It’s almost proverbial for men to complain about their nagging wife…
But in my experience (both as a husband and a counselor) it’s simply not true.
I don’t mean to say that women never nag… I mean that what men often interpret as nagging, is not really nagging.
Most wives are just being the helper that God created them to be.
They are trying to…
- point out blind spots their husband may have.
- encourage his role in the home.
- understand what he’s thinking.
- give feedback so they can reach the best decision.
- encourage him toward something better.
Most wives truly trying to be a help, a second-opinion, a resource to their husbands.
But he doesn’t recognize that… so he labels it as “nagging.”
When he does… it’s a pretty effective way to shut her up.
Because no wife wants to be nag.
I’ve heard them say so, time after time.
So when their husbands define their help as “nagging” they feel stuck.
- How do I help him (which the LORD has wired me to do) if he sees it as nagging?
- Am I really being a nag?
- Maybe I should just be the quiet little wife and let him learn the hard way.
Men, if you let that happen, you’re missing out…
You need to understand that God has wired your wife to help you.
she’ll see things you don’t.
she’ll see them in a way that you don’t.
she’ll approach things from a different perspective.
she’ll often see much more that’s at stake in a given issue than you do.
If she continues to bring up the same things, maybe she’s not nagging.
Maybe she’s trying to get you to see something you really NEED to see.
Do you really want to turn away the help God has given you, just because it’s coming through her?
That is a dangerous place.
It’s a place of pride, that God opposes.
What if she really IS a nagging wife?
Having said all that… which is thing is the true issue most of the time…
It is possible that your wife IS a true nag… that she’s a control freak who only wants her own way.
If that’s the case, here are some things you can do…
1. Pray for her.
The LORD gives grace to the humble (James 4:6)…
and she’ll need a TON of humility to receive the kind of instruction His grace will provide.
Old habits feel “right” because they are so long-lived.
To see them any differently, she’ll have to be humble
Ask the LORD to make her humble.
2. Commit yourself to sticking by her through the process.
Since the patterns you’re noticing are long-held, and very strong.
The LORD will have to break them. And when the LORD breaks old habits, it isn’t pretty or easy.
There will be struggle and strain, resistance and pain.
Your job, as her husband, is to stay by her… even though you may be tempted to run.
You have to be encouraging her to seek the LORD’s instruction through the difficult time.
Guide her to seek Him above all else…
and demonstrate His undying commitment to her by being committed to her yourself.
3. Let the LORD use you.
The LORD may want to use your observations to help her see herself from an objective perspective.
That means you may have to say something about what you’ve seen of her personality and habits.
Trust the LORD to guide you, even though it may get dicey.
Don’t back off when you sense Him leading you into one of those conversations.
It will get ugly… and very uncomfortable.
But you’ve got to lovingly forge ahead as the LORD leads you.
4. LOVE her well… no matter what.
This can’t be about you “fixing” her.
It can’t be about you riding her like you feel she’s ridden you.
Love has to reign supreme.
You need the compassion of Christ to help you know…
what to say.
when to say it.
how to say it.
You need to be like Jesus – giving himself for His bride (us), who was very undeserving.
What do you think?