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santa is a lie

Santa, lying, and Christian parenting

Posted by Carey 
· Monday, December 3rd, 2012 

When you fool your kids about Santa, you are the one being fooled

Christian parents, let’s take the issue of Santa out of the realm of emotion, holiday “magic,” and happy memories and look at it through the lens of reality.

Santa, as our culture portrays him, IS NOT REAL.

You know that.

I know that.

Our kids MUST know that… no matter how old they are.

Why would I insist that we tell our kids the truth about Santa?

There are many reasons, but here are my TOP 3:

1. As Christians we should be the first to celebrate the birth of Jesus, our Savior.

Sounds like a “Duh…” statement, but it needs to be said.  We need to make much of Christmas because we are making much of CHRIST. Jesus is what makes us Christ-ian at all, so He should take priority over everything else, especially Santa. Christians are radicals by their very nature (Luke 14:33). We are radical about Jesus. Why let one of the greate

santa is a lie

st opportunities to talk about the historicity of Jesus get turned into a side-show starring on overweight, house-breaking, stalker in a red velvet suit?

We need to be focused on making Christmas meaningful – for the real reason it is meaningful – JESUS.

2. When you tell your kids Santa is real, you are LYING TO THEM (and teaching them that it’s O.K. to lie).

This may be the very first time you have ever thought of it that way, but take the time to walk it through in your own head.  Here’s the truth of what happens:

  • Parents – CHRISTIAN parents – go to elaborate extremes to DECEIVE THEIR OWN CHILDREN.
  • They work overtime (late night on Christmas Eve included) to exploit the innocence of their children so that they will believe in a magical, mythical personage  called “Santa.”
  • That’s the reality of it… and it’s not consistent with Christianity or the Christ we serve.

Why would we LIE to our kids?  Don’t we tell them NOT to lie?  Don’t we tell them that WE don’t lie?  We should set the example of integrity, even in this.

I know, I know – Santa is just a “fun” thing that kids love… but lying about a culturally acceptable myth is still lying.  Telling our kids that Santa is real, when he is not, is a LIE.

Here’s a little story: I know a grown man in his 40s who was deeply hurt when he found out (age 12) that Santa was not real.  To this day he is still fairly upset about his parents’  “deceit” (his word).  He says it’s been hard to learn to trust them since they went “all out” to make Santa seem so real for the first 11 years of his life.

You might think he’s a guy who’s just a bit too sensitive, or unstable.  He’s not.  He’s your average, successful businessman, who loves his wife and kids and serves faithfully in his church.  He’s very balanced and very wise.  And he’s one of the few people I’ve heard talk about this issue for what it really is – deceit.

3. Consider the message you are sending to your kids when you say the following… “Santa is real, AND Jesus is real.”

First – you are putting two personages (one a myth, the other a historical and divine PERSON) on equal terms – connected to the same holiday celebration.

Second – the day will come when they find out that Santa is NOT real.  What do you think that does to them when it comes to considering whether Jesus is real?

If mom and dad lied about Santa, why wouldn’t they be lying about Jesus?

Do you see the confusion and potentially faith-damaging consequences such an “innocent” story can have?

What if I’ve already told my kids that Santa is real? What do I do about it now?

It’s not as hard as it sounds, and there is actually a biblical pattern for it.

CONFESS AND REPENT

Be humble enough to admit your wrong to your kids. Explain to them how you were fooled into thinking it was O.K. to lie about Santa, but you’ve learned that it’s not. Tell them how you want to honor Jesus most of all, and that Jesus doesn’t want you to lie anymore. Ask them to forgive you.

You know what will happen?

  • They will understand.
  • They will forgive you.
  • They will learn what it looks like to humbly confess sin and repent of it.

Can you think of a BETTER outcome than that?

What my family does about Santa

  • We tell our kids the truth, from day one.  Santa is like Mickey Mouse or Luke Skywalker. He’s a fun character who is entirely pretend.  Our kids (and yours) need to live in light of reality.Along this line, it would be a great holiday tradition to tell your kids about the REAL St. Nicholas and thank God for such a generous and kind man.
  • We used to enjoy the Santa movies, etc. during the holiday season, again emphasizing that it’s pretend and that Christmas is really about Jesus’ birth.  The kids enjoyed them – and we enjoyed them.  But we kept the perspective as it should be – grounded in reality, not deception.  That may still be a viable option for many Christian families, but we’ve turned a corner from there…
  • We’ve since changed our family’s convictions.  We no longer have anything to do with Santa.  We got rid of all our Santa movies and are still purging our Christmas music collection of Santa-referencing tunes.  Why?  That leads me to a story…

One week our family came across 1 Timothy 4:7 in one of our family devotion times.  It instructs believers to have nothing to do with irreverent, silly myths, but rather to train ourselves to be Godly.  As we read and discussed that chapter one night in family time, one of my sons asked, “Dad, doesn’t Santa fall into that category?” I could easily say, “Yes” because it seemed so obvious. But I didn’t see what was coming. He said, “Then why do we own Santa-based movies?” Touche. That was a really, really good question. My only answer was, “Because we haven’t thought carefully about that issue.” The entire family talked about it some more, prayed together, and decided that in order to better train ourselves to be Godly, and to honor Jesus above all, we would get rid of our Christmas stuff that had to do with Santa. All of it. Nobody misses the jolly old elf… really.
  • We have chosen NOT to have any Santa decorations in our home.  We would rather not see a pretend character everywhere when our goal at Christmas is to focus on a very REAL Savior.
  • We don’t do the “Santa” presents under the tree or the milk and cookies thing.  We don’t have to be concerned with all that when we tell the truth.

I’m NOT a killjoy. – I just love Jesus… much more than Santa. 

More than the fun of pretend.

More than traditions handed down through the family.

More than my culture’s idea of what is acceptable.

More than what other parents (or their kids) might think.

And I want my family to love Jesus like that too. 

Christians are to imitate Christ, and in order to do so MUST be people of integrity, no matter the issue. When it comes to Christmas, we should do so for the much more important reason of honoring our Savior above and beyond anyone else – even Santa.

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spanking of children

When is spanking of children abusive?

Posted by Carey 
· Monday, September 24th, 2012 

When is spanking of children abusive?

spanking of childrenWhen I was a kid there was very little debate about whether spanking of children was abusive. From conversations I had with my friends I know their parents believed that spanking was an appropriate form of discipline. And mine did for sure. As kids we talked about it as if it was the normal, expected thing to get a spanking when we disobeyed. I don’t think my experience is anything unique. I’d venture a guess that most people reading this who are over the age of 40 had parents who believed in spanking too.

But we can all agree that just because people in the past did something doesn’t make it right. Just because a LOT of people in the past did it doesn’t make it right either. What makes a thing right or wrong is what God says about it… and the scriptures are pretty clear that spanking of children is not only allowed, but even prescribed (you can read about that in my last about the spanking of children).

But in any good thing, even things given to us by God, abuses can happen. Overeating, sexual promiscuity, workaholism, and a slew of other vices prove that point. Sad but true, the same is true of spanking. Please understand that I don’t want you to abuse your child, and I don’t want to abuse mine. We are to care for our children, not damage them. Because of that it can be very difficult to know what a “good” spanking is like and when it crosses the line into the realm of abuse. In order to help clarify the differences between the two, keep this in mind:

A spanking rightly done has a positive effect.

A spanking wrongly done has a harmful effect.

With that in mind, I’m going to give you some quick guidelines my wife and I have learned that help us stay aimed at the positive end of that continuum. Here we go…

Guidelines for the spanking of children

  • Make sure genuine love and concern for your child are at the heart of your discipline.

Motivation is everything, so ask yourself, “Why am I spanking in the first place”? There are good/right reasons, and there are bad/wrong reasons. Ask yourself some questions…

  • Is it because you are irritated with your child? (bad/wrong)
  • Is it because you feel personally put-out or inconvenienced? (bad/wrong)
  • Is it because they have deliberately disobeyed or disrespected you? (good/right)
  • Is it because they are engaged in behavior that, if left unchecked, will be detrimental to them? (good/right)

If you answer “yes” to the first two (be honest) then hold off on the spanking until you get your attitude straight. Loving motives for a spanking have to do with your desire to help your child curb potentially harmful or outright sinful patterns of behavior. You want to help them, guide them, enable them to move into the realm of self-control so that their urges and spontaneous desires don’t control them. That’s behavior that honors God. And that’s a good motive for physical discipline.

  • Take action sooner rather than later.

Don’t let too much time pass between the offense and the spanking, especially with smaller children. They need to be able to associate the spanking with the wrong that has occurred. the longer the clock ticks between the infraction and the discipline, the less they are going to make that connection. Another aspect of this is that the “shock value” of a swat or spanking that comes immediately after an offense will help to communicate the “no nonsense” attitude you have about what they’ve done. They know you mean business – and there’s nothing ambiguous about it. If you make sure to act sooner rather than later, you won’t become one of those parents who counts to 3, or makes empty threats.

  • Make sure the offense is clearly understood.

Depending on the age of the child you may have to clarify the offense in differing ways. With very small children, a firm “NO” when pointing to the electric outlet will do most of the time. If not, say the firm “NO” as you swat their hand, and again pointing to the outlet as you hold and comfort them. With older children, you will need to talk about things with them to make sure they understand. Let’s make sure you understand why this is so important…

If you spank your child but they are unclear on why they are being spanked, you’ve pushed them toward embitterment, not wisdom (Ephesians 6:4). What I suggest is that you talk BRIEFLY about the offense to lay the groundwork, then have the spanking, then talk more extensively about it afterward as you comfort/hold the child. Speak to the reality of the issue. Things like, “You did a bad thing…” aren’t sufficient. You need to say, “YOU hit your brother… that means YOU were not being loving to Him, and God wants YOU to love YOUR brother” (see how it’s personal?). Kids don’t always put 2 and 2 together, so we have to make sure they see the REALITY of what they actually did.

  • Spanking of children should always be controlled.

There is no excuse for a 200 pound man to be wailing away uncontrollably at a 65 pound kid! That’s abuse, not a spanking. You need to be in full control of yourself when you spank your child. And’ let’s not be naive and say that a parent should never be angry when they spank. The truth is, you can (and sometimes should) be hopping mad at your kid for a very legitimate reason when it comes time to spank. The question is, how do you avoid going overboard?

Do you decide “I just won’t spank when I’m angry”? I don’t think that’s healthy or right. Your children need to see your anger at their sin (not at them personally) in order to get a full-blown picture of the significance of the wrong they have done. God gets angry at sin (and He let people see it), so why shouldn’t we? Here’s what we do: We set a limit for ourselves. For us, a spanking consists of 3 firm swats. We hold each other accountable, we let our kids know it will be 3 swats, and we hold ourselves to it strictly. We understand that NONE of us is above beating our kid instead of spanking them… so we put a safeguard in place to help us not to do so.

  • Make sure it hurts.

Hear me out on this one before you call CPS. I’m not saying you should beat your kids black and blue. I'm not suggesting that you be sadistic about it.

I am saying that the spanking needs to smart enough to make them think a second time before committing that sin again. As with any "learn the hard way" scenario, the consequence has to be painful enough to serve as a deterrent. If it isn't we tend to repeat the same behavior in the future.

Sometimes a mom with a heart-the-size-of-Texas is so sad about having to spank her child that she’ll just give him a little “love tap” instead of a real spanking. I understand the sympathy – but what she probably doesn’t understand is that she’s taking it easy for HER SAKE, not his. It’s actually doing damage to her child (Proverbs 13:24) by teaching him that the consequences for his wrong actions aren’t so bad that he should avoid doing the wrong behavior next time.

  • Always follow up with comfort and reassurance of your love.

Once the spanking of your child is over take her immediately into your lap or hug her (depending on size of the child). She needs to know that this offense has not permanently separated her from you. She needs to know your love in a tangible way she can easily recognize (even though the spanking is an act of love itself, she won’t immediately see it as such). Hold her close like this as you talk about the issue. Hold her as you reassure her of your love and your confidence that with God’s help, she can change this kind of behavior. Don’t downplay what she did – it is not “alright.” She sinned. But she is repenting and can move on with the help of God and you, her loving parent.

  • Require effective apologies.

When the offense was committed against another person, have the guilty child apologize. Don’t allow them to say, “I’m sorry…” with their eyes turned down and a sullen or timid voice. Chances are that they really aren’t sorry if that’s the case. Have them look the other person in the eye and say SPECIFICALLY what they are sorry for. “I’m sorry that I hit you.”

In order to get to this point and have it be genuine, you'll have to engage in a significant amount of conversation with the child during the discipline process (see the 3rd point). Some feel that a requirement like this is too humiliating for the child, but it’s actually an essential part of repentance. The formula looks like this:

sin + conviction + confession/apology = repentance.

It's making things right with those who were hurt. Once this is done, you'll have the equally challenging task of helping the offended child learn to forgive from the heart.

Please hear me again – there’s no sense in which I am advocating abuse. Children have a right to be treated justly. But a loving spanking administered the right way is not abuse. It is a motivator toward right attitudes and behavior that will serve the child for the rest of their life.

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healthy soul?

Do you have a healthy soul? – FF#4

Posted by Carey 
· Monday, May 14th, 2012 

My soul health story

I didn’t grow up with a clear understanding of how the soul is arranged, or how it is designed to function.  Unless those who raised you had a unique understanding of these things, you probably didn’t either.  I was a pre-teen before I was able to recognize the distinctions between mind, will, and emotions.  But that doesn’t mean that I understood them in relationship to my soul.  I just knew they were all 3 in me someplace, and somehow made up “me.”  And I knew that I didn’t understand them… especially the emotions.

I lived in that ignorance for many years until my wife and I came across the teaching of the late Dr. Bill and Anabel Gillham [affiliate link] of Lifetime Ministries.   I remember listening to a cassette tape album of theirs on my Sony Walkman(c) as I drove to work.  It was called “The Victorious Christian Life.”  

For the first time I was learning, from the scriptures, about the complicated mix that swirled around inside me every day – and I realized very quickly that it was a sinful mess.
Since that time, we have purchased and benefited greatly from a DVD series they produced called, “The Life,” which we’ve used in small group settings so many times I can’t remember all of them.

The truths Bill and Anabel gleaned from the word of God and shared with me were transformative.  That’s not an exaggeration.  What follows is my attempt at conveying those life-changing truths to you.

Before we get too far into it, let’s make sure we are clear on a few things…

The mind

Your mind is not the same as your brain.  Your brain is a body organ, made of physical stuff: DNA, cells, etc. (body health will be covered in the next section).  But your mind is something different. Think of it this way: while you are on planet earth, which is a physical place, your mind is expressed through the proper functioning of your brain, which is a physical body organ.  But they are not one and the same.  If your mind were your brain, then when your body died your ability to think would stop because your brain would no longer be functioning.  But that can’t be the case because the Bible tells us that the life you are to enjoy with God after this life is through, is a life of great awareness (1 Corinthians 2:7-9; 2 Corinthians 5:8-9; Philippians 1:21-23; Philippians 3:20-21).  In heaven you will still have a mind – the ability to think.

Your mind’s job is to analyze data having to do with your circumstances, situations, feelings, input from others, etc., and make recommendations about possible courses of action, to your will.  So what does your will do?

The will

Your will is what Bill Gillham has called your “chooser.”  It is at the top of the chain-of-command and eventually makes every decision, from small things to large things, from fairly trivial things to very important things.  For example: with your will you decide what color of socks you are going to wear each day, and with your will you decide to obey God or disobey God.  The will makes its decisions based on the input received from the mind and the emotions.  I already told you how the mind analyzes data and makes recommendations to the will, but how do the emotions figure in to that? We’ll get there in just a minute… but first, a small but important detour.

It is popular in our day to hear people talking about humans having a “free will.”  What is usually meant is that we have the ability to choose.  No argument there, we not only have the ability to choose, but the responsibility before God to choose (one of many biblical examples: Joshua 24:14). But to say that our will is “free” implies much more than the ability to make choices… it is saying that our will is unhindered, unrestrained, that we have no limits on our will, which is surely not true.  For example, I can will to fly up into the sky like Superman, but it won’t happen.  That’s because my will is bound by many things (natural laws, limitations on my ability, God, etc.).  As followers of Christ we must understand that our will, like every other created thing, is limited by the will of God (Proverbs 16:33).  His will is the boundary beyond which our wills are unable to pass.  That’s what we mean when we say that God is sovereign.

The emotions

Your emotions are the part of you that feels things like love, peace, anger, joy, fear, etc.  God designed your emotions to be a blessing to you.  But because you are tainted by the affects of sin, the way your emotions interact with the rest of your being is not always as God intended.  I don’t have to tell you how powerful emotions can be (sorry, I just did).  In Pastoral counseling (and my own life) I’ve seen that many, many individuals are controlled by their emotions, literally.  You may be one of them.

When your emotions are dominant, you don’t think rationally through a situation.  Instead, you wing-it based on what you feel.  You might give some sort of credence to the facts and details of a situation, but in the end, you go with what you feel.  You might even rationalize your decisions to fit what you feel.  When that is your main mode of operation, you tend to make decisions that are not good.  Personally, I’ve noticed that when my emotions are dominant I tend to act out of them.  Fear, suspicion, insecurity – when I’m emotionally driven, these rule me instead of a commitment to obey God.  I’m not saying your emotions are bad.  I’m just saying that in your fallen state, your emotions are suspect.

How the soul is designed to work

In this section we are going to look at how all 3 parts of the soul – mind, will, and emotions – are designed by God to function.  In other words, we’re going to examine the template, the prototype by which God designed us, so that we can use it as a standard by which to evaluate how our souls are actually functioning.

Using the diagram again, let’s look at how this triune nature of man is supposed to operate.

1. A circumstance occurs – anything from hearing a delightful song, to receiving news that a loved one has died.

2. That information comes to you through the body (eyes, ears, nose, etc.), and depending on the situation, your body may actually get involved in processing the information through hormonal or adrenaline surges, increased heartbeat, etc.

3. The information is relayed to the mind and emotions (the soul).  The mind’s job is to evaluate the information based on the facts.  The emotions evaluate the situation based on instinct or feeling, combined with any physical responses from the body.

4. Both mind and emotions pass on their “conclusions” about the situation to the will.

5. The Christian’s spirit engages with the will at this point.  It will draw on insight from the word of God, the counsel of fellow believers, and the Spirit of God who indwells them, to come to a decision about the God-honoring, Christ-exalting way to handle or respond to the situation.

That’s how it is supposed to work.

In a healthy person, where things are working pretty much according to God’s design, there’s a likelihood that a good decision will be made.  But in an unhealthy person (one with physical, mental or emotional difficulties… or strong flesh patterns), the chances of a good decision are drastically reduced.

Learning to steward your soul

Being a Christian doesn’t make you immune to the possibility of having an unhealthy soul. Because of some physical or mental limitation, you may be unable to mentally comprehend or grasp the realities you’re facing.  Or you could be subject to emotional imbalances of varying degrees due to traumatic events in your past which limit your ability to respond rationally.  My experience tells me that most people have “junk” in that last category that they don’t even know about.

The challenge you and I face as followers of Jesus Christ is in dealing rightly with what may be life-long habits of feeling, thinking, or behavior.  And don’t kid yourself, it is a significant challenge.  

You’ve been feeling, thinking, and behaving the way you do for your whole life, and by now it seems “normal” to you.  But just because it’s “normal” to you doesn’t mean that it’s right or good or Christ-honoring.
God has revealed truth to us, through Jesus Christ and the revelation of the gospel, and as Bill Gillham used to say, we are “on the hook” to live in ways that are worthy of that truth (Ephesians 4:1; Philippians 1:27; Colossians 1:10; 1 Thessalonians 2:12).

It’s your responsibility, as a steward of the life Jesus Christ has given you, to have the healthiest soul you can possibly have, for His glory!

That’s a tall order, but not an impossible one, thanks to the gracious nature and lavish gifts of our God!  He’s provided us Himself in the person of the Holy Spirit (John 14:16-17).  His resources are now ours, to enable and empower lives that are indeed worthy of His gospel (John 15:5-8; Romans 8:3-4; Galatians 5:13-25, 2 Peter 1:3-4).  As we continue walking through these topics together, I’ll unpack more of what it means to have Christ living in you through the Holy Spirit, and how that practically impacts daily living.

The connection to your Christian home and family

Simply because of the name of my website (ChristianHomeAndFamily.com), you might think that my first posts would be addressing marriage as the foundation for a home, or that I’d already be talking about biblical parenting strategies.  But I haven’t – and of course, that’s intentional.  I believe that a home and a family can only be Christ-centered when Christ is at the center of the individual lives of those who are leading and living in that home or family.

What does that mean practically?  It means that before moms and dads attempt to find new parenting strategies or tips for a more peaceful home life, they need to learn how to live out the Christian faith they profess, in the way God has prescribed.  They need to be able to consistently model what a healthy Christian is before they can pass it along to others in their home.  Whoever you are (husband, wife, mom, dad, brother, grandparent, etc.), you need to be on the road toward centering your life around Christ before you can expect others to follow you.

That is what’s at the core of this website; individual people, walking daily with their Savior.  Keep reading, learning, and applying what you receive here… and together we’ll move toward establishing our homes and families as ones that are truly Christian.

A homework assignment for you

I’ve given you a lot of information so far, and I know it can be mind-boggling when you first start something like this – especially if it is filled with entirely new concepts.  Here’s my suggestion.

  • Take what you’ve already received and slowly digest them over the next few weeks.
  • Use them as your daily devotional or quiet time.Read and re-read the words, asking the Holy Spirit to teach you as you do.  He will be faithful to help you.
  • When scriptures are given, look them up, ponder them, meditate on their truth.  Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly (Colossians 3:16).
  • If you find yourself stuck, or not understanding something… feel free to shoot me a question.  I’ll help however I can.
  • Trust the LORD to guide you, because He will.

Q: How would you judge the health of your soul?

Q: What emotional, mental, or will-oriented things make it hard for you to obey Christ?

 

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body soul spirit

Spiritual Health for the family starts here – FF#3

Posted by Carey 
· Monday, May 14th, 2012 

Of the 3 parts of man: body – soul – spirit, spiritual health is the area that most affects the rest of life.

Prior posts in this series
can be found HERE and HERE
Think about it… you’ve heard many stories of people with physical, mental, or emotional disabilities who are still able to live vibrant Christian lives because of a strong spiritual walk with Christ. Those are the kinds of testimonies that inspire us the most because they demonstrate how Christ’s life in us, through His Holy Spirit, is absolutely sufficient, no matter the obstacles.

Spiritual health: My story

My mother was already a faithful church goer the day I was born, and she still is today (she turns 84 the year of this writing).  I joke sometimes that I was born right into the sin and degradation of the church nursery!  No joke, I was in the church nursery the first Sunday after I was born.

The church we attended was an “Independent, fundamental, Bible believing, King James Only, women don’t wear pants” kind of Baptist church.  To say it was conservative is an understatement.  Thankfully, our church leadership was rabid about spreading the gospel, and I heard it clearly presented every week.  By the time I was 5 years old, I had placed my faith in Jesus.  I was very young, but the grace of God isn’t hampered by the age of the one He calls.

Growing up in that type of church, I learned all the Christian jargon and practices early on.  I learned to address the adults in the church family as “Brother” or “Sister” so-and-so.  I could give the right answers in Sunday School, could find the book of Hezekiah in my Bible (you try it, I dare you), and participate in “sword drills” right alongside the best of them.  I went to church camp every summer once I became of age.

But one thing I didn’t develop early on was a sense of intimacy with Christ.

Maybe it was my youthful perspective, but church seemed to be about rules, and learning to be good, and “winning souls.”  I was expected to learn and practice some very good and needful things, like prayer, and Bible reading – but the connection between those things and spiritual health were never made, at least not in a way that I understood.

By the time I hit high school, I was not much different than the average kid in my mid-sized, Texas town.  I was “good,” but not necessarily because of Christ.  Under the surface I was asking vital questions about my faith.   “Is this all there is to Christianity?  Rules?  Trying harder?  Being good?”  I knew in my heart that if that’s all it was, I couldn’t do it.  I didn’t have it in me to pull it off, and I wasn’t sure I wanted to…

In spite of all that, God was very gracious.  By the end of High School He had placed a handful of significant people in my life who seemed to have vibrant relationships with Jesus, and that gave me hope that perhaps there really was more to the Christian life.  In college, I got involved in campus ministries that began to turn on some of the lights for me, making the connection between spiritual disciplines (bible study, prayer), and true relationship with Jesus.  Spiritual health was finally making its way onto my radar, and I began to experience the reality of Jesus in new, life-giving ways.  Praise Him for His faithfulness!

As I began to truly grow in my faith, one thought came dominantly to my mind, first as a hunch and later as a truth.  Here it is:

Every issue that I face in life is really an issue of spiritual health.

It doesn’t matter if it’s financial, physical, emotional, relational, or practical – every issue is really a spiritual issue.  That means that the degree of spiritual health I am experiencing at any given time will directly determine how I manage or handle the issues that touch my life.  If I’m in good spiritual health, walking daily and vitally with the LORD, then I’ll be more likely to handle those situations with His grace and strength.  If I am not in good spiritual health, then I don’t have much hope of handling the situation in a way that honors God and does what is right.

Spiritual health: Your story

The first thing I encourage you to assess and address is your spiritual health.

As I said before, you can’t expect to build a home centered around Christ if your life is not centered around Him first.  How healthy are you, spiritually speaking?  As a Christian (Christ-follower), it is imperative that you be closely connected to your Master at all times. He is your rock, your center, your life, your power for living. Those are not just church-speak, they are statements of divine reality.  Without His divine person abiding in you, in an “at home” sort of way, you will experience a continual frustration to be healthy as a person.

Jesus taught these truths by using an image common to the people of His day… a vine.

Abide in me, and I in you. As the branch cannot bear fruit by itself, unless it abides in the vine, neither can you, unless you abide in me. I am the vine; you are the branches. Whoever abides in me and I in him, he it is that bears much fruit, for apart from me you can do nothing. – John 15:4-5

Notice two of the clarifying phrases that Jesus uses:

  • Abide in me (translation: “stay closely connected to me”)
  • Apart from me  you can do nothing. (translation: “without a vital spiritual relationship with me, you’re done”)

This is a classic “if / then” statement.  IF you abide in Jesus, THEN you will bear much fruit in your life.  IF you do not abide in Jesus, THEN you can do nothing.

When Jesus says that apart from Him you can do nothing, He’s not saying that there’s absolutely no way you can function in this world when you are not close to Him.  You’ll still breathe, you’ll still walk through life, and make decisions, and speak to people, and accomplish things.  But you won’t be able to do anything of lasting, spiritual significance, things that are “much fruit” in Jesus’ eyes, apart from walking closely with Him.

That’s talking about spiritual health.

So let me ask you again, how is your spiritual health? Can you see evidence in your life, the “much fruit” Jesus spoke of, that shows you that you are walking closely with Him?

Your Spirit – Before and after Christ

Before you came to faith in Christ, you had a spirit, but it was dead (Ephesians 1:2-5; Colossians 2:13; Ephesians 5:14; 1 Peter 3:18). Practically, that means that before God graciously reached out to you through the enlivening work of the Spirit, you were unable to commune with Him at all (1 Corinthians 2:14). You simply functioned out of your mind, will, and emotions without much true awareness of Him.  Dead people do not speak, act, or respond – and spiritually you were dead.

When Christ awakened you to faith through the work of His Holy Spirit (John 6:44; John 6:63;Romans 8:9; Romans 8:15; 2 Corinthians 3:16-18), your spirit came alive, you were “born again” (John 3:3). Being awakened by the Spirit, you were able to respond to God’s grace, revealed to you in the person of Jesus Christ. You recognized your need for rescue from your sinful state, and saw that Jesus is the Savior of sinners. That was the moment of faith, the moment of your conversion.

Once God’s Spirit comes into your life and raises your spirit from the dead, you embark on a journey you’ve never known before. For the first time you have more to concern yourself with than only body and soul – you are body, soul, and a new-born spirit. You are a new creation (2 Corinthians 5:17; Colossians 3:9-10), alive because the Creator Himself now dwells within you (Colossians 1:27;Galatians 2:20).

That is the point where the vine and branch illustration comes to the forefront. As a person who is trusting in Jesus, you have a divine resource you never had before – the Holy Spirit of God, living inside you in a very real way. It is through the Spirit that Jesus lives in you, and desires to live through you. He is your life, your source, the well from which you are to draw, day after day.

Like any new life, this new life needs nourishment if it is to survive.

The things you’ve heard all your Christian life are true – you do need to read the Bible daily. You need to learn how to pray. You need to spend time with the Lord, as you would in any relationship. On the resources page of the website, you will find tools to help you with the practical, day to day task of keeping your faith strong and your relationship with Christ vital, including a 19 session “Spiritual Growth Notebook” I compiled years ago. Feel free to download it… it’s free.

Over the years, Mindi (my wife) and I have come to believe that most personal problems we have, whether they be emotional or mental, start out on the spiritual level. When you are walking closely with the Savior, drawing from His strength day to day, the difficulties of life don’t affect you in the same way they once did. You find yourself possessing strength and stability you didn’t have previously. I’m not saying life’s suddenly easy or perfect.  I am saying that you now have the means by which to live out a successful Christian life, because the only one who has ever lived that kind of life (Jesus) is now living within you.

Spiritual Check-Up

If you go to your doctor for a physical, he’ll use a stethoscope, tongue depressor, a blood-pressure cuff, and various other tools to measure how your body is functioning at that moment. By doing so, he makes an estimation of your overall physical health.

When it comes to assessing your spiritual health we have no such tools (wouldn’t it be nice if we did?). To gauge spiritual health, you’ll have to do a more subjective evaluation, which makes the process more difficult. Jesus said that it is “out of the heart” that sinful (and good) actions and words come (Matthew 12:24).  I take that to mean that if you want to do a spiritual check-up, you’ll have to honestly look at the state of your heart as expressed in attitudes and actions.

Sounds pretty simple, but it’s not. That’s because there are many things we can easily be objective about, but our own hearts is not one of them. We’ve lived in our sin-soaked selves for so long that we believe that the way we think and feel is “normal.” But in reality much of how we’ve come to think and feel is based on human wisdom, worldly philosophies, and self-protection, instead of on the truth of God. The Bible calls these old habits of thinking and feeling “flesh” (Romans 8:4-13), or the “old self” (Romans 6:6; Ephesians 4:22; Colossians 3:9).

When we become a child of God through faith in Jesus Christ, we are given a new heart, but our old habits of thinking and feeling linger in our souls.  The process of Christian growth is all about learning to lean on the truth of God as our mode of operation, instead of the distorted beliefs and feelings we’ve embraced all our lives.

The reason I point out the existence of the “flesh” that still hangs onto you, is because I believe you’re going to need some help doing a spiritual check-up.

You don’t see yourself clearly, and you need an objective set of eyes to help you. The first Person you need to enlist as an ally is the Holy Spirit.

In describing the Spirit’s role in our lives, Jesus said He is “the Spirit of truth” (John 14:7), our “helper” and “teacher” (John 14:26), and our “guide” (John 16:13). The Apostle Paul teaches that Holy Spirit “leads” us in our Christian life (Romans 8:14), and helps us to understand the things God has done and is doing I our lives (1 Corinthians 2:12). As we specifically battle our flesh, the Spirit directly opposes it, and leads us in the opposite direction (Galatians 5:16-18).  The first thing you should do is adopt a mindset of dependence on the Holy Spirit. Ask Him to reveal things that are keeping you from being spiritually healthy, no matter how difficult they may be to face. Submit yourself fully to His guidance.

Secondarily to the Holy Spirit, you’ll probably need the help of a trusted Christian friend. Think of someone who is a devoted follower of Jesus, someone who cares deeply for you and your spiritual health. They should be a person who knows you fairly well and has opportunity to interact with and observe you in a variety of settings. It may be a spouse, a parent, a teacher from church, or someone else – but you need to include another objective opinion in your assessment so that your blind-spots do not remain outside your vision.

Though we can’t get specific measurements of your spiritual condition, as the doctor would regarding your physical condition, we can use a handful of practical tools to help in the process. As I mentioned a few paragraphs back, your attitudes and actions reveal much of what is going on inside your spirit, and you are wise to pay close attention to them.

The following questions are based on the Apostle Paul’s teaching in Galatians 5:16-26. There, Paul provides two lists – one that details the type of things that we think and do when we are controlled by our flesh, and another that highlights the type of things that we think and do when we are controlled by the Spirit. Use these lists as gauges or barometers, to help you assess the state of your spiritual health.  You don’t have to be perfect in any of the areas listed, but you should be progressing in humble growth as you desire to please the LORD.

Give a copy of these questions to that trusted person you identified a minute ago. Ask them to answer the questions as honestly as they can as they pertain to you. I have no doubt that their participation will help you immensely.

Questions for a spiritual check up
(based on Galatians 5:16-26)

Vs. 16 But I say, walk by the Spirit, and you will not gratify the desires of the flesh.
Vs. 17 For the desires of the flesh are against the Spirit, and the desires of the Spirit are against the flesh, for these are opposed to each other, to keep you from doing the things you want to do.
Vs. 18 But if you are led by the Spirit, you are not under the law.
Vs. 19 Now the works of the flesh are evident: sexual immorality, impurity, sensuality,
Vs. 20 idolatry, sorcery, enmity, strife, jealousy, fits of anger, rivalries, dissensions, divisions,
Vs. 21 envy, drunkenness, orgies, and things like these. I warn you, as I warned you before, that those who do such things will not inherit the kingdom of God.
Vs. 22 But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness,
Vs. 23 gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law.
Vs. 24 And those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires.
Vs. 25 If we live by the Spirit, let us also walk by the Spirit.
Vs. 26 Let us not become conceited, provoking one another, envying one another.

Works of the flesh

  • Do you have a true desire (not just a feeling of obligation), to live obediently under the leadership of the Spirit of God? (vs. 16-18)
  • Are you currently engaged in any form of sexual immorality, impurity, or sensuality (vs. 19, 21)? Some possibilities to consider are adultery, sex before marriage, pornography, sexting, sex games, inappropriate flirting, etc. How does this reflect on your ability and willingness to be satisfied fully with the delights of relationship with God?
  • Can you identify anything in your life that draws too much focus and attention in comparison to the rest of your life and responsibilities (an idol – vs.20)? You might consider your work, career, family, hobbies, recreation activities, entertainment, etc.
  • Are you practicing any sort of spirituality that focuses on gaining or using spiritual power  for selfish ends (sorcery – vs. 20)? You might consider astrology, health and wealth theology, use of crystals, past life investigations, native American spiritism, use of spells or incantations, etc. These are areas of spiritual dependency not focused on God. What does that say for the health of your relationship with Him?
  • Are there any situations where you feel a sense of being “against” another person (vs. 20)? Do you have any sense in which you can honestly say you love them, or are your feelings toward them entirely negative? Does God’s great mercy on you cause you to consider an attitude of mercy toward that person at all (Matthew 18:23-35)?
  • Do you find yourself struggling with jealousy or envy toward others (vs. 20, 21)? How does this reflect on your ability to trust God with your needs and desires?
  • Do you struggle with unrighteous anger (vs. 20)? Consider possible patterns of behavior you might have such as yelling, throwing things, cursing in response to issues, breaking things, and physically or emotionally intimidating or hurting others. What does this kind of anger indicate about whether or not you are resting in God’s good will and plan for your life? Who are you really angry at, the person or situation, or God?
  • Is there any regular pattern of substance abuse ongoing in your life (vs. 21)? Consider alcohol, drugs (including marijuana), pain killers, prescription medications, coffee, sugar, etc. How does dependence on any substance reflect on your willingness and ability to depend on God?
  • Paul ends this list with the phrase, “and things like these.” Are there any additional hang-ups in your life that you feel are detrimental to your healthy relationship with God?
  • Read the last sentence of vs. 21. What will be the final outcome if your spiritual life is controlled by these kinds of things rather than by the Spirit of God? Ponder the significance of that possibility.

Fruit of the Spirit

  • Is love for other people a growing part of your attitudes and actions (vs. 22)? If not, what does that say about your awareness of and cooperation with the Spirit of God within you?
  • Is your life characterized by joy most of the time (vs. 22)? I’m not asking if you are happy all the time, I’m asking if you are able to see God’s silver lining behind the clouds of difficult circumstances and live in light of it most of the time? If not, what do you need to do to strengthen your confidence in God’s loving sovereignty in your life?
  • Are you generally a peaceful person (vs. 22)? How could you better draw on the Spirit’s strength to rest in Him when difficult situations arise?
  • Does patience characterize your attitude toward people and circumstances (vs. 22)? What does impatience reveal about your ability to trust God with all things, including people? Do you intentionally lean on the Spirit of God, asking Him to help you here?
  • Would you describe yourself as a “kind” person (vs. 22), or are you characterized more as being distant, aloof, or non-engaging? As you look at this issue, what is controlling you most of the time, your insecurities or the Spirit of God?
  • Do you enjoy and look for ways to express “goodness” in life and toward others (vs. 22)? I’m not only asking if you DO good things, I’m asking if you DESIRE to do and be good for the sake of others. Ask the Spirit to reveal what He sees in you.
  • Are you a faithful person (vs. 22)? To your spouse and family? To your employer? To your friends? The Spirit of God produces a reliable, trustworthy spirit in you as you submit to Him. How would you assess your health in this area?
  • Are you generally kind to people (vs. 22), or do irritability, harshness, indifference, disregard, or aloof attitudes characterize you?
  • Does goodness characterize the tone of your life (vs. 22)?  In other words, are you seen by others as a person who loves and does good?
  • Is faithfulness characteristic of your life (vs. 22)?  In other words, do you keep your word?  Can others depend on you to fulfill your commitments and responsibilities?  Do you live out an active faith toward God?
  • Are you a gentle person (vs. 23), or does a grim, stern, or even harsh attitude describe you better?
  • Do you practice self-control regularly in the normal course of your life (vs. 23)?  Some ways to tell… are there any lingering habits that you struggle to break?  Do you “fly off the handle” easily?  Can you say “No” to that tempting dessert when you are watching your diet?

Prayerfully consider these questions, taking the time necessary to truly hear from the LORD about the condition of your spiritual life.  It may seem overwhelming, so break it down into bite-sized chunks.

You can take these steps to process what the LORD has revealed…

  1. Write down “themes” or patterns about your behavior that you notice.
  2. Prayerfully narrow them down to the 2 or 3 “biggies” you believe the LORD would have you address.
  3. Ask the LORD to give you a heart that desires to see His will accomplished in those areas.
  4. Find passages of scripture (maybe from the passage above) that reveal God’s will regarding those issues.
  5. Write them on a card to take with you each day.
  6. Use that card to make your focus on those areas a “project” – something you are prayerfully attentive to each day.
  7. Start each day asking God to transform you in those areas.

Q: How are you doing spiritually?

Q: What steps do you need to take to shore up any areas that are lacking?

NEXT POST IN THE SERIES: Do you have a healthy soul? – FF#4

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