marriage intensive question 6

[pullquote position=”right”]What is the process for scheduling a marriage counseling intensive?[/pullquote]

If one of our Christian marriage intensives sounds like a “go” for you so far, I’d suggest you do the following:

  1. Read through this page and our marriage intensive page with your spouse and make sure both of you are ready to commit to this.
  2. Begin praying for the LORD to reveal to you and to us if this option is a right fit for you.
  3. Contact me and introduce yourself. I’ll send you a questionnaire that will help us get a feel for your situation.
  4. Complete the questionnaire and return it.
  5. My wife and I will prayerfully look it over, and contact you to set up a video chat for the four of us.
  6. If all of us sense a “go” from the LORD at that point, we’ll begin talking about dates that might work to schedule your intensive.

If you have any other questions about a marriage intensive and whether it would be helpful in your situation, please contact me. I’d love to discuss the possibility of my wife and I coming alongside you in your marriage.

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Categories : Marriage
Tags : christian marriage intensive, marriage counseling, marriage counseling intensive
building a healthy marriage

Podcast 19: New Year, New life: Building a healthy marriage

Posted by Carey 
· Wednesday, January 16th, 2013 

Building a healthy marriage – Podcast 19 (New Year: New Life)

Continuing from last week’s episode, today we are going to look at the next essential building block in creating a Christ-centered home that is able to produce a legacy of faith that lasts for generations. That building block is a healthy, Christ-exalting marriage.

SUBSCRIBE TO THE CHRISTIAN HOME AND FAMILY PODCAST

Christian Home and Family subscribe on Stitcher! Miro Video Player listen on player.fm

Or if you are using a “podcatcher” here is the feed address: https://christianhomeandfamily.com/feed/podcast/

Today’s Presenter:

Carey Green teaching on marriage first

Carey Green
Founder & Host
ChristianHomeandFamily

SUMMARY OF TODAY’S PODCAST

marriagetriangle

the “Marriage Triangle” mentioned in this episode (click for a larger view)

Building a healthy marriage takes diligence and effort in many different areas… and it’s built on the foundation of the strong spiritual walk each of the partners has with the LORD. In this episode I narrow the broad focus of marriage health into 3 specific areas that I’ve come to see as vital to the process of establishing health in your marriage relationship. Those 3 areas are 1) Spiritual strength 2) A maintenance mindset, and 3) Communication. In each area I give you some tips and tricks to help you take strides toward a healthier marriage relationship.

In the episode I also mention a diagram that illustrates the importance of husband and wife each having their own intimate relationship with the LORD, and how it brings them closer to each other in the process. You can see that illustration to the right.

The definition of “Communication” as shared in the podcast:

Finally, I gave a definition of good communication, and outlined what goes into it by highlighting 4 key areas. Here’s the quote, with the 4 key areas in bold…

a PROCESS of sharing information (facts, thoughts, opinions, emotions) in a verbal or non-verbal way that includes TALKING and LISTENING, resulting in UNDERSTANDING.

Links & Resources mentioned in this podcast:

  • Covenant Eyes (affiliate link*)
  • My speaking services
  • My counseling services
  • Free Marriage Booklets from Focus on the Family.
  • My new spiritual growth curriculum for individuals or groups – NEW LIFE IS NO JOKE
  • My new couple’s marriage devotional – in 3 formats – THE MARRIAGE IMPROVEMENT PROJECT
  • You are invited to prayerfully consider partnering with Christian Home and Family.

* These resources are affiliate links – you pay the same price, but part of your purchase goes to support the ministry of Christian Home and Family. Thanks!

A couple of brief reminders:

  • I’d love to do some future episodes that are “Q & A” in nature, regarding anything related to living as a Christian family. Please submit YOUR questions to me in the comments below or in any of these ways.
  • Christian Home and Family is supported by generous donors like you. If you’d like to know more about how you can partner with me in this vital mission, see my partner page.
  • I am available for SPEAKING engagement at your next retreat, conference, or seminar series. Check out my speaking page to find out more.

NEXT EPISODE: January 23, 2013 – Podcast 19 – Wisdom for Christian parents

Meat & Potatoes by Adam ReyThe main music track used in the Christian Home and Family Podcast is entitled, “Midian” and is from Adam Rey’s instrumental album Meat & Potatoes – Adam has generously given me permission to use his music, so please, support his generosity by checking out and purchasing his music at www.heyreyguitar.com – (no affiliate relationship, Adam’s just my friend.)

Also, the “resources” music track is from the www.musicrevoluation.com site.

SUBSCRIBE TO THE CHRISTIAN HOME AND FAMILY PODCAST

Christian Home and Family subscribe on Stitcher! Miro Video Player listen on player.fm

Or if you are using a “podcatcher” here is the feed address: https://christianhomeandfamily.com/feed/podcast/

LEAVE FEEDBACK AND A REVIEW ON I-TUNES

Leave your thoughts and comments about your spiritual commitments below!

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Categories : Marriage, Podcast
Tags : Christian marriage, healthy marriage, marriage coaching, marriage counseling, marriage help
golden rule - do unto others

Do Unto Others – the Golden Rule for Married Couples

Posted by Carey 
· Friday, December 14th, 2012 

Do unto others… the Golden rule for Couples

So whatever you wish that others would do to you, do also to them, for this is the Law and the Prophets. – Matthew 7:12 (ESV)

You’ve probably heard the Golden Rule quoted since you were a little kid. You may not have even known it came from the Bible. And you have to admit, it sounds like a pretty good way to be.

But have you considered that when it says “do unto others” – it’s talking about your spouse too?

It’s WAY too common for us to treat those in our own household WORSE than we do those outside it.

Spouses in particular take the brunt of a lot of our own selfishness and sin.

What would it look like if you, with the help of the Spirit of God, began to take the Golden Rule seriously in how you relate to your spouse? What kind of difference do you think it would make?

Consider how you could “do unto your spouse” in just one area: communication

golden rule - do unto others

Try these “do unto others” ideas in your marriage…

  • #1 – How about the questions you ask?

How would you like it if your spouse asked genuine, thoughtful, deeply interesting questions about the things that YOU find interesting or fun?

Your hobbies. Your work. Your friends.

Wouldn’t that make you feel LOVED?

So why not turn it around and apply the “do unto others” of the Golden Rule by learning to ask genuine, thoughtful questions about your spouse’s hobbies, work, and friends.

You might find out they are the same interesting person you married. And you might find them responding in kind.

  • #2 – What about the way you make them feel?

If your spouse came to you and began asking if he/she makes you feel loved… how would that make you feel? What if he/she asked if they did anything that frustrated or irritated you?

Wouldn’t that show they were trying to be considerate?

What would happen if YOU turned that around… what if you “do unto others” toward your spouse and begin asking those kinds of questions?

Do I make you feel loved?

Are there any things I say or do that regularly hurt you?

Is there anything I do that makes you feel insecure?

You’d be telling your spouse they are important to you – LOUD AND CLEAR.

  • #3 – How about in the realm of intimacy?
[dropshadowbox align=”right” effect=”lifted-both” width=”250px” height=”” background_color=”#f9f580″ border_width=”1″ border_color=”#dddddd” ]The Golden Rule applies to your spouse too! – TWEET THIS[/dropshadowbox]

If your spouse began asking you questions about whether you are satisfied with your physical relationship, what would that say to you?

Would it tell you that he/she is wanting to do better, for your sake?

Once again, TURN THAT AROUND and think of ways that YOU can show your spouse love by practicing the Golden Rule…

Does the way I approach you physically make you feel cared for, or used?

Do I do things in our physical relationship that bother you, or that you don’t like?

In the physical realm, are there ways I could better express my love for you?

TRY IT. You mind find you learn something important… and your spouse might feel loved in ways they haven’t for a very long time.

Here’s your assignment. PICK ONE of these to try out (#1, #2, or #3) and let me know why you’re picking that one below.

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Categories : Marriage
Tags : as you would have them do unto you, do to others, do unto others, golden rule, marriage counseling, marriage help, marriage tips

Podcast 13: The Marriage First Principle – How to make your marriage matter

Posted by Carey 
· Wednesday, November 28th, 2012 

Podcast 13: The Marriage First Principle – How to make your marriage matter

SUBSCRIBE TO THE CHRISTIAN HOME AND FAMILY PODCAST

Christian Home and Family subscribe on Stitcher! Miro Video Player

 

Today’s presenter:

Carey Green teaching on marriage firstCarey Green

founder, Christian Home and Family

I am available for SPEAKING on this and other topics.

 

SUMMARY OF TODAY’S PODCAST

The busy-ness and stress of life can make even the most important things fade to the background. Your marriage can be one of those things. In this episode Carey will teach from Genesis 1:27 regarding “The Marriage First Principle” – a foundational truth about marriage. Understanding this truth will help you build the solid ground under your marriage that you need in order to build a home that is centered around Christ. At the end, Carey will give some counsel to couples who have not done such a good job at making their marriage first in their lives, and offers some hope and help.

Links & Resources mentioned in this podcast:

  • Covenant Eyes (affiliate link*)
  • Book contest – www.ChristianHomeandFamily.com/win
  • My upcoming episode of the podcast using YOUR Christmas traditions! – Submit yours
  • Marriage Today with Jimmy and Karen Evans
  • The Marriage Improvement Project – the couple’s devotional book resource that today’s teaching was taken from.

* These resources are affiliate links – you pay the same price, but part of your purchase goes to support the ministry of Christian Home and Family. Thanks!

A couple of brief reminders:

  • My Book giveaway is still going on, you can find out how to enter at www.ChristianhomeandFamily.com/win
  • I’d love to do some future episodes that are “Q & A” in nature, regarding anything related to living as a Christian family. Please submit YOUR questions to me in the comments below or in any of these ways.
  • Christian Home and Family is supported by generous donors like you. If you’d like to know more about how you can partner with me in this vital mission, see my partner page.
  • I am available for SPEAKING engagement at your next retreat, conference, or seminar series. Check out my speaking page to find out more.

NEXT EPISODE: Podcast 14 – Practical tools for applying Deuteronomy 6:4-9

Meat & Potatoes by Adam ReyThe music track used in the Christian Home and Family Podcast is entitled, “Midian” and is from Adam Rey’s instrumental album Meat & Potatoes – Adam has generously given me permission to use his music, so please, support his generosity by checking out and purchasing his music at www.heyreyguitar.com – (no affiliate relationship, Adam’s just my friend.)

 SUBSCRIBE TO THE CHRISTIAN HOME AND FAMILY PODCAST

 

Christian Home and Family subscribe on Stitcher! Miro Video Player

 

  LEAVE FEEDBACK AND A REVIEW ON I-TUNES

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Categories : Marriage, Podcast
Tags : Christian family, Christian marriage, marriage counseling, marriage first, marriage help, priority of marriage
christian marriage help

Christian marriage help is something you truly have to want

Posted by Carey 
· Monday, October 8th, 2012 

Christian marriage help that really helps

When I first began trying to help Christian couples with their marriages, I only had three things going for me as a counselor:

  1. The Bible says a lot about marriage.
  2. My own marriage was fairly healthy.
  3. I knew that Jesus, through the Holy Spirit had promised to be my helper and the REAL counselor (Isaiah 9:6; John 14:26).

christian marriage helpLeaning on those three things, I waded in… not quite sure what I was doing, but thankful to know that God would be faithful to work in spite of that fact.

Building without a foundation

Over time I began to notice a common problem with most of the couples I was counseling.  There were basics from the scriptures they had somehow missed. They had built their marriages on little to no biblical foundation.

Is your marriage any different?

None of us comes into marriage with a marriage owner’s manual in hand. And we’re often so starry eyed we assume that “our love will see us through.” I wonder how many couples who have wound up in divorce court said that at first.

Let me ask you a question…

How well prepared were YOU, when you got married?
  • Did you know how to communicate well?
  • Did you know how to resolve conflict biblically?
  • How about a biblical view of the husband / wife relationship?
  • Did you know why God created marriage in the first place?

Let me ask you another question,

Do you know the answers to those questions NOW?

It’s never too late for God to go to work

Sadly many, many couples who have been married for a while STILL don’t know the answers to those kinds of foundational questions. As a result, they continue to struggle in knowing how to put their marriages together in a healthy way.

But here’s the good news: The LORD is faithful, even in our fly-by-the-seat-of-our-pants marriages. He can and will bring about strength, stability, and health – if you are willing to learn what He has to say, and put it into practice.

Don’t miss that last phrase – it has to be PUT INTO PRACTICE. In other words, you have to truly want it… enough that you will actually DO something about it.

The Marriage Improvement Project

A resource for couples who truly want Christian marriage help

As I began realizing how many married couples
were missing the foundational biblical truths
about marriage, I decided to create a resource
they could use to play catch-up.

The Marriage Improvement Project is designed to be used with the same mindset you would have in approaching a home repair project. It’s for a short, intense time of serious focus in order to get you moving in the right direction and get things in your marriage on track. If you are willing to do that, I can almost guarantee you – this resource will be of great help to you.

Over the course of 8 weeks, you and your spouse will work through these foundational biblical principles for marriage, together…

  • Marriage First
  • The Cleaving Principle
  • The Unity Principle
  • Communication is Key
  • Attacking Anger
  • The Husband’s Role
  • The Wife’s Role
  • The Principle of Sexual Sanity

Does anything there sound of interest?

Are you ready to get moving?

If you are one of the many couples who built your marriage on little to know foundation, you don’t have to stay that way. You can begin putting the rock solid truths of scripture underneath your marriage, and see things change for the better.

But you have to be serious about it. No half-hearted efforts will do. As you step out with diligence, ready to give it all you’ve got – the Holy Spirit will meet you there with His help.

Are you serious about strengthening your marriage? Are you ready to take the challenge?

[easingslider]

 

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Categories : Marriage
Tags : christian marriage book, christian marriage help, diy marriage improvement, marriage counseling, marriage help
communication in marriage

Communication in marriage – squeeze out the puss

Posted by Carey 
· Friday, September 28th, 2012 

Communication in marriage – squeeze out the puss

communication in marriageSorry for the nasty title, but it comes directly from a story that happened to our oldest son, Aaron. And it connects very clearly to the issue of communication in marriage.

When Aaron was about 10 years old, he cut his finger somehow and we did our best to clean it out, disinfect it, and wrap it all up with a spider-man band aid. Then we went on with life. A week or so later he came to me complaining of some pain he was having in his armpit. I immediately thought he might be sick and his glands were swelling, so I checked. Sure enough, there was a gland under his arm that was larger than a walnut and hard as a rock. It was tender to the touch.

Exploring a bit more, I pressed on his upper arm and it was tender. I continued pressing down his arm.

  • Elbow? Tender.
  • Forearm? Tender.
  • Wrist? Tender.
  • Hand? Tender.
  • Finger? A week–old Spider–man band aid.

I removed the band aid and immediately found the problem. His finger had become infected. The cut was swollen, red, irritated, and very, very sore. We called a friend of ours who was a physicians assistant in the Army and told him everything we had discovered. In classic military style he said, “You’re gonna’ have to lance that baby and squeeze it dry. That infection has got to come out.”

So that’s what we did. It was difficult at first, very painful, and pretty gross. But within hours of doing so, Aaron’s armpit quit hurting and the tenderness in his arm vanished.

Is your marriage infected?

The comparison I’m making here is pretty simple. When conflicts, offenses, hurts, or injustices that happen between you and your spouse are not addressed (or are inadequately addressed), an infection begins in your marriage relationship.

I’ve seen it again and again and again as I’ve served couples in the marriage counseling setting. Over the years one or both of the marriage partners has tried to “let things go,” or “not make a big deal” about the hurts that have happened. That’s an admirable desire. But here is the truth of the matter:

When you’ve been hurt, the pain doesn’t let go of you – unless you deal with it appropriately

Once the infection of a hurt has begun, it begins to swell over time. The next hurt you receive from your spouse adds to that first one. Over time the pressure builds and it becomes a sore spot. You become sensitive, touchy, and a tension begins to mount between the two of you.

Eventually, you may blow up over some seemingly small thing and not even know why. In time, you may find yourself  d – o – n – e – DONE with your marriage, and not even be able to explain why. All you know is that you hurt inside… and have for as long as you can remember. And you’re tired of hurting. You just want the pain to stop.

That’s what happens when you don’t deal appropriately with the hurts as they happen. They build up, just like the puss in Aaron’s cut.

Good communication in marriage requires this, and nothing less.

Squeeze out the puss – through good communication in marriage

If you’ve never been good at communication in marriage, you no doubt have some very, very sore spots in your marriage relationship. Do you see that each hurt has piled one on top of the other until it’s such a festering mess that it flares up with every new offense? What do you do about years of unresolved or unaddressed hurts and offenses?

In the words of my friend, “”You’re gonna’ have to lance that baby and squeeze it dry. That infection has got to come out.” That means you’ve got to go back, with the help of the Holy Spirit, and unpack and resolve each offense He brings to mind. It sounds overwhelming, and it is… if you try to do it alone. Not only will you need the help of the Spirit, you’ll also likely need the help of a loving, mature Christian friend or counselor who can help you squeeze out all the puss so that healing can begin.

In a nutshell – you’re going to need to go through this biblical process with each injury:

identifying the sin + confession + repentance + forgiveness = healing

Don’t give up on your marriage – you can work through past hurts. If you need help, get some. The LORD Jesus Christ will be honored by your valiant efforts to deal with the sin and pain of your past, and He will partner with you to bring healing.

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Categories : Marriage
Tags : Christian marriage, marriage communication, marriage counseling, marriage help, talking with your spouse
premarital counseling

Podcast 6: The Bible blueprint for marriage

Posted by Carey 
· Monday, September 17th, 2012 

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EPISODE #6

The Bible Blueprint for a biblical Marriage

Presenting the message:

CAREY GREEN
founder Christian Home and Family

SUMMARY OF TODAY’S PODCAST

A sermon presented at Community Church of Leadville, Colorado – the church where Carey serves as Pastor (as of this posting).

This message was presented as part of a Expository series of messages through the Epistle to the Ephesians. The series was entitled “IF/THEN” – referring to the reality that IF a person is a believer in Jesus Christ, THEN they have been transformed and certain changes should happen in the way they live. This message came in the “THEN” portion of the study, Ephesians 5:21-33. The message covers some of the New Testament teaching on roles and responsibilities of Christian husbands and wives, that will enable them to build a biblical marriage.

Links mentioned in this podcast:

  • Community Church of Leadville, CO
  • My contact page (to support Christian Home and Family through purchases you already make).

 

Meat & Potatoes by Adam ReyThe music track used in the Christian Home and Family Podcast is entitled, “Midian” and is from Adam Rey’s instrumental album Meat & Potatoes –  Adam has generously given me permission to use his music, so please, support his generosity by checking out and purchasing his music at www.heyreyguitar.com – (no affiliate relationship, Adam’s just my friend.)

 

SUBSCRIBE TO THE CHRISTIAN HOME AND FAMILY PODCAST

Christian Home and Family subscribe on Stitcher! Miro Video Player listen on player.fm
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Categories : Marriage, Podcast
Tags : Christian family, Christian home, Christian marriage, Christian parenting, ephesians 5:21-33, marriage, marriage counseling, marriage help, podcast, sermon, teaching on marriage
The Marriage Improvement Project

The marriage first principle

Posted by Carey 
· Friday, September 7th, 2012 

The Marriage First Principle

Priorities. Every one of us has any number of greater and lesser priorities in our lives. Marriage is one of those priorities. But where does it fall on the scale of importance? Should it be toward the top, the bottom, or somewhere in the middle?

Marriage came into being as one of the first acts of God’s plan for all of history. After creating the world and the animals, God created the first man, Adam. But, Adam was alone, and God said that was not a good thing (Genesis 2:18). To solve the problem, God created the first woman, Eve, and the first marriage was the result. In establishing marriage God created the first and most intimate human relationship, one which takes highest priority among all human relationships.

That idea is what I refer to as the “Marriage First” principle.

Genesis 2:24 – Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife.

One important point regarding the Marriage First principle.

Your marriage relationship

comes before

all other earthly relationships.

Did you notice that our verse instructs a man to leave his father and mother when he gets married? Why did God command something like this?

Consider this: The relationships that a person has with their mother and father are normally the closest relationships they’ve had prior to adulthood. In teaching us that a man is to “leave” his father and mother, God is saying that once a couple becomes married, they are moving into a new and different stage in life, where the close relationships of the past (with parents) are to take a lesser place of importance in view of the new relationship that has begun (marriage).

There are many applications of this, but it is important to understand that this is the basic idea behind the Marriage First principle. Let’s flesh the idea out a bit.

You have many relationships that fill your life:

  • extended family members
  • co-workers
  • neighbors
  • friends
  • children

and every one of them is important in it’s own way, and to varying degrees.

But what the Marriage First principle teaches us is that as important as those relationships may be, none of them is to rival your relationship with your spouse. Your spouse is to come first…in your thoughts and in your consideration.

The Marriage Improvement ProjectQuestions for Reflection

  • Are you willing to take the time to learn what it will take for your marriage to be that kind of priority?
  • Make a quick list of the major relationships in your life. After you’ve compiled your list, rank them in two ways. First, rank them in order of how important they are to you currently. Then go back and rank them in order of how you think God desires them to be.
  • Where was your marriage relationship in the first ranking? Where is it in the second ranking?
This post is taken in part from my couple’s devotional book, The Marriage Improvement Project. For more information on the MIP, including a sneak peek into the first chapter and table of contents, you can go to this page. The MIP is available in softcover paperback and e-book (pdf) formats.
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Categories : Marriage
Tags : Christian family, Christian home, Christian marriage, Christian parenting, marriage counseling, marriage first, marriage health, marriage help, marriage intensive, priority of marriage
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