Let me begin by saying what I’m NOT saying. I’m not saying…
- That your wife’s desires should dictate every aspect of your life together…
- That her feelings about things always trump yours…
- That you have to give in to every thing she says, just because she says it.
When I say, “If your wife doesn’t like it, don’t do it, ” I am saying is this…
Don’t purposefully do things that you KNOW your wife doesn’t like.
Can I give you some examples?
- You know your wife doesn’t like your socks left in the floor.
- You know that she hates it when you leave your whiskers in the sink.
- You know she appreciates the kitchen to be kept “just so.”
- You know her preference for the default position of the toilet seat.
- SO DON’T DO THINGS YOU KNOW SHE DOESN’T LIKE.
If your wife doesn’t like it… and you keep on doing it, then you are being unloving to your wife.
Think that through for a moment…
If you were at work, or church and someone purposefully did something they knew you didn’t like, what would you think?
- That person doesn’t like me…
- They are intentionally trying to hurt me.
- They are being rude, or inconsiderate.
- They are disregarding me altogether.
Don’t you think your wife could feel the same way when you continue to do things that you KNOW she doesn’t like?
The Bible instructs husbands to love their wives in such a way that their wives see the love of Christ.
Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her… – Ephesians chapter 5, verse 25.
Christian husband, you are to give YOURSELF up for your wife.
But when you make your wife put up with your inconsiderate habits, you’re making HER give up HERSELF for you.
Something is wrong with that picture.
Comment below and tell me some practical ways you can turn this dynamic around in your own marriage.
by 
I think the real key is the element of intentionality. Even if it’s not totally conscious and intentional, when your wife has pointed out something to you – and she knows that you know – then ignoring that (even unintentionally) is incredibly insulting. One of the things my wife and I have learned is that the issue we’re talking about is rarely the real issue. It always goes a few layers deeper.
@Loren Pinilis Man Loren, did you hit a key point. The surface is just that… the surface. We have GOT to learn to dig deeper to deal with real stuff.
My husband hates me. We have been married just over 11 years and most of it has been pure hell. He allows his mother to trash talk about me and then when I don’t want to go around to his parents house after 8 years of putting up with it he tells me that my not going over to his parents is causing a division between us. Ater asking him for over 8 years if we can get a dog he reluctently said yes. I informed him that since he never had a dog as a pet that at frist it would be better to follow my lead. He agreed to follow my lead but never did…when the dog didn’t pay him attention he started blaming me for how the dog acted towards him. He bought a house that I would never want to live in without asking me and hired a builder that I told him was no good but his mother said to keep.
ann_267 So sorry to hear of the difficulties in your marriage. Of course I can’t say much with just a general description, but I do pick up that the two of you likely had an unrealistic idea of what marriage was when you married… or at least you weren’t on the same page together. I’d suggest you find someone close by who can counsel you in the ways God has designed for marriage to work (biblically). If you don’t, you’ll continue to struggle as you have been and both of you will become more and more frustrated. Something is going to break… either your resistance to getting help, or your marriage.
@Carey Green Sorry about the rant about my problems with hubby. Its so much that I can’t write it down here. There are trust issues and lies/misunderstandings that have been told on both sides. He can’t forgive me for my wrong doings but at the same time thinks that his wrong doings are wht sins and mine are worst because thery are blk sins. He won’t allow himself to trust me and thus blames me for ‘robbing him’ his words….of the future he wants. T am 9 years older than him and when we got together it took me almost 2 years before I told him that I was older…honestly I never that we would last so my reluctance in telling him…but he said he could hadle it and we got married so I thought it was behinde us. Now everytime we fight he brings it up. Then he wants to leave and then he stays and the cycle starts up again. I have asked him to given me a secure foundation and all the things he wants will flourish from there. All I want from him is to feel secure in our marriage and know that he is a willing participant instead of a trapped caged animal.
ann_267 I truly do feel for you in your situation. As I said before, you need to get an outside party who can guide you in the LORD’s principles for marriage. I pray you can find someone with a godly perspective to talk to for your own sake, even if your husband does not want to go.
Keep us in your prayers….thanks
ann_267 I will. Take care.