Archive for spiritual leadership

Men… be done with the little boy need for pity… (audio from John Piper)

Posted by Carey

· Friday, August 30th, 2013

Marriage is a tough road… for men and women.

Each of us are learning throughout the course of our marriages to live with and for the benefit of a person who is almost entirely different than us.

That’s a tall order for anyone because it’s next to impossible to get into the skin of someone else for the sake of truly understanding them.

Recently I heard a podcast from John Piper’s “Ask Pastor John” podcast where John was asked what he would tell the young John Piper if he were able to go back in time to counsel himself regarding marriage. Here’s the audio if you’d like to listen to it before you continue reading…

I found John’s counsel to himself to be counsel to me.

In particular, here’s the point he made the most impact on my soul…

…be done with the little boy need for pity… for mommy to kiss the owie and dote over you ’til you get better. Be done with that. Be done with pouting and sulking when you don’t get what you want, which is so immature and so built-in to your wiring. You will be regularly disappointed because you are an intense, perfectionistic wanter, and therefore your wants are not going to be satisfied as often as you would like. And so, instead of pouting and pitying yourself, draw down strength John Piper, draw down strength from Christ to stop being a reactor and instead be a strong initiative taker in hope. Bring hope to this family, bring strength to this family, don’t use this family and when they don’t meet your needs go pouting off into a corner. Come from the corner with Christ, back into the family, with strength and with hope. They need you to be a leader…

Is what John is describing, describing you, men?

Honestly, take stock of yourself.

Dig deep.

Be honest.

When I do that concerning my own heart, I know that there are times when the words John speaks are words I need to listen to.

There are too many times when I feel justified in my own self-pity, justified to lash out in anger or defensiveness, justified to insist on my needs being met because I’m tired or weary or misunderstood or because I had a rough day.

Not only is that immature as John says, it’s completely inconsistent with the calling we’ve received from our Savior. Look what Paul says our role is to be (Ephesians chapter 5, verse 25):

Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it;

MEN: when we pout and whine until our wives coddle us and encourage us and meet our little boy needs, we abdicate our role as leader and push our wives into a place of sacrifice and strength for our sake. That is backwards from what the Bible teaches.

Jesus is the example we are to follow. His is a pattern of self-sacrifice and strength. His is a pattern of endurance in the face of weariness, commitment to the good of others in the most painful times, strength for the sake of others.

But He is Jesus? How can we be expected to do the same?

By believing what the scripture says – that Christ lives in us and desires to live His life through us (Galatians 2:20).

The same power that fueled Christ’s obedience and self-sacrifice on our behalf, is available and present to fuel our obedience and self-sacrifice. [pullquote position=”right”]The power we need to be like Him, is Him.[/pullquote] He is present in us, eager and ready to live His life of self-sacrifice for the sake of our families through us.

MEN: Read Galatians 2:20. Memorize it. Meditate on it. Tattoo it on your heart. Make it your standard operating procedure for life… and watch as Jesus transforms you into a Godly leader who He can use to transform your home.

MEN: Will you join me in ridding yourself of the little boy need for pity? Will you rise to the courageous, valiant role you are meant to fill?

Jesus is in you, to enable you… and your family needs you!

Share your commitment below, men.

Categories : Marriage

Tags : head of the home, little boy need for pity, male leadership, spiritual leader, spiritual leadership

A way to repurpose daily devotions for men that leads your family spiritually

Posted by Carey

· Friday, July 26th, 2013

Hey Men, do you struggle to stay consistent in your daily devotions? Do you struggle to lead your family spiritually?

In 20 years of pastoral ministry those are the two most common struggles I’ve seen almost all Christian dads have. In this post I’m going to show you how you can build the habit of consistency in your daily devotions and begin leading your family spiritually at the same time.

A strange observation

I’ve noticed lately that most dads will do things for their wife or kids that they would not do for themselves. For example: I’m not big on cooking. I don’t really like to cook and I’m not all that great at it. But if I’m the one in charge and my family needs a meal, I’ll be in the kitchen whipping something up. Guaranteed.

I’m sure you are the same way.

How does cooking relate to daily devotions? Daily devotions for men are obviously something that most of us have a hard time doing just for ourselves. It doesn’t matter how much we understand that…

We gain spiritual strength from our daily devotions.
Our quiet time helps us draw near to God.
Our time alone with God enables us to face the challenges of life.
Consistent time with the LORD gives God great glory.

We STILL struggle to consistently make the appointment with God and keep it. Am I right?

It’s not all about you

As I noticed this correlation I began to wonder if things would change if I saw my daily time with the LORD like I do cooking.

What if I really believed that MY FAMILY’S spiritual well being depended on my consistency? Would things change then?

I guess it was forcing myself to look beyond myself (a hard thing to do sometimes). Though it’s true that I need to seek God for myself, it’s not ALL about me. It’s about them (my family). They NEED me to be close to God. It’s for their good that I am consistent in my daily devotions.

Practically speaking it starts with that mindset. I have to recognize that my laziness or lack of commitment goes farther than the effects it has on my life. It will negatively impact the ones I care about the most.

When I am close to God they get…

A husband/dad who’s able to walk in the Spirit and display its fruit (Galatians 5:16-25).
A man who is up to the challenge of spiritual leadership.
An example worth following.

When I’m not… they get the best I can do… which is not really all that good.

So what does it look like in real life?

The Accountability Factor

The first thing that makes a difference is what I call the accountability factor. I have verbally committed to my wife and children that I will lead them in some kind of devotional discussion every morning at breakfast (you can pick a time that works for your family). That puts me on the hook… I have to do it to be a man of my word. That accountability factor goes a long way for me, because I know that others are depending on it and that my example as a husband and father is at stake.

Pay Attention

Once I’m appropriately on the hook, I can’t sit down at the breakfast table with nothing. I’ve got to have something to share. That makes me do two things:

I make sure I get up to spend time with the LORD each morning.
I pay attention when I begin my time with the LORD.

I can’t let my mind wander and I can’t just sit there. I’ve got to truly engage with the Word of God so that I can have something to discuss. It doesn’t mean I’ve got to have all the answers, it just means I’ve got to have some important questions we can explore together.

Put it out there

No matter how significant or insignificant you think your scriptural observations are, put it out there. Talk about it with your family. What matters is that you are taking the initiative to lead them toward the LORD. That’s all leadership is, taking initiative. As you do, all of you will grow. Don’t let fear, intimidation, insecurity, or lack of knowledge keep you quiet. Whatever you see in the scriptures or sense from the LORD as you pray, put it out there and engage with your family about it.

Don’t shy away from the hard stuff

Chances are that the areas of confusion I have when I read the Bible are the same areas of confusion my wife and kids have when they read the Bible. I have to be humble enough to admit that and talk about it. It does my kids good to see that Dad is a disciple of Jesus who is learning and growing, just like they are. It teaches them how to be a student, a follower, a truth seeker. And together we can discuss the difficulties. Who knows, they may actually be given an observation by the Holy Spirit that helps me!

Pray for the LORD to apply it

As you wrap up your discussion, take the time to ask the LORD to apply what you’ve discussed to your lives and to that day in particular. He knows what’s in store for the day. He gave you the insights you’ve gleaned together. He knows best how to apply them to what’s coming. Ask Him. Trust Him. Lean on Him. In doing so, you’ll show your kids how relevant and applicable relationship with the LORD really is.

Do it again tomorrow

Share below what you are going to do to repurpose your daily devotions…

Categories : Parenting, Spirit Health

Tags : daily devotions for men, lead your family spiritually, spiritual leader, spiritual leadership

Podcast 22: Spiritual Leader in the home – the average guy’s guide

Posted by Carey

· Wednesday, February 6th, 2013

SUBSCRIBE TO THE CHRISTIAN HOME AND FAMILY PODCAST

Or if you are using a “podcatcher” here is the feed address: https://christianhomeandfamily.com/feed/podcast/

Today’s Presenter:

Carey Green
founder of
Christian Home and Family

SUMMARY OF TODAY’S PODCAST

Being (or becoming) the spiritual leader in the home is not an easy task. In my own early days of marriage, it was a struggle for me to even know what the term meant! In all my time mentoring men, counseling couples, and working with people, I’ve learned that I’m not alone. To be told to be the spiritual leader in the home is an intimidating thing to most men.

In this episode of the podcast, I’m going to try to deconstruct the fear a bit, to discover what lies under the surface, and I want to give you some tips regarding things that helped me to get over the hump of hesitancy so that I could truly become the spiritual leader in my home. You don’t have to have a Bible degree or be “super spiritual.” The average guy can do it.

Links & Resources mentioned in this podcast:

Covenant Eyes (affiliate link*)
My Compass Weekend for Young Men
the Stand Firm Webcast
John Piper’s message about spiritual leadership
My blog post on having a plan for your time with the LORD.
My coaching page

* These resources are affiliate links – you pay the same price, but part of your purchase goes to support the ministry of Christian Home and Family. Thanks!

A couple of brief reminders:

The Compass Weekend for young men is June 6, 7, 8 of 2013, in Buena Vista, Colorado. I’m only allowing 10 young men at a time to be a part of this event, to keep the interaction genuine and relevant. If you are interested or want to pass the information along to someone you know, please check out the Compass page on the website.
My wife and I have begun providing Christian Marriage Intensives for couple sin need of help getting “unstuck” from the issues they face in their marriages. Check it out to see if we could be of help to you.
My new spiritual growth curriculum for individuals or groups – NEW LIFE IS NO JOKE
My new couple’s marriage devotional – in 3 formats – THE MARRIAGE IMPROVEMENT PROJECT
You are invited to prayerfully consider partnering with Christian Home and Family.
I’d love to do some future episodes that are “Q & A” in nature, regarding anything related to living as a Christian family. Please submit YOUR questions to me in the comments below or in any of these ways.

NEXT EPISODE: February 13, 2013 – Podcast 23 – Sexting and the Christian Family

The main music track used in the Christian Home and Family Podcast is entitled, “Midian” and is from Adam Rey’s instrumental album Meat & Potatoes – Adam has generously given me permission to use his music, so please, support his generosity by checking out and purchasing his music at www.heyreyguitar.com – (no affiliate relationship, Adam’s just my friend.)

Also, the “resources” music track is from the www.musicrevoluation.com site.

SUBSCRIBE TO THE CHRISTIAN HOME AND FAMILY PODCAST

Or if you are using a “podcatcher” here is the feed address: https://christianhomeandfamily.com/feed/podcast/

LEAVE FEEDBACK AND A REVIEW ON I-TUNES

Leave your thoughts and comments about family economics below!

Categories : Marriage, Podcast

Tags : generational legacy, male leadership in the home, spiritual leader in the home, spiritual leadership

How to become the spiritual leader in the home

Posted by Carey

· Friday, November 2nd, 2012

Want to become spiritual leader in the home? Start here…

(DISCLAIMER: This post is unashamedly “complementarian” If that bothers you, turn back now.)

Many Christian men marry with the best of intentions. They truly desire and intend to love and lead their wives well, and raise a family that honors Christ and advances His kingdom.

But when the honeymoon is over reality sets in… and they realize they don’t know BEANS about being a spiritual leader in the home

I know, because I was there.

I recall my wife encouraging me to be the spiritual leader in the home, to take the initiative… and I remember Pastors and authors telling me I needed to as well.

Problem was, I didn’t know step #1 about how to pull it off.

But the LORD has been faithful[dropshadowbox align=”right” effect=”perspective-right” width=”260px” height=”” background_color=”#fdf173″ border_width=”1″ border_color=”#dddddd” inside_shadow=”false” ]If U feel frustration of wanting to B spiritual leader of UR home, but don’t know where to start, this post is 4 you

CLICK TO TWEET THIS[/dropshadowbox]

Through the help of a very patient and wise wife, a ton of reading, and much trial and error, He has taught me how to move more successfully into that role.

If you feel the frustration of wanting to be the spiritual leader in your home, but don’t know where to start – this post is for you.

How to become the spiritual leader in the home

As with all things related to spiritual growth, there is no magic formula, no mantra-like prayer you can pray, and no “5 easy steps” that will transform you into Mr. Godly P. Wonderful.

But there are some truths you can learn and some principles you can apply that will start you down the road of spiritual leadership in the home.

#1 – Understand the reality of your responsibility.

The scriptures are pretty clear, no matter how creative and clever you try to be in avoiding it…[dropshadowbox align=”center” effect=”lifted-both” width=”550px” height=”” background_color=”#ffffff” border_width=”1″ border_color=”#dddddd” ]But I want you to understand that the head of every man is Christ, the head of a wife is her husband, and the head of Christ is God.

first Corinthians chapter 11, verse 3[/dropshadowbox]

[dropshadowbox align=”center” effect=”lifted-both” width=”550px” height=”” background_color=”#ffffff” border_width=”1″ border_color=”#dddddd” ]For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior.

Ephesians chapter 5, verse 23[/dropshadowbox]

The husband is intended by God to lead his wife, and by implication, his entire family.

That means you, married man, are responsible before God TO lead your wife and family.

It’s a duty. A responsibility. A weight on your shoulders.

It’s like your job, only 1000 times more vital.

YOU ARE THE MAN!

…Let the reality of that sink in.

#2 – Understand your inability to carry out your responsibility.

Yes, you read that sentence correctly.

God has given you a job that you are unable to carry out.

That’s what the gospel is all about… to help the helpless and give hope to the hopeless.

You can be the spiritual leader in your home because the LORD is your helper. Isn’t that good news?

Learn to lean on the LORD as you begin learning how to be the spiritual leader in the home, He will guide you in the way you should go.

#3 – Ask God to fill your heart with a burning passion to lead your family well.

This one is very closely related to the previous point, but it is important enough to warrant its own emphasis.

Too many Christians think it is their job to work up the desire to do what God expects them to do. But it only makes sense that if we are unable to carry out our God-given responsibilities without His help, then it’s likely that we won’t be able to conjure up the desire to do them either.

Read the psalms carefully and you’ll see a bunch of guys who don’t feel like they have the desire to do what is right, but who desperately want to have it.

So what do they do? They ask God to give them the desires they know they should have.

[dropshadowbox align=”center” effect=”lifted-both” width=”550px” height=”” background_color=”#ffffff” border_width=”1″ border_color=”#dddddd” ]Create in me a clean heart, O God, and renew a right spirit within me.

Psalm chapter 51, verse 10[/dropshadowbox]

[dropshadowbox align=”center” effect=”lifted-both” width=”550px” height=”” background_color=”#ffffff” border_width=”1″ border_color=”#dddddd” ]…give me understanding that I may learn your commandments.

Psalm chapter 119, verse 73[/dropshadowbox]

[dropshadowbox align=”center” effect=”lifted-both” width=”550px” height=”” background_color=”#ffffff” border_width=”1″ border_color=”#dddddd” ]Incline my heart to your testimonies, and not to selfish gain!

Psalm chapter 119, verse 36

[/dropshadowbox]

Ask God for His help, even when it comes to having the desires you know you should have.

I often pray “gimme” prayers…

LORD, give me a deeper love for my family… a stronger desire to lead them… a greater eagerness to be an example for them, etc.

Those are prayers He delights to answer!

#4 – Start taking spiritual initiative in small steps

This may be the hardest part, but it’s where your faith (expressed in all the prayers you’ve prayed up to this point) is demonstrated in action. In the LORD’s strength you have to step over the awkwardness, doubt, fear, lack of role model, and anything else that stands in your way. Begin to do simple, yet powerful things…

Ask your wife how you could pray for her (and don’t forget to do it).

Read a short passage from the Bible at dinner time (or ask someone in the family to do it).

Read Bible stories to the children before bed.

Pray with your children as you tuck them in.

Ask your wife to pray with you (at the beginning of the day, end of the day, bedtime, before a trip, as you leave for work, etc.)

These simple actions carry a great deal of weight, simply because you initiate them.

That’s what leaders do… they initiate what needs to be done.

They don’t have to be perfect at it.

They don’t have to know exactly how to carry it out.

They just have to get the ball rolling.

You can do this!

If God has made you a husband, He’s made you to lead your family spiritually.[dropshadowbox align=”right” effect=”perspective-right” width=”260px” height=”” background_color=”#fdf173″ border_width=”1″ border_color=”#dddddd” inside_shadow=”false” ]If God has made you a husband, He’s made you to lead your family spiritually

CLICK TO TWEET THIS[/dropshadowbox]

That means He’s going to provide you everything you need to do the job.

Begin praying daily that the LORD will give you insight so that you can:

Understand your responsibility, and
Understand your inability to carry out your responsibility

Then ask Him to:

Fill your heart with a burning passion to lead your family well
and give you strength to take small steps in leading your family spiritually

What does spiritual leadership look like in your home? Share your ideas…

Categories : Marriage

Tags : Christian marriage, headship in the home, spiritual headship, spiritual leader in the home, spiritual leadership