Want to become spiritual leader in the home? Start here…

(DISCLAIMER: This post is unashamedly “complementarian”  If that bothers you, turn back now.)

Many Christian men marry with the best of intentions. They truly desire and intend to love and lead their wives well, and raise a family that honors Christ and advances His kingdom.

But when the honeymoon is over reality sets in… and they realize they don’t know BEANS about being a spiritual leader in the home

I know, because I was there.

I recall my wife encouraging me to be the spiritual leader in the home, to take the initiative… and I remember Pastors and authors telling me I needed to as well.

Problem was, I didn’t know step #1 about how to pull it off.

But the LORD has been faithful[dropshadowbox align=”right” effect=”perspective-right” width=”260px” height=”” background_color=”#fdf173″ border_width=”1″ border_color=”#dddddd” inside_shadow=”false” ]If U feel frustration of wanting to B spiritual leader of UR home, but don’t know where to start, this post is 4 you

CLICK TO TWEET THIS[/dropshadowbox]

Through the help of a very patient and wise wife, a ton of reading, and much trial and error, He has taught me how to move more successfully into that role.

If you feel the frustration of wanting to be the spiritual leader in your home, but don’t know where to start – this post is for you.

How to become the spiritual leader in the home

As with all things related to spiritual growth, there is no magic formula, no mantra-like prayer you can pray, and no “5 easy steps” that will transform you into Mr. Godly P. Wonderful.

But there are some truths you can learn and some principles you can apply that will start you down the road of spiritual leadership in the home.

#1 – Understand the reality of your responsibility.

The scriptures are pretty clear, no matter how creative and clever you try to be in avoiding it…[dropshadowbox align=”center” effect=”lifted-both” width=”550px” height=”” background_color=”#ffffff” border_width=”1″ border_color=”#dddddd” ]But I want you to understand that the head of every man is Christ, the head of a wife is her husband, and the head of Christ is God.

first Corinthians chapter 11, verse 3[/dropshadowbox]

[dropshadowbox align=”center” effect=”lifted-both” width=”550px” height=”” background_color=”#ffffff” border_width=”1″ border_color=”#dddddd” ]For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior.

Ephesians chapter 5, verse 23[/dropshadowbox]

The husband is intended by God to lead his wife, and by implication, his entire family.

That means you, married man, are responsible before God TO lead your wife and family.

It’s a duty. A responsibility. A weight on your shoulders.

It’s like your job, only 1000 times more vital.

YOU ARE THE MAN!

…Let the reality of that sink in.

#2 – Understand your inability to carry out your responsibility.

Yes, you read that sentence correctly.

God has given you a job that you are unable to carry out.

That’s what the gospel is all about… to help the helpless and give hope to the hopeless.

You can be the spiritual leader in your home because the LORD is your helper. Isn’t that good news?

Learn to lean on the LORD as you begin learning how to be the spiritual leader in the home, He will guide you in the way you should go.

#3 – Ask God to fill your heart with a burning passion to lead your family well.

This one is very closely related to the previous point, but it is important enough to warrant its own emphasis.

Too many Christians think it is their job to work up the desire to do what God expects them to do. But it only makes sense that if we are unable to carry out our God-given responsibilities without His help, then it’s likely that we won’t be able to conjure up the desire to do them either.

Read the psalms carefully and you’ll see a bunch of guys who don’t feel like they have the desire to do what is right, but who desperately want to have it.

So what do they do? They ask God to give them the desires they know they should have.

[dropshadowbox align=”center” effect=”lifted-both” width=”550px” height=”” background_color=”#ffffff” border_width=”1″ border_color=”#dddddd” ]Create in me a clean heart, O God, and renew a right spirit within me.

Psalm chapter 51, verse 10[/dropshadowbox]

[dropshadowbox align=”center” effect=”lifted-both” width=”550px” height=”” background_color=”#ffffff” border_width=”1″ border_color=”#dddddd” ]…give me understanding that I may learn your commandments.

Psalm chapter 119, verse 73[/dropshadowbox]

[dropshadowbox align=”center” effect=”lifted-both” width=”550px” height=”” background_color=”#ffffff” border_width=”1″ border_color=”#dddddd” ]Incline my heart to your testimonies, and not to selfish gain!

Psalm chapter 119, verse 36

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Ask God for His help, even when it comes to having the desires you know you should have.

I often pray “gimme” prayers…

Those are prayers He delights to answer!

#4 – Start taking spiritual initiative in small steps

This may be the hardest part, but it’s where your faith (expressed in all the prayers you’ve prayed up to this point) is demonstrated in action. In the LORD’s strength you have to step over the awkwardness, doubt, fear, lack of role model, and anything else that stands in your way. Begin to do simple, yet powerful things…

• Ask your wife how you could pray for her (and don’t forget to do it).
• Read a short passage from the Bible at dinner time (or ask someone in the family to do it).
• Read Bible stories to the children before bed.
• Pray with your children as you tuck them in.
• Ask your wife to pray with you (at the beginning of the day, end of the day, bedtime, before a trip, as you leave for work, etc.)

These simple actions carry a great deal of weight, simply because you initiate them.

That’s what leaders do… they initiate what needs to be done.

• They don’t have to be perfect at it.
• They don’t have to know exactly how to carry it out.
• They just have to get the ball rolling.