Archive for spiritual leader

What Does It Mean to Be a Spiritual Leader? : A Challenge for Husbands [Ep 101]

Posted by Carey

· Thursday, December 7th, 2017

A spiritual leader is not the person who has all the right, holy-sounding answers.

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A spiritual leader is a person who humbly goes first in serving others.

That’s one of the many lessons I’ve learned about what it means to be a spiritual leader in my family over the past almost-30 years.

This episode of the Christian Home and Family podcast is aimed at gaining a greater understanding of two of the key biblical passages that speak to the issue of spiritual leadership in the home. In each of the passages, husbands are singled out as the ones responsible to take spiritual leadership in their home.

The first passage, Ephesians 5, points out very clearly that spiritual leadership is an act of service, self-sacrificing service. No man who understands spiritual leadership is going to be domineering or demanding toward the people in his home. Instead, he will be gracious, patient, and loving because those are the demeanors of a servant leader.

This recording contains my off-the-cuff thoughts about how men should approach the issue of spiritual leadership end to grow in their ability to be The Godly spiritual leader in their homes.

Here’s a rough outline of Lessons for Spiritual Leaders

[0:58] The home as the foundational element of society – and why we need to take a more diligent approach to that issue.
[4:37] Looking at Ephesians 5 – A husband’s sacrificial role as a spiritual leader
[11:20] Questions for husbands to consider about their spiritual leadership
[14:58] 1 Peter 3:7 – Learning to be understanding of our wives
[26:17] What does it mean that a woman is said to be a “weaker vessel?”
[34:05] What does it mean to be a spiritual leader? Humility and Initiative

Many times one of the first things we think about when it comes to Jesus is His self-sacrificing nature

But how often do we consider that his leadership was being expressed in that sacrifice? As He said Himself, he did not come to be served but to serve and to give his life as a ransom for many.

That is the kind of leadership the Apostle Paul describes when he speaks of men being the spiritual leader in their homes. It’s not an easy kind of life to live. It’s not a “me on top” existence. it is a life like Jesus lived, serving those who were under His care.

In this podcast episode, I take you through Ephesians 5 with a view toward understanding why that kind of self-sacrifice is required for husbands in order to leave their wives and their families into a place of Health, spiritual strength, and eventual maturity.

Spiritual leaders also work hard to understand those they lead

Those who are the best leaders are typically also the ones who have done the best job of understanding the people that they lead. In 1st Peter chapter 3 husbands are taught to live with their wives in an understanding way.

What does that mean, exactly?

It may sound overly simplistic but one of the primary meanings is that husbands need to understand that their wives are women, not men. Don’t let the simple nature of that statement for you. There’s so much that goes into a good understanding of your wife as a woman. It could take a lifetime to learn.

But I’m convinced that men who are willing to become students of their wives can be empowered by the Spirit of God to love their wives in a way that transforms their own home.

In this episode of the podcast, I share my understanding of 1st Peter 3:7 and how husbands can Learn to live with their wives in an understanding way, and in so doing, enrich the generational Legacy of their families.

Resources & People Mentioned

www.DesiringGod.org – The ministry of John Piper

Connect With Carey and Christian Home and Family

Subscribe to the CHAF Podcast

Categories : Podcast

Tags : 1 Peter 3:7, Ephesians 5, spiritual leader, spiritual leadership in the home

Men… be done with the little boy need for pity… (audio from John Piper)

Posted by Carey

· Friday, August 30th, 2013

Marriage is a tough road… for men and women.

Each of us are learning throughout the course of our marriages to live with and for the benefit of a person who is almost entirely different than us.

That’s a tall order for anyone because it’s next to impossible to get into the skin of someone else for the sake of truly understanding them.

Recently I heard a podcast from John Piper’s “Ask Pastor John” podcast where John was asked what he would tell the young John Piper if he were able to go back in time to counsel himself regarding marriage. Here’s the audio if you’d like to listen to it before you continue reading…

I found John’s counsel to himself to be counsel to me.

In particular, here’s the point he made the most impact on my soul…

…be done with the little boy need for pity… for mommy to kiss the owie and dote over you ’til you get better. Be done with that. Be done with pouting and sulking when you don’t get what you want, which is so immature and so built-in to your wiring. You will be regularly disappointed because you are an intense, perfectionistic wanter, and therefore your wants are not going to be satisfied as often as you would like. And so, instead of pouting and pitying yourself, draw down strength John Piper, draw down strength from Christ to stop being a reactor and instead be a strong initiative taker in hope. Bring hope to this family, bring strength to this family, don’t use this family and when they don’t meet your needs go pouting off into a corner. Come from the corner with Christ, back into the family, with strength and with hope. They need you to be a leader…

Is what John is describing, describing you, men?

Honestly, take stock of yourself.

Dig deep.

Be honest.

When I do that concerning my own heart, I know that there are times when the words John speaks are words I need to listen to.

There are too many times when I feel justified in my own self-pity, justified to lash out in anger or defensiveness, justified to insist on my needs being met because I’m tired or weary or misunderstood or because I had a rough day.

Not only is that immature as John says, it’s completely inconsistent with the calling we’ve received from our Savior. Look what Paul says our role is to be (Ephesians chapter 5, verse 25):

Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it;

MEN: when we pout and whine until our wives coddle us and encourage us and meet our little boy needs, we abdicate our role as leader and push our wives into a place of sacrifice and strength for our sake. That is backwards from what the Bible teaches.

Jesus is the example we are to follow. His is a pattern of self-sacrifice and strength. His is a pattern of endurance in the face of weariness, commitment to the good of others in the most painful times, strength for the sake of others.

But He is Jesus? How can we be expected to do the same?

By believing what the scripture says – that Christ lives in us and desires to live His life through us (Galatians 2:20).

The same power that fueled Christ’s obedience and self-sacrifice on our behalf, is available and present to fuel our obedience and self-sacrifice. [pullquote position=”right”]The power we need to be like Him, is Him.[/pullquote] He is present in us, eager and ready to live His life of self-sacrifice for the sake of our families through us.

MEN: Read Galatians 2:20. Memorize it. Meditate on it. Tattoo it on your heart. Make it your standard operating procedure for life… and watch as Jesus transforms you into a Godly leader who He can use to transform your home.

MEN: Will you join me in ridding yourself of the little boy need for pity? Will you rise to the courageous, valiant role you are meant to fill?

Jesus is in you, to enable you… and your family needs you!

Share your commitment below, men.

Categories : Marriage

Tags : head of the home, little boy need for pity, male leadership, spiritual leader, spiritual leadership

A way to repurpose daily devotions for men that leads your family spiritually

Posted by Carey

· Friday, July 26th, 2013

Hey Men, do you struggle to stay consistent in your daily devotions? Do you struggle to lead your family spiritually?

In 20 years of pastoral ministry those are the two most common struggles I’ve seen almost all Christian dads have. In this post I’m going to show you how you can build the habit of consistency in your daily devotions and begin leading your family spiritually at the same time.

A strange observation

I’ve noticed lately that most dads will do things for their wife or kids that they would not do for themselves. For example: I’m not big on cooking. I don’t really like to cook and I’m not all that great at it. But if I’m the one in charge and my family needs a meal, I’ll be in the kitchen whipping something up. Guaranteed.

I’m sure you are the same way.

How does cooking relate to daily devotions? Daily devotions for men are obviously something that most of us have a hard time doing just for ourselves. It doesn’t matter how much we understand that…

We gain spiritual strength from our daily devotions.
Our quiet time helps us draw near to God.
Our time alone with God enables us to face the challenges of life.
Consistent time with the LORD gives God great glory.

We STILL struggle to consistently make the appointment with God and keep it. Am I right?

It’s not all about you

As I noticed this correlation I began to wonder if things would change if I saw my daily time with the LORD like I do cooking.

What if I really believed that MY FAMILY’S spiritual well being depended on my consistency? Would things change then?

I guess it was forcing myself to look beyond myself (a hard thing to do sometimes). Though it’s true that I need to seek God for myself, it’s not ALL about me. It’s about them (my family). They NEED me to be close to God. It’s for their good that I am consistent in my daily devotions.

Practically speaking it starts with that mindset. I have to recognize that my laziness or lack of commitment goes farther than the effects it has on my life. It will negatively impact the ones I care about the most.

When I am close to God they get…

A husband/dad who’s able to walk in the Spirit and display its fruit (Galatians 5:16-25).
A man who is up to the challenge of spiritual leadership.
An example worth following.

When I’m not… they get the best I can do… which is not really all that good.

So what does it look like in real life?

The Accountability Factor

The first thing that makes a difference is what I call the accountability factor. I have verbally committed to my wife and children that I will lead them in some kind of devotional discussion every morning at breakfast (you can pick a time that works for your family). That puts me on the hook… I have to do it to be a man of my word. That accountability factor goes a long way for me, because I know that others are depending on it and that my example as a husband and father is at stake.

Pay Attention

Once I’m appropriately on the hook, I can’t sit down at the breakfast table with nothing. I’ve got to have something to share. That makes me do two things:

I make sure I get up to spend time with the LORD each morning.
I pay attention when I begin my time with the LORD.

I can’t let my mind wander and I can’t just sit there. I’ve got to truly engage with the Word of God so that I can have something to discuss. It doesn’t mean I’ve got to have all the answers, it just means I’ve got to have some important questions we can explore together.

Put it out there

No matter how significant or insignificant you think your scriptural observations are, put it out there. Talk about it with your family. What matters is that you are taking the initiative to lead them toward the LORD. That’s all leadership is, taking initiative. As you do, all of you will grow. Don’t let fear, intimidation, insecurity, or lack of knowledge keep you quiet. Whatever you see in the scriptures or sense from the LORD as you pray, put it out there and engage with your family about it.

Don’t shy away from the hard stuff

Chances are that the areas of confusion I have when I read the Bible are the same areas of confusion my wife and kids have when they read the Bible. I have to be humble enough to admit that and talk about it. It does my kids good to see that Dad is a disciple of Jesus who is learning and growing, just like they are. It teaches them how to be a student, a follower, a truth seeker. And together we can discuss the difficulties. Who knows, they may actually be given an observation by the Holy Spirit that helps me!

Pray for the LORD to apply it

As you wrap up your discussion, take the time to ask the LORD to apply what you’ve discussed to your lives and to that day in particular. He knows what’s in store for the day. He gave you the insights you’ve gleaned together. He knows best how to apply them to what’s coming. Ask Him. Trust Him. Lean on Him. In doing so, you’ll show your kids how relevant and applicable relationship with the LORD really is.

Do it again tomorrow

Share below what you are going to do to repurpose your daily devotions…

Categories : Parenting, Spirit Health

Tags : daily devotions for men, lead your family spiritually, spiritual leader, spiritual leadership